Saturday, December 12, 2009

DAY 125 Lazy Caturday

Hi Journal & Friends!

It's only 12 days til Christmas, and today I think I will put on Christmas music, turn on my lights early, and just de-stress. Chill out. Lay back. Take a break. Check out. Cool my jets....

Well, mentally, anyway! Sometimes it seems like it would be fun to just ditch all responsibilities... and I USED to escape like that using food as my means of transport. 

I'd get my food supply all lined up... find something on tv to veg out in front of... and let the eating begin! I would eat until I hurt, and then wish I wasn't full so I could keep going, off into oblivion. Usually I planned these trips at night, when MyGuy was asleep. And by morning all traces of my "crime" would have been erased. How sad! But I am not that person any longer. 

Am I ever tempted to indulge in my familiar "escape" routine?? Ohhhh yes. I am not past that. But I can honestly say the waves of intense urges that feel so overwhelming are a thing of the past. The biggest change came after I stopped eating sugar and flour. When the urges happen now, they are not as strong, and even if they wash over me a few times, each time it feels less and less strong, until finally it evaporates. Most of the time now, it's more like an old echo, trying to get my mind to accept it and dwell on it. 

Instead, I have found that reminding myself of WHY I am doing this gives me the resolve to resist. In fact, a lot of the time all I have to do now is ask myself this question: well, which do you want? To eat THAT and be fat, or to lose weight and be healthy and strong and free?? One is temporary, one is permanent. One will cause regret and pain, and one will cause self-respect, health and joy. I didn't used to be able to see past immediate gratification, immediate escape. 

Now I can. 

That is growth. That is progress. Knowing that fills me with gratitude and joy!

So, today will be a "happy" escape. I will sing with the Christmas music... watch the twinkling lights twinkle... enjoy my bubble lights bubbling... and eat healthy and responsibly. And feel GOOD about that. An early Christmas present to me.

From Dr Phil's book: "I do not want you to think too much about the number of pounds you want to lose. What I want you to focus on is requiring more of yourself, starting right now."

My verse for today: "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

My quote for today: "The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin." --Jay Leno

Enjoy the Journey,



Anonymous said...

LOL your J Leno quote!
I too used to eat in front of the TV for an hour at night and be disgusted with myself every single morning.
Now if I eat something its one small 50 calorie thing, not 800 calories worth. Occasionally I will not eat enough during the day so come night time I am starving. Then I eat a piece of chicken and this never destroys my diet or causes me to gain any weight at all. Though I suppose a half of a chicken would, or a whole one! Ha ha However I am never inclined to eat that much of something like that. It was like you say the flour and sugar things.
Anyway, we are past that now! Yay!

dailyseeking said...

I ate something today, just to eat--wasn't hungry! Thanks for the reminder, love the Jay Leno quote.

Losing 100 said...

It sounds like you are really changing the way you think! That is awesome!

Anonymous said...

Progress--noticable progress! What a victory! Deb

Retta said...

Thank you, Everyone for your nice comments! I appreciate it very much.

You know, for years I remember saying stuff like: I take 2 steps forward and 1 back. It felt like I would never make progress.

So at least now I feel like maybe it's... 4 or 5 steps forward to every one back. That's progress, LOL!

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