Cowgirl Up Time

Just a shortie to say I've joined an online support/accountability group that has a 10 week program, starting next Tuesday.

I came close to just chucking it all, and accepting that "this is it", the way it will just have to be. But I read Sean Anderson's recent post (HERE) , and it really made me stop and think. I had to admit I'd bought into my own excuses, and that I didn't think there was much hope left to try again to get all the way to goal.

But... there IS hope. So I signed up and committed to giving it my honest best.
There are only 3 spots left if anyone feels ready for some help, for that extra boost that support brings. Here is the info; scroll down Sean's latest post for the links to sign up.

In "honor" of my commitment (gulp) I goofed around in my Zazzle shop (gifts, cards and the like) and made this motivational card from my ink and watercolor illustration:

Well, ignore the customized spot where customers put their own words, ha ha!
I can imagine MY name there, with something like: Come on, Retta, you can DO this!

Rah, rah, wave the pom poms and all that. ;-)

Reminding myself, once again, loud and clear: NEVER GIVE UP.

Retta

Nov 8th Crawling Forward

My last post had this quote from Dean Karnazes:

"Run when you can, 

walk if you have to,

 crawl if you must, 

just never give up."

Since that post I've been so sick and so discouraged, that I seriously considered "What the heck?! Why try... just accept that this is the way it is, and get on with the rest of your life."

Well, I'm finally NOT sick, and a couple of days ago I read something by Tommy Newberry that jerked me up short and made me realize that I had a serious case of Stinkin Thinkin.

Tommy Newberry is doing a 40 day "joy challenge", and I've been reading some of his posts on Facebook (link HERE). And yep, if my thoughts these last few months were to be given a grade, I'd most assuredly deserve an F!!

Here are some of the things he wrote that I found so encouraging, and helped me face my need to change my thoughts:

-The words you use today will create the world you'll experience tomorrow.

-Life will always have shortcomings but when you focus on your blessings life will feel abundant.

-In order to live a joy-filled life start thinking about what you want, not what you don't want.

-There is no need to cling to thoughts that haven't produced joyful fruit in your life.

There were many more, but that last one really stopped me in my tracks. 

See, the reason I've been so sick is because the medical specialist I saw back in August did an office procedure on my foot, and he was not careful enough, and cut me. Three days later I realized I had a raging systemic infection! I am just now finally about 98% over it. I've been indulging in anger, resentment, pouting, and fussing over the "unfairness" of it. And where did that take me?? Nowhere except to Miserableville.

So... I'm over it. He was not careful, true. But he didn't do it on purpose. It was a mistake. And by me holding onto resentment is just making me worse.

I'm now trying to remind myself of this verse:

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  

I've been thinking a LOT about that first phrase, where it says to BE. Be joyful. If I can BE something, I must have some kind of choice in the matter. It kind of goes along with what Tommy Newberry has been saying in his 40 Day Joy Challenge.

I like what Tommy says here: "Joy is an outward sign of inward faith in the promises of God."

Well, methinks focusing on all these kinds of thoughts will make me a lot happier and peaceful than my grumping continually about "what that doctor did to me." 

"Each moment is a fresh start." --Tommy Newberry

  

Choosing joy,

Loretta

=^..^=

Loretta

=^..^=

March 28th Breaking the Chains of Fear

Been spending most of my time over at my art blog and creating a new website. 

Thinking.

Learning.

Pondering.

Questioning.

And listening for the answers.

After hearing a song called "No Longer Slaves" a few zillion times, I decided to actually believe the message.

"I'm no longer a slave to fear, 

I am a child of God."

Link for those interested: song on youtube

Fear? Me? naw.... yeah, right.

I've spent years at this health/weight loss blog. Writing, looking for answers. Reading and researching. Trying to learn. I found some things that worked for me, as long as I worked at them consistently.

Yet it never seemed to permanently take root. I had to constantly focus on it. It felt like it sucked all my time and energy. When was it going to be permanent?? 

I knew most the mechanics of it, this "losing weight thing". So... I decided to put it on auto-pilot. And I spent my best energy over at my art. And waited. 

I floundered around awhile. Gained some. Lost some (thankfully, I'm on the losing end of that now). I tried to just do the basics I knew, and focus on the thing I felt I was here to do: to do something, anything, in art. 

To make something, anything, that might be a blessing to someone else. To bring a smile, to enrich or add value to someones life.

Oh, and those fears?? Well, let's see...

Fear of sounding pompous or self-important by wanting to make art that would actually be a blessing to someone.

Fear of putting it out there, to be accepted or rejected.

Fear of being judged in the art world, the way I've been judged in the "weight loss" world.

Fear of trying and failing, of never making art in the real world the way it looks in my imagination.

Fear that it really IS too late.

Fear of going against the mainstream of what is "popular" in art circles nowadays.

And how's this one: fear that some will think this post is a clever marketing trick to get ya'll to go visit my new art site. 

Anyway, I decided it's time to let the fears go, the best I can. Let go of all the fears that kept me for YEARS from making a serious art website where I sell my art. 

To let go of the fear of mentioning it, because I was afraid people would think I was using them... trolling for customers. All that squirrelly thinking that held me back.

And now that I actually DID take action, I am more at peace and happier with myself, and finding it not "quite" so hard to do those healthy basics I mentioned earlier.

I suspect I will need to work on eating healthy more than the average bear for the rest of my life. But...  now that my focus is on something that brings me joy and a reason to get up in the morning, methinks it won't be such a grind. Well, I can hope! 

:-D

I encourage anyone, everyone who is on this quest to get healthy to find YOUR path. Your own answers. Never give up looking. 

And find your passion, the thing that lights you up inside. That gives you a feeling of purpose. For too long I put that aside, thinking I had to have this weight loss thing all squared away before I could really pursue my dreams. WAY too long. As in, years. 

Learn from my mistakes, and live your best life NOW. Live on purpose NOW. :-)

Enjoy the journey (not just the destination),

Retta

But What if I WANT to give up??

Been sick.

Not sleeping well.

Ready to give up.

DID give up... stopped trying... what's the use?

Went to doctor.

Got medicine.

Finally SLEPT well.

Feeling better.

Gee... maybe this giving up thing is not such a good idea.

Ya think?!

Reminder to self (and anyone else who happens to read this):

Good Sleep is our friend! 

Good Sleep is a good thing.

Good Sleep is to be protected, planned for, prioritized, FOUGHT for.

A good night's sleep, done over and over, will change how our brains function!

Like, giving us the energy to try once again. 

To hope once again. 

To believe once again.

I was making up answers in my head to my doctors usual question he always asks: "How are you today?" 

I was all set to answer honestly with: I just feel like giving up.

The day before my appointment I saw a little sketch by a fellow artist, done of her bestie in the kitchen cutting up onions. The smiling lady was wearing a cheerful apron and funny "onion goggles".... and was on oxygen, connected to a tank. The caption read:

No matter how you feel:

Get up

Dress up

Show up

and

Never Give Up

I cried when I read that. 

I wanted to agree. 

I wanted to WANT to agree. 

But I was so exhausted, so wiped out, I just "wished" I could agree.

Now, after a 9 solid hours of sleep, I can smile and agree.

I think sometimes it's not just all "mental", but physical too.

Get yer ZZZZZZZZZ's! :-)

Happy Sleeping,

Loretta

JAN 4th Ain't Got No Rezolooshuns!

I'm still alive an' kicking!

And I finally have something to say. So... here I iz.

The one advantage of being sick ALL of December is that I had no energy or desire to get all philosophical and analytical, and make up a bunch of optimistic and high-flying New Year's Resolutions. Nope, not this year. Not interested.

They're great if they help you. But I discovered something as the new year rolled around, and I noticed all the pro and con resolution talk: that was I was content. I didn't have any desire this year to shake things up, or make huge dramatic changes. 

What I've been doing seems to be "okay". There is no drama, no angst. Me and my Lord are just truckin' along, with Him leading and me trying to stay on the right path. When I wander off into the weeds now and then, He lovingly helps me scramble back on track. It's the no drama part I'm enjoying... the peaceful part.

Okay, the weight thing for 2013?? My highest during 2013 was 366, my lowest is currently 340. So, net loss of 26 pounds for the year. Better than a gain... I'll take it. End of story.

"Detail from Moonlight Rendezvous"

More than that, I've found Peace on this journey. And had one big eye opening revelation a few months ago that rocked me. Okay, if you are one of those that roll your eyes when the fat person talks about "aha" moments that are obvious to all around her... well tune out now, cuz here it comes. ;-)

It's this: I REALLY saw that I've believed a LIE all my life. I've thought about it before, but now I SEE it, know it. I get it. I don't know how to put it into one tiny sentence, so here is how the LIE worked out into my life:

• I felt had to lose weight to be taken seriously, to deserve respect, both personally and in my art business
• until I lost the weight, which is how I believed "mature/responsible" people behaved, I felt I was not good enough
• this LIE side-tracked me all my life, invading all areas, and holding me back from being who I was meant to be
• I kept thinking "as soon as I lose the weight" I can <fill in the blank>
• I allowed this Quest To Lose Weight to be number one, to get too much continuing focus

There's more, but you get the idea. The Weight Loss Thing sat on the throne. Got all the attention, all the energy, and drained me.

"Uphill, Peruvian Style"

These last few months when I've pulled back from the weight loss focus have so... NICE. I've already paid my dues to learn the physical/nutritional parts of what I need to do. I spent the time and effort to ask hard questions of myself, to look inside and do the Heart work. So to finally NOT make weight loss the Number One Thing all the time has been refreshing!

I asked God to help me see how to better spend my time; how to be who He meant me to be; how to not waste this gift of time; to learn to Love better.

"Time, Our Companion"

So, no big weight loss to brag about this year.

But there is one thing that I AM excited about, and proud of myself in a goofy way. At the beginning of the year I joined an online art group, the Virtual Paintout. I wanted to participate for the entire year. Each month we virtually traveled to a new place in the world, via google street view, and painted from a location there. And even though I was sick as a DOG all December, I finished December's painting in Venice, Italy!

"Are You Here, My Love?"

That was a big deal for me. It's as though something in me that I almost lost, that got buried and kicked to the side, and I almost gave up on, has come alive again. I have no allusions as to being some kind of "great painter", and changing the world or anything like that. But I do want to be who I was meant to be. To paint joy, and hope, and beauty, and put my Heart onto the canvas with that paint.  I almost lost that due to the LIE, believing that I had to do the weight loss thing first.

But the Lie has been exposed now. 

If I never lost another ounce, I will still paint. If I never sold another painting, I will still paint. I will paint with love, with joy, with passion and with hope. And with much gratitude, hoping that it can be a blessing to others.

May you all be blessed with a most wonderful and peaceful New Year!

"Hope and a Future"

Enjoying the Journey, 

Loretta

APRIL 8th Oh noes, I Forgot!

I was thinking earlier today about how I am learning to be more honest in my art, to take the risk of "going deeper", being more vulnerable and not just doing only light-hearted stuff. It's all a part of my Journey to Wellness. To pursue the true passions of my heart. 

And it dawned on me, that I forgot to share what I've been up to over at my art blog! Now, I realize not everyone is interested, but some might be.  Back in Dec of 2012, I joined the Virtual Paintout  gang, and each month we travel via Google Street View to a new location. We get to pick whatever spot we like, and use it as the inspiration for our painting. For people who can't travel for whatever reason, this is sooo much fun! I feel like my wheelchair has wings, and I am traveling the world. :-)

So, below is my March painting. I call it "Moonlit Dreams Come True".  

I had started out planning a light-hearted "safe" painting. Then I read a wonderful guest post at Jules Joyce's website Phenomenal Living.  It was called Bravery & Art, and I realized that to grow I had to stop playing it safe, and be authentic. I had been thinking about dreams, hopes and yearnings of the heart; so I changed my concept to reflect that idea.

"Moonlit Dreams Come True"

Vilnius, Lithuania

9 x 12 acrylics 

on wrapped canvas

If you'd enjoy seeing all the photos of the "making-of" process, I invite you to visit my art blog, Art By Retta. 

My book quote for today: "Don't make light of little victories. Small successes breed large ones. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself." --Joyce Meyer, Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles."

My quote for today: "Art is, in the final analysis, a window on heaven." --Don Hudson

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

JAN 4th Parable of Progress: The Princess & the Sharpie

There was once a Princess who liked to draw and paint. 

As such, she tended to doodle on whatever didn't move. This Princess had a room in her castle: a tiny bathroom, with plain white walls. And she waited and waited for her Prince to paint said walls. 

He was too busy out slaying dragons to do the painting, so one day the Princess decided "That's it!" She took up her Royal Sharpie, and started drawing a Doodle Universe right onto the walls! 

Oh, she had a plan. First, the doodle in black Sharpie. Next, some subtle shading. Then, some sponged on soft color in the background. And finally, a few spots of bold accent color here and there.

The Princess started her daring project in the summertime, in August. But by winter, with Christmas already come and gone, she was only just finishing up the last wall... of the doodled sharpie drawing!! She hadn't even started the shading or color yet. Even taking into account that she couldn't stand very long each time she worked on the drawing, it had still taken so much longer and had been so much harder than she thought it would be. 

At times she got discouraged and wondered why she had even started (whose briliant idea WAS this?!). She even toyed with the idea of compromise... just letting it stay in black and white, and forgetting all the work it would take to add the color.

And naturally, she thought about her journey to health. How it, too, had taken so much longer than she had hoped, and been so much harder than she could have imagined. And how she had gotten discouraged, and toyed with ideas of compromise.

But as she finished up the last doodle element on the last wall... she knew she would finish it, and add the color. The right way. All the way. No matter how long it took, no matter how hard it was.

And she also knew the same would be true for her journey to the best possible health. She would continue, all the way, no matter how long it took, no matter how hard it was.

For photos of all the walls, the process, and the symbolism behind the designs, I invite anyone interested to visit my art blog (Art By Retta)  where I go into that kind of detail. :-)

Enjoy the Journey (no matter how long it takes and no matter how hard it is at times),

Loretta

Day 2031

DEC 31st Peace & My New Theme Badge

Well, time for a new Theme poster for my side bar! I can't believe 2012 is over... whoosh, and it's gone!

I wasn't going to do another. I was feelish sheepish about mine from this last year. 

But a friend asked about it, and encouraged me to do one (thanks, Margaret!). To Believe, to go forward. So...

After thinking about it, I realized I wanted my theme for 2013 to be: PEACE

Even while I work on my health goals, I can do it with peace. Not striving and full of angst. Not whining or regretting. Not looking backward, but rather forward.

Remember that saying?  Let go and let God

My peace comes from the Prince of Peace, not dependent upon external events or circumstances. In fact, sometimes those circumstances can be kinda crummy! But regardless of how it feels at times, I know God is in ultimate control; willing to heal, encourage, guide and give us His peace. Sometimes I have to remind myself of all this, in order to experience that peace. I want to work on stuff, to fix it, to "make it better". And this year offered some tragic events, that hurt so many. And brought up many questions, to which I have no adequate answers.

Hence... I must let go, and trust God. And that brings peace.

People may not always be good, but God is. That's the foundation for my peace. That's just what I believe with all my heart. 

I took the design for my Theme from some doodling I've been doing on my walls at home! (I'll post more about that another day). Edited to add link to that post HERE.

Here's the wall shot (can click on any pics to enlarge):

Cropped it and cleaned it up:

Inverted it:

Added text:

And finally, added some subtle color... 

can't do without that color, dontcha know!

I hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful 2013!

Enjoy the journey peacefully,

Loretta

NOV 16th A Pig, A Story & A Disclaimer

Was over reading Sean's blog this morning (Daily Diary of a Winning Loser) and one of the comments made me stop and think. 

See, Sean has recently returned to writing on his blog, after a few months of struggling with being somewhat off course. And the commentor said she has been a little put off by his recent "motivational" posts on Facebook, and how they made her feel a little "inferior". She graciously apologized for misjudging him, not realizing at the time that he was talking more to himself than anyone else (side note: no one "makes" us feel any way; we choose how we respond).

Anyway... the reason this caught my attention was because I, too, am struggling, and was all set to write a post today telling about the little "motivational" project I just finished, which I had talked about yesterday over at my art blog, Art By Retta.

I've said it here many times, but now realize it wouldn't hurt to say it again: I write what *I* need to hear, most of all. Just like Sean, and many others bloggers. 

I guess I forget to mention that most of the time, and come off as a happy/chirpy/got-it-all-together know it all!  Eeek! That sure isn't how I feel. And I would hate to think anyone felt "inferior" by mistakenly thinking that just because most of the time I choose to focus on the positives and possibilities, that means I have it all together... Not!

I feel like Michelangelo, who said:

So... with all the disclaimers out of the way ;-)

here is the link to my post "A Pig With A Story".

My book quote for today: "I can't overemphasize the importance of developing mental discipline." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints--but let them not return to folly."

My quote for today: "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." --Albert Einstein

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1181

AUG 1st Party Medieval Style With a Free Book!

It's another Launch Party!

This times it's my very own sister, author Karen Elizabeth Brown. Today kicks off the official launch of her newest novella, Medieval Muse.

On July 14th over at my art blog (HERE)  I gave a behind the scenes look at the making of the cover art for Medieval Muse.

Now... we are celebrating the story itself! First, I'll share Karen's "official" announcement, then below that I'll give MY review of the book. Watch out, just because she's my sister, don't expect me to "fudge" with my opinion. ;-)

Medieval Muse

By Karen Elizabeth Brown

What happens when Victoria Budroix receives a cameo that promises to give her the desires of her heart? Since she doesn’t know what that would be, a trip to medieval times, intrigue, threat of war and an overbearing lord are on the list for her to choose from. Or could it be meeting her one true love?

Sir William of Conrad has escorted a stranger home to be under his protection. He discovers this woman speaks her own mind and melts his heart. He faces his father’s outrage and a broken alliance with the neighboring clan by falling in love. 

Medieval Muse is available as a free read from Smashwords.com, HERE. 

Karen Elizabeth Brown’s passion for writing is what fills her entire life with exhilarating inspiration. She spends her days writing, doing research and studying about the subjects of her stories.

When she’s not writing, she enjoys music and reading, especially medieval fantasy. Born in Southern California, she migrated to Southern Oregon in 1974 where she now resides in the Rogue Valley with her family and friends. Find out more about the author at her official website. 

Okay, time for my honest review. 

Sister or not... Karen wrote a totally interesting story! I love time travel type tales, and this novella whisks you back to medieval times in an unusual way. 

I could identify with our leading lady. A modern, strong willed, independent and spunky gal who DETESTS having to ask ANY man for "permission" for anything... being plunked down in the middle ages! I enjoyed the humor that situation caused.

I also enjoyed "meeting" the people from the castle. The main characters seemed real and believable, from the castle gossip to the timid scullery maid. And of COURSE our leading man. Poor guy had his hands full with this feisty "Lady" who appears out of nowhere!

I won't give away the ending, but let's just say it didn't leave me grinding my teeth, like some unresolved stories do! It ended "just right". :-)

If you enjoy romantic fantasy, time travel, castles, intrigue, humor, double-crossing women and gossips... well, maybe not those last two. But this was a totally enjoyable novella, just right for a hot summer evening with a tall glass of iced tea.

Enjoy the journey with a free e-book!

Loretta

PS: Did I mention that it's a free e-book?? Just follow the link to Smashwords, where you can download it in whatever format works best for you. And if you enjoy it, would you be so kind as to do my Sis a favor and leave a review at Smashwords? 

Thanks bunches!

JUNE 1st An Exciting Announcement!

As I sat down to write this post, I was amazed when I realized how many writers I've met along this weight/health journey. Not only bloggers, but book authors.  

Today I'm excited to tell you about one writer that is about to have a long held dream of hers come true: she is courageously announcing the launch of her new book today, due out this summer! 

She is our very own Jules aka Big Girl Bombshell, Here.

Her book is titled:

 Click 3 Times 

Beyond the Flying Monkeys

by

Jules Joyce

And yes, she loves that great old movie The Wizard of Oz. The metaphors in her book are based upon the rich symbolism from The Wizard of Oz.

Why am I involved with her book launch?? Because I had the honor to be asked to do the cover art for her book! 

I've followed Jules' blog for sometime now, and connected with her heart and vision of learning, changing and growing from the inside out, and with her courage to share that process with the world. Here is the cover for her new book (can click to enlarge):

For all the details and links, please visit Jules (HERE)  . Her book is honest and rich in imagery. The questions she asks  along her "yellow brick road", her personal journey, will open up your thinking to all sorts of new possibilities! I think you'll enjoy a peek behind the curtain of Big Girl Bombshell. 

For those interested in peeking behind the curtain of how the art was created... I'll be doing a series on my art blog (HERE)  as to how it was made. 

I'll bare it all:

from the ratty looking preliminary sketches 

to playing with color schemes (some were ghastly!) 

to what all the symbolism on the cover means

to tips on how to create your own cover for that e-book you know you want to write

to the finished book cover 

I took lots of photos, so it'll take several posts to cover it all. It should be fun... if you're into that kind of thing, LOL! Join me over at Art by Retta  for it, starting later today.

Congratulations Jules, on the birth announcement of your new book!

My book quote for today:  "It's not until you risk it all and go for the thing you really want that life becomes unlimited." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today:  "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way."

My quote for today: "Sometime in your life you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find yourself." --Katherine Sharp

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 1019