Saturday, January 4, 2014

JAN 4th Ain't Got No Rezolooshuns!

I'm still alive an' kicking!
And I finally have something to say. So... here I iz.

The one advantage of being sick ALL of December is that I had no energy or desire to get all philosophical and analytical, and make up a bunch of optimistic and high-flying New Year's Resolutions. Nope, not this year. Not interested.

They're great if they help you. But I discovered something as the new year rolled around, and I noticed all the pro and con resolution talk: that was I was content. I didn't have any desire this year to shake things up, or make huge dramatic changes. 

What I've been doing seems to be "okay". There is no drama, no angst. Me and my Lord are just truckin' along, with Him leading and me trying to stay on the right path. When I wander off into the weeds now and then, He lovingly helps me scramble back on track. It's the no drama part I'm enjoying... the peaceful part.

Okay, the weight thing for 2013?? My highest during 2013 was 366, my lowest is currently 340. So, net loss of 26 pounds for the year. Better than a gain... I'll take it. End of story.

"Detail from Moonlight Rendezvous"

More than that, I've found Peace on this journey. And had one big eye opening revelation a few months ago that rocked me. Okay, if you are one of those that roll your eyes when the fat person talks about "aha" moments that are obvious to all around her... well tune out now, cuz here it comes. ;-)

It's this: I REALLY saw that I've believed a LIE all my life. I've thought about it before, but now I SEE it, know it. I get it. I don't know how to put it into one tiny sentence, so here is how the LIE worked out into my life:

  • I felt had to lose weight to be taken seriously, to deserve respect, both personally and in my art business
  • until I lost the weight, which is how I believed "mature/responsible" people behaved, I felt I was not good enough
  • this LIE side-tracked me all my life, invading all areas, and holding me back from being who I was meant to be
  • I kept thinking "as soon as I lose the weight" I can <fill in the blank>
  • I allowed this Quest To Lose Weight to be number one, to get too much continuing focus

There's more, but you get the idea. The Weight Loss Thing sat on the throne. Got all the attention, all the energy, and drained me.

"Uphill, Peruvian Style"

These last few months when I've pulled back from the weight loss focus have so... NICE. I've already paid my dues to learn the physical/nutritional parts of what I need to do. I spent the time and effort to ask hard questions of myself, to look inside and do the Heart work. So to finally NOT make weight loss the Number One Thing all the time has been refreshing!

I asked God to help me see how to better spend my time; how to be who He meant me to be; how to not waste this gift of time; to learn to Love better.

"Time, Our Companion"

So, no big weight loss to brag about this year.

But there is one thing that I AM excited about, and proud of myself in a goofy way. At the beginning of the year I joined an online art group, the Virtual Paintout. I wanted to participate for the entire year. Each month we virtually traveled to a new place in the world, via google street view, and painted from a location there. And even though I was sick as a DOG all December, I finished December's painting in Venice, Italy!

"Are You Here, My Love?"

That was a big deal for me. It's as though something in me that I almost lost, that got buried and kicked to the side, and I almost gave up on, has come alive again. I have no allusions as to being some kind of "great painter", and changing the world or anything like that. But I do want to be who I was meant to be. To paint joy, and hope, and beauty, and put my Heart onto the canvas with that paint.  I almost lost that due to the LIE, believing that I had to do the weight loss thing first.

But the Lie has been exposed now. 

If I never lost another ounce, I will still paint. If I never sold another painting, I will still paint. I will paint with love, with joy, with passion and with hope. And with much gratitude, hoping that it can be a blessing to others.

May you all be blessed with a most wonderful and peaceful New Year!

"Hope and a Future"

Enjoying the Journey, 



MargieAnne said...

First of all I'm very sorry you were sick. I hope you are well now.

Peace and contentment. What a wonderful place to find yourself.

Your art is very precious. I'm glad you value your talent.


Dreaming of New Me said...

I totally understand this post. I have the same thing with my family and that when I say can we do something together they always it assumes it should be weight loss associated. When all I want to do is do something with my family and it doesn't have to mean a walk or the gym that I want to do something normal and something I like doing. I want to live but I want to lose weight in the process of living. Thanks for your post. Your art is amazing btw. I was in Venice this year and it is an amazing place.

Marion Shaw said...

Hi Loretta, Well, by my standards, a loss is a loss. You're down. That should be celebrated!

Your art is beautiful and magical. I'm so glad that you've given up on the idea that you have to look a certain way to be an artist. Actually, giving that idea will probably help you health/fitness-wise. I always think that the inside has to fix before the outside reflects that. And your message is very healthy. :D

Leslie said...

What an awesome post:) you are an incredible artist!

Retta said...

Not well yet, but working on it. :-)
Thank you for the kind words, MargieAnne.

Retta said...

" I want to live but I want to lose weight in the process of living."
Exactly! I totally agree with you, DreamingOfANewMe!
And how exciting that you got to see Venice in person.... green with envy here, ha ha!

Retta said...

Aww, Marion, thanks for the supportive words. I just knew you'd understand. :-)

Retta said...

How sweet of you to say, Leslie.Thank you so much!!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

While it's great to be inspired by different things and focus on what we need to when we need to, we all deserve to find our own truth. And sometimes we truly surprise ourselves!
I sure know where you're coming from on this idea. It seems some of us have to spend a lot of very focused time and energy to learn that our real truth was there waiting for us all along. Good thing truth doesn't change, even though some of us have to seek for quite a while!
I think many of us who were defined in the wrong way by others for a long time really seem to struggle the most with this. Good for you! I've enjoyed your art especially this year and you always have something meaningful to share.

bbubblyb said...

What a great post and what beautiful art, you are a wonderful artist Loretta. You are enough right this minute :) So glad you've realized that. So where do you sell your art?

debby said...

I love this Loretta. I think that a lot of people live by that lie. I wish you could teach them what you've learned. And I'm so happy you have embraced the wonderful artist that you are!

Retta said...

Thank you for the thoughtful words, YellowRoseJasmine. I agree with you about seeking the truth.. and it sure does feel like it's taken me a LONG time to find some. :-}

Retta said...

Hi bbubblyb! Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm starting to learn how to sell stuff from my Zazzle shop, which is linked on my art blog. And I'm trying to figure out how to put up those little Paypal "buy now" buttons on my art blog. There is so much to learn, ha ha!

Retta said...

Thank you, Debby. It's weird... intellectually I "knew" about the lies, and knew they were not true. Yet, somehow at the deepest level they got in there and had planted roots. So it was such a relief, a difference, and a real shift in how I felt about it, to really "get it", not with head knowledge, but heart knowledge. Whatever terminology one uses, it's made a huge difference in how I feel about this whole thing, and how I want to spend my time now.

foolsfitness said...

greetings from foolsfitness my old friend,

I've been a bit lost wondering the deserts... I mean desserts, but I'm trying to pull it together again and get back to living with purpose. I hope the new spark doesn't go out too quick, but I got a zippo just in case!

And remember at foolsfitness we run with scissors and play with fire - Alan

Retta said...

Hi Alan, it's so good to hear from you!
I'm happy for you that you're getting back on track. Blessings to you!

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