APRIL 15TH CHANGE O DIRECTION IN MY LIFE

Buckle your seatbelts… change of direction coming.

From now on this blog Is just going to be about me today and where my last journey is taking me around A new corner. I can no longer type with both hands so I'm using a dictation app which is sort of goofy doesn't work weLL BUT BETTER THAN nothing please forgive typos and clunky formatting

If you would prefer ALL upbeat BETTER SCHOOCH ALONG there're a lot of others out there who are wonderful at that

But this is just my story :

I’m a left-handed artist who is now Learning to except complete loss of Left sidE. Yeah I'm still in the HEY THIS AINT FAIR PHASE. And my dear sister Karen SAID something to me the other day that really helped : she said it's okay to cry ITS OKAY TO CRY! And I said well that's good because I've been CRYING A LOT lately.

SO there you go the last gRAND adventure.

My heart is broken for so many people HURTING  around the world right now. PLEASE BE Aware now, THAT IF TALK OF GOD makeS YOU UN comfortable that's okay I understand BUT YOU ARE Still welcome here WITH open arms right now GOD is the only thing SOLID that I have to hold onTO.

GODs been so kind to me and Never rejected me but always been there for me NO MATTER HOW much I GOOF UP.

THIIS  is so hard on my sweetheart OF 43 years Jim. He is taking such good care of me AND DOES everything everything everyday LATE INTO MANY NITES. I am so blessed to Have been married to him all these years what a guy.

 A Couple of days ago HE WAS so tired, AND I said a prayer, God how can I love him betteR, he deserves better. And I was so surprised to instantly get a reply OH,I didn't hear a voice I'm not that crazy but I DID heAR an IDEA: I was reminded OF AN old hYMN CALLED Learning to lean…  the whole point OF THE IDEA IS TO LEARN TO  LEAN ON JESUS, NOT SO HARD ON MY JIM. IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE GOD WAS REALLY RIGHT THERE AS I SAID MY REQUEST , AND IT WAS SWEET THAT I GOT SUCH A FAST ANSWER 

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Sad, broken-hearted, at an alter I knelt

I found peace that was so serene

And all that He asks is a child like trust

And a heart that is learning to lean

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Songwriters: Jeannie Vee Clattenburg

PLEASE, LORD LET ALL THE SCARED AND HURTING PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD KNOW THEY CAN LEAN INTO YOU, AND YOU WILL HOLD ALL O F US, ME TOO, AND FIND COMFORT AND HOPE.  

HUGS, 

RETTA

Sept 19th Dandelions and A New Focus

Having seriously contemplated my own mortality lately I have noticed some things.

Now, when I think a nice thing about someone I am with, I want to I tell them.

Now, when I think of someone, I try to call them.

Now, I try to bite my tongue when tempted to be snippy, and instead appreciate and love my Sweetie. Let go of the unimportant, and cherish the important.

Now, I notice little joys around me. Like colors, flowers, cerulean blue skies, white puffy clouds, the way my Pup plays and laughs and barks with joy… for no reason other than the sheer joy of being alive.

Last Thursday I went to the hospital for a test. I’ve been there several times over the years. For various tests, or visiting others. 

This time, I NOTICED that in the middle of the parking lot, was a beautiful little park!! Fir trees, Pines, Blue Spruce; tall blooming pink flowers, deep red large blossoms, lowly green ground cover, a large green lawn with wrought iron benches circling the lawn to sit under the tall shade tree, and shrubbery leaves turning into vivid fall colors. 

And right there, amidst all the manicured loveliness: a small herd of Dandelion puffballs, defiantly waving in the breeze! I LOVED IT!

No matter what, they won’t be denied. They will bloom and not just survive, but THRIVE. I was cheering on those little plants that most folks call weeds. They chose to bloom where they were planted, in spite of what anyone else wanted. Yay for the Dandelions of the world. :-D

In the support group A Better Weigh that I joined a few months ago, often people share how awareness and feelings are different now that they aren’t numbed up with food. It took me awhile, but I think I get it now.

Before Recovery, food was the great “mood shifter”:

Bored? Eat

Mad? Eat

Lonely? Eat

Tired? Eat

Disappointed? Eat

Scared? Eat

Just… uneasy? Eat

The more intense the feelings, the more I ate. Until I was numb.

Food would dampen those feelings, allowing escape from uncomfortable sensations.

Now I am learning not to focus on weight loss. On another diet. I am learning to focus on Recovery. Recovery from that whole mis-use and abuse of food.

After starting Recovery, I am learning to really believe (not just head knowledge) that feelings won’t kill me. I must feel and deal. It’s a part of life, the ups and downs. And to not fear feelings and bury them under a mountain of food. 

It’s scary sometimes. For me, at times the feelings seem stronger now. Like… my anger can feel like RAGE. Or, my sadness like horrible grief and regret. But the joys are also more clear and pure, and feel precious, and seem to touch me more deeply.

I’m wondering if this “food sobriety” is allowing me to notice those things now I have been missing. Methinks… yes.

Still on the Journey,

Retta
=^..^=

Aug 31st A Turning Point & Why I Was Wrong

Sorry in advance this will be long. It feels like I’ve turned a corner, and I want to get it down here.

I’m 65 years young. Put on my first diet at age 10. Fought this wt thing all my dang life.

(can click to enlarge)

I tried to do everything “they” told me to do. Spent thousands over the years, including going into debt from a hospital based Dr/nutritionist program in the 80’s. Liquid fast of 400 calories a day. Ended up in hospital with mini-stroke and gallstone attack. You get the idea. Only reason I never did wt loss surgery was my insurance refused to cover it. 

I believe “they” meant well. Most just gave some form of “eat less, move more” advice. But nothing worked for this food addict. I finally discovered, that FOR ME, I needed to let go of sugar. I went low carb and sugar free several years ago, which finally released me from the physical food cravings.

Yet… the emotional part was still there. A lifetime of using food to “mood shift”, to try to fix feelings. That ingrained habit persisted.

Over the years I’ve tried about every book/CD/video/course out there. Secular, Christian, psychology, behavior modification, power of positive thinking with all it’s various offshoots. Private counseling, various alternative herbal, alternative therapies. Investigated rational emotive therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and some I can’t even spell.  

I still think there is merit in some of that. But…

I think now, I was wrong. For some issues, all that is great. For this food addict… it didn’t work. Believe me, I sincerely tried. I wasn’t playing around. I would plunge in and give it my all, with high hopes. Only to be painfully disappointed when I eventually crashed once more.

Through the private support and accountability group A Better Weigh, I was introduce to the little free e-book from Dr Marty Lerner. He has run an in-patient addiction recovery clinic for many years, and knows a few things. I’ve been studying his book for weeks. I had to be teachable, since a lot of what he says is the opposite of other stuff I’ve read! Yet as I read, then re-read, thought about it, prayed about it… I finally understood some of it.

Thank you, Dr Lerner, for showing me why I was wrong. Why I had the “cart before the horse”. I sincerely believed what “they” all said: Change your thinking, change your life. That was the whole premise of my former approach. I mean, all the big name writers/teachers said so, each in their own way. 

Yet, for the food addict… there it is again. For the addict, Dr Lerner says that approach doesn’t work, in his years of experience.

And he explains why that is BACKWARDS for the addict. His approach finally, finally has penetrated this hard head. In a nutshell, he says to obtain recovery from an addiction (in my case, using food as my drug of choice) one must DO the right thing regardless of how one feels. In his words:

“Recovery is about transcending our  need to fix how we feel and doing the next right thing no matter what we’re feeling.”

“The cart is placed before the horse when we get it backwards by insisting we fix our feelings first. Believing our feelings and thoughts must be changed before we’re able to change our behavior can be a very costly mistake.”

I still believe in the truths about the power of our words; of what we choose to consistently think upon… all that. But thanks to Dr Lerners explanations, I can see that for this food addict to obtained and KEEP recovery, the answer lies first in the DOING, regardless of feelings. AFTER recovery is when those therapies have merit. I had the cart before the horse.

Feeling very thankful today. 

If you would like to read Dr Lerner’s e-book, he is generously offering it free online HERE. Just put in your first name and email addy, and they will send you the link. Truly, it’s life changing.

Still on the Journey,

Retta

June 2nd Still Squishy Concrete

I've talked so much about learning Consistency here because it was on my "to do" list. I wanted to learn it, apply it, master it.

But I never did.

Oh, I would be consistent "for awhile". Then I would let life interfere. 

Read: EXCUSES

Consistency needs to be welded together with Time for positive results.

That is one of the big things I've been learning from the accountability/support group that I joined recently. I am now officially re-upped for another 8 weeks. And I NEED it!

The things I've been learning don't feel rock solid yet. More like poured concrete that is still setting up, still squishy. But Consistency is a biggee to me.

I know WHAT to do. My plan is simple, but for it to work, I need to be Consistent. Hit and miss doesn't cut it. I'm too old, too broke down, tried this too many times. 

I can't play around, and think half-a$%ed efforts will get me anything other than half-a#@ed results!

I did my "official" monthly weigh-in on June 1st. Lost 9 lbs last month. For the 10 weeks I've been with this support group, that's now a total of 16 pounds down. Not because I didn't know what to do before. But because the Group helped me learn to HONESTLY be consistent. 

I think there are still some spots left for this next 8 week session. They keep it small so you don't get lost in the crowd, but get the support and personal attention as needed.

If you are stuck like I was, or need help in learning consistency - or anything else from the trained Coaches, then check out Sean Anderson's post about it, here.

Like Sean says: Consistency beats intensity!

The weight loss numbers are motivating and made me smile. But what I am HUGELY thankful for are the things I am learning that will KEEP me consistent, and going in the right direction for life.

Quote for the Day: "We must embrace consistency... defend it from your emotions and circumstances at every turn." --Sean Anderson

Enjoy the journey,

Retta

One More Chance

Desperation can be a good thing sometimes.

I was put on my first diet at 10 yrs old. Since then it feels like I've tried 'em all. 

Me at 10 yrs old

Yet I remember one time saying "I'll give up anything, except my Best Foods Mayo!" And I was serious.

I didn't think I should have to sacrifice; that was too Spartan; I refused to go on yet another "diet", because after all, it was a lifestyle change, so why couldn't I keep my mayo? And of course, it wasn't fair...etc etc etc. All that squirrely thinking stuff.

So...I lost, regained, lost, regained, lost, regained...

 Then, at 460 lbs I finally WAS willing enough to give up ANYTHING, even my favorite drug, my mayo (which I slathered on almost everything, of course). It took a long time to find my path. I lost over 150 lbs over the course of a few years.  Then I got stuck, and regained about 50 lbs. I came so close to permanently giving up. I was losing hope.

All that to say: desperation can be a good thing. 

I recently joined Sean Anderson's support/accountability group, yet I wasn't sure it would work one more time for me. I mean, come on, I'm now 65! But I finally was willing to try, one more time. I was again desperate.

My desperation has fueled my willingness to be teachable, to be honest with "strangers", to try again. To out myself when I see Me making excuses. 

More to the point: I'm just plain skeered to go off plan at this point! When I catch myself negotiating (out of habit, I now think, since it feels almost automatic), it shakes me up to think I could blow it that easily. 

I'd like to re-label that fear as a "healthy respect". A respect for the level of importance I need to put on STAYING on track, since I don't know how many do-overs I have left in me.

But for this day, I feel really grateful to have been given One More Chance.

Still on the journey,

Retta

But What if I WANT to give up??

Been sick.

Not sleeping well.

Ready to give up.

DID give up... stopped trying... what's the use?

Went to doctor.

Got medicine.

Finally SLEPT well.

Feeling better.

Gee... maybe this giving up thing is not such a good idea.

Ya think?!

Reminder to self (and anyone else who happens to read this):

Good Sleep is our friend! 

Good Sleep is a good thing.

Good Sleep is to be protected, planned for, prioritized, FOUGHT for.

A good night's sleep, done over and over, will change how our brains function!

Like, giving us the energy to try once again. 

To hope once again. 

To believe once again.

I was making up answers in my head to my doctors usual question he always asks: "How are you today?" 

I was all set to answer honestly with: I just feel like giving up.

The day before my appointment I saw a little sketch by a fellow artist, done of her bestie in the kitchen cutting up onions. The smiling lady was wearing a cheerful apron and funny "onion goggles".... and was on oxygen, connected to a tank. The caption read:

No matter how you feel:

Get up

Dress up

Show up

and

Never Give Up

I cried when I read that. 

I wanted to agree. 

I wanted to WANT to agree. 

But I was so exhausted, so wiped out, I just "wished" I could agree.

Now, after a 9 solid hours of sleep, I can smile and agree.

I think sometimes it's not just all "mental", but physical too.

Get yer ZZZZZZZZZ's! :-)

Happy Sleeping,

Loretta

JUNE 17th Ups n Downs, But Never Give Up

It's been a long time since I've been so overwhelmed with temptation that I took something out of the garbage and ate it. 

Oh... you've never done that?? Then you don't understand true food addiction. Addiction to the way eating something can make you feel. 

The temporary lift 

The temporary escape 

The temporary hit to the pleasure center in the brain

I didn't do it this time, but the urge was powerful and I came close. Too close.

You see I, myself, opened the door to be set up for it. A relative came into town and brought dinner. Included was some "crack cocaine"... aka... fresh baguette bread. 

I had two responses: red flag warning, since in my past I have literally eaten a whole loaf with a stick of butter over the course of one day. And... rationalization. Telling myself it's no big deal, it's family, it's a special occasion, I'll just have a little and be done with it. 

Uh huh. Yep. That's the worst kind of lie, the kind we tell ourself. 

For some people, they could handle "a little bit". But I know my history. And I never should have listened to the lie.

After they left, I had "just one more slice". Then another. Then another... MyGuy came home and caught me having "just one slice". I didn't explain it was just one AFTER ten other "just ones".  In other word, I lied by omission. Sigh... that's a classic sign of an addict hiding their behavior, right??

So, I made sure he saw me throw the rest of the loaf, in it's bag, into the trash can. As if I was oh-so-in-control. Riiiggghhtttt...

The next day I was under more stress from other issues, and was hit with the image of that baguette bread, in the trash but "protected" by it's plastic bag. And for a fleeting second I seriously considered pulling it out and eating it.

I was aghast at myself! I was disgusted, disappointed, and embarrassed that I actually considered doing that.

After all these years. After all those pounds lost so far. And I'm STILL even entertaining doing something like that??!!!!!

Even now, it makes me cry. I wonder if I have changed at all. I wonder if I am just following a "program", yet inside there is no true change.

I once wrote a post (HERE) trying to articulate the differences, as I saw it, in the weight loss experiences of a "smaller" overweight person and a super-sized person (jumbo jet vs cessna). Sure, some things are the same. But some feel different to me.

I started at 460 pounds. The canyons seemed deeper, the mountains seemed higher. Temptation seemed so powerful and hope seemed farther away. Success always felt right around the corner, but just out of reach.

The road, for the super-sized person, can seem soooo long. It's easy to get so very tired of it all. To start thinking compromise. Couched in a "positive" way, of course, like "look how far you've come".  

But it's still settling. 

Still stopping short. 

Still giving up. 

Still buying into the lie that I've come as far as I can, and it's time to get "realistic" and accept that this is IT.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so raw today. I am successfully, finally, back on track, after a few days of struggle. I think it's a deep and powerful response to a blog post I read from Holly, HERE. 

After reading what Holly wrote, I cried, and I felt understood. She's lost 240 pounds and KNOWS the long struggle. Also the pitfalls along the way and even after. The pull of that addiction. The way we rationalize our behavior. The guilt over making selfish choices instead of following our faith, and going to God instead of food. All that.

So... I'm not giving up. I pray for help. I pray for mercy. I pray for encouragement. And I feel grateful that HOPE is real and powerful.

Answer my prayers, O Lord, 

for your unfailing love is wonderful.

Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful. 

Psalm 69:16

Loretta

Mar 12th A Peach Tree Named Frosty

This journey to health is not a "success only" deal. Well, at least not for me. And from what I read out there in Bloggyland, not for lots of ya'll. We have our ups and downs. But WE. KEEP. GOING.

Three years ago in my back yard we planted a little peach tree. We had such high hopes for Frosty (yes, we actually named her; and yes, she's a girl). The first year, we had 3 absolutely DIVINE peaches. No comparison whatsoever taste-wise with store bought. Heavenly!

Then, the trials started. 

My husband had worked in a peach orchard as a teen, and thought he knew "enough" to successfully do this. Uh, it was harder than we thought. 

Long story short: surprise low temps killed most of the buds one year; some bugs ate up others one year; we didn't prune correctly and lost some key branches another year... on it goes.

But we haven't given up on Frosty. While she doesn't look very lush and promising on top, under the ground her roots are growing deeper. We feed and water her, and do our best with what we know at the time. And have hope for improvement in fruit yield, this coming year.

And so it goes with this weight loss journey. 

I had done this weight loss thing SO many times in my life, I thought I knew "enough" to successfully do it this time. But yes, it was harder than I thought. I won't repeat all the set backs here... that's not the point.

The point is: I haven't given up. 

I'm working on "feeding and watering" my mind, body and spirit, and have hope that in due season, I will have some good fruit.

In the meantime, I've made mistakes; had setbacks; detours; weight regains; weight losses; then regains... sigh. I've been sorting out some "stuff", with not a lot to say here. :-}

Yes, I've been discouraged lately. But I can stay there, wallowing in self-pity. Or, I can replace those thoughts with good stuff... and choose to Believe. 

Not much else to say. I gotta just keep going.  Because some days the Fear Dogs nip at my heels, barking at me that it's too late, and I'm just fooling myself. And that's scary.

Please, God, give me what it takes to keep going, to Believe, and to succeed.

My book quote for today:  "Discouragement destroys hope... When discouragement  tries to overtake you, the first thing to do is to examine your thought life. What kinds of thoughts have you been thinking lately? ... You become what you think. Think discouraging thoughts, and you will get discouraged. Change your thinking and be set free!" --Joyce Meyer, from Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

My quote for today: "What is to give light must endure the burning." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey (or at least, don't QUIT the journey til you can enjoy it again!),

Loretta

=^..^=

End o' the World, So Let It All Hang Out!!

Well, since the Mayans seemed to predict the end of the world tomorrow, or at the very least the beginning of some cataclysmic events... I thought I'd take this opportunity to let my opinion fly!!

About what??  I was thinking about sarcasm lately. It can be witty, clever and/or funny when aimed in a general direction. But...ever been in the receving end of it, aimed at you personally?? It can bite... it can sting, depending upon the source. 

It's called DISRESPECT. 

This is what the good ol' dictionary says... 

SARCASM:

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt...

derision

mockery

ridicule

scorn

sneering

scoffing

cynicism

Wow... talk about disrespect... Yowch!

And I've been thinking about it, asking myself what was it in me that responds to sarcasm so negatively. Someone with a different background might just say "eh", and shrug it off, not giving it much thought.

I, on the otherhand, was surprised, disappointed and hurt by my run-in with it. That was MY response. The other person didn't "do" that to me. They are responsible for offering the stick of dynamite, but I'm responsible for adding the match to the fuse. 

So I'm trying to learn from it. And as I thought about it, I remembered hearing sarcasm growing up. It seems to me that the "best" sarcasm, the snarkiest and wittiest, usually came from "smart" people. They had a knack with words, and unless held back by kindness, they knew how to let it fly. 

That's what I remember as a kid... some "smart" adults with the ability to make biting, witty, sarcastic remarks, aimed at individuals. Hey, I like a good joke as much as the next guy. Just not used to hurt individuals, ya know what I mean?? 

Wanna guarantee that the people in your life withdraw from you? That they avoid you? That they shut you out? Just be sure to treat them with sarcasm. Oh, and be sure to do it in anger; that's a winning combo, for sure. <yes, read: sarcasm>

Funny thing... I searched for the word "sarcasm" in the Bible. Not there! At least not in the many, many different translations I checked. The only one I found it in was a modern version that was written in everyday, casual language. Here's what I found:

"Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless--that's your job, to bless..." (I Peter 3:8, emphasis mine)

Boy, that gets the point across. :-O

So all this thinkin' led to even more thinkin'... when I goof up on this whole weight loss/health journey thing, how often do I aim that same kind of sarcastic barb AT MYSELF??!! That jerked me up short, since the answer was too often. Ack! :-O

The antidote? 

Kindness. 

Let's all extend it not only to others, but to ourselves, as well!

I can require more from myself...

I can be willing to get comfortable with being uncomfortable...

I can remember their are no shortcuts to success...

I can start doing what I say I believe is necessary to succeed...

I can remember I'm fooling myself to think it will get better without DOING the right choices...

I can stop pampering myself, or feeling sorry for myself...

But through it all, up or down, succeeding or stumbling... I can do it with kindness. 

SO CUT OUT ANY SARCASTIC self-talk, Loretta!!

Yes, ma'am.

If the world doesn't end on the 21st, then a New Year is coming soon (can you believe that?!). Let's all listen closely not only how we talk to others, but how we talk to OURSELVES!

Even as we uplift, encourage and wildly wave our pom poms in the air for others, let's include ourselves in that support. 

As his children drifted off to sleep, every night Tommy Newberry, author of The 4:8 Principle,   whispered in their ears:

 "You are a beautiful, 

wonderful child of God."

I like that. :-)

Enjoy the Journey... said without sarcasm! :-D)))

Loretta

Day 2016

NOV 16th A Pig, A Story & A Disclaimer

Was over reading Sean's blog this morning (Daily Diary of a Winning Loser) and one of the comments made me stop and think. 

See, Sean has recently returned to writing on his blog, after a few months of struggling with being somewhat off course. And the commentor said she has been a little put off by his recent "motivational" posts on Facebook, and how they made her feel a little "inferior". She graciously apologized for misjudging him, not realizing at the time that he was talking more to himself than anyone else (side note: no one "makes" us feel any way; we choose how we respond).

Anyway... the reason this caught my attention was because I, too, am struggling, and was all set to write a post today telling about the little "motivational" project I just finished, which I had talked about yesterday over at my art blog, Art By Retta.

I've said it here many times, but now realize it wouldn't hurt to say it again: I write what *I* need to hear, most of all. Just like Sean, and many others bloggers. 

I guess I forget to mention that most of the time, and come off as a happy/chirpy/got-it-all-together know it all!  Eeek! That sure isn't how I feel. And I would hate to think anyone felt "inferior" by mistakenly thinking that just because most of the time I choose to focus on the positives and possibilities, that means I have it all together... Not!

I feel like Michelangelo, who said:

So... with all the disclaimers out of the way ;-)

here is the link to my post "A Pig With A Story".

My book quote for today: "I can't overemphasize the importance of developing mental discipline." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints--but let them not return to folly."

My quote for today: "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." --Albert Einstein

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1181

NOV 6th The Wall & The Pig

Smack!! 

What was that?? Oh... the Wall I ran into. sigh...

I realize that it's not acceptable behavior in "motivational" circles to admit struggle. But unless I face a thing and am honest with myself, how can I deal with it? It feels like I hit a wall recently... got so far, and then splat! Can't seem to regain my footing and continue.

I say "seem" because I know that's not true. It just feels that way. And while my feelings have been bouncing all over the place lately, a part of me is still determined not to be ruled by them. Not to let them dictate my future. They are good for finding clues, but not for making decisions. I suppose it's these kind of times when I see if I truly believe the stuff I spout on this blog, eh??

For several years now I've related to the image of the Flying Pig. I once posted this picture: 

The idea of a flying pig is such an over-the-top figure of speech as to imply the impossible. But to me, it speaks of POSSIBILITIES.  Of overcoming the impossible. Of a hope so powerful that is acts like fuel for my determination. I LOVE the idea of the little pig defying all odds, and FLYING! He's sort of been my little mascot, sitting above my computer.

I see him every time I come to the computer. And I remember that all things are possible with God. So I refuse to let the discouraging thoughts put down roots into my mind.  I just can't dwell on them, and let them grow; it's too dangerous. 

All I can do is to DO what I know to do, and trust that eventually I will be back on track and see progress. I WILL fly. I refuse to let go of hope, to let go of my dreams and give up.

Sometimes we get so close to that edge. You know that edge... the drop off of despair... the cliff of total discouragement... the gulf of giving up. I don't know about you, but it's scary to me. While it's tempting to just give in and take the easy way out, full of excuses and self-pity, it's also terrifying how easy it is to slide back and go the wrong way!

So no... I refuse to go there. I don't care what anybody says... even my own mind. I WILL fly. I get to choose, and that's my choice. I wish I could say, like some do, that "it is easy". Well, right now it AIN'T easy for me. 

I admit that sometimes I whine "it's not fair". But remember what they say? The fair only comes once a year, and usually out in the country. (Ha ha on me; I just read that this morning, and said "ouch!")

Some days we just have to choose to keep going in spite of "life". And eventually, it gets better. I really believe that. No, I don't "feel" that right now... but I do believe it.

My book quote for today: "Unfortunately, most people struggle to change or renew their circumstances (lose weight, fix their marriage, make more money), when they should be asking God to help them renew their minds." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

My quote for today: "There is no use trying," said Alice; one can't believe impossible things."  "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." --Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Gazelle photo courtesy of Stig Nygaard

Wings & Poster courtesy of Moi

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1171