Monday, September 21, 2009

DAY 43 Why I Write What I Write

Hello Journal!

I was put on my first diet at age 10... taken to the doctor and given "horse urine" shots. It didn't work. But it DID cause me to become aware that I was different.... fat... or as they called it back then, Chubby.

I learned over the years to compensate for my appearance by trying harder to get along, to be nice, to smile. 

My sister is probably falling off her chair laughing at that....because she knows the "real" me. Not the "public" me that puts on the nice person mask, but the sister she grew up with...who steamrolled over her to get my own way. The grumpy, feisty, selfish one she had to share a bedroom with for toooo many years.

But my "public" face was different. I learned how to get along, if they would only give me a chance. Many did NOT, however, and as anyone who grew up fat knows, "they" can be cruel.

All that to say this: I recently read a weight loss blog, and even though I disagreed with it, I wanted to "play nice", smile, wear my mask and not rock the boat. I was being phoney out of a lifetime of habit.

My sister was also the one who told me when I started this: BE HONEST. Okay, I will.

In a nutshell, that blog sounded sort of cynical towards weight loss bloggers whose writings sounded happyhappy/positive/cheerleading and motivational. And they seemed to think the "happy" bloggers were doing it for the pats on the back and awards, etc.

Giving this writer the benefit of the doubt, perhaps this blogger has been around long enough to see so many people come and go, who SAID all the right things, but did not DO them.

I think one reason I felt defensive was because that used to be ME.  But I don't look at that as wasted experiences...I believe we can learn, grow and change.

For years I have read all sorts of motivational material...kind of like planting seeds into my mind...cultivating an optimistic mindset, hoping to counter my history of failure.

Now I am creating a NEW HISTORY for myself. Success breeds success, and every time I do it right, I am adding to that new history of the New Me.

Bottomline: I write what I need to read!! I write to motivate ME, to help ME focus, to kick MYSELF in the tush, to cheer ME on to victory!! If anyone else happens to read any of it and is helped, I am delighted by that. If they read it and do NOT like it...then isn't it wonderful that there are MILLIONS of blogs out there to choose from...and there is the exit, and don't let the door hit you on the way out....ha ha ha ..okay, maybe that's a little extreme...a little...maybe...

But seriously, attitudes are contagious. And I talk to MYSELF more than anyone else all day long, all of my life. I NEED TO HEAR POSITIVE STUFF!!! I need to fill my mind with thoughts and information that will propel me to SUCCESS, not drag me down with doubts, fears, self-pity, woe as me, who-do-you-think-you-are thinking.

Who do I think I am??  I was once asked that question by a large, very angry adult man, right before he threw a large, heavy glass ashtray at me (I ducked, it missed).  I was young and impressionable, and it has taken me a lot of years to finally develop the belief in myself to answer that question:

I am Loretta. I am here. I will succeed... and no one, nothing, will take this from me. Not cynicism, not criticism, not skepticism, not doubt or fear, or even my own past history of failure. 

I am creating a New Me. I do not care one bit, not ONE BIT, if someone else rolls their eyes at my pom-pom waving. They simply do not understand...they do not know ME, and what I have had to overcome to arrive at this time, this place, where I can say:
I will gratefully and freely share with others along the way the things that motivate and encourage me....freely I have received, and freely I give. But make no mistake: I am writing to ME. Even now, I felt the need to stand up and be counted, not to smile and "get along", but to have the self-respect to be honest and tell it like it is. I did this for me.

So, break out the pom poms...can you give me an N...E...W...M...E.. Yaaaaaay, New Me!

Here is today's motivational pep talk to myself, in picture form:

(Click pic to enlarge)

Oh, and I can't forget today's weigh-in: 372, for a weekly loss of 3 lbs. Yippee!

From Dr Phil's book: "Whatever the situation, you can choose your reaction."

My verse for today: "Give thanks in all circumstances."

My quote for today: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."--Les Brown, motivational speaker

Enjoy the Journey,


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