Monday, December 13, 2010

DAY 487 Little Miss Perfect & My Foundation

Hi Journal & Friends,

This (too long) post was prompted by three things:

One:    a comment I read on another blog a while ago
Two:    a specific comment that was left on MY blog a while ago
Three:  a few other comments left on my blog a while ago 

In the first case, the Commenter seemed to dislike blogs that were usually cheerful, positive, upbeat... the pom-pom waving bloggers. She also called this happy blogger "self-righteous and holier than thou", if I recall correctly. THEN, she goes on to gloat over how Little Miss Perfect was going through a struggle, and was saying that she "was only human." 

It's unrealistic to think we will "click" with all people... sometimes we just aren't on the same wavelength, and that's okay. But to sound happy that another person is struggling???!! Methinks that says more about the Commenter than the Commentee.

In the second case, someone left me a nice comment, and part of it was encouraging me to stay true to my purpose for blogging. BUT... then SHE included in that purpose things that were not part of MY purpose. In summary, I was to blurt out whatever I wanted, and not care who was reading or how they were being affected. I am positive her intention was well-meant, but... she doesn't understand me.

In the third case, several people had left very supportive and encouraging comments... yet they got me a little worried that I was being misunderstood. I definitely do NOT have it all together, I am still learning. I don't have all the answers, I am still refining my methods and strategies... but I try to resolve my junk BEFORE I sit down to post. It's more fun that way for me! Yep, that's totally selfish! ha ha ha

Anyway, all that got me thinking, and my conclusion was:

We need to be careful and 
not put anyone on a pedestal. 

We all have feet of clay.

I mean, I ALWAYS read Chris and Sean and MizFit, for instance. 

But it would be unfair to make them into my weight loss "superheroes", and expect them to live up to that kind of pressure. I guarantee you, they are human and have bad breath in the morning just like the rest of us, LOL!! 

People blog for all kinds of reasons, even within the "weight loss" realm.  I have been exhorted at times to blog a certain way by people who haven't read enough of my blog to understand MY purpose (which by the way, is stated in the sidebar under my photograph).They were just trying to be helpful, so it's all good.

We all blog with different intentions:

  • Some use it to think out loud, write uncensored, say whatever about whomever. They might be anonymous, and therefore feel more free to "let it fly".
  • Some use it as a food record, exercise record, water intake record, etc.
  • Some use it as a general record of their journey in wt loss, their weigh-ins, what they learn along the way, what they are going through and what is important to them.
  • Some use it to vent, to get out all the stressful emotions that they used to stuff down and numb with food... a sort of stress-relief.
  • Some use it as a kind of therapy, to help them get in touch with what they are really thinking and feeling, and sort out ideas and emotions.
  • Some use it as a kind of diary of their daily life, and their wt loss journey, letting friends know what each was like.
  • And some, probably most,  are a combination of several of the above.

don't think there is a thing wrong with any of these! 

What I have noticed, however, from comments around blogland, is the natural tendency to think OUR way is THE way, and to forget that the blog you are reading might not have the same purpose that YOU do. Hey, I've been guilty of that too. Yeah, I go nutso when I read a woman who claims to be a "Christian" trashing her husband for all the world to read for eternity!!!

What does all this have to do with weight loss?? A lot... I am an emotional eater. In the past I allowed how I feel to drive me to eat, rather than deal with the feelings. (Well okay, even now occasionally... but I'm definitely better!)

I guess I am being selfish on this journey... I plain ol' don't want the stress of having to live up to some big reputation for having it all together. 

Honestly, it brings out the fear in me, it reminds me of how many times in my past I have lost weight only to fall on my face and regain it. I never want to get so puffed up and proud of myself and overly confident, that I forget from where I came, and how hard the struggle was... that would be the kiss of death. 

  • I do NOT write my blog using the uncensored, think out loud method.
  • I do NOT write about the minutia of my daily life... if it bores ME, think what it would do to you... you would fall over dead from boredom, and I would be arrested for 'blogicide'.
  •  I do NOT write my blog to vent and rant. I CARE not to hurt people... once a bell is rung, it cannot be un-rung. Later, when I am not angry or hurt, I can never take back whatever I have sent out into the blogosphereinterwebs.
  • I do NOT use it to record every morsel of food or drop of water... again, they would have to bury me because of D.T.B (bored to death).

So... why do I write what I write? I wrote about that once before (HERE). 

In a nutshell, I write what I need to keep me focused, going and successful. But I do NOT come first to my blog. I work out my problems first, THEN I come to my blog. That's just me.

We all have a foundation for our lives. For me, I believe in a loving God that lets me bend His ear whenever I need or want to... Who helps me figure stuff out, sending answers to some of my questions.

I take time to THINK before I blog 
To read and study
To ask myself questions 
To try to be honest with myself 
To be open and teachable 
To be willing to see if I need course corrections

And there have been many course corrections on this journey!  It helps to have a foundation for your have a place to go when things get confusing, a shelter in the storm. Mine is traditional... God, Bible, Jesus. It's a love-relationship thing, not some law-condemnation thing.

Bottomline, I never gave up and quit because I felt like God never gave up on me. 

That has always been encouraging to me, like God was sitting in the bleachers, leading the cheers for me.... 

Gimme an L, gimme an O, gimme an R, gimme an E..... 

Sounds goofy, I know! But He is FOR me, not AGAINST me, and that makes me feel loved instead of judged. Don't misunderstand... He is God, the center, not me. I'm just saying, He has revealed this whole other side that I missed out on before. The side of the loving Father.

Anyway, if it sounds like I am little-miss-perfect-got-it-all-figured-out, uh no... it's just that I do my questioning and crying and head shaking BEFORE I blog. 

This is not a "right way" to do it. It just works for ME. I find it more productive for me... it crystalizes all those swirling thoughts and emotions, and distills them down into little life lessons that are actually useful for me... liveable stuff, useable stuff, where the rubber meets the road stuff. 

If it's a nice theory but you can't USE it, what good is it??

Too long... stop! ;-)

From Dr Phil's book: "This is about you, your weight, and your health; it is not about them."

My verse for today: "Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

My quote for today: "Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. Oh! The places you'll go!" --Dr Seuss (Oh, The Places You'll Go!)

Enjoy the Journey,



bbubblyb said...

Really good post Loretta. Truthfully I think we all struggle even the superheros out here. We all are different bloggers too. Sometimes I wish I could blog more like others but then I wouldn't be me lol. So don't you change for anyone but you *smile*.

Anne H said...

As usual, I missed the original reference.... the conflict!
But I like the wrap-up and resolution!
I say Let's All Keep On Keeping On!

M Pax said...

Snarkiness - most times is others projecting their issues onto us and has nothing to do with us. This is how I chose to view it a few years back. Most times stuff rolls off my back this way. *most* lol Not always. In my profession, I had to find a way to cope with negativity and this is how I choose to deal with it. Most times it's true - others projecting their crap onto us.

Be you. Always. As Miz says, unapologetically.

Christine said...

It is not my job to tell people what to do...It's my job to work on me. I work out nearly all my issues and talk about them if they have changed my view of the world and I think it may be helpful. I fully believe in being as honest and out there as I can be because I have been successful, And I want NO ONE putting me on a pedestal. The quickest way to get me to write a 'boy am I not perfect' post is to tell me I am some sort of a weight loss hero. lol. I am no where near perfect, no one is. There are just us imperfect humans out here sharing our experiences. That is all.
Good post.

financecupcake said...

Great post, Retta! This one really got the wheels in my head spinning. I think you probably do seem like you have it figured out because you think things through before you right them. You have an understanding of the things you post. I use my blog to work through my thoughts and to have a record of that. You're right about all the different methods. It's interesting to see how the methods of blogging affect the messages! You are a thinker!!! :)

Anonymous said...

"I write what I need to keep me focused, going and successful" - Hear hear! I do the same thing, Loretta. I try my best to not bring my problems to my blog or to criticize anyone, especially on such a public forum. And sometimes when I read things like that on other blogs, it makes me very uneasy. This weight loss journey - we're all learning together, and no one is perfect. The only thing we can do is what's best for us and no one else. I applaud you for saying so. :)

dailyseeking said...

I'm glad you are back! You are always encouraging to me.

Donna said...

Well said!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Yup, I second everybody. We like you for you. That's all, no expectations, just fun to find out what Loretta is up to and sometimes share a 'hey, me too!'
Me personally, don't know exactly what my blog will turn out to be. I thought it would be a record of what it's like for me to move to Texas... But since that's not happening yet, so far, it's just me.

mamajuliana said...

I have been 'away' for a while and I missed reading your blog. One of the reasons that I 'quit' blogs for a while was that I was geting depressed, thinking that I was one of the only ones who didn't have their food/life/home together.

I always your honesty and cheer. Please keep it up.

Retta said...

MAMAJULIANA! It's good to hear from you. I was trying to find your blog a few times, and it had disappeared. Please don't feel you are the only one who struggles at times... most of us do! And also, we all didn't start at the same time on this journey, so some might be farther down the road than we are.

I hope you have a very blessed Christmas. I've always appreciated how genuine you are, and missed you!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is awesome and so are you!

Anonymous said...

You know, I think that the only way a blog works is if we write it for ourselves and not to impress others or gain approval.

Trying to write for others is a sure way to, at best, make the blog a waste of time and, at worst, make it one more thing that proves we're not good enough as we are.

I like to use my blog as a place where I work out issues "on paper". If I get to a resolution by the end of the post, "Wahoo!", but if not, well then, not.

When I let the "Just be positive" comments keep me from doing that, the first paragraph of this comment kicks in.

So you do what works for you. If you need to have everything all worked out and tied in a bow to post, so be it. The comments that respond by praising you for having everything all worked out or think you sound self-righteous...well, each style has it's consequences doesn't it?

For example, you don't ever get the, "Just look on the bright side" comments that I get, do you?

I'd rather have the negative comments (Yes, being told to be positive after you've exposed your heart is extremely negative and dismissive.) from others when I am true to myself than to feel negatively about myself when I am not.

Well. You hit a button, didn't you? :)


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