MAR 6th Sabotage, Strength & Surveys

Hi Journal & Friends,

If you've been blogging for any time at all, then you're probably just like me: you get emails asking you to endorse, promote, join, or otherwise become involved in all kinds of stuff. 99.9% of the time, I can't hit the DELETE button fast enough.

But today I received one that I feel passionate about! Surprise, surprise. So I'm going to promote it, and ask YOU to care, too. :-)

What's it about? 

Sabotage 

Specifically, sabotage of our weight loss efforts by our significant others.

Why do I feel so strongly about it? Because when I finally discovered the nutritional path that was healthy and doable for ME, my hubby (bless his pea-pickin heart) dug in his heels and--without meaning to--tried to sabotage me. For my health, I needed to stop eating sugar and flour. Period. That was March of 2009.

I was committed, determined and wholehearted in my decision to DO this.

He was equally committed, determined and wholehearted in his refusal to join me!!

So much so, that he'd bring home huge trays of giant muffins. Or a large flat of a favorite dessert of mine, baklava. 

Or several gallons of premium Dreyers ice cream. 

You get the idea.

At first I was such a martyr!! 

Then I was mad. 

Then I was full of self pity. 

Then... as I was bellyaching to God one day, I realized I had a choice. I could just keep on suffering and go down in flames, OR,  I could see this as an OPPORTUNITY TO GET STRONGER.

I chose the opportunity to get stronger. Every time he gave me resistance, it was akin to lifting weights. At the gym, resistance training builds muscles. And THIS resistance was strengthening my commitment muscle. Nothing, no one, was going to take this from me! 

Yes, I stumble now and then as far as the quantity that I eat. I've never hidden that fact. I'm working to get consistent with that. But the commitment to not eat sugar and flour has STUCK from day one, in spite of attempts at sabotage. 

That's the message I feel so strongly about: YOU CAN DO THIS regardless of your home situation. 

Regardless of who is criticizing you, or giving you resistance. Regardless of lack of support in your "real life". I didn't have it either. But I had all you great bloggy friends, and that helped tremendously! Heck, I even have my very own troll, who helps me to examine what I really believe, thus making me stronger! :-D

So what's this email thing I was talking about??

There is a lady named Amanda Harp, a PhD candidate at Clark University, who is asking for volunteers to participate in her survey on sabotage from significant others. She is close to collecting enough data, and just needs a few more volunteers to finish her research. 

I'm going to do it, and thought some of you might want to, also. 

If you can answer yes to these 4 questions, then you qualify to participate:

1)  Are you at least 18 years of age?
2)  Have you been participating in a weight loss program for the last 5 consecutive weeks?
3)  Have you been in a committed, cohabitating relationship for the last two years?
4)  Do you ever feel like your partner/spouse gets in the way of your weight loss?  

Here's the pertinent info and links:

--The Study info 

--It is an anonymous survey, and cannot be traced back to you

--After you finish the survey, she will donate $1 to a charity you choose from the following:

Playworks 

The Carter Center 

Susan G Komen for the Cure  

MAP International (the one I'm choosing) 

--She is also offering participants to opt in for a drawing for one of 10 gift cards, or you may choose to also donate that amount to your charity. I think that's a nice thing. :-)

I wish Amanda well in her studies!

Again, here is the main link to participate. 

PS: Just so you know, my sweetie is now very supportive and even tries to enjoy some of the yummy "alternative" things I cook.

My book quote for today: "I extend to you in invitation to meet your true self... and explore the adventure that is your life. There are challenges... but for the warrior, they are opportunities to see how far you can go and what you are absolutely capable of being." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare."

My quote for today: "The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do." --Bill Phillips

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 932

MAR 3rd Choosing To March Forward

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Ever feel this way??

Most of the time I remember that I get to choose my attitude, my mood. That I can "make my own weather", like I talked about in this post about Bernie Siegel. 

Then... along comes a day I forget, and I fall flat on my face! I'm sorry if I "infected" anyone with my grumpiness. It's not my usual way of being... but, I did it, I own it, and it is what it is. 

And now I choose to do like several of my commenters suggested... just let it go, and go on. 

So many people have "real" problems, and I DO have a lot for which to feel thankful. No more griping from me! At least not for awile, ha ha ha.

Thank you for all the supportive comments. And there was such wise advice I can learn from!

My book quote for today: "You are capable of more than you ever thought." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."

My quote for today: “But to think well of all, to be cheerful with all, to patiently learn to find the good in all - such unselfish thoughts are the very portals of heaven; and to dwell day by day in thoughts of peace toward every creature will bring abounding peace to their possessor.” --James Allen, 1902

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 929

MAR 1st Spiders, Scales & Spouting Off

Hi!

(If ya don't wanna read my rant, better not read today)

I hate spiders. Detest 'em. They are sneaky and silent. They hide, waiting to "get you" when you aren't looking. I didn't used to feel that way... until I was bit by a Brown Recluse spider a few years ago. 

I found the bite on a Sunday morning, and by the time I saw my doctor Monday morning (oh yeah, the office staff was very annoyed at my demand for a last minute appointment, but I didn't care!) the venom had created a crater on my hip almost 3 inches across, and a 1/4 inch deep! 

So spiders are on my hit list. Come into MY house... get squished.

I was getting ready to do dishes yesterday, and a big spider had the audacity to be IN my dishpan with the dirty dishes. Squish!!

Then it occurred to me... that unresolved issues are like spiders. You may not notice them, but they are there, waiting to strike. 

Why did I think that?? Because the previous day I was totally P.O.'d over something, and instead of dealing with it, I said "oh screw it!" and overate. When I saw the spider yesterday, I also saw my anger, and my unresolved issue. 

Oh, it wasn't a big deal. Not like what some I know are going through. In fact, I feel pretty stupid to have overeaten because of it! And eating a boatload of calories 2 days before my monthly weigh day?? Yep... not the most brilliant choice. So I deserve the 2 pound gain, putting me at 329. Sigh.

Am I still P.O'd?? Yes. But not over the original thing. Actually, I can't even remember what it was about! 

If I am honest... and what's the use of doing a blog if I'm not... I am feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. 

If I only talk about my "successes" here, I'm criticized for not being honest or "realistic", or whatever. If I share things I'm learning or discovering along the way, I'm criticized for being a phoney and having "aha" moments and just talking but not doing. And if I DO talk about my stumbles and don't have the numbers to put up, I'm criticized for "not being serious".

Pissed off?? Ya think??

The arrogance... the judgemental attitude... the hubris of some people, to insinuate that the only people that should have a "weight loss" blog are those that have their act all together!! 

What about the REST of us?? Those that are ON our way, learning as we go? Making mistakes, but never quitting? Determined to hang in there no matter what, until we hammer out a way that works for us? Until we reach that place where it flows and we have CONSISTENT success??

Those of you who like to judge, just remember this: there was a time when YOU TOO, were at the beginning of your journey. If you had been blogging then, willing to expose your mistakes and share what you were learning as you went along, how would YOU feel if others who were farther along looked down their nose at you, and decided they didn't want to be contaminated by you? They would support you AFTER you got your act together, not before. 

Pissed off still? Guess so. But I'm not overeating because of it. I am blogging it. And if you don't like that, don't read my blog. It's that simple! 

My book quote for today: "If you want something bad enough, you have the power to make it happen - no matter what other people have to say..." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash the Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in  you."

My quote for today: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." --Winston Churchill

Loretta

DAY 927

FEB 28th Choosing Enthusiasm!

Hi Journal & Friends,

I was busy yesterday, so missed sharing my Favorite Photo. Today's a new day! 

I don't have much to say, but this photo Jim took feels like my mood. It's full of good cheer, energy and exhuberance... maybe that's why I enjoy it so much. :-)

(can click to enlarge)

My book quote for today: "We hear the word Warrior used to describe women and men who show up, give their very best, and refuse to quit until the goal is reached." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "You are my portion, O Lord."

My quote for today: "You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars. Enthusiasm is the spark in your eye, the swing in your gait, the grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of your will and your energy to execute your ideas. Enthusiasts are fighters, they have fortitude, they have strong qualities. Enthusiasm is at the bottom of all progress. With it there is accomplishment. Without is there are only alibis." --Henry Ford

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 924

FEB 22nd Just Mulling Stuff Over

Hello Journal & Friends,

So here I am, sitting at my computer reading a book on my Kindle program. It's a controversial (to me) book, about the brain, bingeing, different recovery methods and why they do NOT work, and how the author DID recover. 

Because I'm not finished, and it seems there are a few gaps in logic (ie, correlation does not equal causation, so sometimes I disagree with her conclusions), I'm not ready to name said book. Sorry if that sound mysterious. :-)  I promise to talk more freely when I finish the book, with an honest and full review.

Anyway, I'm reading along rather slowly, mulling it over as I go, and then wham! I get hit with a thought that I did NOT realize was in me... which was:

But if I DO what she's talking about, I'll in effect be shutting down my weight loss focused blog! 

And I will miss everyone! 

I will miss the people I've come to care about. 

I will miss the fascinating posts full of insightful and sometimes entertaining thoughts. 

I will miss the inspiring and kick-butt posts that seem to come right when I need them.

I will miss feeling a PART of a community of like-minded people, who are on a quest to improve their lives, reclaim their health and LIVE every day to it's fullest.

If I Do what she's talking about... it feels like I lose all this.

Because her main point is this: 

What we focus on grows

To constantly talk about food struggles, weight issues, slip ups and the perceived power of the urge to overeat only serves to STRENGTHEN it's stranglehold over me. 

To give "it" more focus is to further entrench that way of thinking more deeply into my neural pathways.

To shine the light on "it" over and over and over just carves that rut in my brain deeper and deeper.

So now, I have a new train of thought to ponder... do I continue business as usual? Or do I think of a way to shift my emphasis to a healthier direction? And how do I do that? 

Well, all this is what's been on my mind today. I haven't come to any conclusions yet. One thing I do know... it's a process. 

Maybe this is simply the next logical step along the way. Maybe we start out this journey naturally focused on identifying and understanding our issues, and as time goes on we turn a corner in the process. 

We move away from the "problem" and go TOWARDS the solution. We end up looking ahead, having gotten all we need from looking back. We focus on our new life, instead of our "old" life.

Just thinking out loud here. 

Bottomline, I feel ready to "let go" of the old way. The old habits and ingrained way of thinking. For once, FINALLY, there is no sense of panic that rises up within at that thought. No push to run to the kitchen and "soothe" over that uncomfortable feeling of being threatened. No fear of change. 

Maybe that means I am ready? Ready to embrace the change, instead of clawing and scratching my way to force a change.

I hope so. :-)

My book quote for today: "Here is a fact: someday you will die. What will you do with this incredible gift that is your life? Do you want to get to the end of the road and wish you had strived more, accomplished more, and loved more? To do these things you will have to take chances, demonstrate courage, and commit in a way that allows you to be flexible but never allows you to quit on yourself." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash the Warrior Within

My verse for today: "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."

My quote for today: "The researches of so many eminent scientific men have thrown so much darkness upon the subject that if they continue their researches we shall soon know nothing."  --Artemus Ward, American writer and humorist, 1834 - 1867

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 919