FEB 16 No More!

Hello Journal & Friends,

That's IT! No more. 

I heard myself yesterday, and it was awful. I was whining and complaining and moaning and groaning... and realized that playing the victim was getting me NOwhere fast!

My low back is trying to go out again, and the pain in my tailbone area is getting worse... go to bed in pain, wake in the night in pain, wake in the morning in pain... and the tears were more from frustration and self-pity than the awful pain. As I was whining to Jim to please rub my back, I finally heard myself. Yuck!!

Then I remembered some stuff I'd been reading, and decided that's IT. No more victim. I'm going to DO something. And before ya'll nice people tell me to see a doctor... I did. And they chalked it up to the usual: Hey, you're fat. Well, put nicer than that, but it's the same thing. "It will improve as you lose weight".

Thing is... it's getting worse. Unbearable levels. Sleep-ruining levels. Don't wanna move or exercise levels. Grumpy levels. Oh poor me levels. 

So... I decided I've got NOTHING to lose by being Proactive. I wrote out a list of exercises that I hope will help, and started, that very day.

Yesterday I dusted off my Gymboss timer and my pink dumbbells!

If you missed my post about my Gymboss timer, it's great for timing interval workouts. Here's a link, and about halfway down the page, that explains the benefits of Tabata type timing in exercise. 

I also did PUSH UPS... well, wall push ups, hee hee. I saw a very large man on the tv show Heavy doing them, and thought "I could do that!" Also some stretching and leg lifts and other muscle building squeezes... you know, the glutes, where you SIT, ha ha. I'm hoping to build muscle to replace the missing cushion of fat, and ease the pain on my cracked tailbone. (Has anyone done this? Any experiences or advice about that??)

Here is part of what I read that inspired me and put my "suffering" into perspective, from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey... it was about the story of Viktor Frankl:

Frankl was a determinist raised in the tradition of Freudian psychology, which postulates that whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set, and, basically, you can't do much about it.

Frankl was also a Jew. He was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany, where he experienced things that were so repugnant to our sense of decency that we shudder to even repeat them.

His parents, his brother, and his wife died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. Except for his sister, his entire family perished. Frankl himself suffered torture and innumerable indignities, never knowing from one moment to the next if his path would lead to the ovens or if he would be among the "saved" who would remove the bodies or shovel out the ashes of those so fated.

One day, naked and alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he later called "the last of the human freedoms" -- the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away. They could control his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body, but Viktor Frankl himself was a self-aware being who could look as an observer at his very involvement. His basic identity was intact. He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him. Between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.

Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.

Frankl... began to devolop the first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any environment, the habit of proactivity.

It means that... we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions... We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

Viktor Frankl suggests that there are three central values in life --the experiential, or that which happens to us; the creative, or that which we bring into existence; and the attitudinal, or our response in difficult circumstances...

My own experience with people confirms the point Frankl makes -- that the highest of the three values is attitudinal... in other words, what matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life. (end quote)

Well, there was more, but that's long enough! Time to be proactive... time to DO!

Edited later to add: I had an Angel call me. She had her own experience with a fractured coccyx, and suggested 4 different types of physical therapies I could try at home. I am so grateful I could almost cry! Only out of relief and hope, this time. Thank you SO much, You-Know-Who-You-Are!!

From Dr Phil's book: "Get off your duff and get moving."

My verse for today: "Be merciful to me O Lord, for I am in distress."

My quote for today: "Sitting around on your big fat gluteus maximus talking about the good old days... The good old days are right this second. You've got to exercise VIG-OR-OUSLY! Life is tough. Life is a challenge. Life is a battlefield... Life is an athletic event, and you must train for it."  --Jack LaLanne, at age 91

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 551

DAY 396 Three Questions

Hi Journal & Friends,

I have been mulling over 3 Questions that Chris at A Deliberate Life  asked me several days ago. I hadn't forgotten... it's just that I didn't have an answer to the first one (I never claimed to be a deep thinker, LOL!).

Okay, on to the Three Questions.

1. If you could ask God three questions, what would they be?

Honestly, I've thought about that almost every day since asked. When I think of a question, I get embarrassed that it seems so petty to ask of the Creater of the Universe! 

And... I keep changing my questions. I think I have TOO many questions, maybe that's the problem. Then again... I also know when I get there, I will have all the "time" in the world to ask, listen and understand the things that I must accept by faith now. 

If I HAD to choose one, it might be: is there a better way to know your will... what you want of me, what would please you, make you smile?? How to better tell when it is just me, or if it is really You speaking to my heart?? I guess this has to do with knowing Him better, knowing His voice so intimately, that there is no mistaking that small still voice within. "...his sheep follow him because they know his voice."

2. If you could go back in time and have dinner with a famous person, which person would you choose. 

Viktor Frankl

1905 - 1997

Biography Here 

3.  What was the mistake you learned the most from?

Not losing the weight sooner. 

Time passes faster than you would believe. It is precious, and once gone, it's gone.

I distinctly remember on my 30th birthday, moaning about how I had always wished I had learned to play the guitar. 

Then it hit me: I would BLINK, and I would be 40. So stop wishing for it, and DO it. 

So I did. 

I bought a used guitar, strung it with new strings, learned to tune it, bought some books and taught myself to play it. I was never really very good, but that didn't matter. I DID it.

But... I didn't apply that lesson to the weight loss. I "dieted"... lost weight... then regained it and then some. Repeatedly. I had a "diet mentality". 

And time marched on. And my life took a detour from what it could have gone.

And I blinked again... and now on my next birthday, I will be 60. I still can't wrap my brain around that. In my heart, the Inner Me, I only feel about 40, if that. Weird, I know.

So that is why I am so determined now. I FINALLY get it. On this earth, time is finite. MY time here is finite. I don't want to waste any more of it on losing weight than is necessary. I want to LIVE my life, my best life. To BE the person I was always meant to be. To make this time of my life Grand and Glorious.

That was the mistake I feel I learned the most from. 

Moral of story: 

Time is the coin of your life... spend it wisely.

DO IT NOW.

Today's Peek at the Past (this was a deeply personal post, with pics of my Momma.)

From Day 35, September 13, 2009:

Full of memories today...I stayed up most of last night reading a small book by Geneen Roth, titled "The Craggy Hole in My Heart and The Cat Who Fixed It." (about the book here)

I hadn't intended to once again wreck my schedule...but once I started reading, I NEEDED to keep reading. I cried my way through the book...there was something in there for me, and I knew I had to keep reading.

It was a good cry...a healing cry...and I am smiling today, flooded with memories. They are not phoney "the way I wanted it to be" memories. But sweet and real...full of love, acceptance and forgiveness.  Nice...peaceful..."warm and fuzzy" type memories.

(For complete post "Full of Memories " click HERE) 

From Dr Phil's book: "When you kill time, remember you can't resurrect it."

My verse for today: "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

My quote for today: "Lost time is never found again." --Benjamin Franklin

Enjoy the Journey in spite of the hard times,

Loretta

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DAY 279 Spring Challenge Week 8 Update

Hello Journal & Friends,

Time for another Challenge Update!

 Time sure is flying by fast... there are only 5 more weeks til the start of Summer and the end of the Spring Challenge.

Here is our reminder of the overall goal of the Challenge:

"The goal of this challenge is to teach yourself to look at your new behaviors positively, to learn to be nicer to yourself and believe in yourself, to learn to enjoy healthy behaviors and learn some moderation. A little balance. It's important. More important to learn than the extremes - too much and deprivation." (Thanks Mary, at Wistful Nebulae for that great description)

So... here is my own weekly check-in...

My Spring Challenge goals:

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks, do some kind of Exercise.

2. Every day for the next 13 weeks, drink a Greenie.

3. Check in every Saturday.

4. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself.

5. Save up to buy myself a fun Reward at the end.

My Exercise: Doing much better! Feeling better and having my energy back has made a huge difference. I am still working to hit my stride and not miss any of my scheduled exercise, but I am doing something each day. It's getting better and better.

My Greenies: Doing so much better here, too. Only missed once, when I just messed up timing, and it was so late I just said phooey. 

Part of that attitude probably came about because I have been struggling to stay within my calorie budget. I was doing great at 1600, then lowered it to 1500. Been fighting it ever since, for several weeks now. I'm rethinking it... and wondering if I should go back to where I was comfortable and it felt doable. Still thinkin on that.

One thing I like about myself: I like that I am a visual learner. I do especially well if there are lots of illustrations, color, photos, charts, graphs, etc. It's an enjoyable way to learn, and it makes it easier to remember things. 

 

Jim knows this about me, and knows that I will get lost if he just verbally tells me directions to go somewhere. So for years he always drew me little maps. A few months ago, he finally bought a Magellan GPS system... yay!

For my Reward: Still haven't decided for sure what I am getting, but am still stashing money in my little glass bear shaped jar.

Remember, we want progress, not perfection.

From Dr Phil's book: "One of the most critical ways to stop this behavior is to change the way you think and how you interpret events in your life. What you think determines how you feel."

My verse for today: "Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord."

My quote for today: "...the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 263 Peaches & Lions

Hello Journal & Friends,

In the spring of 2009, we planted a dwarf peach tree in the backyard of our new home. Frosty (yes, we named him) was busy growing, putting down roots, and making himself at home, and only produces 3 luscious peaches that first year.

This year, we were looking forward to a "big" crop. Then spring came and we thought we had lost our new little blossoms. Frosty had survived a cold winter, only to be hit in with a couple of cold snaps after the new buds had come out.

A couple of days ago, MyGuy was outside removing the Christmas lights from Frosty (they are used to ward off the deadly frosts that hit in early spring), and he looked closely. And there, hidden protectively in little curls of leaves, were the beginnings of new life... peaches! Almost 20 of them!

Frosty went through a rough time, but he survived. He would not be refused... he's a tough little tree.

I feel like Frosty... like I have been going through a long, tough "winter", and just when I think it's over, I get hit with a cold snap that smacks me down again.

But like Frosty, I won't be denied. I refuse to be barren, to not grow.

I have lost much of the progress I had gained, exercise and strength-wise. But I have decided that if I did it once, I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

I refuse to stay discouraged. 

I refuse to keep thinking "it's not fair".

I refuse to lose my passion.

I refuse to allow this to derail me.

While listening to some Keith Green music a few days ago, a thought struck me: I am doing this backwards. 

I have been so flattened physically lately, that I felt like I was losing my passion, my determination, my joy. I was struggling with "it's not fair"... with "is it too late?"  I was waiting to feel better physically, to get my "mojo" back.

That is backwards!!

Passion comes from within, from deep inside, where our "chooser" lives,  in our heart of hearts, not from outside circumstances.

Nothing, no one, no temporary condition will take this journey from me. 

I may not "feel" it right now, but I HAVE IT. It is mine... I will not let go of my hold on it.

I may be weak as a kitten on the outside right now, but inside I am a Lion! Hear me roar! 

From Dr Phil's book: "Change must come totally from within you. This is where the real power to create lasting results is found."

My verse for today: "The righteous will flourish like a palm tree... They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green..."

My quote for today: "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread.  They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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