OCT 25th This Is Real Life

Hello Journal & Friends!

Today is my 800th day since starting my blog. Whoodathunkit!

For me, it's brought out a mixed reaction, seeing as how I am still not at my goal.  :-}

I was all set to write about what a roller coaster ride this last week and a half has been. My Sweetie was on vacation from work the whole time... which seriously interrupts computer time and alone time. I'm feeling the stress from being behind on EV-erything.

Let's see... I went Zero Wheat on Oct 1st. Did great, lost 2 pounds, two weeks in a row. 

Then, feeling all jazzed, was "willing" to lower my calories to 1400 and get All Serious. Did fabulous... til the following weeks weigh-in: gained 2 pounds. Say what??!

Then it was our 34th wedding anniversary this last Saturday, and it was a wonderful day all around. 

But... the next day I was tired and not feeling it, and slammed head first into the "I-just-don't-care-what's-the-use-it's-too-late-for-me-anyway" wall. So, I overate a bit... on-plan food, but too much of it. 

It's weird... I knew at the time it wouldn't make me feel better. But instead I chose plain ol' "escapism". In fact, I had a can of Spam sitting on the counter, ready to fry it all up with melted cheese. The only reason it's still in my cupboard is cuz I glanced at the clock, and it was 11 pm. I had to go to bed soon, and figured it wouldn't be worth it. I wish I could say it was for a more Mature reason that I stopped, but there it is. :-}

Then yesterday as I was looking forward to some "me" time when he goes back to work today, and about to post an Oh Poor Me Lament... it struck me that this is NOT some diabolical roller coaster ride designed just to get me sidetracked. 

It's. Just. Life.

Just plain, ordinary ups and downs of my life. I admit, I'd sure LIKE it to be all smooth sailing. I usually stay on track just fine, thank you very much, when things are all hunky dory. But when my routines are jerked out from under me, I flounder. I really really REALLY need to change that. I WANT to change that. 

Because it finally occurred to me that the Routine and Order that I enjoy is not always what Life has planned for me. I am not the center of the universe, and God doesn't check with MY daily planner before He allows stuff to happen. :-}

So, back to the journey. 

Back to the focus on being Consistent, and not using routine disruptions as excuses. 

Back to shifting more focus over to my art, and finishing up my sewing projects from this summer. 

Back to LIFE. 

Living it now, not waiting til I'm skinnier. 

:-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Our inner thoughts, beliefs, self-perceptions, and emotions can give us a lift for a positive outcome, or hold us back in complete inertia."

My verse for today: "You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you."

My quote for today: "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." --Wayne Dyer

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 800

DAY 398 It's Good & The Anchor Still Holds

Hello Journal & Friends,

One year ago, on September 15th I wrote this:

Yes, this is a spiritual journey for me. This is only day 37...I can't even imagine what it will be like in a year...but I am trusting it will be good.

Yes, it IS good. It is still very hard at times, but also good. 

New friends have been good.

Losing more weight has been good.

Getting stronger thanks to pressure has been good.

Catching a fresh vision for my future has been good.

Change is a process. Growth takes time. I think I was impatient and thought that since I had read up on the mechanics of how to do this, that okay, let's get with the program and CHANGE. Now. Come ON, Loretta.

That makes as much sense as planting seeds in your garden, then running out every morning and digging them up to see how they're doing. 

It takes TIME. 

We see people start blogs, all fired up and excited, saying all the right things and making jokes and being entertaining. It's fun to read, it is... but sad sometimes, too, when after a short time they are gone. Because I have learned that it is in the HARD TIMES that we grow.

It is from the resistance we overcome that we get stronger.

It is with tears that we must decide if we give up, or keep going.

It takes time to learn, make our mistakes, correct our courses, and to continue.

I try to always tell people new on this journey at least one thing: make a deal with yourself, that no matter what, you will never quit. You will always keep going. NO MATTER WHAT.

I never want to stomp on people when they are down and struggling. It is in that very time of struggle that they have the MOST potential for growth!! If they choose to fight back, to keep going, to hang on and be spunky and determined... they will make it!!

It's like a rite of passage or something. I've seen it over and over on blogs, and I've only been around here for barely over a year. But if people will stand strong and determined when the firestorms of life hit them, they will come out the other side better and stronger for it. It's true... it really is.

I know not everyone has the same belief system that I do, but for me I've found that it is in those very firestorms that my God proves Himself most faithful and loving and encouraging to me.

Another bit from a year ago:

I want to learn to FEEL the emotions instead of numbing them with food.

And to DEAL with them...and know it will be just fine...I will survive them regardless if they are uncomfortable or intense. And lastly, I will HEAL...not just try to survive or endure the same "stuff" that comes up over and over...but to resolve it, to put it to rest, to HEAL it. 

It's been rough lately emotionally for me, and with our circumstances.  But I can honestly tell you that holding on to your determination with one hand, and to God with the other will see you through. Your anchor will hold.

Here is the video I posted from last year... I still love it, and it fits so well today for me:

(For complete post "Feelings & The Anchor Holds" click HERE) 

From Dr Phil's book: "The key is to never let anyone take your commitment away from you, especially not for the sake of their own comfort."

My verse for today: "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence... "

My quote for today: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain!" --source unknown

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 361 Thankful & Thrilling Thursday

Hi there, Journal & Friends!

Today was going to be plain ol' Thankful Thursday.

I was going to properly think of things for which to be thankful... and there are quite a few, without even trying! 

Such as:

Hope. Hope that comes from experiencing progress in this journey. Hope to see more progress. And Hope for something I can't see yet, except in my heart and imagination... that I will make it ALL the way this time. 

Pressure. Yes, I'm thankful for pressure! I've learned from Coach Dayne at Coach Your Mind  to change my interpretation of Pressure. Now,  it is the fuel in my rocket boosters that explodes with power, propelling me along to success!

It is that extra oomph I need to push myself to achieve a thing. 

It is an opportunity to rise above my own mediocrity, and reach higher. To not settle for less than.

One of my all time favorite quotes is from motivational speaker Les Brown: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Then I checked my email. 

And was THRILLED to discover that my blog had been included  in a list for an article titled: "50 Best Blogs for Beating Food Addiction." (HERE).

Then I started laughing. The joke was on me! It was sooo funny to me that NOW, at this time, when I was up to my eyeballs getting ready for this yard sale, I got picked! At a time when I'm trying to figure out how to "phone it in", to skate by, to give less than 100%. GOTCHA!! 

This was just too funny. And... I am thankful to have been caught. 

Because I am only halfway to my goal. I can't afford to give less than 100%. I can't afford to take it for granted, to coast. It is too easy to think I "deserve" a little break. I'm busy... it's hot... it's only for a few days... no one would know... after all, aren't we supposed to "live" life, not just write about it??

I'll call these thoughts what they are...excuses. It's too soon for me to go there. This is just too important to me... I NEED to keep my momentum up. 

Time to get honest with myself! Getting so busy this week has interfered with my focus, and I didn't even count calories a couple of days. I'm just not ready for that... I am positive I ate too much! And that feels scary.

Well, the FEELINGS come and go... ebb and flow like the tide.

But my ACTIONS don't need to follow the feelings. Feelings aren't facts. Sometimes we just need to DO the healthy thing, make the right choices, and maybe later the feelings will come out to play.

So please forgive me for wanting to phone it in during the yard sale. I promise to try to do better than that.

I am Number 47 on that blog list. I hope you enjoy checking out the other bloggers there. Some of them looked fascinating!!

From Dr Phil's book: "Whatever the situation, you can choose your reaction. No matter what the circumstances, your interpretation of those events is of your own choosing."

My verse for today: "Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld."

My quote for today: "What I've found is that you can't make a half-hearted swipe at this and expect to be successful. You really need to throw yourself into what you're doing, commit to making big changes and do everything in your power to stick with them." Jack Sh*t

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 306 Going Whack a Doo & Embracing Change

Hello there, Journal & Friends,

Chris at A Deliberate Life calls it going Whack a doo. Yep, that describes it well. I finally realized that my whole meltdown started after a few days of not enough sleep.  And that's my own fault. 

Without good sleep, it all gets harder and starts to unravel. It affects everything... energy levels, food, exercise, attitude... I even forgot that I was not alone on this journey, that God promised to be with me, to guide and strengthen me. I was just too wrapped up in me/mine/my/I. And down I went, like a  domino effect.

I really appreciate the thoughtful comments that were left... they were amazing, full of encouragement and good advice. I plan to write about some of them next week. They helped give me a more objective view. 

I finally realized that the simple answer as to what was bugging me was: fear. And more specifically: fear of failure 

I didn't realize it was lurking there, under the surface, until I came right up to the brink of change. Then it put up a fight!

Rebecca, my niece, also left me a very insightful comment yesterday.

I read her comment and thought: How did she get so smart!?

I didn't know about her experience in High School with the jewelry class and the Award. Something she said about having to live up to the pressure of the award struck me.

I was wondering what it was in my thinking that made me draw back from the changes I wanted to make in my Time and Priorities. When I read Rebecca's comment, a bell went off...

If I commit to this new direction, if I SAY I am going to do it.. then can I live up to it? The pressure would be on me to "produce", to not just talk about a thing, but to DO it.

I have FINALLY, after a gazillion years of "trying", been able to start DOING the weight loss thing. That's pretty much figured out, with adjustments here and there as I go along. But there is this whole other area of my life I want to work on.

But... I am still in the TALKING stages of it, of my dream, of really committing my Time and Priorities to my Art. I think Rebecca nailed it... I am afraid if I commit, I can't live up to it. It's that simple. 

I was feeling the pressure of that, and instead of reacting in a new way that would allow the pressure to be a thing that propelled me to success, I reacted my "old" way of thinking. It "skeered" me and I ran from it.

So the easy way out.. the way that felt safer, was to not do it. To live safe and quiet and without risk. To not step outside my Comfort Zone.

No.

I can't accept that. 

Now that I see what it is, I just can't accept it. It's like accepting a mediocre, bland, colorless life. It's like saying I will trade in my dreams just to not risk failure, to not risk looking foolish. But that would mean living without joy, without enthusiasm, without boldness.

No. NO. NO!

I would rather jump off that cliff, flying with my arms out and whooping with joy, than to crawl into a safe, dark little corner. 

I would rather TRY even knowing I might fail, than withdraw and go back into a cocoon like a scared little worm, thinking I am safe because I didn't try.

What if my parachute doesn't open? What if God doesn't catch me? What if I fail? What if ... What if... what if...

I only have one life here on earth... this is not a dress rehearsal. I feel like a Late Bloomer, and I don't want to waste any more time by feeding the Fear monster. I choose to get out of my comfort zone, to Risk. Sure, it's a bunch of cliches all strung together... but it's still true.

What's the worst that could happen?? I could try, and not make my goals. 

And the best that could happen?? I could make it!

But either way, think of the fun I could have trying, living with passion, hope and joy!

Sorry this is so long.. but writing it out, putting it into words has helped me see it more clearly. And to see my choices... in fact, to see that I DO HAVE A CHOICE! 

I still "feel skeered". But I am choosing to reach for it, anyway, to live with passion and go for my dreams.

From Dr Phil's book: "Evaluate each and every option in your life against the priorities of your goals."

My verse for today: "Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."

My quote for today: "Embrace change." --Kimberly at K_The_Phoenix 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 190 Week in Review & It's Worth It

Hello Journal & Friends!

What a week! I think it has been the hardest since I started my blog.

I was thinking last night about all of my pontificating on Dayne's question (at Coach Your Mind)  of how we respond to pressure. I actually did 4 posts on it. In case anyone missed it and is interested, it starts HERE, with links to all 4 posts at the bottom.

In the four posts I wrote on this topic, I worked my way through the subject, and finally concluded that I wanted my response to be one of seeing pressure as OPPORTUNITY. An opportunity to respond with Strength, Achievement, and Spunk.

It's pretty ironic that this last week is when I got the news that they want me to come in tomorrow for that biopsy. I mean, come on, right on the heels of all this "thinking"??!!

It was a rough week, emotionally. And I wanted to EAT... boy did I ever. I came perilously close to the edge several times. It's unnerving to see how easily it can call you back, with a siren song that is very convincing.

So... this really WAS an opportunity to see what I really believed. 

We ACT on what we believe. 

We find out how strong our commitment really is... and if we really mean it when we say "I will let NOTHING--no person, event or circumstance--steal this journey from me."

Is it easy?? Not on your life.

Is it worth it?? Absolutely.

Last week, I kept hearing in my head what Sean Anderson has said over and over:

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"You have to defend your journey from anything and everything that might try to derail it. You have to protect it from yourself."

"Cling tight to those motivating thoughts, defend your journey like your life depends on it, in most cases it does."

"Decide that nothing...no emotion, no circumstance, no person, place or thing is allowed to steal this away from you. I deserve this success. You deserve this success. It's too important my friend." 

"One of the biggest elements is self honesty. This means calling yourself on all those excuses and rationalizations that we tell ourselves in order to feel better about bad choices. Honesty, 100%---at all times."

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Last week.. heck, even last night!... I wanted to use this cancer scare as an excuse to "pamper myself". After all, who would dare call me out on it, right??!! Ha ha ha... sometimes the best thing a friend can do is hold up a mirror and tell it like it is. Friends, whenever I get squirrelly, please don't hesitate to straighten me out!! I really do want to do like Sean says... be totally honest with myself.

On the new season of Ruby last night, they said the definition of "denial" was not knowing that you are lying to yourself. So that is why I officially give permission for any of my friends here to spout off at me, in case you feel I am ever in denial!! :-)

If you haven't read Sean's blog, I highly recommend it (HERE). 

From Dr Phil's book: "Get real with yourself. When conflict arises... don't panic and seek solace in food. I have the power to choose."

My verse for today: "My soul finds rest in God alone."

My quote for today: "You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future."

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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