June 6th I'll Do ANYTHING... just not that.

I've written about this before. How I was "willing" to make changes, but I also had boundaries. Things/favorites/foods/routines etc, that were off limits. 

Whenever I got desperate enough to let go of something that was actually a hinderance to my progress... gee, guess what?? I'd make progress. You'd think I would figure out to let go easier and sooner, right?

During my weeks with Sean/Gerri/Kathleen's support group (it has no official name, so I never know what to call it) I realized I needed to once and for all let go of a LIFETIME habit: being a Night Owl.

I've given every justification in the book, and some even now sound legit to me: it's my biological clock; I enjoy doing my art then, it's quiet and peaceful; there are no interruptions; the phone never rings; the Husband is asleep and won't ask for this or that; it doesn't bother me to sleep in the light... etc etc etc.

Problem with all that is this:   It. Kept. Me. Fat.

I would end up tired and/or hungry, and eat too much. Again. After all regular meals were already done. Over and over I would try to come up with a solution to that. A compromise.

Now I accept and embrace this truth: 

There can be NO COMPROMISE 

with anything that is destroying my health.

It's that simple. Some things can be adjusted, changed a little, tweaked. 

Not this, not for me.

This is one of those things in life that truly is all or nothing. 

And I accept that. 

I surrender to that. 

I embrace my new identity as "a Morning Person." 

(okay, that last one was said with an eyeroll and cringe, I'll admit!)

When I started with this support group back in March, I committed to going to bed each night at 11pm. 

This I can control.

I don't control how well I sleep, so I allowed that I can sleep in if needed. But I CHOOSE to go to bed at 11:00. I might tweak that later, but for now, that's my rule.

For all you Early Birds shrugging and thinking "So what's the big deal???"...  this is a Big Deal to a lifelong Night Owl. A huge shift in body rhythms, timing, scheduling, thinking patterns. I'm surprised at all it seems to affect. 

But I am willing.

The result: for these last few months, though it does not feel "natural" yet, is that I have not binge eaten ONCE at night. 

Not. Once. 

If you don't struggle with night time overeating, then you don't realize how significant a change this is. It's a big deal to me. 

And I am extremely grateful for this breakthrough. More than I can get across here...

Today's quotes:

"You cannot rely on your feelings... you can act your way into feeling long before you can feel your way into action. If you wait until you feel like doing something, you will likely never accomplish it." --John C. Maxwell, How Successful People Think

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way." --II Thess 3:16, Bible

Today I am feeling Hopeful.

Retta

=^..^=

Sept 7th Back to the Beginning

When I started this blog, I was studying some principles of change from Dr Phil McGraw. He can be annoying to some, I know. But that doesn't mean the principles aren't true and useful!

Over the years, I've tried all sorts of approaches. The last one, focusing on my art, turns out to NOT be the answer either. As much as I'd like to not "put in my time" here, it looks like I still need to. I'm still pursuing my art, for sure. But... here I am. On THIS blog. Again. Sigh...

I haven't gained ALL the weight back that I lost since the start , but enough that I'm skeered: 349. 

So... I'm starting over, taking a refresher course, and trying to have a teachable heart.

The quotes:

"Nothing will stop you from being anything other than healthy, vibrant, in shape, and fully in charge of yourself and everything you think, do and feel. This will happen because you MAKE IT HAPPEN. It will happen because you have made the DECISION to step up and DO what it takes to have what you want." (Pg 4 of The Ultimate Weight Solution by Dr Phil McGraw; emphasis mine)

"For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13 New Living Translation Bible)

My thoughts:

I've found out the How, now I need to DO it. 

It's not a matter of can't in my case. It's a matter of won't. 

That needs to change. I get so far, then back off. 

Lots of factors involved, but that's not the point.

To get what I want healthwise, I need to CHANGE.

And for me, bottomline, that's a choice.

No excuses.

"Run when you can, walk if you have to , crawl if you must, just never give up."

--Dean Karnazes

Loretta

=^..^=

But What if I WANT to give up??

Been sick.

Not sleeping well.

Ready to give up.

DID give up... stopped trying... what's the use?

Went to doctor.

Got medicine.

Finally SLEPT well.

Feeling better.

Gee... maybe this giving up thing is not such a good idea.

Ya think?!

Reminder to self (and anyone else who happens to read this):

Good Sleep is our friend! 

Good Sleep is a good thing.

Good Sleep is to be protected, planned for, prioritized, FOUGHT for.

A good night's sleep, done over and over, will change how our brains function!

Like, giving us the energy to try once again. 

To hope once again. 

To believe once again.

I was making up answers in my head to my doctors usual question he always asks: "How are you today?" 

I was all set to answer honestly with: I just feel like giving up.

The day before my appointment I saw a little sketch by a fellow artist, done of her bestie in the kitchen cutting up onions. The smiling lady was wearing a cheerful apron and funny "onion goggles".... and was on oxygen, connected to a tank. The caption read:

No matter how you feel:

Get up

Dress up

Show up

and

Never Give Up

I cried when I read that. 

I wanted to agree. 

I wanted to WANT to agree. 

But I was so exhausted, so wiped out, I just "wished" I could agree.

Now, after a 9 solid hours of sleep, I can smile and agree.

I think sometimes it's not just all "mental", but physical too.

Get yer ZZZZZZZZZ's! :-)

Happy Sleeping,

Loretta

JULY 1ST Flashbacks & Facebook Attacks

Sitting here shaking my head at myself. Not with disgust, but more with a sort of compassionate amusement. Hope that makes sense. I'm a lot more kinder to myself these days than I used to be. People around me should be glad... cuz I also tend to be kinder towards THEM now, too. :-)

Anyway, it all started with a comment I read yesterday in a Facebook group I belong to (won't say which one). A new guy pulled out his "MD" credentials, and proceeded to say snarky mean stuff about someone I highly respect in the low carb world. 

He made his harsh judgment based SOLELY on a photo of said person. A photo!! He proceeded to defend his expert ability to make such evaluations based upon scant evidence because he was a medical doctor. Say what??!!

I admit it... I fumed. I fussed. I talked to my computer. MyGuy said he was a troll, and don't give him the attention he wanted and he would go away. 

I waited. 

But the next day, the conversation was still on, and I gave in and joined it. Here's what I wrote, minus the names involved:

"Have to admit I was really pissed off at [******'s] arrogant and harsh judgmental comment re [*****]. And THEN to justify it by claiming to be an expert at analysis with little information??? I wanted to box his ears in defense of [*****].

I am sooo tired of that kind of attitude. I started out at a higher weight myself. Years later, and doing LCHF, I've LOST 159 lbs, with more to go. But if someone like [******], who claims to be an MD, looked at my photo, I would still get the same harsh judgement, based soley on looks, as [*****] did!! He would still call me "substantially overweight, poorly muscled... with metabolic dysfunction." Well, DUH??!! 

One who started out very large WILL have more challenges. Come on, applaud [*****] for being physically active, continuing to learn and experiment at what could work for him, and for generously sharing his info with us. [*****] is a class act. [******].... not so much. Ban him? Not my call. I'd say let [*****] decide!"

(A little weird with names blanked out, but that's out of respect for privacy)

I could have said a lot more, but it's Facebook, ya know? Short and sweet. I was still thinking of the whole attack earlier today, as I was thumbing through an old journal I used to keep. And guess what I read, from 1996.

That's 18 years ago.

I had been making a "must do" list that I felt I had to learn to do in order to be successful at this weight loss thing. Further down on the page I wrote:

1) Decide you are willing to do whatever is necessary to change your life, no matter what, no excuses.

 2) Decide how hard you are willing to work, which will determine how long it will take you to reach your goal.

Blush.... did I mention that was 18 years ago?

I'm still here, plugging away. I know I believed that when I wrote it. But I didn't have a clue HOW to do it. How to implement those great ideas. Obviously "just do it" didn't work for me. So, here I am, still learning. Still working on it. 

I don't think I realized how deep I'd have to go, how deep I needed to change. Or maybe how hard it was going to be to change from the INSIDE out. Oh, I'd lost weight before, and regained it back and then some. But I knew I wanted true and permanent change this time.

The above "MD" guy on Facebook who slammed my low carb friend doesn't have a clue how hard it can be for an exceptionally large person. I mean, you don't get REALLY large without having really large inner problems that need addressing. 

WAIT, let me say that differently. Because it's not about the numbers. I've learned that ANYONE who finds it a real struggle to change must have really large inner problems. And that can take time. Sometimes lots of time. 

Falling down on our face and getting up Time.

Getting discouraged and having to gather up our courage to try again Time.

Making mistakes until we find the right way for US Time.

Learning to treat ourselves with respect, love and kindness Time.

Just... lots of Time.

So please, be patient with yourself and never give up.

Is it awful of me to be glad that others in that Facebook group came out swinging in defense of their low carb buddy at the unfair judgment?? (I don't think so... )

Never quit,

Loretta

JUNE 17th Ups n Downs, But Never Give Up

It's been a long time since I've been so overwhelmed with temptation that I took something out of the garbage and ate it. 

Oh... you've never done that?? Then you don't understand true food addiction. Addiction to the way eating something can make you feel. 

The temporary lift 

The temporary escape 

The temporary hit to the pleasure center in the brain

I didn't do it this time, but the urge was powerful and I came close. Too close.

You see I, myself, opened the door to be set up for it. A relative came into town and brought dinner. Included was some "crack cocaine"... aka... fresh baguette bread. 

I had two responses: red flag warning, since in my past I have literally eaten a whole loaf with a stick of butter over the course of one day. And... rationalization. Telling myself it's no big deal, it's family, it's a special occasion, I'll just have a little and be done with it. 

Uh huh. Yep. That's the worst kind of lie, the kind we tell ourself. 

For some people, they could handle "a little bit". But I know my history. And I never should have listened to the lie.

After they left, I had "just one more slice". Then another. Then another... MyGuy came home and caught me having "just one slice". I didn't explain it was just one AFTER ten other "just ones".  In other word, I lied by omission. Sigh... that's a classic sign of an addict hiding their behavior, right??

So, I made sure he saw me throw the rest of the loaf, in it's bag, into the trash can. As if I was oh-so-in-control. Riiiggghhtttt...

The next day I was under more stress from other issues, and was hit with the image of that baguette bread, in the trash but "protected" by it's plastic bag. And for a fleeting second I seriously considered pulling it out and eating it.

I was aghast at myself! I was disgusted, disappointed, and embarrassed that I actually considered doing that.

After all these years. After all those pounds lost so far. And I'm STILL even entertaining doing something like that??!!!!!

Even now, it makes me cry. I wonder if I have changed at all. I wonder if I am just following a "program", yet inside there is no true change.

I once wrote a post (HERE) trying to articulate the differences, as I saw it, in the weight loss experiences of a "smaller" overweight person and a super-sized person (jumbo jet vs cessna). Sure, some things are the same. But some feel different to me.

I started at 460 pounds. The canyons seemed deeper, the mountains seemed higher. Temptation seemed so powerful and hope seemed farther away. Success always felt right around the corner, but just out of reach.

The road, for the super-sized person, can seem soooo long. It's easy to get so very tired of it all. To start thinking compromise. Couched in a "positive" way, of course, like "look how far you've come".  

But it's still settling. 

Still stopping short. 

Still giving up. 

Still buying into the lie that I've come as far as I can, and it's time to get "realistic" and accept that this is IT.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so raw today. I am successfully, finally, back on track, after a few days of struggle. I think it's a deep and powerful response to a blog post I read from Holly, HERE. 

After reading what Holly wrote, I cried, and I felt understood. She's lost 240 pounds and KNOWS the long struggle. Also the pitfalls along the way and even after. The pull of that addiction. The way we rationalize our behavior. The guilt over making selfish choices instead of following our faith, and going to God instead of food. All that.

So... I'm not giving up. I pray for help. I pray for mercy. I pray for encouragement. And I feel grateful that HOPE is real and powerful.

Answer my prayers, O Lord, 

for your unfailing love is wonderful.

Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful. 

Psalm 69:16

Loretta

May 7th Open Letter to All Those Younger Than Me!

I'm writing this to anyone who is younger than I am. 

I am now 63 years old. I have been fighting this weight loss battle ALL. MY. LIFE.

Well, almost. I was put on my first diet at age 10. Given "horse urine" shots from the doctor. Didn't work.

After that it was one attempt after another, off and on, for the rest of my life. 

My weight was up and down, up and down. As a teen and early twenty-something, I "almost" got down to a normal weight, for a nano second.

I won't go into all the stuff I've tried. Literally dozen of types of attempts to lose weight. 

Thousands of dollars. 

Buckets of tears.

My message today isn't what I've tried, or even the fact that they all eventually failed for lots of different reasons.

My message to you "young uns" is simple:  DON'T WAIT.

PLEASE DON'T WAIT.

I can distinctly remember being 30 years old. I was once again whining about wishing I knew how

to play the guitar. Suddenly, I felt slapped up side the head with a vision: I blinked and I was 40, and still didn't know how to play the guitar, and was still whining about it. I felt jarred, the inner vision was so real. So... I went out, bought a guitar and taught myself to play.

Oh how I wish I had been slapped up side the head with the same kind of vision in regards to losing weight!! To pay the piper back then, whatever the cost. 

To do it sooner, rather than later.

If you think this post is all about regrets, then you miss my point, and I haven't made it clear. Oh sure, I have regrets. But that's not my point here.

I am trying to point out to you HOW FAST LIFE FLIES BY. 

And imploring you to get as healthy as you can, as soon as you can.

LIFE IS SHORT.

I really can't believe I am 63. Honestly, inside the REAL ME, I feel about... oh... I'd say about 39.

Sounds weird, I know. But inside I am not 63. Nu-uh, nope.

Inside, my hair is not falling out at an alarming rate by the globfuls.

Inside, my knees don't scream in protest every time I get up from my wheelchair.

Inside, I am strong and full of energy and enthusiasm, regardless of what my body says to the contrary.

This next Saturday I'm going in for a new sleep study to determine how much oxygen they need to add to my CPAP machine. My congestive heart failure is acting up. 

What's that?? No no no, but I'm only 39!? I'm not losing the last of my teeth soon, being fitted with dentures and being put on oxygen!?

I'm not a fat, graying, balding, toothless, crippled old woman who dearly wishes she had done exactly what she is pleading with YOU to do, and lost that weight while younger.

Do it now, my friends. Your older self will thank your younger self!!

Yeah, I know... it's never too late. And I am making progress now.

But trust me, it's better to do it sooner.

This is from my heart, hoping it reaches someone else's heart to spare them from going through what I am...

Loretta

APRIL 5th Back to Consistency

I read a terrific post by Chris at A Deliberate Life (HERE)   

a while back. She said a LOT of great stuff, and I highly recommend it. But the word that reached out and grabbed me the most was CONSISTENT. 

I thought of all the times in my life I've "dieted". All the "tries", all the repeated efforts, programs, methods. Fail, try, fail, try, fail, try, ad nauseam. 

If I had just picked one and been consistent, I would have been done with this thing EONS ago. 

Out of curiosity, I looked at my own blog index and found I'd written about Consistency/Consistent 85 times!!!!!!!! EIGHTY FIVE!!

It was even my "theme" for 2011... sheesh...

My first reaction was... exasperation at myself! 

My second was... sadness and embarrassment over all the wasted time.

My third was... I just shook my head, smiled sheepishly to myself, and decided to read each and every one of those posts. To see if there is anything helpful there for me. Because I still WANT to learn consistency. 

It's not a matter of "need" to. 

I WANT to.

And I hope that will make the difference.

In fact, I BELIEVE that WILL make a difference.

I want to Consistently DO, not just talk. 

Talk is cheap... it's what I DO that will make the difference.

My book quote for today:  "The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see, the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his or her heart." --from The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge

My verse for today: "Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."

My quote for today: "Consistency. Doing it day in and day out and not letting it be optional." --Chris Oursler, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey to Wellness, consistently,

Loretta

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

NOV 6th The Wall & The Pig

Smack!! 

What was that?? Oh... the Wall I ran into. sigh...

I realize that it's not acceptable behavior in "motivational" circles to admit struggle. But unless I face a thing and am honest with myself, how can I deal with it? It feels like I hit a wall recently... got so far, and then splat! Can't seem to regain my footing and continue.

I say "seem" because I know that's not true. It just feels that way. And while my feelings have been bouncing all over the place lately, a part of me is still determined not to be ruled by them. Not to let them dictate my future. They are good for finding clues, but not for making decisions. I suppose it's these kind of times when I see if I truly believe the stuff I spout on this blog, eh??

For several years now I've related to the image of the Flying Pig. I once posted this picture: 

The idea of a flying pig is such an over-the-top figure of speech as to imply the impossible. But to me, it speaks of POSSIBILITIES.  Of overcoming the impossible. Of a hope so powerful that is acts like fuel for my determination. I LOVE the idea of the little pig defying all odds, and FLYING! He's sort of been my little mascot, sitting above my computer.

I see him every time I come to the computer. And I remember that all things are possible with God. So I refuse to let the discouraging thoughts put down roots into my mind.  I just can't dwell on them, and let them grow; it's too dangerous. 

All I can do is to DO what I know to do, and trust that eventually I will be back on track and see progress. I WILL fly. I refuse to let go of hope, to let go of my dreams and give up.

Sometimes we get so close to that edge. You know that edge... the drop off of despair... the cliff of total discouragement... the gulf of giving up. I don't know about you, but it's scary to me. While it's tempting to just give in and take the easy way out, full of excuses and self-pity, it's also terrifying how easy it is to slide back and go the wrong way!

So no... I refuse to go there. I don't care what anybody says... even my own mind. I WILL fly. I get to choose, and that's my choice. I wish I could say, like some do, that "it is easy". Well, right now it AIN'T easy for me. 

I admit that sometimes I whine "it's not fair". But remember what they say? The fair only comes once a year, and usually out in the country. (Ha ha on me; I just read that this morning, and said "ouch!")

Some days we just have to choose to keep going in spite of "life". And eventually, it gets better. I really believe that. No, I don't "feel" that right now... but I do believe it.

My book quote for today: "Unfortunately, most people struggle to change or renew their circumstances (lose weight, fix their marriage, make more money), when they should be asking God to help them renew their minds." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

My quote for today: "There is no use trying," said Alice; one can't believe impossible things."  "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." --Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Gazelle photo courtesy of Stig Nygaard

Wings & Poster courtesy of Moi

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1171

SEPT 28th Always Keep Going & Decisions

It's been a hard few days... well, weeks actually. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of tears, lots of soul searching. I'd have a few good on plan days, then go over my calories. Rinse and repeat. 

I finally slowed down, got honest with myself, and listed what the major thorns were, including what I might do about them.

1) I was re-visiting my spiritual roots, and asking a lot of questions, and trying to learn what it really means to do this thing in God's strength, not my own limited supply. I felt like such a failure... Answer: Admit defeat; accept God's compassion, mercy, and grace. Trust in His love. Rest in that love.

2) I was fed up with so many thoughts about ME, and this weight loss struggle, and always feeling like success was just around the corner; it was just out of reach; it was teasing me, illusive and slippery. Answer: see Answer #1 :-}

3) I was frustrated to realize that I was STILL doing the "as soon as" thing with regards to my art. "As soon as this weight thing is solved, I can concentrate on my true passion."  I thought I had gone beyond that, only to find I had fallen right back into the same muck. Answer: change where I spend my time, my energies.

4) My health has been acting up and causing so much physical pain, that I fell into the most deadly of all thinking: self-pity. It drained my energy, and I found myself many times saying "oh what's the use?" Answer: Be honest with my feelings. Remember gratitude. Then go back again to Answer #1

5) And with the health problems, I thought about Time. None of us are guaranteed more Time. And I came to the conclusion I didn't want to spend all my focus on this weight thing. Yes, I will keep going, and working at it. But I am tired of talking about it for now. I want to spend what computer time I have over at my art blog instead. Answer: obvious!  :-D

So I think this (too long) post will be it for awhile here. I was recently asked to join a book project, which was subsequently postponed. But it got me to thinking, and I've decided to close out here with some of those thoughts... it sort of sums it all up:

Fat baby. Fat child. Fat teenager. Fat adult.

Until I started my blog, I rarely talked about it. I smiled. I answered "I'm fine" when asked. But how "fine" can you be when your highest weight was 460 pounds??

Why talk about those early years?? Because they were the foundation. No blaming, simply for understanding. Wearing leg braces due to a birth defect, I first learned to walk as a chunky 3 year old. 

Upset, scared, crying? Food. 

Mad, sad, glad? Food. 

Reward, bribe, celebration? Food. 

You name it, Food was the solution.

This foundation set me up for a lifetime struggle. Not being taught food was for nutrition, but could be a comforter, soother, escape, even friend. That's what I "heard", anyway. How I wish I had been taught a healthy way to process feelings. Instead, I was told "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." 

Except for a couple of teenage attempts when I "dieted" to an almost normal weight, I've spent a LIFETIME with this weight thing. It invaded, affected and tainted EVERYTHING. I was put on my first "diet" at age 10, which taught me I was viewed differently, even by adults. 

I felt like a target. Cruel words and treatment, based upon external appearance, cut deeply. It was hard to develop self-confidence when I was constantly made to feel I was "less than." 

I've loved art as long as I can remember. But didn't believe in myself enough to seriously pursue it until recently. Have I mentioned I am 61 years young?? I may be a late bloomer, but I now want to bloom audaciously!! 

Yet when asked to join this project, I was embarrassed and ready to decline. I did NOT feel worthy of it! I've been struggling a LIFETIME, and yet am still not to goal. As of this writing, I have lost over 100 pounds, but am still barely even halfway there!

Then it hit me. I DO have something to say. ONE THING! The most important lesson I've learned along the way:

 NEVER QUIT. 

Ever. No matter what. 

Always ALWAYS 

keep going. 

Over the years I've tried or wanted to try just about everything, including weight loss surgery. But my insurance denied coverage. Which turned out a blessing in disguise, because losing that last hope made me desperate enough to be willing to change.  I had lost weight repeatedly in my life... but never kept it off. It always came back, and then some. I didn't want another diet. I wanted true inner change. 

For my lastest attempt in 2009, I had a simple plan: 1) Don't eat sugar or flour 2) Do some kind of exercise 3) Positive mental input, all on the foundation of my relationship with God.

That's it. Nothing complicated, and I tailored it for me. I could have anything, anytime, as long as it wasn't sugar or flour, which affects my blood sugar. Going sugar-free/gluten-free removed the insane physical cravings, giving me a fighting chance. Now I concentrate on the mental/spiritual issues. I have some medical issues that I have to work around, but this change made it possible for the first time in my life to KEEP OFF the pounds lost, with an occasional bit of bouncing. I know for it to be permanent, I have to change INside. My progress has been turtle slow, but I have hope and determination. 

Do I ever want to give up in frustration or discouragement? Yes! But feeling like doing something and DOING it are two different things. My source of strength is my relationship with God. He has never given up on me, so I won't either. Period. 

We all have the ability to choose. Sure, I was taught poor coping strategies as a child. But I was the one making those unhealthy choices as an adult. Me. That's GOOD news, because now I can choose to make BETTER choices. 

It's not easy, at for me. I aim for progress, not perfection. I am undoing a LIFETIME of damage, poor habits, early programming, and bad choices. It's been a long, hard road, and it's taken a long time to find pieces to MY puzzle, unique to me. I encourage others to seek what is right for them, and NEVER GIVE UP until they find it. 

My nutritional choices have gradually improved over time. I still struggle with quantities, and have decided to go back to what I did in the beginning: calorie tracking. I've studied and experimented, and that's just what seems to work best for me.

Same with exercise. I've tried lots of way to get movement, believing it's important to my health. My goals include walking again! Building strength, getting lighter, getting out of my wheelchair. It will happen one day, I'm convinced. All I have to do is NEVER QUIT! And a huge part of that relies upon that daily healthy mental/spiritual input. In fact... I'd say most of it.

"Sometime in your life you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find yourself." --Katherine Sharp

At 61, I think I am finally finding the real me.

Enjoy the journey,

Loretta

PS: If interested, I invite anyone here to visit me at my Art By Retta blog. That's where I'll be hanging out most of the time, at least for now. 

SEPT 14th Coming Full Circle

I recently spent a little time reading some of my own back posts.  It hit me two ways: both ENcouraging and DIScouraging. I get to choose which one to embrace!

See, I thought by now I would surely be at my goal. So when I read some of those older, positive, confident and upbeat posts, sometimes I cringe a little bit. Okay, a lot! I battle  thoughts that say:

 

See? You are all mouth, no action.

See? You thought you had some answers, and really don't. They are only pieces to the puzzle.

See? You are kidding yourself. It's too late, you'll never get there.

See? You are losing ground physically. The clock is ticking, and before you fix one problem, you get a new one.

So, I answer each of those attacks. Some days that's easier than others, to be honest.

Here is one example,  from my post about a year ago.  

It was about a meltdown I had, and how it was resolved thanks to some kind words from MyGuy. And the quote I used at the end once again hit me hard:

 "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure, and separates the victim from reality.." --John W Gardner

Ouch! A whole year has passed, yet I feel no farther down the road than that post!

Photo by Jenny Kaczorowski

On to this one,  written around the same time. 

I talked about treating myself with respect; attitude; not settling; I am worth it... 

The post was hard enough to read, but then blamo! I get smacked with my own quote yet again! This one from Muhammed Ali, who knows a little something about struggle, overcoming, and victory:

"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them--a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." 

And there it is. In that last sentence. "The will must be stronger than the skill." 

And I come full circle back to my source of strength, to DO that will. To make those good choices. To choose to be encouraged, uplifted and keep going, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

And here it is, the last quote from that page that reminded me of HOW to do the DOING part:

"I lift up my eyes to the hill-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Photo by Melissa Bowersock

Today, I am encouraged. 

Today, I embrace gratitude.

Today, I decided not to bash myself for not being at my goal yet.

Today, I choose to embrace hope and determination.

And who knows... by the end of the day, I might even FEEL it! 

:-}

Enjoy the journey (it's better than the alternative!)

Loretta

Day 1118 

AUG 30th My Choice & My Bracelet

Some people call it delusional.

Some people call it pollyanna.

Some people call it spin.

Some people call it denial.

I call it MY CHOICE  to view the world with optimism and hope.

I call it MY CHOICE as to which colored glasses I will view the world:

Dark and dismal... or... light and bright and open to possibilities.

My belief: optimists have more fun

(Joey always has a party goin' on!)

We optimists may have the same amount of junk hit us as everybody else, but we choose not to wallow in it or stay focused on it. Learn and move on is my current mantra.

We choose to focus on things for which to feel thankful.

"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power 

to decide how anybody or anything 

outside ourselves will affect us." 

--Stephen Covey

All this "choice" talk brings me to the other part of this post: my bracelet came! 

In my sidebar is a pic of Sean Anderson's book (which I totally loved) called Transformation Road (can click on the book to go to his website). 

Sean is the real deal. He's not some slick phoney out to sell you a manufactured "story" just to make a buck. I've followed his journey ever since I started my blog, about 3 1/2 years ago, and I trust his heart and his motives. Sean lost about 280 lbs, and is passionate about encouraging others that they, too, can choose to change.

Sean made it. He busted out of his self-made mental shackles and CHANGED. He CHOSE to change, before the change came and chose him.  

That's his mantra: 

Choose change 

before change chooses you.

So as you can see, Sean is big on this idea of Choice. I clicked with that right away. I may not be as lickety-split fast on this journey as he was (ha ha, what an understatement!), but I understand what he's saying, and agree. That's why when he offered his leather bracelets recently, I snapped one up from his website HERE!  

Here's mine:

It's stamped with: I'M CHOOSING CHANGE

I rarely buy or wear bracelets because they are usually too small. Heck, who needs to be reminded that they still have a fat wrist, right?! Well, Sean made his bracelet a generous adjustable length, and it fits great! If you're dinkier than me, you could even wear it as an anklet, LOL!

It's just a little tangible reminder to make those good choices. Yes, I struggle at times. I lose focus and zone out. Or get discouraged and lose sight of my goal. So this is a good thing for me to wear. It reminds me I am NOT a victim. I DO have a choice. And I will never EVER quit, til I get there.

Thanks, Sean... I love my bracelet!

My book quote for today: "What you persistently think eventually but inevitably crystallizes into the words you speak and then the things you do." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart."

My quote for today: "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself." --Jim Rohn

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1103