Jan 11th... Learning to Love this Process

Today I read a fascinating article by writer James Clear. He told the story of a German philosophy professor who had moved to Japan in the 1920's to learn Kyudo, which is the Japanese martial art of archery. 

The German man, Eugen Herrigel, also eventually learned Zanshin: a state of relaxed alertness. 

"Zanshin is being constantly aware of your body, mind, and surroundings without stressing yourself. It is an effortless vigilance."

In our own lives, this means "choosing to live your life intentionally and acting with purpose rather than mindlessly falling victim to whatever comes your way."

I LOVED that I read this article this morning! I had just finished trying to hammer out a new, simplified daily schedule. I need more hours in the day! I have goals and dreams, yet need to fulfill the daily practical chores and commitments. And for health's sake, that must include time for Spirituality, Exercise, Rest and a healthy Food Plan.

Later in this article (which I hope you'll read in full HERE) James Clear writes: 

"The point is not to worry about hitting the target. The point is to fall in love with the boredom of doing the work  and embrace each piece of the process. The point is to take that moment of zanshin, that moment of complete awareness and focus, and carry it with you everywhere in life."

For me, I would re-word one part this way: To fall in love with the process. His sentence about that struck me hard. I absolutely LOVE the process of imagining, planning, researching and creating a new painting. Love it!

Yet, have I applied that to the PROCESS of getting healthy?? Uh, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I usually have the final goal in mind! As in... lose this weight, get all health-i-fied, and get on with the rest of my life!

In fact I was just complaining this very morning to MyGuy that I needed to simplify. It's just getting too darn complicated! 

In addition to tracking calories, I was trying to keep up with grams of protein, carbs and fat; exercise; supplements; prescriptions; doctors appointments; support group meetings; and now per the doctors, the micrograms of Vitamin K in every bite, and to eat those same micrograms each day. Yeesh!! Tooooo much!

Ummmm.... I need to change my attitude.

I plan to re-read this article, and see how I can do that. How I can apply "effortless vigilance" - Zanshin -  to this process of gaining Health.

My book quote for today: "People don't fall off track because they do the wrong exercises at the gym. They fall off track because they stop going, just for a day or two, and then never go back. I've worked on this with thousands of patients, and it's the habit and routine of exercise that leads to success." --Younger Next Year for Women, by Crowley & Lodge

My verse for today: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" from Isaiah 43

Enjoy the journey... which I finally realize means to fall in love with the process!!!!

Retta

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DAY 325 Just My Opinion & Parallel Truths

Hello Journal & Friends,

I am not a "writer".

Never claimed to be. I share from my own perspective... things that are on my mind, things that help ME on this journey. It touches me when something I share actually helps someone else along this journey, which can be a real bear sometimes.

Recently I said I was trying to write more "casual"... to spend less time on the computer, to just spit it out, not spending extra time at it. I'm normally a detail person, so shooting from the hip is not usually comfortable for me. But I was willing to learn.

So I admit it's frustrating to be misunderstood. Or... misinterpreted. Or, horror of horrors, disagreed with. I'm suppose I'm like anyone else... I want to be liked, agreed with... 

In the real world I put on a tough, nobody-bothers-me exterior. But don't let people like that fool you... WE FEEL just like you do... we just don't let you SEE we feel it.

Yeah, I know... it's the height of arrogance to think that you will never be disagreed with... but there it is. I guess it's an insecurity thing, still lurking there under the surface, peeking out.

I know that most people who read this haven't read my archives... the stuff I wrote the first few months. I was laying out "my program". The basics that have helped me. I would take one subject, explore it, turning it this way and that, mulling it over, see how it could apply to my journey. 

And I had the hope that someday it might help someone else.  I'm aware that I'm only halfway in my journey... so don't have the credibility of someone who has reached goal and maintained for a time. This is just stuff that has helped ME along the way.

When exploring one topic, you can't cover around the world and back. You just can't include the whole enchilada!! Imagine how  long THAT post would be!! There is always the "fine print" to any topic. There are always exceptions to the rule... variations... that right combination that finally clicks for us.

That does not invalidate the TRUTH that is the main idea. Truths that are solid and useful for everyone.

And... there are Parallel Truths. Just because one idea is true, doesn't mean the other idea is NOT true, too. There are many facets to this journey... we each must personalize it, find what works for ourself. I understand that just because I don't eat sugar or flour, that doesn't mean it's "the answer" for everyone else. You gotta find your own "fine print".

So, when you read what I've written, consider that this is just MY point of view. It won't be the WHOLE picture... I am not writing the Encyclopedia Britanica. This is just a tiny bite of the enchilada here. 

Also, consider that you are viewing what I write--or anyone else's blog-- through the lens of your OWN experiences... and that might skew it some. 

I never, ever claimed to know it all. I am not an expert. I am still SO learning as I go. And maybe next year I will believe the OPPOSITE of what I believe today! But this is where I'm at for now, warts and all. 

This is just me, my own interpretation, my own insecurities. I'm still learning, tweaking, discovering...

From Dr Phil's book: "Be realistic about what you can control and what you can't."

My verse for today: "He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge."

My quote for today: "You have something to say. Something of your very own. Try to say it. Don't be ashamed of any real thought or feeling you have. Don't undervalue it. Don't let the fear of others prevent you from saying it... You have something to say, something that no one else in the world has said in just your way of saying it." --Hughes Mearns, from "Creative Power", 1958

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 181 My Current Plan in a Big Nutshell

Hi Journal & Friends,

I was blog-visiting yesterday, and landed on one site that set me to thinking. It's a wonderful blog by Vickie, at Baby Steps V.  (her blog is now private) She has reached her goal weight, and been in maintenance for about 4 years. That made me think of Mary, at Chronicle of Mep's Reconstruction. She, too, has reached her goal and has been in maintenance for about 4 years. There is so much to learn from them!

(Edit to add: Oops, Mary has been in Maintenance for 2 years. My mistake. But that's still pretty darn good! And she can now be found at Wistful Nebulae.)

I have such a long way to go still... it is hard for me to imagine saying "oh yeah, I've been at maintenance for 4 years"!  I appreciate being able to benefit from the wisdom and lessons these Maintainers so generously share. I don't want to forget that I am still ON the journey... I am certainly not an expert, and I SURELY don't know it all! 

I am still learning... tweaking... making course corrections along the way. I want to be teachable, and open to suggestions and corrections. 

So what I am about to share is just where I'm at NOW. Who knows, it might change topsy-turvy by next month! LOL!

Here is what I'm doing, the simplistic version (in my first two or three months of this blog, I covered these in more detail).

A large portion of my program came from Dr Phil's book, The Ultimate Weight Solution. I have added to it to meet my needs and preferences. 

The program I cobbled together for myself covers these areas of health:

• Spiritual 
• Mental 
• Emotional 
• Physical 
• Nutritional

For SPIRITUAL health: I recognize my Rock, the source of my strength is God. Many times I have felt like giving up on this long journey, but He never gave up on me. So, here I still am, resolved to NEVER QUIT. 

My spiritual input includes things like Bible reading, talking to God, church, and great music, great books and great internet sites. I don't shove it down anyone's throat, and this is not a "Christian" weight loss blog. That's just the way mine is... and it's fine that others approach it differently. I welcome everyone with open arms, and respect their right to their own beliefs. 

But bottomline, for me, even though I don't talk about it every post, God is my Rock, my foundation, and my source of strength.

For MENTAL health: The battle is won or lost between the ears! As we think, so goes our life.

I try to get motivational, encouraging input EVERY DAY. It is SO easy for me to lose focus, and I need to be reminded every single day of my goals, of my WHY. 

I love to read success stories. I have a group of women on this same journey that I am committed to... and go blog visiting regularly. I cherish the new bloggie friends I have made! 

I believe it is crucial to have POSITIVE input. One favorite quote is: "Don't join an easy crowd, join a successful crowd where the expectations are high and the payoff is great." --Jim Rohn

For EMOTIONAL health: Yep, I WAS an emotional eater. I am changing that. I used food as a "drug of choice", for everything. What I want to use it now for is NUTRITION, for regaining health. 

Dr Phil's book has an excellent chapter on emotional health, titled Healing Feelings. I highly recommend Dr Phil's book: The Ultimate Weight Solution. He put together a comprehensive program that covers it all, in an easy to follow format full of action-oriented steps, covering seven major components of permanent weight loss. Lots of programs cover some of them, but he put it all together in one book. I still read from it often.

For PHYSICAL health: For me, this refers to movement...exercise. When I started at 460 lbs, I could only lay in bed and do exercises to music on the horizontal. When I went anywhere, it was in a wheelchair. 

Now, I have progressed. I am on a mission to strengthen my legs, and get my mobility back. I have a condition in which my muscles and connective tissue are susceptible to injury, but have decided that is no excuse! I exercise carefully, 6 days a week right now. I have exercise DVD's, a mini-trampoline, resistance bands, and my little pink dumbells. And I plan on mastering my hula hoop soon, too! In my imagination, I am an "athlete". LOL!!

For NUTRITIONAL health: This one is all tied up with the others. Boy, did I have issues with food and diets!! Been on a gazillion "diets" since I was ten years old! So, for me, I KNEW I just could NOT do another "diet" approach. 

I wanted a permanent change, the "lifestyle" approach. Not a diet you go ON, then later OFF, and regain all the weight. So, my main thing in this area is: whatever I do, it will be for life. 

This time around, I cut out all sugar and flour. Reason: they set off crazy cravings for MORE of the same.  That has been the single most useful thing I have done in the food category of my journey. My goal is to eat healthier and more natural, lots of fruits and veggies, lots of water, lots of "superfoods", and normal portions. Still working on all that. :-)

Being overweight all my life, I was WAY off base as to what a "normal" portion was!! To help me reign in the food, I added calorie counting in November of 09. That was the second most helpful thing I did. I was shocked at how fast it adds up! But tracking the calories has been so helpful in teaching me what normal portions are, and keeping me focused and aware. It's a tool, and one I appreciate.

Of all the aspects of this journey, I really believe that after the spiritual foundation is in place, the most important is the MENTAL. What we think, what we believe to be true, determines how we feel and how we act. And that will make or break our journey.

Overall, I just want to be the person I was meant to be. 

From Dr Phil's book: "The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. The only time is now." 

My verse for today: "There is no rock like our God."

My quote for today: "By persistence the snail reached the ark, too." --Spurgeon

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 157 If It Is To Be, It Is Up To Me

Hello Journal & Friends!

Talk is cheap. For years I "talked" about losing weight. I made so many sincere attempts. I "tried".

I wished, I hoped, I prayed. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I would cry out, asking "what's WRONG with me??" I asked that questions for years.

I can't blame anyone for giving up on me. I almost gave up on myself. I finally got it that it's not what I SAID that counts, it's what I DID.

If I wanted to lose weight, I had to DO those things that I didn't formerly want to do. Change. Permanently. I had to face my issues. To get real honest with myself. I created this mess... all 460 pounds of it. And I was the only one that was responsible to clean it up.

I have a wonderful family doctor. I have been with him almost 22 years. He has seen me start many "diets". He was always supportive, but over the years I could see he didn't believe in my success any longer. I don't blame him. Actions speak louder than words. All he had to offer, finally, was weight loss surgery. 

At one doctors visit, right before I finally "got it"... I told him I didn't think I had a physical problem... I had a MENTAL problem. He totally agreed. Yet, he still didn't know how to help me, other than to bring up weight loss surgery, again. And honestly, I was so desperate, that I looked into it... but my insurance wouldn't cover it.

At the beginning of 2009, I did some reading on the affect nutrition had on different metabolisms, and discovered that for certain people (of which I was one) the standard diet didn't work. BUT, those people did excellent when they controlled their carbohydrate intake. Some people do fine with the "moderation" approach, eating whatever they want in moderation. But for some, it's like eating a moderate amount of poison every day... and then they wonder why they are always starving and have intense cravings.

That was the beginning of me designing my own plan that turned out to be the winning formula for ME. I started simple: no sugar, no flour. That meant anything made with sugar and/or flour. Hmmm... I quickly realized that covered ALL my trigger foods!! Gee, go figure. 

It took awhile, but after it was out of my system, I no longer had the intense physical cravings. Now I felt like I had a fighting chance with the mental aspect of this journey. I was no longer fighting the battle on TWO fronts (physical cravings plus emotional eating). Now, I just (ha ha, "just") needed to address my lifelong habit of emotional eating. 

And that is the main focus of my blog. The battle is won or lost between the ears. I am trying to change from the inside out, and make this permanent. There are a gazillion books on that subject out there. But I chose one that was laid out simply and easy to follow: The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution, by Dr Phil McGraw. (HERE)  It is orderly, logical, and made sense to me. 

It is made up of seven componenents, which he calls Keys. It took me forever to get past keys 1 and 2: Right Thinking and Emotional Healing. I cried my way through the book the first time I read it! But I had to FACE my stuff, and not stuff my face. That means FEELING stuff, not being numbed up with food. And yeah, it was uncomfortable. But the idea is to resolve issues, to heal them, let them go, move on. So it gets better. :-)

Even when others stop believing in you, keep going. 

Even if you have no support at home, keep going. 

Even if they actually try to sabotage you, keep going. 

Every time you overcome resistance, you will get stronger. Allow NO ONE to steal this from you. They cannot stop you unless YOU let them. We have been created with free will, and can CHOOSE to do this. It may not always be easy, but IT IS WORTH IT.

From Dr Phil's book: "A rational, healthy internal dialogue would tell you the truth so you can do something about it."

My verse for today: "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."

My quote for today: "I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." --Frank Lloyd Wright

DAY 107 The Calorie Issue & The Lesson

Good Afternoon Journal,

I have quoted Michael Beckwith before. I do tend to repeat things that are meaningful to me... it's one way that helps me learn, plain repetition. Nothing glamorous or fascinating... I guess you could call it dogged determination.

Anyway, he said to always look for the Blessin' or the Lesson in all of lifes circumstances. 

Last Saturday, when I was upset and sat down to type out my feelings, one issue that was also unearthed was about counting calories. And honestly, I was totally unaware that I was really feeling this way! I do not believe in "enduring" problems if they can be "resolved". So when this came up, I faced it with the intent of resolving it.

The issue: The A major reason I was struggling with the whole counting calories thing, or more accurately LIMITING the calories I would eat, was because I somehow had an attitude that:

1. It's not fair

2. Poor me

3. I'm entitled

Meaning: 

1. It's not fair that I have to count and limit calories... I have ALREADY GIVEN UP SUGAR AND FLOUR (due to medical reasons). I was feeling very rebellious about the whole calorie thing.

2. Poor me, so many other people get to eat anything they want in moderation, nothing off limits, while I have to give up sugar and flour AND count calories... oh poor me.

3.  I'm entitled to eat more calories... after all, I have given up sugar and flour, I should get to eat however much I want of all the rest of what's left.

Well, you can see why I got to be 460 pounds with squirrelled up thinking like this example!! 

I am actually very grateful that this all was SQUEEZED to the surface by the PRESSURE of Saturday's events!! 

By seeing this distorted "logic", and answering it with healthier thoughts, I really truly am struggling LESS now with the calorie thing... and I am even kind of excited now. I latched onto a description that Mary (from The Chronicles of Meps' Reconstruction)  used about calories. She called the number of calories that we each find that is right for us our "Golden Numbers". For some reason that struck me, and it made me think of a Magic Carpet Ride, something so positive, and not restrictive at all. Yeah, I know... mental gymnastics. LOL!

Anyway, here were my answers to the distorted logic:

1. It's not fair:  well, yeah, maybe not! But so what? Life's not fair. You just do the best you can with what you have. Yes, I already stopped eating sugar and flour, and feel so much better for it, so that's a good thing. And now I am adding the strategy of calorie counting to the mix, to help me reach my goal. I don't HAVE to if I don't want to... no one is making me do a thing. But I WANT to be healthy... I WANT to lose the weight... and this strategy will serve me well, and so I choose to be thankful that it is an easy strategy for me to use (hey, after counting calories on and off all my life, I could do it in my sleep, LOL!)

2. Poor me: if this is what it takes for me to have the life I want, then it's worth it. It may or may not be a lifetime thing... but choosing not to eat sugar and flour, and limiting the calories will serve me well, and bring me to a place of health and freedom. I choose to be thankful that I still have a choice, that it is not too late, and that this strategy is actually working. 

3.  I'm entitled: just like a financial budget is there to serve me and keep me financially healthy, so my calorie budget will serve me. Yes, I chose to give up the sugar and flour. Now I choose to create my healthy future by eating responsibly, and counting the calories in the foods that I choose to enjoy. I am entitled to a new healthy me!

I shared all this, not because it's that fascinating to anyone other than me, but because the whole point is... if you are on this journey and struggling, it really is important to unearth your hang-ups. That takes time... self-honesty... a willingness to feel uncomfortable for a season... maybe to even feel a little sheepish, like I did here. But it is soooo worth it. That surge of excitement after a breakthrough... it's like throwing more fuel on your little Hope Bonfire, making it burn bigger, brighter and stronger.

ALWAYS KEEP GOING. And look for the Blessin's and the Lessons along the way.

From Dr Phil's book:  "Be alert to the possibility that you may want to 'reward' yourself in ways that totally negate every positive move you've made up to this point."

My verse for today: "We love, because he first loved us."

My quote for today: "Sometimes we may learn more from a man's errors, than from his virtues." --Longfellow

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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