Hello Journal & Friends,
Today I am trying really hard to get rid the grouchies.
Have you seen that commercial where the guy stops people from talking to him by saying "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee"??
It bugs me NO END to have to use MY time to fix the messes created by other people's incompetencies! And this morning it was about medical insurance... and the phone rang BEFORE MY COFFEE.... Aaarrgghh!
So I figured I would write about being 100% responsible for my life. Ha ha ha ... that ought to be what I need to hear, right??
Well... if someone told you that you, and you alone, are 100% responsible for the state of your life....how would you respond? Would you feel like it was "bad news" that YOU are responsible for the mess you are in...be it overweight, in debt, substance abuse, in trouble with the law, or whatever??
I don't look at it that way. To me, the Bad New is also the Good News. In fact, it's not really bad news in the first place.
If I made the choices that got me INTO this mess... then I can make choices to get me out.
That means I have within my power the ability to make DIFFERENT, BETTER choices to change direction, and create a healthier future. It's like being the owner of a great big beautiful and powerful car. I can run it off a cliff...or I can change direction and drive it to a better future.... it's my choice.
I remember when I first read what Dr Phil McGraw wrote in his 10 Life Lessons (here). The second one is called Life Law #2: You create your own experience. Here is the whole text:
Life Law #2: You create your own experience.
Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating results.
You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If you are overweight, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. You are creating the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from those situations.
Don't play the role of victim, or use past events to build excuses. It guarantees you no progress, no healing, and no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of yourself now.
Every choice you make — including the thoughts you think — has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts — which will take a lot of discipline — you'll get the right consequences.
When I first read the whole thing, I had a bad case of the "yes, buts".....
yes, but you don't know my situation...
yes, but he did this to me, or she did that...
yes, but I am not responsible for what THEY did...
yes, but you don't know how I was raised...
yes, but what about what happened to me as a child....
It took me a LONG time to realize that he was not talking about what THEY did or did not do... but rather, MY part in it..my response...how I chose to respond to what life has blessed me with or thrown in my face. He is not blaming the victim, the child, or the wronged person for the treatment...he is talking about NOW...how we choose to behave as an adult.
I finally got it...I am in charge of me NOW...regardless of the circumstance, I can choose how I respond. And, um, that includes dealing with incompetent medical insurance flunkies, like this morning! LOL!
When I was a little kid, I remember spilling my glass of milk all over the dinner table. My step-dad asked what happened?? I answered: "It spilled." His reply was: "No...YOU spilled it."
Another time I was whining that so-and-so did something to me...he asked what was wrong? I told him: "They made me mad!!" He said to me something I always remembered, even though at the time I didn't understand it: "No, no one can MAKE you feel any way."
In this journey to lose weight and regain my health, I have had to acknowledge that I did this to myself. That was a hard pill to swallow in the beginning. It's a lot easier to think of yourself as the poor victim...somehow more sympathetic, or so we think. But that is a trap!
It takes away all your power to change...the power that comes from believing that you can make GOOD choices NOW and create a better future.
Okay, I think the grouchies are gone now. :-)
From Dr Phil's book: "Take a problem-solving approach to emotion-provoking events."
My verse for today: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."
My quote for today: "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard." --Author unknown
Enjoy the Journey,