DAY 188 Check Up From the Neck Up

Hello Journal & Friends,

 I had a close call last night... ran out of calories for the day, again, but still wanted to eat. No, I wasn't physically hungry. I was avoiding... I just wanted to relax, watch tv with MyGuy, and then enjoy some snacks.

I didn't WANT to think. I didn't WANT to "feel and deal". 

My logic went this way: it's just a waste of time thinking about this, because you don't have enough information. Just wait til you know more... what's the point of thinking about it now??

About what??  I have to go in Tuesday for a biopsy, because they are worried about cancer. And then I have to wait even longer for the report to come back with the results. Sigh... 

So, I wanted to use that as an excuse to "pamper" myself... to say why bother?! I don't really have a feeling of doom, and tend to think they are overreacting. I really don't think anything will come of it.  But it did make me think of some things... once I stopped avoiding my feelings, that is!

• I thought about time... how we don't have an infinite amount on this earth.

• I thought about using my time wisely... not wasting it with things that just don't matter.

• I thought about living each day fully, with joy and attention and purpose... not just passing through half conscious and waiting to live.

• I thought about how we ALL experience ups and downs in this life, and I am not exempt.

• And, I thought how this was an extraordinary opportunity to see if I really believe all this stuff I write... or am I going to take the easy, short-sighted way out and feel sorry for myself, and pout about it not being fair, and worry, and stuff my face!

I read this last night from Dr Phil's book, The Ultimate Weight Solution:

"I will control what attitude I take toward this situation. I have the power to choose my perceptions and my reactions.  And I will exercise this power of choice in every circumstance, every day of my life."

I realized that one thing that was bugging me was WHERE they were going to punch a hole for the biopsy: my tongue. He warned me it was very sensitive, and after the anesthetic wore off it would be painful for quite awhile. I've been trying to plan a totally liquid diet that would still be nutritious... and getting more and more annoyed as I did it!! I keep thinking all this will be a waste of time, money, pain, and concern. 

But that is exactly what that paragraph from Dr Phil's book was talking about... our perceptions and reactions. So here is the attitude I am trying choosing to have:

I am thankful I have competent, caring medical people taking care of me.

I am thankful to have medical insurance.

I am thankful that this procedure will put all our minds to rest with answers.

I am thankful that Jim has been supportive and helpful.

I am thankful I have choices.

I am thankful I am not buried, like a lot of you, under a lot of snow during all this!!

From Dr Phil's book: "Problems don't get better with inattention."

My verse for today: "When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my hearts delight."

My quote for today: "Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you."