AUG 11th See Ya Later Alligator

Hello Journal & Friends,

I've had something on my mind for several weeks now.

Finally, I have made a decision. One that is best for ME. I'm "unplugging" for the rest of the month of August. A Blogcation, if you will. 

"After 'while, crocodile"

I've been feeling more and more pressured lately, but couldn't put my finger on why. I finally figured it out. Simple really...

 I am so far behind with necessary projects, that I was feeling overwhelmed, and ended up doing NOTHING. Paralyzed by the sheer size of the list... classic procrastination behavior!! And naturally, as the stress built up, I started reverting to old deeply ingrained habits... of trying to relieve it with eating. Too many calories, whether on plan food or not, will STILL throw a monkey wrench in the works!! I remembered doing a post on "instinctual drift",  and looked it up. Wow... just what I needed to read! Obviously, I still haven't mastered that one yet. :-}

Ever see a duck gliding along on the water, and it looks so peaceful? Yet underneath that water, it's little webbed feet are paddling for all it's worth! That's how I felt... paddling like crazy, but never catching up.

(Photo credit)

I made my decision this morning, and already feel soooo much more relaxed and optimistic. I plan to take a day or two for strategizing, and am even feeling like it will be a fun goal to see just how much I can get done by the end of August. 

An example of one of the projects?? Okay... I hardly have anything to wear for the summer that isn't falling off my shoulders due to being too big!! I can sew, I have a machine, and I plan to go through everything that still has life in them, and sew them smaller. Buying all new stuff at this point is not in the budget, and I think tackling this project will help me feel spiffier, rather than sloppy.

Another example?? I have all the material and hardware, yet haven't finished curtains for two windows yet. And we've lived here 2 years! 

There are several more projects, including the fabric side walls for a "sun cabana" I'm making for my backyard. Fun, wild Hawaiin flower material. I'll post pics when it's done. Now, do NOT picture this in your imagination, LOL, but I want a little sun room so I can go outside and show a lot of skin, and soak up some liquid Vitamin D and RELAX. Can't do that if I am on edge wondering if or when my neighbors are walking up to the fence for a chat!! :-O   Hence, my idea for a Sun Cabana... a frame with cheerful fabric sides and no roof, so I can sit inside and soak up some rays.

Stay cool, friends. I'll see ya in a few weeks.

From Dr Phil's book: "Ultimately, only you--and you alone--are responsible for getting your weight under control."

My verse for today: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever..."

My quote for today: "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 725

DAY 274 Time to Slow Down and Think

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

Have you ever lazily floated down the river in an old inner tube? Drifting, letting the current carry you along... enjoying the warm summer air above and the cool water below? I can remember doing that... it was sooo enjoyable.

But drifting along in this journey to health... that's another story. And I'm sorry to say, that I've been guilty of drifting lately. I didn't even recognize it until a couple of days ago when, for the 3rd time in a week, I read the same message, all from different sources. 

First, I read Helen Keller's thoughts about her time at Radcliffe College... how she missed her quiet times of reflection and contemplation. She was so busy with studies and activities, that she said she had no time to "think".

Next, I read a blog entry by Ruby Gettinger, from the tv show Ruby. The show follows her weight loss journey, and in her blog she talked about the behaviors of addicts of all kinds... such as drugs, food, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. What struck me was how she said addicts use all kinds of distractions to avoid having to face their issues. And not just their "substance", but also things like keeping so busy and overcommitted, or always having a tv on, or always listening to music... anything distracting to avoid getting quiet, honest with oneself, and looking inward. Here is an excerpt:

"I understand why an alcoholic wants to drink, how someone becomes a drug addict, why someone listens to music or watches TV 24/7. Some people go through life so fast making sure they can't feel or think too much. Others medicate to numb the mind, body and soul so they can't think or feel." (The whole post is here) 

And lastly, I've been enjoying following the blog of a Scottish artist named Ralph Taylor. The name of his blog is "The day to day life and thoughts of an artist, thinker and barstool philosopher."  

Recently, he wrote a post called "The Desire for Silence."   And in it, this sentence caught my attention: 

"I fear we live in the age of communication where the one thing we seldom, if ever, communicate with ourselves."

That is when I realized that I had been reading the same message over and over... 

Slow down 

Tune in 

Reconnect 

I was drifting back into my old habits of avoiding my feelings, and along with that I noticed I was getting sloppy with my exercise, sloppy with calorie counting, sloppy with my nutritional choices. I felt the sloppy choices  were spreading, because I was not paying attention, but rather drifting along.

In Dr Phil's book "The Ultimate Weight Solution", he talks about a principle called Instinctual Drift.

He explains that Instinctual Drift is the tendency, under stress, to revert back to our natural tendencies, our learned behaviors... behaviors that were so over-learned in fact, that they have become second nature... habits to which we instinctually drift when under stress or pressure. 

I've been sick so many weeks, and it's sapped my energy so long, that I was not putting the effort or focus in that I needed in order to NOT drift along.  

Dr Phil goes on to say that whenever we are not actively managing our weight and health with a high degree of awareness, this is when we will drift back to our old behaviors. 

Yikes... that was me!  Now that I am feeling better and getting my energy back, I notice that I am more willing to DO the work, to focus and think. I must admit, it's kind of scary how easy it is to lose that focus, to find yourself drifting away. 

Of one thing I am convinced... no one is going to hand this to me. It will not just happen. 

It takes me paying attention...making conscious choices... living DELIBERATELY. It takes work! And I am willing to do that work. 

I am thankful to have been shown that I was drifting off course, and to have caught it before it became a disaster.

Back to paddling upstream to my destination!

From Dr Phil's book: "If you don't require much of yourself in this area of self-monitoring, your ability to maintain your goal weight will be weakened considerably."

My verse for today: "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

My quote for today: "Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think." --Martin Luther King, Jr

DAY 34 Baby Elephants & Success

Hi Journal,

I've been thinking about something that Dr Phil taught in his book, The Ultimate Weight Solution. The story he used to illustrate his point had to do with how elephants were trained. 

They are so huge and powerful, that in order to control them the trainers used to chain the baby elephant to a tree with a large chain. Over time, as the elephant grew up, they reduced the size of the chain and the tree so that by the time the elephant was fully grown, he was contained with a mere flimsy rope and a small stake in the ground.

 The elephant learned at an early age that it was impossible to escape...his "personal truth" told him "that's the way it is". He tried and tried, but could not change his situation.

Dr Phil believes that we CAN "pull up the stakes" of our own experiences, change our thinking, and improve our lives.

We CAN change. What we believe and therefore say about ourselves equals our success or failure. I can be my own worst enemy, or my own best friend. Whether or not it was there inside me all along doesn't matter...I didn't know it, didn't  believe it, therefore it was useless to me. I didn't realize my own potential. It would be the same as being the  lawful owner of a huge fortune...but if I didn't believe it, or accept it, or act on it...of what use was it to me??

  I have made many attempts to lose weight in my life.  I have lost over 100 lbs three times...and lessor amounts many more times....only to re-gain it all back and then some. I DID NOT CHANGE ON THE INSIDE. I did not change my thinking. In fact, each failure created a history of "failure" in my thinking, reinforcing that I was securely "staked to the ground."

I had the "diet mentality", so that as soon as "life" interfered with my program, I reverted to my old personal truth...I went back to my way of coping by using food for other than fuel.

This time, the progress has been much slower. But this is also the FIRST TIME in my whole life that I have kept off weight that I lost. I have had a lot of stalls along the way...and bounced around a bit...but I have not gone back up to my former 460.

This time, I have asked myself the hard questions.

This time, I have been willing to be "uncomfortable", and be honest.

This time, I am willing to change.

This time, I believe it.

This time, whether the going is easy or hard, I am believing that I am up to the task...that it is NOT impossible to change...that it's not going to kill me to be uncomfortable and DEAL with my feelings instead of eat them away. I will survive just fine.

Today, I don't FEEL like I am strong, or successful at this. But I am choosing to believe that if I do not quit, and just plow on ahead regardless of transient feelings, I will make it.

This time, I am not accepting NO for an answer.

This time, I am making it all the way.

This is MY time.

From Dr Phil's book: " No matter what happens, I'll stay the course. If I do what is required, I will succeed."

My verse for today: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

My quote for today: "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 24 Echoes in My Mind & Question Three

Hello Journal,

I had a funny experience this week...I lost track of time (there is that time management thing again) and it was almost 7:30 pm, and I hadn't done my exercise yet. Well, I thought...MyGuy is going to get home soon...I can skip today and do it tomorrow....screeeech!! My thoughts are jerked to a halt...and what do I hear?? Echoes in my mind of Sean Anderson's words about decisions: are they iron-clad...or elastic??? (here) I laughed right out loud, loaded the Richard simmons CD, and away we danced! LOL! Thanks, Sean. :-)

So today is on to Question 3 from Bob Greene's 5 Questions (I started here).

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Questions 3:  Why have you been unable to lose wt, or to maintain wt loss in the past?

My Answer:  Didn't make the changes permanent... this time kept off the lost 70 to 80 lbs, but it's been a struggle... haven't made more progress towards goal... haven't been willing to make stricter changes, to give up my “drug”... don't think I really believed it would work or I could sustain a " diet" ... that is what it will take from here on down?

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When I wrote this answer back in Jan of 09 I still hadn't found a way of eating that I enjoyed, that I could see myself doing for life. Now I have, and it's made all the difference, like the missing piece to the puzzle. I just knew I had to get out of the "diet mentality". It had to be for life. I didn't CARE who promoted it, sold it, recommended it, or proclaimed this or that was THE answer. If it wasn't something I could live with for life, forget it.

I hear soooo many people complain that they lost weight, then re-gained it, and just don't know what happened. Well, I can tell you what happened...real simple. The same thing that happened to ME, over and over.

The Diet Mentality. If you stopped doing a nutrition plan and went "back" to old habits (whether slowly or in a blitz) then you were on a diet...something you go ON then later go OFF. And if we didn't CHANGE INSIDE, then of course we will go back to what we have known all our life...either right away...or later, under stress.

In Dr Phil's book, The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution, he has a whole section where he warns about "instinctual drift." We need to remain aware and careful to make healthy choices, especially in times of stress and pressure. We have the tendency to revert to our prior learned behaviors...those second-nature habits that got us into trouble in the first place.

I still remember from years ago hearing a speaker talk about the difference between those that are willing to make the EFFORT necessary to achieve a thing, and those that were not...he painted such a word picture, that it stuck.

He vividly described those that take the path of least resistance as "floating downstream like a dead fish"...making the least effort, just giving in...

Then there were those that decide...CHOOSE to keep trying, never to quit...to have the courage and determination to go against the current, and swim upstream, like the salmon that gives everything within them to swim upstream, in order to reach their place of birth. I am familiar with that image, living here in Oregon. 

I finally stopped listening to all the statistics trying to tell me what percentage of people lose weight, and how many keep it off, etc etc... I don't care anymore. I will not be defined by cold dead statistics...I will create my own future by my choices now.

Now, I AM willing to change inside, and to make this permanent. Some days are easier than others...but I will not stop "swimming upstream."

From Dr Phil's book:  "You must never relax your watchfulness over your thoughts, feelings and actions...failure to self-monitor is one of the top reasons why people allow their weight to creep back on."

My verse for today: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."

My quote for today: "Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire." --Arnold H. Glasow

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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