June 2nd Still Squishy Concrete

I've talked so much about learning Consistency here because it was on my "to do" list. I wanted to learn it, apply it, master it.

But I never did.

Oh, I would be consistent "for awhile". Then I would let life interfere. 

Read: EXCUSES

Consistency needs to be welded together with Time for positive results.

That is one of the big things I've been learning from the accountability/support group that I joined recently. I am now officially re-upped for another 8 weeks. And I NEED it!

The things I've been learning don't feel rock solid yet. More like poured concrete that is still setting up, still squishy. But Consistency is a biggee to me.

I know WHAT to do. My plan is simple, but for it to work, I need to be Consistent. Hit and miss doesn't cut it. I'm too old, too broke down, tried this too many times. 

I can't play around, and think half-a$%ed efforts will get me anything other than half-a#@ed results!

I did my "official" monthly weigh-in on June 1st. Lost 9 lbs last month. For the 10 weeks I've been with this support group, that's now a total of 16 pounds down. Not because I didn't know what to do before. But because the Group helped me learn to HONESTLY be consistent. 

I think there are still some spots left for this next 8 week session. They keep it small so you don't get lost in the crowd, but get the support and personal attention as needed.

If you are stuck like I was, or need help in learning consistency - or anything else from the trained Coaches, then check out Sean Anderson's post about it, here.

Like Sean says: Consistency beats intensity!

The weight loss numbers are motivating and made me smile. But what I am HUGELY thankful for are the things I am learning that will KEEP me consistent, and going in the right direction for life.

Quote for the Day: "We must embrace consistency... defend it from your emotions and circumstances at every turn." --Sean Anderson

Enjoy the journey,

Retta

July 7th I Can Do Better

What's that emo we see on the interwebs? Face palm?

(photo credit)

That's what I feel like doing today. I JUST finished visting a blog I read once in a blue moon. And scrolling down past posts, one jumped out and smacked me right between the eyes. The post title is: 

How to Succeed at Weight Loss 

(And Anything Else) 

(Link to whole post Here) 

Sounds like an infomercial, right? But here's the thing... the blog writer, Bryan Ganey, has lost nearly 400 pounds, no surgery. 

You read that right: LOST 400 lbs. So, I have to give the man some respect, and at least be open to new ideas.

But that was the problem. What he went on to say was NOT a new idea to me. Ouch... it was all too familiar, in fact.

I looked up from the computer screen, and saw the little yellow sticky note I had stuck where I could see it every day. It was slightly curling at the edges, and dated 7/30/12.  I felt rather... I don't know... foolish feels about right... as I read it:

Make a Schedule... and FOLLOW IT!

Make a Menu.........and FOLLOW IT!

Yep, it was exactly what Bryan Ganey had posted about. Exactly.  Have a routine, and then follow it. Sigh...

The problem is, without the "doing" part, having a cute little sticky note with good advice doesn't do a bit of good. If I had taken CONSISTANT ACTION when following the instructions on that sticky note, I would have been at my goal weight now, and a lot healthier.

Consistent Action. That sounds familiar to me, too, as I type it out. Must've done a post about that, too. :-}

I've kept a daily "to do" list for decades. 

Planned my projects.

Made lists.

Made plans.

And here I sit, admitting it is just wasted ink without the follow through.

I can do better.

I can follow through. Like Mr Ganey writes, if we do that day after day after day... we will eventually see results. It will add up. 

I know I've written about this before. I've even "tried" before. But I think we must learn in layers... in levels. Hard to explain. But maybe we just have to ready for that next step. Be willing for that next step.

I'm not going to get all jazzed up and write out yet another plan or list or program. I've done all that. I'm just going to DO the part I haven't been consistent in doing:

FOLLOW IT.

I highly recommend Mr Ganey's post. Very good kick in the tush if you are struggling.

Never quit,

Loretta

APRIL 5th Back to Consistency

I read a terrific post by Chris at A Deliberate Life (HERE)   

a while back. She said a LOT of great stuff, and I highly recommend it. But the word that reached out and grabbed me the most was CONSISTENT. 

I thought of all the times in my life I've "dieted". All the "tries", all the repeated efforts, programs, methods. Fail, try, fail, try, fail, try, ad nauseam. 

If I had just picked one and been consistent, I would have been done with this thing EONS ago. 

Out of curiosity, I looked at my own blog index and found I'd written about Consistency/Consistent 85 times!!!!!!!! EIGHTY FIVE!!

It was even my "theme" for 2011... sheesh...

My first reaction was... exasperation at myself! 

My second was... sadness and embarrassment over all the wasted time.

My third was... I just shook my head, smiled sheepishly to myself, and decided to read each and every one of those posts. To see if there is anything helpful there for me. Because I still WANT to learn consistency. 

It's not a matter of "need" to. 

I WANT to.

And I hope that will make the difference.

In fact, I BELIEVE that WILL make a difference.

I want to Consistently DO, not just talk. 

Talk is cheap... it's what I DO that will make the difference.

My book quote for today:  "The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see, the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his or her heart." --from The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge

My verse for today: "Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."

My quote for today: "Consistency. Doing it day in and day out and not letting it be optional." --Chris Oursler, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey to Wellness, consistently,

Loretta

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

MAR 23rd Just Doing It

Hello to Journal & Friends,

I've been under the weather for a few days, but finally feeling good again. Even exercised today already. During my "down" time, I kept up with only a few blogs, spent less time on the computer, and did some thinking.

The majority of the time I spent online was reading art related stuff. And a funny thing happened... I thought less about food. It's as though my mind is like a newspaper... it can only have one major headline at a time. And if the banner headline reads "This Just In: Art Making A Comeback!" then there is no room on the front page for the "Let's Moan & Groan About Weight Loss" articles. They are relegated to the inside pages as if of lessor importance.

I'm not saying I think getting healthy is not important any longer. It absolutely is. 

But... at THIS point in my journey, I've done the research, and have found a way of eating that works for me. I'm happy with it, it's sustainable and healthy. It's low carb, sugar-free, gluten-free, with a bent to real and healthy ingredients (with some exceptions for now). My only thing left in this area where I need work is to stop eating too much of on-plan food. 

Stop making excuses. Just do it.

And I know I need to get consistent with exercise. I'm convinced. Don't need any more reading, don't need to yammer on and on about it. 

Stop making excuses. Just do it.

I don't need any more new recipe sites to follow. In fact, I've now stopped reading all but a couple of my most favorite. My all time fav is Lisa at 24-7 Low Carb Diner.  I am looking to decrease my time on the computer, so something's gotta go. And I won't be reading any blogs that post photos of daily foods eaten. I am NOT criticizing anyone who does that... it's just not for me. I keep saying I want to spend less time thinking about food... and this is one way to help achieve that goal. Now I need to DO it. 

Stop making excuses. Just do it.

I might be wrong... I might come back here in a month and have to admit my grand experiment went bust. But I've started reading a book that Deb at Satisfied With Good Things   recommended, and it's given me stuff to think about. It's called "Who Switched Off My Brain, Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions", by Dr Caroline Leaf. I'm only in the second chapter, but so far it's terrific. Yes, familiar ideas to me, but explained in a different way, with lots of references to the research and science behind it all. 

So... I've been taking a hard look at what influences my thinking. And that includes the internet. I hope no one is offended that I've cut you from my regular reading list... that is not my intention. But I need to make choices about time, and where I invest it. And I've been shifting my reading to more of my favorite art blogs and forums. I still plan to be around... just not as much. :-)

I'm done making excuses. Now I'm doing it.

My book quote for today: "To make wise decisions let your goals not your emotions guide." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made."

My quote for today: "Two things happen under pressure: things get crushed... diamonds are formed. Just do it!" --from an old Nike ad

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 949

OCT 25th This Is Real Life

Hello Journal & Friends!

Today is my 800th day since starting my blog. Whoodathunkit!

For me, it's brought out a mixed reaction, seeing as how I am still not at my goal.  :-}

I was all set to write about what a roller coaster ride this last week and a half has been. My Sweetie was on vacation from work the whole time... which seriously interrupts computer time and alone time. I'm feeling the stress from being behind on EV-erything.

Let's see... I went Zero Wheat on Oct 1st. Did great, lost 2 pounds, two weeks in a row. 

Then, feeling all jazzed, was "willing" to lower my calories to 1400 and get All Serious. Did fabulous... til the following weeks weigh-in: gained 2 pounds. Say what??!

Then it was our 34th wedding anniversary this last Saturday, and it was a wonderful day all around. 

But... the next day I was tired and not feeling it, and slammed head first into the "I-just-don't-care-what's-the-use-it's-too-late-for-me-anyway" wall. So, I overate a bit... on-plan food, but too much of it. 

It's weird... I knew at the time it wouldn't make me feel better. But instead I chose plain ol' "escapism". In fact, I had a can of Spam sitting on the counter, ready to fry it all up with melted cheese. The only reason it's still in my cupboard is cuz I glanced at the clock, and it was 11 pm. I had to go to bed soon, and figured it wouldn't be worth it. I wish I could say it was for a more Mature reason that I stopped, but there it is. :-}

Then yesterday as I was looking forward to some "me" time when he goes back to work today, and about to post an Oh Poor Me Lament... it struck me that this is NOT some diabolical roller coaster ride designed just to get me sidetracked. 

It's. Just. Life.

Just plain, ordinary ups and downs of my life. I admit, I'd sure LIKE it to be all smooth sailing. I usually stay on track just fine, thank you very much, when things are all hunky dory. But when my routines are jerked out from under me, I flounder. I really really REALLY need to change that. I WANT to change that. 

Because it finally occurred to me that the Routine and Order that I enjoy is not always what Life has planned for me. I am not the center of the universe, and God doesn't check with MY daily planner before He allows stuff to happen. :-}

So, back to the journey. 

Back to the focus on being Consistent, and not using routine disruptions as excuses. 

Back to shifting more focus over to my art, and finishing up my sewing projects from this summer. 

Back to LIFE. 

Living it now, not waiting til I'm skinnier. 

:-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Our inner thoughts, beliefs, self-perceptions, and emotions can give us a lift for a positive outcome, or hold us back in complete inertia."

My verse for today: "You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you."

My quote for today: "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." --Wayne Dyer

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 800

SEPT 23rd Yay, A Breakthrough & A Most XLNT Video!

Howdy Journal & Friends,

After several more days of ups and downs, I feel like I've finally come in for a landing. And not a crash landing, LOL! A quiet, peaceful landing. I had been circling a thought, a feeling, an inkling that I was missing something. And I finally figured it out, thanks to a fellow blogger.

I recently said I was going back to my roots, to do what I did in the beginning. But still, I struggled. Something wasn't right.

I had been charting my nutritional data for almost 3 months, til a few weeks ago. I resisted at first, and did a lot of whining and complaining. But as frustrating as it was at times, I felt like if I just hung in there long enough, it might yield some useful information. And it did. I had to face my inconsistencies. After all, it was right there, in black and white.

But then, the more I tried to adjust my program, the harder I struggled. I'd get "stricter", and make more rules. Only to fail again. The first year I started this blog, I had lost around 50 pounds. Not a blitzkrieg, but with my age and physical restrictions, it was acceptable to me. 

But I have to face it. I am not where I want to be, and have fought the feelings of disappointment and frustration. This last year "seemed" like a bust. 

Then, a couple of days ago, the breakthrough.

I was poking around over on Facebook, and happened to read a blurb by Sean Anderson. For those of you who don't know, he started at 505 lbs, and now has reached his goal, having lost around 275 pounds. He was one of the first bloggers who reached out to me when I started this blog, and encouraged me. I related to him, not for the nutritional approach-- we have different plans-- but because he "gets it". That's it's not about the food! It's about changing from the INside, about a new and healthy relationship with food... not abusing it as a drug. He understood that for someone to reach the sizes we had (I started at 460, he at 505) there a LOT of INside changing to do... some squirelly thinking to fix.

Consequently, he started simple. A calorie budget and a simple plan to walk for exercise. He didn't push the nutrition, he let it naturally improve over time, making healthier choices as he changed on the INside. And yes, he took heat for his approach. I'd repeatedly read "concerned" comments on his blog that kindly tried to straighten him out. And some not-so-kind criticisms that told him how he was all wrong in his approach.

They didn't get it. He wasn't ready to set up tons of rules and rigid laws about what he could and couldn't eat.  He'd repeatedly tried and failed with that approach. So, he kept it simple. Improvement would come in time... but in HIS time, not the timing of others.

Here is part of what Sean posted on Facebook a couple of days ago (bolded emphasis mine):

Consistency is key... Make it about you, not about the food, not about the exercise... because when you focus energy on redefining your relationship with yourself--the good choices with food and exercise evolve naturally...

...every time I made it all about the food and exercise in the past--it made it really hard and frustrating, and then I would self-destruct. Focusing on me, with a relaxed, albeit controlled, approach with food and exercise--and it honestly became pleasurable, these changes...

It's very interesting how a shift in perspective can dramatically change our course--making what once seemed impossible, not only possible, but accomplished!!

I had to keep reminding myself to stay in control and within the bounds of my calorie budget. I've always been my own worst enemy--I had to change that dynamic, and start making the choices that made me successful. If I had immediately started putting all of the focus on the food and exercise... I would have driven myself nuts--and I would have quickly retreated to my old behaviors.

Deciding that I COULD change my old behaviors and patterns with food--I could break free from the clutches of food addiction and emotional eating--involved more of the mental change, than the change to my grocery list. It was about getting to know myself on a level I spent years avoiding...

The difference was within me--and by keeping it simple, with a calorie bank and a simple walking schedule--I was able to put the majority of my attention on me and my issues that drove the insane cycle that kept me above 500 pounds.

... after awhile of this relaxed approach with food and exercise--and a more focused approach on the mental dynamics, keeping me consistent-- my choices started naturally improving... Without being able to use food for comfort--I had no choice but to confront issues... The transformation is biggest in the non-physical side of things, for sure.

(HERE is Sean's Facebook page; the whole conversation is from Wednesday, 9/21/11) 

I read Sean's words over and over, realizing I had taken a detour from the path on which I had started.  I "thought" it was an improvement, but now I see I was getting the cart before the horse. I thought I was "ready" to move on... I was tired of all the "navel watching", and felt like I was going in circles, just thinking the same stuff over and over, and so figured it must have sunk in. 

I thought it was okay to relax a bit, and give all this thinking stuff a rest! I started to "entertain" my mind. A little tv, a little radio, some books on CD. I mean, it was a better diversion than food, riiiiggghhtt?? But then a little more... and a little more (and I have nothing against those things, just not all the time instead of working on my issues). 

Then, I reached a cross over point, where it became escape FROM the thinking, asking the hard questions, listening for answers.

I was no longer focused... and had never conquered consistency. But, I didn't know why. I'd read about it, made posters, written about it, thought about it. Heck... it was supposed to be my Theme for this year! (blush, blush) Yet, didn't know why I couldn't DO it.

Until I read Sean's Facebook words. 

My focus had shifted. From the INside journey, to the OUTside stuff. 

And I started to struggle much more than I had been. I had already established that for me, personally, my body doesn't handle carbs well... sugar and wheat mainly. So I had a simple nutritional plan mapped out that works for ME. But I strayed from my simple beginnings, and added layer upon layer of "rules". 

The result? Crash and burn time!

It's no one's fault but my own. I allowed what others were doing to influence me... to make me feel guilty, or wrong, or whatever. THEY didn't do that... I did. I tried to rush it, and do it the way "they" did it. 

And I finally have to just admit it... I am not mentally READY for it. Do I want to eat "clean" and all health-i-fied?? Sure! But when I force it and set up too many rules, I react.  A lifetime of "diet" experiences come boiling up to the surface, and my squirrely thinking takes over. 

Some people can get there fast... maybe they have less to lose, or are farther along mentally, or are just "ready".. I dunno. But occasionally some of them like to pronounce their "rules" and declare what is and is not right for others to be eating. Honestly, that is just dumb... wrong... annoying... counterproductive. I'm sorry, but it's like a college kid berating a kindergartener for being too immature. Give 'em time!! They'll get there. They'll learn, and figure out what their OWN triggers are, and what plan they need to be on, and will make their share of mistakes.

But if they never quit.. and always keep going, they'll get there. 

*I* will get there.

And that's why I'm feeling peaceful now, finally. I've been following my simple plan again this week, and it feels right. For me. Others need to do what THEY need to do. I need to do this simple approach for now. I had been discouraged, and eating too much, and starting to put on pounds. Ugh...

But what Sean shared help clarify things for me. The nagging thoughts that were just at the edge, that I couldn't quite make out, are now in focus. Sean and I are not on the same nutritional plan. But we ARE on the same wave length about keeping it simple, and changing the INside first, and allowing the OUTside to naturally improve over time. His first book "Finding Transformation Road" is due to come out real soon, and it's definitely on my "must read" list! 

For my Friday Favorites, I want to highly recommend Sean's short video.

Have you seen it, on his website at Transformation Road??
It's wonderful, and I think it will give you a taste of what his book must be like. Do yourself a favor, scroll down to the bottom of the page, and spend 10 minutes of your life to be thoroughly encouraged by a sincere and genuine guy, Sean Anderson. 

Do I sound like a "fan"? You betcha. :-D

Thanks, Sean.

PS: I know this post was long... more navel watching, LOL!  I understand why not many will be reading it... and I am totally okay with that. I wrote it for ME. I simply want to get this down, here and now, because I fully expect to someday look back and see this as a turning point, and I want it on record. I want to remember this, and KEEP ahold of my focus this time.  :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "It's about changing yourself from the inside out, so that being what is fit and healthy for you is as natural and as normal as breathing."

My verse for today: "I will praise the Lord, who counsels me..."

My quote for today: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." --Bill Cosby

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 768

JULY 1st Waving the White Flag

Good Afternoon Journal & Friends,

It's a good thing I've been reading a fantastic book lately... one that is keeping me from believing everything I hear... ESPECIALLY MY OWN SELF-TALK!!! (more about that book in another post...)

"Don't believe everything 

you hear, even if you are the one 

doing the talking." 

 

--Mack Machowicz, from Unleash The Warrior Within

Anway, this photo is what a red Amaryllis SHOULD look like when in full bloom:

(Photo credit)

And below is what I've got sitting in my studio window... I planted it months ago, and the last photo below was taken this morning:

I had planned to make a super duper post all about growth and patience and seeing the results of our efforts over time... yeah, right. What I got instead was a lesson in two things: 

We can say all the right things, yet if not consistently DOING the right things, we still won't see the "bloom". 

And... don't give in to discouragement. Instead, find out what I'm doing wrong, and fix it. But no matter what... always keep going. 

Which brings me to the 1st of the month weigh in: 336. Yep... that's UP 3 pounds. Now you know why I'm battling those old voices in my head! I mean... I didn't think I did THAT bad. But... time to get real honest. 

I've not been consistent, especially during this last week when my kitchen was torn up. That's no excuse; this is life or death, and there will always be SOMETHING to use as an excuse. Sure, I can brag about no pig-outs, as in days of old. But if I consistently eat "a little" too much here and there each day... it ends up being just as destructive!! Gotta face it, admit it, and fix it. 

I know what I need to do... I just don't WANT to. Waa waa waa... I don't waaaannntt to. 

My answer has to be: So what?! Do it anyway.

That point was driven home recently just yesterday (hmmm, no coincidence, methinks) when my Secret Challenge Partner emailed me with excitement over the results from her Doctors appointment. She is diabetic, and for YEARS fought it. She didn't WANT to closely monitor her blood sugars. She didn't WANT to be disciplined in her carb control. She didn't WANT to be diabetic!! So... she fought it.

But during our challenge, she decided to make as one of her goals checking her blood sugars several times a day and to stay on plan. Well... her doctor, who had been very critical and skeptical and unsupportive of her EVER changing (a doctor like that ought to be horsewhipped...sorry, just sayin) had to admit that her daily blood sugar record and her A1c were AWESOME!! He was very impressed, and she is so encouraged.

I need to stop whining about not waaaannnnting to count carbs, and just learn how to do it. Calorie counting is a breeze for me. Takes me no time at all. But carbs... totally time consuming for me. But... I need to do this. I need to learn this. I need to stop fighting it, and put in the effort it takes to get the results I want. No excuses.  

So... I surrender. Uncle. I give in. I'm wavin' the white flag.

In my focus to keep the calories down, I suspect I've allowed the carbs to creep up. Well, I'm SURE I have. And as we all know, carbs drive up blood glucose. And high blood glucose levels drive up insulin. And insulin is essentially a storage hormone that stashes away excess carbohydrate calories in the form of fat. When insulin levels are running high because I am carelessly ingesting too many carbs for my particular metabolism, it's very difficult for fat to be released from storage to be burned up as fuel. And believe me, I have saddle-bags of "fat fuel" I want to burn up!

Anyway... while I don't plan to count anything for life, be it calories OR carbs, I need to be honest with how much of what I'm really eating. And the only way to do that is to learn to count those dang carbs. So... no excuses. I'll do it. Starting TODAY.

I didn't WANT to publically commit to counting carbs. That way I could say forget it if it turned out to be "hard". Uh... that is exactly WHY I am writing it here, to make myself accountable and not give myself an easy way out. Hard or easy... I started today. Not sure for how long, but at least until I've made progress weight wise and learned to control the carbs better. No excuses, Loretta.

From Dr Phil's book: "Evaluate each and every option in your life against the priorities of your goals."

My verse for today: "You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."

My quote for today: "Don't give yourself an out. If you do, you'll use it when things get tough!" --Mack Machowicz, from Unleash The Warrior Within

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 686