DAY 423 We Did It!

Hi there Journal & Friends!

I'm working against the clock, trying to get my illustration finished in time to submit to that free online workshop I wrote about a couple of days ago, just in case I get picked... but I just HAD to stop and CELEBRATE.

You see, today is the end of Shelli's 9/9/ to 10/10 Challenge. 

We did it! We finished and I wanted to post today, and celebrate our victory together.

I had 3 goals, and had a wildly varying degree of success, depending on which week you asked me! But one thing I appreciate about doing the challenge... it helped me to get more comfortable with changing a goal if I find it needs tweaking. That used to bug me, making me feel either like a cheat, or like a loser.

Now I understand it's not only okay, it's NORMAL to make corrections along the way. I'm learning flexibility.

One part of the challenge was to list one thing each week for which I feel proud. Well, this week I did something that started out well, then got very difficult and I almost quit in defeat. But I persevered, and after much struggle, it is turning out pretty good. 

I'll give the details some other time. But I feel proud of the fact that even though I got discouraged and actually cried a little, and whined "I can't do this"... I didn't quit. Almost... came close. But I didn't. Whew!

Thank you, Shelli, for this challenge. It helped keep me going, and has nicely led me right into the Hot 100.

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 383 Times, They Are A-Changin

Hi Journal & Friends,

It's time. Time to shift emphasis, to progress. To get out of the planning/anticipating/dreaming phase, and get on to the DOING phase.

All of you who post about there being all the time in the world, that this is not a race, and all that... well, that's great for you who are younger. 

For me? I am VERY aware of the clock. Of the fact that I have a finite number of days left. And I want them to be glorious!

I want them to be spectacular! I don't want to have one more regret... one more thing that I "wished" I had tried, but procrastinated, or waited, or was too fearful to do.

So it's time. Time for me to face down my resistance to change and declare that not only am I "saying" I am a Warrior, but I am DOING a Warrior... if you know what I mean, LOL!

I got too comfortable in my routines. I felt safe. Predictable. I had my little blog format... I knew that on Sunday I would post a favorite photo... some Fridays I could post a Friday Favorite... occasionally on Tuesday I would put up a Toon Tuesday. I knew how to do a google search for nice little photos for my nice little posts.

I was in my comfort zone. I had my safe little world, thank you very much. And I didn't want to rock the boat!!

Well... whether I liked it or not, my little boat got rocked! 

As I have admitted, I was struggling last week in all areas. Oh, no major binge blow-outs, like I would have done in the past. But for where I am NOW, eating maintenance portions of on-program food is NOT acceptable. And I slacked off on exercise, only meeting half of my goal for each day.

So here I am, feeling bad enough about all that, and trying to get honest enough with myself to get to the bottom of it... and of course I go and start yet another "self-help" book. I didn't expect much... it was just one I had heard about for years and never read, and I was between fiction stories, so why not...

Well! I'll go into which one it was in another post... that's not the point here. But it surprised me with it's content, and shook up my point of view, and showed where I was wrong in some of my thinking... harrumph!!! 

It rocked my already rocking boat, to the point that I started to accept the fact that I needed to "embrace the change", as one dear blog friend told me to do.

And then.... it happened. That "thing" that happens to me every so often, if I am open and teachable, and willing to learn and... here's that word again... change.

From no less than EIGHT different sources, I got the same message. EIGHT! Even a stubborn hard head like ME can get that message.

I was stuck in my routine... my commitment... my plan... to change it felt like failure... it felt wrong. 

I said recently that I needed to learn Flexibility. Well, here's my opportunity.

Ms PJ Geek told me recently in a comment: "Hang in there... Dr Phil's comment 'Stay real and stay flexible', seems perfect for you right now. When you are ready to change the time management stuff, it will change."

I am ready. I am ready to face it, to stop resisting change, to embrace change.

Mary from Wistful Nebulae has lost her weight, reached her goal, and is LIVING her passion now. She told me:

"Change is scary and uncomfortable. Know that. There must be one thing on that list bigger than the discomfort. Something that you think, 'wow'. That's what you start with...

Weight loss teaches us what happens if we give up and what happens if we don't. We all have to pay our dues. It's a beautiful thing. A rite of passage.

Have the guts to do what thousands of others think about but don't do. Sure, I get some mud slung at me, but so what. I'm doing it and they're not. Who really wins? I do. Because I have the guts to do. It's the definition of courage - it scares the piss out of me but I do it anyway. Why? It's who I am. I deserve to be who I am. When I let myself be what I should have always been, I'm happy.

Are you doing something for accolades or because you love it? If it's for love, it doesn't matter what anyone else on the planet thinks. It really doesn't. Do it for love, and others will respond to your passion. Realize there is a learning curve. Realize that being in the game is exhilarating - filled with highs and lows. But being in the game is where I once dreamed to be and where thousands of others dream to be. It hurts sometimes, but I'm living my life. I'm alive and it feels fantastic...

Your passions will light you up from the inside. It will spill over into everything you do. When you're lit up, everyone around you gets a better version of you.

So, find a way to do, Loretta."

I've been bugging Mary to do a guest post... well, I guess she just did! Wasn't that inspiring?!! She is a writer, and you can read some of her short stories HERE.  My favorite is "Plantgirl".

So, I am going to do what Mary said... I am going to DO. And to DO that, I need more free time. And to get more free time, I will be blogging less.

I won't be offended at all if anyone stops reading... I understand. But I don't want to just write about living, I want to LIVE IT. Therefore, starting tomorrow in the fresh, shiny new month of September, my tentative new plan is to blog 4 days per week. And the other days will be put towards my art. 

I hope my bloggy friends will stick with me... I have come to care for you all... you are REAL to me! This new schedule should also give me more time to visit all my favorite bloggy friends. I don't want to be a "taker", but also a "giver". You all have been so wonderfully supportive, and you in return deserve my support!

September... a shiny new month of fresh starts and grand experiments!

Today's Peek at the Past (Holy cannoli! This couldn't be more perfect for today! In fact, it was so perfect, I almost cried.)

From Day 22, August 31, 2009:

I may be late getting to the party, but I accept the invitation. And I am grateful to be invited, and given a chance to enjoy it with the music turned up, singing and dancing and celebrating the possibilities all the way out! I have plans...big plans...dreams...hopes...visions...daring and exciting. What have I got to lose to at least try???

To those who have been given this chance at a younger age, I would say: GRAB IT!! Give it your absolute ALL. Make this YOUR time, and let nothing dash your dreams. We don't control most of what happens TO us in life, but we have ABSOLUTE control over how we respond, which will make all the difference in the world in our thinking and our choices and how we interact with others...and ultimately, our future. Be bold!! Don't let the years slip away...Muster up all the courage inside of you, ignite the fires of enthusiasm, and go for it now!!!

(For complete post "Question One & Mud or Stars" click HERE)

From Dr Phil's book: "Get off your duff and get moving."

My verse for today:  "How priceless is your unfailing love!"

My quote for today: "Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries." --John Albert Michener

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 372 Friday Favorites & The Four Dous's

Hi Journal & Friends,

How's about some Favorite Trivia??

Did you know there are only four words in the English language which end in "DOUS"?

Tremendous

Horrendous

Stupendous

Hazardous

TREMENDOUS

Charlie "Tremendous" Jones, a motivational speaker, was determined to start off each day with a good attitude. He gave each day of the week a nickname:

Sensational Sunday

Marvelous Monday

Terrific Tuesday

Wonderful Wednesday

Tremendous Thursday

Fabulous Friday 

Super Saturday

Now, which makes you feel better? Blue Monday... or Marvelous Monday? Nuff said.

HORRENDOUS

Some of the stuff I catch myself saying. Like... oh no, it's going to be one of THOSE days. Um... with that attitude, it sure will!! 

The best thing that helps me in watching my words is to pretend that they are literal. That's a real eye-opener when you hear yourself say stuff like "oh, this is just killing me!" Words have power... and we need to speak LIFE, not death.

STUPENDOUS

... the level of friendship, support, understanding and camaraderie that I discovered in the blogging community! I really am thankful for you all.

HAZARDOUS

Those days when you don't feel like you have much to say. You might FEEL it... but sometimes you can't quite translate it into words. Like, it's still bubbling in the pot, and not quite done yet. Anyone know what I mean???

Today's Peek at the Past (How embarrassing... didn't I just post yesterday something about needing to learn flexibility?? It's been a year since I wrote this!)

From Day 11, August 20, 2009:

I think I need to work on FLEXIBILITY....I can't always control things around me, or things like toothaches...but I certainly can choose my response to those things. No more crying...no more whining...no more self-pity. It is what it is...now deal with it. What's that old cliche?? This too shall pass.

So there you go... flexibility... I need to learn to be less like the stiff droid C3PO and more like Gumby.

(Complete post "Flexibility & Attitude" HERE) 

From Dr Phil's book: "There are no magic pills, no magic answer. You've got to bust your butt, you've got to break a sweat!" --Dr Phil

My verse for today: "For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."

My quote for today: "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being could fight, and keep fighting."  --E.E. Cummings

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 370 Weirdness, Excuses & Choices

Hello there Journal & Friends,

What a weird two days it's been! 

Monday, we set a weather record for August here in Southern Oregon... it was 105 degrees! A real scorcher. 

Then, I had a dentist appointment Tuesday, so got all gussied up, wearing those Peruvian earrings I bought at the Fair:

My appointment was very early, which was great heat-wise, but I only got 3 hours sleep, which made me too vulnerable, choices-wise. 

That night, I ate when not hungry... I just didn't care. My excuse was: I didn't have the energy to "face my stuff instead of stuffing my face." It was a choice. And I made the wrong choice.

But back to the weird part... yesterday in the afternoon, we had a gulley-washer of a rainstorm with thunder and lightening, THEN HAIL!!

These little white balls around my blueberry plants are not decorative rock in my front yard... that's the hail!

And I immediately began thinking how my weight loss journey seems to be like this weird weather. It can go along just fine for awhile, then have hot, scorching draining days. Then, it can turn on a dime and have thunder and lightening days, with unexpected  stuff thrown in, like the hail.

I REALLY need to learn flexibility!! To relax and roll with the punches. And to not let the glitches (or lack of proper sleep!) become EXCUSES for avoiding facing my stuff.

I found it hilarious that JUST after I had eaten last night when not hungry, I visited Deb's latest post, at Deb Will Be Free,  and lo and behold, she was quoting ME!!! Saying we needed to face our stuff, not stuff our face.... aaarrrggghhh!!! My own words came back to bite me in the behind!

So... I will keep learning. 

Today's Peek at the Past  (considering what I was writing about today, this  was pretty amusing to me!)

From Day 9, Aug 18, 2009: 

Losing weight takes energy...at least it works that way for me. I need a good night's rest to even WANT to do it. Some day's, I just do it by CHOICE, because I do NOT feel like it. I remind myself of my goals...why...and just hold on to the belief that it will be worth it.

Other days it goes well, and I really AM enjoying the journey. Either way, the idea is to just KEEP ON keepin' on. Each new day is another opportunity to live my best life now, and to come one step closer to my reaching my goals. I want to live my life NOW, even while on this journey to health.

From Dr Phil's book: "Gain emotional closure... refuse to live with unfinished emotional business."

My verse for today: "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."

My quote for today: "The quality of your life right now depends on how you live it right now. What will you choose to do with such a magnificent opportunity?" --author unknown

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 288 Guinea Pigs & Test Pilots

Hello Journal & Friends,

I remember once seeing a comic strip where a wife was serving her husband a new dish for dinner. She told him: "Don't think of yourself as a guinea pig... think of yourself as a Test Pilot!"

(Chuck Yeager, 1950's)

This week I've been experimenting with my calorie budget... I've been a Test Pilot. :-)  

I've paid attention to what works for others, and done some reading on metabolism. Apparently, switching it up instead of doing the exact same thing each day is supposed to have a benefit, similar to switching up an exercise routine. 

I'm not convinced yet, but decided to give it a try. Why? Because, like I mentioned yesterday, I've been taking a good look at myself. And had to admit that I really was fighting my 1500 calorie daily budget. I want something that is doable for life, and either I had to change and conform to IT, or IT had to change and conform to my life.

So, I am a Test Pilot for awhile. I am doing one day at 1300, one day at 1900, and the other 5 days at 1600. This all averages out to yield a weekly loss for me of a solid 2 pounds. Yet, it has the flexibility to conform to my life. Some days, such as MyGuy's day off or if we go out to eat, the 1900 calorie budget fits the day. Other days I can pick from the rest of the calorie choices.

It's a grand experiment, and I think I want to give it at least a month to get used to it, to see if it's doable, and work the bugs out.

Along these lines, Margaret  left a comment yesterday that got me thinking:

"It's amazing that you went over your budget and didn't give into the "I've blown it" mindset and eat everything in sight. That's always the easiet thing in the world for me to do. 

This is why you are successful...you meet the challenges head on and fearlessly battle it out until you have it by the root, so you can pluck out, examine it and destroy it!"

This was in reference to my Chocolate Fest, where I blew my calorie budget eating chocolate. And I had mentioned that it wasn't the calories that bothered me, but rather the mindset that allowed me to make excuses and EAT the extra chocolate.

Margarets comment made me think of how much my thinking has changed! It made me feel so grateful that I no longer give in to the all-or-nothing mindset that says "oh well, you've messed up now, so go ahead and eat whatever you want, and just start over tomorrow (or Monday, or next week or next month...)"

Do I still have those thoughts? Sure. And they can be mighty tempting at times! But I finally see how destructive they are and choose NOT to do that to myself. Why not? Why not just start over in the morning... it's only one night of a party in my mouth...won't it make me "feel better"??

NO. No it won't, in the long run. 

Because while my old, immature thinking told me it was only one night of a food fest... the New Me has finally learned that IT ALL COUNTS. It all adds up... plus it sets the precedence to do it again, and again, and again. And all it takes is to blow it once or twice a month to negate all the hard work, and keep me stalled.

I did that for YEARS AND YEARS!!! 

Once DOES matter. One food orgy DOES matter. It DOES kill progress. It DOES chip away at resolve and determination. IT DOES MATTER.

And that is why my Chocolate fest was a danger sign to me, and I needed to get honest and address it.

And that is also why I am experimenting with my calorie budget. I have be honest with myself and admit I am struggling, and find a solution. So, we'll see! I'll let ya know in a month if this was a good idea. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Adopt a solution-side approach to your life."

My verse for today: "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits."

My quote for today: "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." --Jim Rohn

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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