JUNE 23rd Tweakin Insanity!

By now we've all heard the definition of insanity, accredited to Albert Einstein... "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

When I got slapped in the face by Mr Reality on Monday (for that little melodrama, click HERE) I had to do some honest evaluating.  And I decided it was a time for some changes. Time to try some tweaks here and there.

Tweak Number One: for the duration of the summer, I am sending my daily calorie totals to a friend. Accountability. And a little peer pressure doesn't help, either. Just KNOWING that I'd have to report in has saved my hide several times this week. "Nuh uh... not eating that. I'd go over my limit, and I wouldn't want to have to fess up!" So far, it's been a helpful tweak.

Tweak Number Two: I am investing a lot of money (gulp) in buying and installing a little pool for my backyard. Can we say... EXCITED!?!?!?!  

It's dinky sized, and called a therapy pool. I was originally going to get a simple cheapie from Wallyworld, but my sweetie pie husband decided that wouldn't work here in Oregon. I wouldn't get to use it most of the year. So, he orderd me this little therapy pool with a HEATER, and is going to build a pool hut around it to hold in some of the solar heat. He's going to insulate under it and around the pool, and build a little ramp so I can park my wheelchair at the bottom, and be able to get up and in (with a little corresponding step on the inside). 

It's called an iPool 2, and it's 54 inches deep (about 50" of actual water). Deep enough for all kinds of exercise. Also, it has a gadget that you wear around your waist that attaches by cord to the edge, and you can swim and swim... not going anywhere. :-D

Wanna see it? Here's a picture, with a link below:

(Fitmaxipool)

For as many years as I can remember, I've tried sooo many different kinds of exercise. And no matter how careful I am, or how slow I start, I have always ended up injured. EXCEPT FOR THE WATER. And there is now no place around here for me to go to a pool that doesn't use chlorine, to which I am allergic. I can use a salt filter for my little iPool2. 

This little pool is a big deal to me! We aren't rolling in dough, and also just had car repairs. So for my hubby to tap our savings and pay out for this little pool, the hut, and to install it... well, he's earned Brownie Points FAR into the future! :-D

I'm positive that doing these things DIFFERENTLY will give me different and better results. It's time to do whatever it takes... and for me that means making some changes. 

My book quote for today: "Joy is not a distant destination at which you arrive; rather, it's a path you choose to travel each day." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

My quote for today: "Every day of our lives we are on the verge of making those slight changes that would make all the difference." --Mignon McLaughlin

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 1035

JUNE 18th No! No! No!

I've been thoroughly enjoying my recent "good times", when all of lifes dramas seemed to have calmed, and things were going smoother. 

It was nice while it lasted... but now, the drama is back. Sigh... Lesson: enjoy and appreciate the good times while they last! 

Life seems like the tides... events come and go, up and down, good and bad, in and out... low tide, high tide. 

It's funny... I had JUST been reading about joy. How true joy is not dependent upon circumstances. It comes from within, from our relationship with our God, from the eternal not the temporal.

Uh huh... I should have KNOWN there would be a pop quiz. :-}

Anyway, lots of disappointing stuff going on, and big hits to the budget. Big hits to plans I had (past tense) to get stuff done while Hubby and The Barker were SUPPOSED to be off camping. 

And big hits to my "optimism". I had been doing so well on this journey to get healthier, having finally seemed to turn a corner not that long ago. 

Recently a tool I use died... The Scale. No biggee, I'll just get a new battery, right? By the time I got said battery and installed it, and did the Monday weigh-in ritual,

I was S.T.U.N.N.E.D - A.G.H.A.S.T - H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D!!!!

I just don't get it. I know I haven't been counting calories for awhile until just recently, but come on... no way! My newly batterized scale says that since May 1st, I have GAINED 27 pounds!!!! Two Seven. Twenty-seven. 

I'm having a hard time believing that. I double and triple checked, and it's the same each time. 

I can't begin to describe the crushing disappointment... how deflating, discouraging, frustrating and even angering that is. 

Please, do NOT post a comment telling me not to let "the scale" dictate my mood, etc etc. The scale is a tool, and I  get sick to death of people whining about how mean "it" is to them. It is simply a tool I totally appreciate having. Without it, I would not know I was on this wrong trend!!! 

I just didn't know. I can't tell from my clothes at my size. I can't tell by how I "feel", since I always feel "heavy" and have pain in my joints. So the scale is a helpful tool to give me some indication of how my plan is working... or NOT working, as the case may be.

My upset is not in the scale's reading. It is in ME. In my apparent obliviousness to how I've really been doing. I truly thought I was making progress, doing better than this. Uh... can we say REALITY CHECK??

So... now what?

I don't believe in coincidence, so I have to take note of the post I read just this morning from Coach Dayne at Coach Your Mind (HERE). 

Bottomline, there is no point in dragging out my crummy feelings about this crummy news. I saw it, I processed it, I felt it. And boy howdy, did I feel it!

In my past, I most likely would have wallowed in it for a while before moving past it. But really, there's just no point in doing that. 

So, time to move right into the DOING phase. 

Time to just get on with it, to do what I know to do. I'll count the dang calories, I'll move more, I'll just never quit. I don't know what else to do... but to just keep on, and trust that the hard work will pay off. 

I admit, I'm hoping against hope that part of this is water retention.  

:-}

My book quote for today: "...Behind everything you do is a thought, and each individual thought contributes to your overall character... No area of your life is untouched by your thoughts." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "The Lord hears the needy..."

My quote for today: "You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings!" --Pear S Buck

Enjoy the Journey, and if you're not then at least don't quit!

Loretta

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DAY 1030

JUNE 14th Pluggin Along with Optimism

Yesterday I finished up a 7 part series on my art blog (HERE) that kept me busy and happy. But... that's not the main reason I've been quiet here.

All Tiny Food photos today

credited to: Shay Aaron

Recently I sort of made a decision that I just wasn't going to post if I didn't feel I had anything to say. I finally let go of that feeling of "obligation", or the "supposed to" thoughts, or even guilt. 

Guilt?? Well, because I've received so much support over the last 3 years, and made friends and benefited from the online wt loss community. So I sort of felt it was only fair to give back, ya know? 

(Image credit)

But at this point in my journey, I feel the best way to support others from my blog is to only post when I honestly feel like it! To be genuine, and not force it. 

So, today all I want to share about is a smidge of progress, and a feeling of optimism. 

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Over the last 3 years I've gone round and round with this counting calories thing. Sooo many opinions on that topic! So many different approaches. What works for one, doesn't work for another, yadda yadda yadda. 

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I do low carb. That works for ME. I know it's not for everyone, but I love it. Yet I get sooo annoyed with low carbers who INSIST you don't need to count calories. 

"Eating low carb will naturally limit your hunger, and you'll automatically eat less, your blood sugars will be lowered causing less insulin release, hence the weight loss." 

Uh huh.... right. That IS true... for PHYSICAL hunger.

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But my achilles heel has always been: my overeating was not caused by physical hunger. 

I love eating low carb. I ate my last sugar and white flour in March of 2009. Best decision I ever made! Yet... I still struggle to lose weight. 

TOO. MANY. CALORIES. 

Plain and simple. Portion control has always been my nemesis. Well, that and age and menopausal hormones and inability to vigorously exercise... but that's another post. ;-)

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I finally admitted to myself that my resistance to consistently counting calories was mostly rebellion on my part. Why me? Why should *I* have to, when others don't? It's not fair... and other such childish thoughts. 

I've learned so much regarding health and nutrition from listening to podcasts, especially from Jimmy Moore at Livin La Vida Low Carb (HERE).  But I had almost stopped listening recently, because I was sooo tired of the "experts" who insist that if you eat low carb it's like the end-all, be-all panacea for whatever ails the world! 

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Don't get me wrong...I totally believe it's healthy, but I also acknowledge some people don't take to it, for a variety of reasons, and I don't criticize them.

Well, a couple of days ago I listened to just one more podcast. And I am sooo glad I did! Jimmy interviewed diabetes expert Jenny Ruhl, from Bloodsugar101.com  

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Finally, someone who tells it like it is! The title of the free podcast is "The Truth About Low Carb Diets"(HERE).   I might not agree with 100% of what she said (sorry, I don't know about you, but my ancestors weren't amoebae) but she DID address this thing about calories, along with a lot of other interesting info. If you're on low carb and struggling, you might consider giving it a listen.

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Regardless of what "diet" you choose, and regardless of what the promoters of said diet say... calories DO matter in the end. 

So... all that jabbering to say: I'm finally okay with having to count the calories! Maybe someday I won't need to... but for now, it's a tool that will help me stay within healthy limits. 

I discovered that for me, when all is going smoothly in my life, I can "hear" when to stop, and can do my own limiting naturally. 

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But when stress amps up, my "hearing" gets clogged, or maybe I just don't WANT to hear it. Either way, it doesn't work under stressful conditions.

So for now, I count. Until I get closer to goal, until I get better at this, until I just don't need to any more: I count. 

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I think a lot of us "know" there is a thing we need to do. A thing we don't WANT to do. A thing we fight, we resist, we justify NOT doing. A thing we might even resent doing. Yet deep down, we know it would be beneficial. My prayer for all of us is: to have the grace to DO it. 

Not talk about it. Not hope about it. Not whine about it. Not think about it. Not read about it. But... to DO it. To add action to the equation. That's what I'm working on.

Pretty boring stuff, nothing new really... but it's just where I'm at. :-D

My book quote for today:  "By the grace of God, each moment is a new beginning, a new dawn for your potential.  Your thoughts can become totally different, and as a result, your character can change and your life can be transformed. God wants you to be completely alive, full of passion, and bursting with joy." --Tommy Newberry, The 4:8 Principle

My verse for today: "Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me."

My quote for today: "If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." --Martin Luther King Jr

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 1026

MAY 1st I'm Baaack!

Hello Journal & Friends,

I had a wonderful bloggy vacation! I even restrained myself from spouting off in a post when the urge hit... once. ;-)

As I started to write this, I stumbled upon the "pray for wisdom list" I made back on April 13th. It was for me and 6 others. I have been praying daily, sometimes more than once, for wisdom for us all. But... I had forgotten what I wrote next to MY name. :-O

Here it is:

April 13th, starting to see that I can choose which "restriction" I use as a tool. And if I want to stop counting calories, all I need to do is use "hunger/fullness" signals as prompts and ACCEPT them as my tool to control amounts. That would be all I need to do, just one thing, since I already make my choices from low carb, and don't eat sugar/flour now. Just one thing! How simple. :-)

Yeah right... how simple!! 

Well, on my "blogcation" I didn't count calories... not a one. I really did want to test this "theory". Was I ready for it? Was it too soon? Was I fooling myself? Was I making excuses cuz I was just plain tired of the hassle of counting?

How did I do?

April 1 weigh in: 332

May 1 weigh in:  321

Meaning a loss for April of 11 pounds. 

Pretty good for this ol' dog!

Hey, I think I'm on to sumpthin!! Perhaps I've finally turned the corner. I've done this whole deal long enough to know how, what, why, etc etc, ad nauseam. 

I had to ACCEPT the restriction, and stop fighting it. 

So all during my "time off" from blogging about it, I shifted my focus to my WHY. 

Yes, I did blog a little, but it was at my art blog (here).  I focused on my true passion, my reason for wanting to get healthy and lose this weight. I plan to continue this pattern for the most part, and see if it truly is where I need to be now, where this leg of the journey is leading me. I'm excited!

And this is for anyone who did NOT have a stellar April... hang in there, your time is a-coming. 

My book quote for today: "Find what works best for you. Always remember that you are trying to master yourself, not find a master for you." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

My quote for today: "I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed." --Vincent Van Gogh

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 988

MAR 16th The Headless Husband

Hello Journal & Friends,

Well, I gone an' dun it. I bit his head off this morning! Yep, MyGuy went to work headless. 

See, JUST LAST NIGHT I decided to memorize a verse. Yep, you know what's coming. Now folks... you don't have to be a Bible thumping Christian to benefit from the wisdom of this verse. Here she be:

Whatever is true, 

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable

-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-

think about such things.

Well OF COURSE I had my commitment tested this morning. Of course. Sigh. And I failed this first test. 

After said husband did the typical annoying Husband Stuff, I was in the kitchen fixing his two meals to take to work. I was grumbling to myself and thinking on what was NOT right, what was NOT noble, what was NOT admirable, etc etc etc. Yep.

Then it struck me what a coinkydink it was that we haven't had a fight in ages, and now it happens the morning after I decide to clean up my thinking! Just great. 

What does this have to do with weight loss? Everything!! It's my thinking that gets me into trouble. My thinking, not my circumstances, leads me down the drain. And that used to lead me to the kitchen to soothe or escape it all. That's why I thought, hey, I'll memorize this great verse, and it will magically transform me. 

Okay, so I didn't expect it to be effortless. But it still comes down to choice. I didn't have to sit there stewing in my own juices, rehearsing all his flaws. I did it because I felt hurt and justified doing it, and was feeling such the martyr! I was polishing my own halo. 

What's my point? This journey takes effort. Choices. Commitment. And if anyone thinks they will get there and not make any mistakes, they're delusional. :-D

Oh yeah... and Chris, at A Deliberate Life,  talked about me in her post on Wednesday! :-O

Okay, not really. But I saw myself in her pattern analysis. I was tired of counting those pesky little calories, and for two weeks I tried to tell myself I didn't need to. But... I do. So I'm back at it. It's a useful tool and I probably won't have to do it forever. So instead of grumbling about it, I'm working at feeling thankful to have a helpful tool.

Thanks, Chris. ;-)

My book quote for today: "I can only be defeated if I give up or die." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love."

My quote for today: "Work each day on your thoughts rather than concentrating on your behavior. It is your thinking that creates the feeling that you have and ultimately your actions as well." --Wayne Dyer

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 942