JAN 4th Ain't Got No Rezolooshuns!

I'm still alive an' kicking!

And I finally have something to say. So... here I iz.

The one advantage of being sick ALL of December is that I had no energy or desire to get all philosophical and analytical, and make up a bunch of optimistic and high-flying New Year's Resolutions. Nope, not this year. Not interested.

They're great if they help you. But I discovered something as the new year rolled around, and I noticed all the pro and con resolution talk: that was I was content. I didn't have any desire this year to shake things up, or make huge dramatic changes. 

What I've been doing seems to be "okay". There is no drama, no angst. Me and my Lord are just truckin' along, with Him leading and me trying to stay on the right path. When I wander off into the weeds now and then, He lovingly helps me scramble back on track. It's the no drama part I'm enjoying... the peaceful part.

Okay, the weight thing for 2013?? My highest during 2013 was 366, my lowest is currently 340. So, net loss of 26 pounds for the year. Better than a gain... I'll take it. End of story.

"Detail from Moonlight Rendezvous"

More than that, I've found Peace on this journey. And had one big eye opening revelation a few months ago that rocked me. Okay, if you are one of those that roll your eyes when the fat person talks about "aha" moments that are obvious to all around her... well tune out now, cuz here it comes. ;-)

It's this: I REALLY saw that I've believed a LIE all my life. I've thought about it before, but now I SEE it, know it. I get it. I don't know how to put it into one tiny sentence, so here is how the LIE worked out into my life:

• I felt had to lose weight to be taken seriously, to deserve respect, both personally and in my art business
• until I lost the weight, which is how I believed "mature/responsible" people behaved, I felt I was not good enough
• this LIE side-tracked me all my life, invading all areas, and holding me back from being who I was meant to be
• I kept thinking "as soon as I lose the weight" I can <fill in the blank>
• I allowed this Quest To Lose Weight to be number one, to get too much continuing focus

There's more, but you get the idea. The Weight Loss Thing sat on the throne. Got all the attention, all the energy, and drained me.

"Uphill, Peruvian Style"

These last few months when I've pulled back from the weight loss focus have so... NICE. I've already paid my dues to learn the physical/nutritional parts of what I need to do. I spent the time and effort to ask hard questions of myself, to look inside and do the Heart work. So to finally NOT make weight loss the Number One Thing all the time has been refreshing!

I asked God to help me see how to better spend my time; how to be who He meant me to be; how to not waste this gift of time; to learn to Love better.

"Time, Our Companion"

So, no big weight loss to brag about this year.

But there is one thing that I AM excited about, and proud of myself in a goofy way. At the beginning of the year I joined an online art group, the Virtual Paintout. I wanted to participate for the entire year. Each month we virtually traveled to a new place in the world, via google street view, and painted from a location there. And even though I was sick as a DOG all December, I finished December's painting in Venice, Italy!

"Are You Here, My Love?"

That was a big deal for me. It's as though something in me that I almost lost, that got buried and kicked to the side, and I almost gave up on, has come alive again. I have no allusions as to being some kind of "great painter", and changing the world or anything like that. But I do want to be who I was meant to be. To paint joy, and hope, and beauty, and put my Heart onto the canvas with that paint.  I almost lost that due to the LIE, believing that I had to do the weight loss thing first.

But the Lie has been exposed now. 

If I never lost another ounce, I will still paint. If I never sold another painting, I will still paint. I will paint with love, with joy, with passion and with hope. And with much gratitude, hoping that it can be a blessing to others.

May you all be blessed with a most wonderful and peaceful New Year!

"Hope and a Future"

Enjoying the Journey, 

Loretta

Time For To Make Art, saith the Cat

One of my favorite passages written by wise King Solomon says "There is a time for everything."

It goes:

There is a time for everything, 

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

I know most will skim over that due to time pressures, but I've slowed down many times and read it carefully, thinking about each line. And I think I know why I haven't felt the need lately to write on this blog.

See, I've been here for YEARS, asking questions, searching for answers. And now it feels like I have no more questions. It's that simple. I feel at peace that I already have enough answers... now I simply need to DO what I know needs to be done. Sure, there is always more to learn, but that's not my point. My point is: it's time to DO.

• I've done the search for Understanding, in regards to my past.
• I've done the tough job of accepting TOTAL responsibility for my situation.
• I've made huge changes in what kind of nutrition I eat on a regular basis.
• I've made peace with the fact that this is permanent; I can't "use" food like a drug, and still be healthy.
• I've learned that in order for this to be permanent, my Heart must change.
• I've decided to accept "what is", and totally let go of "what could have been."
• I've learned I need to embrace my goals and refresh the vision I have for myself.

And I feel at Peace about all that. Finally. 

So I really don't have a lot to say right now. I am enjoying reading and supporting some other health/weight loss blogs, but mainly am spending my online time over at my art blog. I feel the freedom now to put my energies there. I don't need to spend tons of time looking for my answers here: I already have them, and need to DO them. Hmmm.... I said that before, didn't I?

For totally unrelated reason, this morning I was looking up word definitions, and it helped me in writing this post.

Here are some of those words:

self-centered

self-absorbed

self-indulgent

self-involved

Hmmm... see a pattern there?? Now you see why I'm tired of writing about ME??!!

Remember, this is where *I* am, after years of blogging around the same mountain. If you are just starting out, don't think I am telling YOU not to explore your own life, mind, heart, past, situation, etc.  May your journey be filled with discovery and new understandings!

But for me, it's time to pursue my passions... the things that get me up in the morning, and fill my day with joy!

See ya sooner or later.

Enjoy the journey,

 

Loretta

APRIL 8th Oh noes, I Forgot!

I was thinking earlier today about how I am learning to be more honest in my art, to take the risk of "going deeper", being more vulnerable and not just doing only light-hearted stuff. It's all a part of my Journey to Wellness. To pursue the true passions of my heart. 

And it dawned on me, that I forgot to share what I've been up to over at my art blog! Now, I realize not everyone is interested, but some might be.  Back in Dec of 2012, I joined the Virtual Paintout  gang, and each month we travel via Google Street View to a new location. We get to pick whatever spot we like, and use it as the inspiration for our painting. For people who can't travel for whatever reason, this is sooo much fun! I feel like my wheelchair has wings, and I am traveling the world. :-)

So, below is my March painting. I call it "Moonlit Dreams Come True".  

I had started out planning a light-hearted "safe" painting. Then I read a wonderful guest post at Jules Joyce's website Phenomenal Living.  It was called Bravery & Art, and I realized that to grow I had to stop playing it safe, and be authentic. I had been thinking about dreams, hopes and yearnings of the heart; so I changed my concept to reflect that idea.

"Moonlit Dreams Come True"

Vilnius, Lithuania

9 x 12 acrylics 

on wrapped canvas

If you'd enjoy seeing all the photos of the "making-of" process, I invite you to visit my art blog, Art By Retta. 

My book quote for today: "Don't make light of little victories. Small successes breed large ones. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself." --Joyce Meyer, Love Out Loud

My verse for today: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles."

My quote for today: "Art is, in the final analysis, a window on heaven." --Don Hudson

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

PS: As of April 2013, the Comments are turned off. 

Please enjoy just reading, no pressure to respond. 

I hope something Encourages you, or sparks Hope or interest. Or not. 

But either way, I want to continue to document my Journey to Wellness. 

The "numbers" do matter, since they are the result of Consistent good choices.

But it's not ALL about the numbers. 

We are more than that... we are whole people! 

MAY 1st I'm Baaack!

Hello Journal & Friends,

I had a wonderful bloggy vacation! I even restrained myself from spouting off in a post when the urge hit... once. ;-)

As I started to write this, I stumbled upon the "pray for wisdom list" I made back on April 13th. It was for me and 6 others. I have been praying daily, sometimes more than once, for wisdom for us all. But... I had forgotten what I wrote next to MY name. :-O

Here it is:

April 13th, starting to see that I can choose which "restriction" I use as a tool. And if I want to stop counting calories, all I need to do is use "hunger/fullness" signals as prompts and ACCEPT them as my tool to control amounts. That would be all I need to do, just one thing, since I already make my choices from low carb, and don't eat sugar/flour now. Just one thing! How simple. :-)

Yeah right... how simple!! 

Well, on my "blogcation" I didn't count calories... not a one. I really did want to test this "theory". Was I ready for it? Was it too soon? Was I fooling myself? Was I making excuses cuz I was just plain tired of the hassle of counting?

How did I do?

April 1 weigh in: 332

May 1 weigh in:  321

Meaning a loss for April of 11 pounds. 

Pretty good for this ol' dog!

Hey, I think I'm on to sumpthin!! Perhaps I've finally turned the corner. I've done this whole deal long enough to know how, what, why, etc etc, ad nauseam. 

I had to ACCEPT the restriction, and stop fighting it. 

So all during my "time off" from blogging about it, I shifted my focus to my WHY. 

Yes, I did blog a little, but it was at my art blog (here).  I focused on my true passion, my reason for wanting to get healthy and lose this weight. I plan to continue this pattern for the most part, and see if it truly is where I need to be now, where this leg of the journey is leading me. I'm excited!

And this is for anyone who did NOT have a stellar April... hang in there, your time is a-coming. 

My book quote for today: "Find what works best for you. Always remember that you are trying to master yourself, not find a master for you." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

My quote for today: "I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed." --Vincent Van Gogh

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 988

APRIL 6th Our Video Is Here!

Hello Journal & Friends,

I'm excited! It's here... the long anticipated video made especially for us by Coach Dayne, from Coach Your Mind! 

On January 1st of this year, I took a Poll (Here), asking what YOU all would like to see included in his video. Coach Dayne teaches on having a winning mindset, on choosing to be the 1%.. that minority of people who decide that failure, mediocrity and defeatist attitude are not what they want. Who are willing to do the work, to be teachable, and to never ever quit. To believe their goals are possible... thus making it probable that they WILL achieve them. It's for those who decide they are not willing to settle for less any more! 

Does that describe you??

I'm making the choice that it DOES describe me. I'm not going by feelings, I'm choosing it. I. want. it. 

Well, Coach Dayne read your answers to the poll, and we now have the video! Before I give the link to the video (I'm having problems with blogspot letting me embed videos, thus the need for a link) I wanted to let you in on something else Coach Dayne is up to: he's now posting short audio talks on Soundcloud, which also appear on Facebook. If you sign up, Soundcloud will notify you when a new audio is available. 

The audios are short and to the point, and I'm loving them. I already saw one thing I was NOT doing right in visualizing my goals... and that's only after listening to two! Here is the link to Coach Dayne's Soundcloud page.  

Okay, drumroll... here's the long awaited:

 VIDEO ON YOUTUBE link. 

I already took a peek at it, and I am so jazzed! I heard something clearly this time I had been fuzzy on before, and that's exciting to me. 

Need a reason to watch the video? Here's my short summary:

--talks about keys to keeping the kind of powerful motivation that will bust through barriers

--how to super-charge your motivation so it sustains you

--describes the kind of "WHY" needed and what to attach to it in order to make it powerful and solid, so nothing will stop you

--how to separate from the "average" and achieve your goals, to become the 1%

Thank you, Coach Dayne. I appreciate this greatly.

My book quote for today: "What is it like, they ask me, to commit every fiber, every molecule of being, to completing a goal? How do you train yourself to not ever consider the option of quitting under the most stressful situations?" --Richard Machowicz, Unleash the Warrior Within

My verse for today: "I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."

My quote for today: "You control virtually every aspect of this journey." --Jack, at Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 963

MAR 12th On Finding Harmony

Hello Journal & Friends,

This morning I read a most wonderful post by Carla aka Mizfit.  It was about that question we've all heard: Can we have it all?

But the parts that struck ME were more about finding HARMONY... instead of looking for that elusive "balance". And also that maybe we need to re-define what the "all" is that we are working towards. It's an individual thing.

Her post touched me. The photos of her "all"... of her husband and child. Discovering that she already had her "all".

And I also thought about why I've been feeling sort of wordless when it comes to writing posts lately. I've been directing my energies in other directions - towards my art - and in doing so, I'm sort of "empty" by the time it comes to writing here. But... am I really?

I puzzled over that, and think I figured out at least part of the reason why: when I write here, I want it to mean something. I mean, not be "filler" or fluff. I want it to be real. To matter to me. And that takes digging INWARD... it takes energy and passion. 

And I've been spending that energy and passion on other stuff! So... that's why Mizfit's post struck me. I thought I had to "balance" it all... do it all... keep up with it all. And that expectation made me feel guilty, and like a failure, and frustrated that there were never enough hours in the day!

So... what to do??

I had to ask myself some hard questions. I had to be honest with myself. I would LIKE to think I am oh-so-strong that the occasional negative comments left here don't bother me. 

But they do. I considered shutting off the comments, but I admit I would miss the interaction with most of you that I consider online friends. 

When I consider letting it all hang out, sharing what's going through my head, or what I am learning... I'd like to say that I am fearless and do it regardless. But that's not the truth. 

The truth is... there have been several times lately when I felt the urge to share a neat thing I discovered, or am learning, or am thinking about... and didn't. I just didn't feel like fielding the criticisms and judgements. 

And yes, it pisses me off that I've allowed idiots to influence what I write. People that are so pin-headed and full of themselves that they don't understand that this IS a learning journey. That most of us are here because we do NOT have our act all together. We ARE learning, discovering and finding our way back to health. To not only physical health, but emotional, mental and spiritual health.

So... what to do??

I dunno yet. :-}

My book quote for today: "Never let anyone discourage you from your dreams or goals, no matter how big or small, because no one can ever guess how much you're capable of doing. You're the only one who can decide that." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live."

My quote for today: "Fulfillment of your authentic purpose is worth every effort. Never settle for less from yourself than the absolute best you can be." --Ralph Marston

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 938

JAN 31st Toon Tuesday On Fire!

Hello there Journal & Friends,

The pain pills have kicked in, and hubby made it through the night without me murdering him in his sleep. Yeah, I was a tad bit grumpy yesterday. :-D

So on to the fun stuff! Last week I posted a free download of a WordBubble doodle (here, if you missed it) 

and today I'm showing my finished doodle. If you'd like to share yours, I invite you to leave a link in the comments to where we can see it.

Here's how mine looked, nekkid of color:

My first pass with the blue family:

Almost done:

Finished, before final varnish (it's hard to photograph with the glare of varnish):

I hope you enjoyed playing around with yours... I liked what Mamajulianna called it... a stress buster. :-D

When I get my new video camera, I plan to do another one. That was fun!

As I discover who played along, I'll add them here, so it'll be easier to visit them and see all the variations:

• Mamajulianna at Abide and Endeavor
• Mary Pax at Wistful Nebulae
• Yellow Rose Jasmine at Yellow Rose of Texas

For you artsy fartsy types, if you'd like more details on materials and method and all that, I invite you to visit my art blog by clicking on link under the pic below. I'll be posting all the deets there later tonight.

My art blog

                               

From Dr Phil's book: "You can create an internal dialogue that is healthy, constructive, and joyful."

My verse for today: "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."

My quote for today: "If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing." --Marc Chagall

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 897