Monday, March 12, 2012

MAR 12th On Finding Harmony

Hello Journal & Friends,

This morning I read a most wonderful post by Carla aka Mizfit.  It was about that question we've all heard: Can we have it all?

But the parts that struck ME were more about finding HARMONY... instead of looking for that elusive "balance". And also that maybe we need to re-define what the "all" is that we are working towards. It's an individual thing.

Her post touched me. The photos of her "all"... of her husband and child. Discovering that she already had her "all".

And I also thought about why I've been feeling sort of wordless when it comes to writing posts lately. I've been directing my energies in other directions - towards my art - and in doing so, I'm sort of "empty" by the time it comes to writing here. But... am I really?

I puzzled over that, and think I figured out at least part of the reason why: when I write here, I want it to mean something. I mean, not be "filler" or fluff. I want it to be real. To matter to me. And that takes digging INWARD... it takes energy and passion. 

And I've been spending that energy and passion on other stuff! So... that's why Mizfit's post struck me. I thought I had to "balance" it all... do it all... keep up with it all. And that expectation made me feel guilty, and like a failure, and frustrated that there were never enough hours in the day!

So... what to do??

I had to ask myself some hard questions. I had to be honest with myself. I would LIKE to think I am oh-so-strong that the occasional negative comments left here don't bother me. 

But they do. I considered shutting off the comments, but I admit I would miss the interaction with most of you that I consider online friends. 

When I consider letting it all hang out, sharing what's going through my head, or what I am learning... I'd like to say that I am fearless and do it regardless. But that's not the truth. 

The truth is... there have been several times lately when I felt the urge to share a neat thing I discovered, or am learning, or am thinking about... and didn't. I just didn't feel like fielding the criticisms and judgements. 

And yes, it pisses me off that I've allowed idiots to influence what I write. People that are so pin-headed and full of themselves that they don't understand that this IS a learning journey. That most of us are here because we do NOT have our act all together. We ARE learning, discovering and finding our way back to health. To not only physical health, but emotional, mental and spiritual health.

So... what to do??

I dunno yet. :-}

My book quote for today: "Never let anyone discourage you from your dreams or goals, no matter how big or small, because no one can ever guess how much you're capable of doing. You're the only one who can decide that." --Richard Machowicz, Unleash The Warrior Within

My verse for today: "Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live."

My quote for today: "Fulfillment of your authentic purpose is worth every effort. Never settle for less from yourself than the absolute best you can be." --Ralph Marston

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 938


Nanette said...

Oooo!!! Share your art! I would love to see what you're up to! If it's not too personal, of course. :)

Anonymous said...

I totally understand this post.

In fact, I wrote a similar post the morning before you posted about the negative comment you had received. I didn't publish that post because I didn't want you to think it was targeted at you. :}

But the gist was the desire for acceptance and the effect of peer pressure ain't just for middle schoolers. I was annoyed by the fact that I often deleted posts I wrote or censored posts to avoid being judged.

The title of the post was something like, "Embracing Acceptance, Abandoning Me".

Haha. Yeah. Not one of my chirpier posts. But I questioned the value of my blog if I couldn't write what I was thinking;feeling/sorting out. I mean, I'm not on here to gain a following or break into show biz. sigh. Suffice to say, I get it.


Rettakat said...

Thank you for the interest, Nanette. :-)

I wish I had more to show right now. I occasionally post at my art blog, here:

But right now the biggest two projects I'm involved in are longer term. I am doing some cover art for a couple of authors. The reason I accepted the "gigs" is because they both want "real" art, not digital composition art... stuff pasted together from photos and manipulated in photoshop. Believe me, that take talent and I do give credit to some great work being done. But... it's not where my heart is. I want to PAINT. And these authors WANT painted cover art. Match made in heaven. :-D

But one of these is a year long project to make a couple dozen paintings for an illustrated book! So I won't be posting soon on that, LOL!

Anyway, ANY TIME someone shows the slightest inkling of interest in an artist's work, believe me, we totally appreciate that!! :-D

spunkysuzi said...

How about comment approval before posting them?? I always love reading your updates!!

Rettakat said...

Oooh, great title! "Embracing Acceptance, Abandoning Me". Yep, I know what you mean.

"I'm not on here to gain a following or break into show biz." Ha ha ha, I get that, too! At first it was kinda fun for people to take an interest enough to sign up to follow, but I'm so over that now. It's about being real and sharing, yet sometimes I think if I do, I'll just get slapped down, so what's the point. I agree with the part that says I need to DO, and not just talk. But don't these Armchair Judges realize that's exactly what we are trying to do?? But we also want/need the freedom to talk it out, as we go and learn, and stumble, and get up and go again. Oh well, preachin to the choir here. :-)

Thanks Deb, I knew you'd understand.

Rettakat said...

Oh, I hadn't thought of that...Well, but then I'd still have the "pleasure" of reading the nasty ones before I delete them. I'm already deleting them from the comments now. No one else needs to read negativity either. :-}
"I always love reading your updates!!" Thank you, that's sweet of you!

spunkysuzi said...

But you could delete before reading from commenters you know are haters!

MargieAnne said...

What mean comments? Who could be mean to you?

I love what you write and it always makes me pause and think.... in a good and helpful way.

Who knew life would be a continuous journey of discovery. When I was young I got mad because my 50 something M-I-L wasn't wise. Haha! I'm 72 and still lack wisdom many times. And sometimes I don't know what I want to do with my life and where I want to be next week let alone five years.

One thing is constant though. Life, circumstances and the world keep changing and that means adventure even when I don't feel like an adventure.

Today, as I read your post, I realised I am using up so much energy surviving our current circumstances plus my determination to improve my health that creative activity doesn't have much room. That's sad but I know it's a passing season.


debby said...

Hmmm, Suzy's got me thinking. Could you 'mark as spam' the negative commenters? Honestly, I don't get the mean-spirited comments to a person they've never even met in person. Do you ever click over and see what kind of writing they do on their own blog? It might give you a clue about them.

Anyway, I really really got what you were saying about the creating vs. blog writing. Most of the time writing a blog seems like it takes a lot of energy. Occasionally I tell myself it is a good discipline, and then you will see me post a couple of days in a row.

Keep on blogging your thoughts, Loretta. They are creative and brilliant and helpful.

Jules said...

one of the hardest yet most awe inspiring things i have learned recently over the last several months is it is not what others say about me, the lack of or the hater comments, it is my reaction to them. One of my biggest leaps of faith was sharing how I felt during a long period of time, no blaming, no pointing fingers, and realizing that my feelings which = my opinions, my experiences, my, my, my ...are all valid. instead of accepting them within, I have had to look at it as that is "their" stuff and I no longer choose to take that on as my reality.

This is not to say it still hurts, it still can affect me, it is part of the learning process, but each time I do it, it empowers me to be who I am.....

PS I LOVE your art.. You are extremely talented..and you have that gift of tapping into emotions with a brush.....(can u tell I am a fan :-)

Rettakat said...

You sound like me, Anne. The older I get, the less I feel I know! :-)
I like that description of life: "a continuous journey of discovery."

You know, I kept waiting to get on with my art, thinking I'd have more energy after I got healthier. I am discovering that it's the opposite for me now. At first, 3 yrs ago, I needed to focus, and spent many months doing nutritional research, trying stuff, finding a plan, etc etc. But now, I'm finding that if I REVERSE it, and put my energy into my true passions, that I feel MORE inclined to do better with my wt loss journey and the nutrition.

But whatever way works for you, I know you will come out the other end of this "season", because God is holding you in His arms. Hardly a day goes by right now that He doesn't lay you on my heart to pray for... so I KNOW you are on HIS heart. :-)

Rettakat said...

Yes, at first I would be so amazed, and wonder why they were even here?? So I'd go and try to understand them. But in the end, I had to let it go and try not to let it affect me. Easier said than done!

Thank you Debby, I appreciate your comment!

Rettakat said...

You are so right. And I just wrote a post that I'm getting ready to hit publish... so great minds think alike, LOL!

Thanks you for the thoughts about my art. You said the one thing that means a lot to me. I've tried to years to learn how to show emotions in my art. So for you to say that is very meaningful to me. :-)

Joy said...

What I do is just keep pushing matter matter what's happening...even if someone is trying to bump me off my plan, be mean or whatever. I've got my eye on the goal and I'm not stopping NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Just keep going, keep disovering, keep pushing. And no matter what, don't quit!!!


Rettakat said...

Ha ha ha, you read my mind, Joy. I just posted on that, to never quit. :-D

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