Good Afternoon Journal,
I have quoted Michael Beckwith before. I do tend to repeat things that are meaningful to me... it's one way that helps me learn, plain repetition. Nothing glamorous or fascinating... I guess you could call it dogged determination.
Anyway, he said to always look for the Blessin' or the Lesson in all of lifes circumstances.
Last Saturday, when I was upset and sat down to type out my feelings, one issue that was also unearthed was about counting calories. And honestly, I was totally unaware that I was really feeling this way! I do not believe in "enduring" problems if they can be "resolved". So when this came up, I faced it with the intent of resolving it.
The issue: The A major reason I was struggling with the whole counting calories thing, or more accurately LIMITING the calories I would eat, was because I somehow had an attitude that:
1. It's not fair
2. Poor me
3. I'm entitled
1. It's not fair that I have to count and limit calories... I have ALREADY GIVEN UP SUGAR AND FLOUR (due to medical reasons). I was feeling very rebellious about the whole calorie thing.
2. Poor me, so many other people get to eat anything they want in moderation, nothing off limits, while I have to give up sugar and flour AND count calories... oh poor me.
3. I'm entitled to eat more calories... after all, I have given up sugar and flour, I should get to eat however much I want of all the rest of what's left.
Well, you can see why I got to be 460 pounds with squirrelled up thinking like this example!!
I am actually very grateful that this all was SQUEEZED to the surface by the PRESSURE of Saturday's events!!
By seeing this distorted "logic", and answering it with healthier thoughts, I really truly am struggling LESS now with the calorie thing... and I am even kind of excited now. I latched onto a description that Mary (from The Chronicles of Meps' Reconstruction) used about calories. She called the number of calories that we each find that is right for us our "Golden Numbers". For some reason that struck me, and it made me think of a Magic Carpet Ride, something so positive, and not restrictive at all. Yeah, I know... mental gymnastics. LOL!
Anyway, here were my answers to the distorted logic:
1. It's not fair: well, yeah, maybe not! But so what? Life's not fair. You just do the best you can with what you have. Yes, I already stopped eating sugar and flour, and feel so much better for it, so that's a good thing. And now I am adding the strategy of calorie counting to the mix, to help me reach my goal. I don't HAVE to if I don't want to... no one is making me do a thing. But I WANT to be healthy... I WANT to lose the weight... and this strategy will serve me well, and so I choose to be thankful that it is an easy strategy for me to use (hey, after counting calories on and off all my life, I could do it in my sleep, LOL!)
2. Poor me: if this is what it takes for me to have the life I want, then it's worth it. It may or may not be a lifetime thing... but choosing not to eat sugar and flour, and limiting the calories will serve me well, and bring me to a place of health and freedom. I choose to be thankful that I still have a choice, that it is not too late, and that this strategy is actually working.
3. I'm entitled: just like a financial budget is there to serve me and keep me financially healthy, so my calorie budget will serve me. Yes, I chose to give up the sugar and flour. Now I choose to create my healthy future by eating responsibly, and counting the calories in the foods that I choose to enjoy. I am entitled to a new healthy me!
I shared all this, not because it's that fascinating to anyone other than me, but because the whole point is... if you are on this journey and struggling, it really is important to unearth your hang-ups. That takes time... self-honesty... a willingness to feel uncomfortable for a season... maybe to even feel a little sheepish, like I did here. But it is soooo worth it. That surge of excitement after a breakthrough... it's like throwing more fuel on your little Hope Bonfire, making it burn bigger, brighter and stronger.
ALWAYS KEEP GOING. And look for the Blessin's and the Lessons along the way.
From Dr Phil's book: "Be alert to the possibility that you may want to 'reward' yourself in ways that totally negate every positive move you've made up to this point."
My verse for today: "We love, because he first loved us."
My quote for today: "Sometimes we may learn more from a man's errors, than from his virtues." --Longfellow
Enjoy the Journey,