Hi Journal,
So... yesterday I am pontificating about CHOICES... managing our weight by making healthy choices... how we have a chance each day to make progress towards our goal.
Christina/CinciMom11 (from CinciMom11: Losing the Baby Weight) left me a lovely comment yesterday regarding that post (as an aside, I really enjoy her blog... she is an intelligent, sensitive, insightful young woman, ready to learn and grow). By the time I read her comment, however... an "event" had occurred!
Here is what I wrote last night in response to her nice comment:
CINCIMOM11: Thanks for saying that... but the joke is on me today. HubbyDearest came home with $11 worth of bavlava... one of my favorites!!! AARRRGGGHHHH!!! and a big GGRRRRR for good measure! No, I am not eating it... it is not "bad", it's just that I have chosen not to eat sugar on this journey.
But I was sooo upset! He was in fear of his life--and rightfully so--and he at least put it in the old fridge that is outside on the patio. I told him I don't even want to SEE it! I felt totally sabotaged, angry, hurt, rebellious, jealous, frustrated... did I leave any out??!!
Anyway, I did eat too much roasted chicken at dinner... sigh.. but dang it, I didn't eat bavlava. You'd think something like that would be history by now... but no, I still have favorites that call my name! Long story just to say, goodie goodie for me, I got to CHOOSE tonite. And Hubby just might live through the night... maybe... ;-)
But I was sooo upset! He was in fear of his life--and rightfully so--and he at least put it in the old fridge that is outside on the patio. I told him I don't even want to SEE it! I felt totally sabotaged, angry, hurt, rebellious, jealous, frustrated... did I leave any out??!!
Anyway, I did eat too much roasted chicken at dinner... sigh.. but dang it, I didn't eat bavlava. You'd think something like that would be history by now... but no, I still have favorites that call my name! Long story just to say, goodie goodie for me, I got to CHOOSE tonite. And Hubby just might live through the night... maybe... ;-)
Well, I didn't strangle him in his sleep. And since last night's PRACTICE, I have begrudgingly decided to find the lessons in this silly little affair. When I changed my attitude from looking at it as though I were the center of the universe, I actually DID find something to learn... imagine that.
- A reminder that the universe doesn't revolve around ME.
- As much as I care for someone, I can't force them to change before they are ready.
- I was shocked at how hard it hit me, to have one of my old holiday favorites brought into the house with no warning... I need to remember that I am still on a journey, I still am vulnerable, and must remain vigilant.
- Never take success for granted, or get overly confident... we all have our achilles heels.
- Remember to look at his heart, not just his actions. Guys can be... um... how to say this diplomatically... oblivious?? He is not on a weight loss plan, *I* am. His intention was not to hurt me or sabotage me... he was at the store, shopping when hungry, and bought a yummy for his tummy, end of story.
- I am grateful I committed to writing this blog with honesty and on a daily basis. I couldn't run and hide, or ignore my feelings, or eat a pound of baklava and then "restart Monday", like I would have done in the past. I had to face it, feel it, and process it. This has helped tremendously. It also helped me not strangle my sweet errant Hubs in his sleep!!
Overall take-away for me: I am glad this happened NOW... I thought I was perfectly fine going into the holidays. Really, I wasn't worried at all. I am still not "worried", but now I will be very cautious, knowing I still have triggers. Since I have chosen not to eat sugar on this journey, due to it's effect on me, I plan to have substitutes available just for me, in case "someone" decided to bring contraband home again.
From Dr Phil's book: "If you don't require much of yourself in this area of self-monitoring, your ability to maintain your goal weight will be weakened considerably."
My verse for today: "Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you."
My quote for today: "Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."--G K Chesterton
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
=^..^=
11 comments:
Woo Hoo, YOU!!! Didn't eat--didn't commit homicide! You got it, baby!!! Even took a lesson away from it. wow.
If you read my post from today, you'll see that although I learned something--ummm, I did eat. sigh.
Onward and forward down this road to thin!
Deb
Gosh, I would have just complained and left it at that. Oh, no, Miss Smarty Pants reflects on things and learns lessons. You are seriously the best, Loretta! Even when you have negative moment, you are still so positive!
Well you know I totally get this, because this happens to me too. My hubby can be so good about not bringing stuff home I cant have and then suddenly he brings home something that torments me!! Without making sure I have something yummy thats allowed...how dare he do this! but like you say, I am the one on a diet, not him and sometimes he just gets what he wants without thinking. Not to hurt me, though in the end he does feel guilty. I think it is a man thing. Becuase you know if they were on diets, WE would be so supportive and completely vigilant!!! Which is how women are. I wonder sometimes if I need to put a sign on the door. "Check your sugar at the door" or "This is a SUGARLESS zone" just to remind him to tuck his candy or whatever into his pocket and hide it from me!!!!
Because sometimes, I really want him to hide it. side.
oops I meant SIGH, not side, ha ha
I so understand where you are coming from, I too live in a house where I am the only one that has to watch what I eat (for weight purposes). I love your spin on it, they are not sabotaging me because quite honestly it isn't about me.
I am so very proud of you for not giving in!
Hey, Loretta! I found your grumpy little bluebird on photobucket and adopted as my twitter avatar til I get under 200 pounds. I hope you don't mind. Deb
LOL...Loretta, I am so happy you didn't murder your husband in his sleep! It would not be fun to have to blog from prison!
I loved the bluebird pic! That's how I felt the other day!
Men can be oblivious, but they usually have good intentions! I'm sure he just wasn't really thinking about anything else except his desire for a yummy treat.
You have such a wonderful attitude! You're a wonderful inspiration!
I'm glad you forgave the man. They are often clueless. We forget that others don't obsess over our own obsessions.
As the journey goes on, things change. For instance, for most items I can exercise portion control.
However, that being said, I think we all have certain foods that are 'triggers' or weakness. For me, licorice and cashews. I can not control eihter one. I will eat until the package is gone. I can only control by the amount I buy.
I so admire your will power. That's damn impressive. You go, Loretta!
Great Job. You're doing so great!
Thanks for your kind words and calling me back from my rain cloud. Day to Day is the key and of course being stronger than the sugar.
DEB: Yep, we all have moments of "temporary insanity"! I've done that too many times to count... impt thing is to LEARN from it. I just can't stand to keep making the SAME mistakes over and over. Gimme new ones! (not really!) Oh, and that is actually the cousin to my grumpy bird, so it's fine. ;-)
CINCIMOM11: Yeah, well, Miss Smarty Pants would have done better if she hadn't ate so much roast chicken at dinner... I think she was pouting because it wasn't baklava!
NANCY: Yes, I knew you would understand... we are married to the same guy. (that's a JOKE!!! no bigamy here, really!)
{ALL}: That is a big one to remember... but it really helps: it's not all about ME, you are so right!
DEBBIE: That was funny... the image of me blogging from prison. I'm glad you are finding inspiration. Wanna hear something funny?? I read my two blogs to the Male Offender, and he laughed, because he really had NO CLUE that it was that big of a deal to me. Men, sheesh. Can't live with em, can't kill em... guess we will just have to love em just as they are. ;-)
MARY/ANTGIRL: Yep, clueless. Adorable and clueless. Whaddyagonnado?? Salted cashews... eek! Not safe in my house. But I found that I am perfectly fine with raw unsalted cashews. I look forward to not having to many trigger foods as I progress.
Willpower??!! ha ha ha... I have a whole blog post half done on THAT subject.
SHELLI: Thank you, I'm trying. Good thing about the rains... they are not permanent. I'm glad you are back, too. I missed you! I never would have thought when I started blogging that I would feel that way, but it's true. :-)
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