Hello Journal & Friends!
Talk is cheap. For years I "talked" about losing weight. I made so many sincere attempts. I "tried".
I wished, I hoped, I prayed. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I would cry out, asking "what's WRONG with me??" I asked that questions for years.
I can't blame anyone for giving up on me. I almost gave up on myself. I finally got it that it's not what I SAID that counts, it's what I DID.
If I wanted to lose weight, I had to DO those things that I didn't formerly want to do. Change. Permanently. I had to face my issues. To get real honest with myself. I created this mess... all 460 pounds of it. And I was the only one that was responsible to clean it up.
I have a wonderful family doctor. I have been with him almost 22 years. He has seen me start many "diets". He was always supportive, but over the years I could see he didn't believe in my success any longer. I don't blame him. Actions speak louder than words. All he had to offer, finally, was weight loss surgery.
At one doctors visit, right before I finally "got it"... I told him I didn't think I had a physical problem... I had a MENTAL problem. He totally agreed. Yet, he still didn't know how to help me, other than to bring up weight loss surgery, again. And honestly, I was so desperate, that I looked into it... but my insurance wouldn't cover it.
At the beginning of 2009, I did some reading on the affect nutrition had on different metabolisms, and discovered that for certain people (of which I was one) the standard diet didn't work. BUT, those people did excellent when they controlled their carbohydrate intake. Some people do fine with the "moderation" approach, eating whatever they want in moderation. But for some, it's like eating a moderate amount of poison every day... and then they wonder why they are always starving and have intense cravings.
That was the beginning of me designing my own plan that turned out to be the winning formula for ME. I started simple: no sugar, no flour. That meant anything made with sugar and/or flour. Hmmm... I quickly realized that covered ALL my trigger foods!! Gee, go figure.
It took awhile, but after it was out of my system, I no longer had the intense physical cravings. Now I felt like I had a fighting chance with the mental aspect of this journey. I was no longer fighting the battle on TWO fronts (physical cravings plus emotional eating). Now, I just (ha ha, "just") needed to address my lifelong habit of emotional eating.
And that is the main focus of my blog. The battle is won or lost between the ears. I am trying to change from the inside out, and make this permanent. There are a gazillion books on that subject out there. But I chose one that was laid out simply and easy to follow: The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution, by Dr Phil McGraw. (HERE) It is orderly, logical, and made sense to me.
It is made up of seven componenents, which he calls Keys. It took me forever to get past keys 1 and 2: Right Thinking and Emotional Healing. I cried my way through the book the first time I read it! But I had to FACE my stuff, and not stuff my face. That means FEELING stuff, not being numbed up with food. And yeah, it was uncomfortable. But the idea is to resolve issues, to heal them, let them go, move on. So it gets better. :-)
Even when others stop believing in you, keep going.
Even if you have no support at home, keep going.
Even if they actually try to sabotage you, keep going.
Every time you overcome resistance, you will get stronger. Allow NO ONE to steal this from you. They cannot stop you unless YOU let them. We have been created with free will, and can CHOOSE to do this. It may not always be easy, but IT IS WORTH IT.
From Dr Phil's book: "A rational, healthy internal dialogue would tell you the truth so you can do something about it."
My verse for today: "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."
My quote for today: "I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." --Frank Lloyd Wright