Wednesday, January 27, 2010

DAY 171 Lady Susan & Who I was Born To Be

Hello Journal & Friends,

I am a Susan Boyle admirer. She moves me to tears. Not just her voice, which is wonderful. But the whole story.

I watched a video of her saying that when she first went on Britain's Got Talent,  they (both the audience and the judges) laughed at her at first. But then, when they heard her sing, they started to accept her.

They judged her by her outer appearance first. And judged her harshly. Then she earned their respect with her God-given talent.

I guess I relate to that kind of story. I have been judged harshly all my life by my outer appearance. And sometimes people are surprised that someone "like me" can actually make some decent art. I can't tell you how many times in my life this has happened to me. Sometimes it was subtle, but sometimes it was blurted out!

Knowing that people struggle to accept a larger-than-normal sized person, I didn't pursue my art career for many years. I had a fair amount of confidence in my art, but not in ME, if that makes sense. I was just too self-conscious. I kept putting it off, waiting to have the "whole package". But time slipped on by...

My dreams faded, and almost died. I have always done creative type projects of one type or another, but didn't pursue fine art painting too actively. Not publically, where people saw "me". I didn't feel ready to face the rejection of meeting gallery owners in person, or attending openings or art fairs, where people met me, the artist. The few times I did try, I was shot down. I allowed that to stop me.

(click pic to enlarge)

How people judge ME bleeds over into how they judge my art. Some people pursue their passion regardless of how they look. But for a lot of us, being overweight has affected many areas of our lives. We were not "victims"... but we were affected by our own limiting beliefs.

After Susan Boyle gained her fame, a song was written for her that is beautiful. The title is "Who I Was Born To Be". Here are part of the lyrics that I find meaningful:

When I was a child
I could see the wind in the trees
And I heard a song in the breeze
It was there, singing out my name

But I am not a girl
I have known the taste of defeat
And I have finally grown to believe
It will all come around again

And though I may not know the answers
I can finally say I am free
And if the questions led me here, then
I am who I was born to be

And so here am I
Open arms and ready to stand
I've got the world in my hands
And it feels like my turn to fly

Even though I am not to my goal weight yet, I am pretty much no longer afraid of what "they" think about how I look. I am discovering who I was born to be... and feel like maybe, just maybe, it is my turn to fly.

From Dr Phil's book: "Heal your feelings so that your eating is no longer fueled by harmful emotions."

My verse for today: "Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world."

My quote for today: "Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think." --Randy Pausch


karen@fitnessjourney said...

Too often people are judged before they even have a chance. It is refreshing to see Susan's story. What saddens me are all of the people out there being judged who don't have her beautiful voice or your artist talent. Maybe they don't have an amazing talent, but they are good people who aren't going to be given a chance. Sorry for being such a downer, but I believe those are the people we need to reach out to the most.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Loretta. Once again, you have written my thoughts and experience. Substitute writing and public ministry, and it is me.

My reaction to Susan Boyle was overwhelming. I sat and watched her initial performance on Britains Got Talent over and over again. I know that my feelings and thoughts were in response to both her experience and my own.

Not too long ago, I was asked to put my name in for an unexpectedly vacant seat on our city council. I refused because of my weight. When I told that to a person who weighed over 300 pounds at the time, she was astounded. And said that her weight did stop her from going after what she had earned. Then, I was astounded.

I'm sure if I sat down and was able to recall all of the things I have refused to do or to try because of my weight, the list of items would number in the hundreds.

As I type this, I am listening to Susan sing, and I am filled, once again, with feelings of awe and grief and hope. All of those refused and lost opportunities... All of that oveerlooked promise.. And, yet, she has victory now! It must feel so sweet to her. The Lord can make the dream a reality even now--even for us.

I said in a previous comment on your post, that the theme for 2010 was freedom. And, so it is. Freedom. To be able to sing with Susan, "I am free." This year, girlfriend, this year we shall sing.


Anonymous said...

Oops. typo above--I left out the word NOT in my friends response to going after what she had earned. Her weight did NOT stop her. sigh. Deb

Leslie said...

Hi Loretta,

This is my first visit to your blog, and I was meant to see it today to catch this post. I have felt similarly about my "art", which is writing. I love writing and want to do more with it, but have always held back because, well because of "me". The same "me" about which you spoke. Blogging has been the perfect way for me to begin to go more public with writing, but there are goals I have for it - doable and achievable, that I still haven't pursued in earnest because of fear.

I like your blog, and will be following to watch you succeed! You've already made great progress. I'm going to browse your archive to catch up. Thanks for this thoughtful post.

clickmom said...

You spoke to my heart here. Good things are happening to me now, and there is a part of me that can't believe it's true even though I'm still fat.

antgirl said...

See, I never understood why people would laugh at Susan Boyle or think that she had nothing of worth to contribute. Maybe there are sots out there who think that way and maybe I'm naive, but I like to think that the majority of people don't.

I think there are more Susan Boyles than people who would dare to laugh at her. I don't even think she's bad looking.

People who think that way are beyond shallow. Honest we don't need that in our lives. I don't get why anyone wouldn't think you have worth and beauty.

Doesn't surprise me at all that you have the talent you do. But, I don't normally judge people on how they look. I would have missed out on some great friends that way.

Debbie said...

I agree with Karen. It's sad to see anyone judged based on their looks, but think about all of us without a beautiful singing voice, or artistic talent like you have!

I, of course, have spent most of my life worrying about what others think of me. But, I've come to the realization those who choose to judge me by my looks are not worth my time and energy.

Your art is beautiful and so are you inside and out!

Hallie said...

Hey, just wanted to let you know that I've passed the Happy 101 Award on to you. Hope you will participate! Thanks!

cmoursler said...

I know what you mean....I get snarky comments about my art from people because alot of it is not fruit and veggies and people portraits. A lot of it is fantasy.
I used to think it didn't mesh with being a mom and a housewife.
now i think something else....but I still need to devote more time to it.

Anonymous said...

i love Susan Boyle too, I received her CD for Christmas! You are an amazing artist, and I wanted to ask, are you self taught or did you go to school for art?

Ms. PJ Geek said...

I always seem to work twice as hard to be organized or book smart to compensate for people's view of me. This is timely..must be a lesson I need to hear today. I listen to Christian radio and they just talked about how there is a scripture (sorry they didn't say what it was) that basically says 'Man judges each other on the outside, God judges us by our heart'....exactly

Rettakat said...

KAREN: I think everyone have talents and abilities of different kinds, and dreams for their life, and no one should be judged by their outer appearance. It's a human flaw to do that to people, I think. Everyone should be encouraged to live their best life... those with obvious "talents" and those with more subtle gifts to offer.

DEB: Me too, I watched that initial performance over and over and over... it touched me deeply.

LESLIE: Welcome, Leslie! That's a good way to describe it... we "held back". I'm glad you could relate to it, and hope it encouraged you.

CLICKMOM: I am glad it spoke to you. And I enjoyed looking at your photographs. That one of the tree with a "watery" background was amazing.

MARY: I agree so much, people can be shallow. And that's what I love about blogland, I have made so many new friends, and it have nothing to do with looks, but with the "real" person. :-)

DEBBIE: Thank you, Debbie, that's sweet of you to say.

HALLIE: Aw, that is so nice of you to think of me! I've been passing up on awards lately, though. My internet time is limited, and I would much rather write my blog and spend the rest of my time reading other people's blogs. But thank you so much for thinking of me. :-)

CHRIS: Ah yes... opinions. Yep. It's taken me a lot of years to chuck out opinions. Now I am really enjoying doing the kind *I* want to do. And it's so much more fun!

NANCY: Thanks, Nancy. Self-taught?? Well, I guess so. I didn't go to college, though I wish I had. I did take a correspondent art course in my teens that my parents paid for, which was "kind of" helpful, though in typical teen fashion I didn't finish it. I was an art major in high school, but just the typical classes. So, I suppose I learned from all the years of art books and magazine articles I devoured. Definitely the long way to do it!

PJ GEEK: Ooh, I like that one: "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (I Samuel 16:7)


CinciMom11 said...

Loretta! This post made me tear up. You always share things in the best ways. I love the song lyrics you included. Susan did an amazing job!

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