Thursday, June 30, 2011

JUNE 30th The Meltdown & The Hero

Hi Journal & Friends,

This morning I had a Mini Meltdown.

Yep, a good old fashioned cry, whine, Pity Party Deluxe. The only thing missing was the pig-out. Well, at least I've made progress there!

Poor Jim... he'd been working his tail off for the last 5 days, replacing the sub-flooring in the kitchen, then laying new linoleum. Scrambling to get it all done before he had to go back to work today. The "experts" told us that it will take a few months to really cure and harden up, so Jim put down a thin carpet with a hard rubber backing over the new linoleum, so the wheels of my rolling stool that I use in the kitchen won't chew it up. 

Except... that didn't work. The wheels bogged down, and I couldn't roll. It was painful to be jerked around, and I almost fell off the stool. And I cried.

It was just the perfect storm... It was first thing in the morning, when I am in the most pain... my pain pills haven't kicked in yet... I am under pressure to get his 2 meals made in time to take to work... I haven't had my coffee yet... everything hasn't been put back together yet in the kitchen so it's taking longer just to find stuff... I'm feeling cranky... I need a shower... but not even any clean underclothes since the laundryroom is on the OTHER side of the kitchen and has been unavailable for 5 days... I haven't had my coffe yet (yes, a thing of that importance needs to be noted twice)... on and on the Whine List went.

And then, the poor guy has to take OUT the protective carpet he spent time carefully fitting in there, and throw down a simple entry mat that works with my wheels. And he makes the innocent "mistake" of repeatedly mumbling about how it might not work... that it might chew up the new linoleum... that it might wreck it... that.... that...

And I blow!

And he blinks... huh??

And I, with great martyrdom, says "I'm sorry!" 

And he, with great patience, responds "It's not your fault."

And I, with self-pity and guilt insists "YES IT IS!!!"

And he, with puzzlement, asks "You mean because you're overweight??"

And I, with anger, answered adamantly and loudly "YES!!!"

Then he totally got me... and started me back to sanity, by saying gently: "Yes,  but you are doing something about it, and for that I applaud you."

More tears. But now there is a shift... Gratitude has snuck into the mix. 

Gratitude that he could have said sooo many OTHER things. Things that could have hurt me, could have demoralized me, could have devastated me. I was vulnerable and on the edge already, and he could have pushed me over with his words. 

Instead, he gave me love and acceptance and encouragement and approval... all in that one little sentence.

I'm better now. Feeling silly and sheepish... wondering if I have really learned ANYthing... but better now. 

In the moment, it seemed everything I thought I had learned just vanished, and I was left crying, feeling sorry for myself, and wondering if anything would ever change. 

Never underestimate the power of a kind word.

From Dr Phil's book: "What you really want is to feel better about yourself."

My verse for today: "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me."

My quote for today: "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure, and separates the victim from reality.." --John W Gardner

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 685


Anonymous said...

YourGuy is so very special Loretta!

What a beautiful post.

Anonymous said...

Aww, Loretta. I was concerned about the remodel--having gone thru it myself with a phlegmatic husband behind the remodeling wheel, as it where.

It is one of the mooooossssst frustrating events. Partly because you can't do much about it.

Jim would be my hero, too, if weren't for the mumbling and if he had offered to help you fix his lunch. Just sayin.


Rettakat said...

DEB: Yeah, he didn't realize two things. One, that I could HEAR his mumbling (he didn't have his hearing aides in, and doesn't realize how loud he gets) and two, he was all in "practical" mode, and didn't even think how what he said might make me feel.

In fact, he called me from work today, to make sure I was okay, and tried to reassure me that "anyone" who sat on the stool would dent the linoleum... he was being sweet. So I give him brownie points for that. :-)

dailyseeking said...

That was so sweet! Hope you feel better!

Christina said...

I'm sorry that happened, Retta. Good thing Jim a sweet guy and a quick thinker. :)

Christina said...

I'm sorry that happened, Retta. Good thing Jim a sweet guy and a quick thinker. :)

Christina said...

I'm sorry that happened, Retta. Good thing Jim a sweet guy and a quick thinker. :)

Christine said...

You are doing something about it and have been. It's okay. You will get there. Hope tomorrow starts better for you. Good guy.

PJ Geek said...

awwwwwwwwe..Sometimes it feels rotten what we've done to ourselves and then the blessing that we are loved comes and then our own inner strength or God's grace comes through

Anne H said...

How cool to be stopped in your tracks by gratitude!
We don't really see the progress that we make.
But it's there. Every day - it is there! Very good day!

Shelli Belly said...

What a great guy!!

Its amazing how our emotions are so tied to this battle. You're winning girl.

You're brave to live in the house during a remodel. I gave the list to the Handyman and high tailed it to Hawaii.

Anonymous said...

What an excellent quote on self-pity! Exceptionally true, and perfectly appropriate to my attitude lately. Thanks for sharing it.

Love love love Jim's reaction, too! :-)

Millie said...

You're my hero! I probably would have caved in a guilt-ridden, mushy heap of excuses. But you held fast!

Good on Jim too, Sweetie, but GREAT on you!

Niecy said...

You are entitled! Re-modeling is tough on everyone who has to live "around" it. You handled things beautifully and your husband is a keeper!

Crying is sometimes good for the soul. I've been known to put on specific songs to help me cry. Letting things fester just makes it all more intense later.

Rettakat said...

Thank you everyone, for such nice encouraging comments. :-)

MILLIE: Well, while I didn't have a total blow-out in the food department, I still was careless and ate too much, nibbling and grazing here and there. And that really adds up!

So, while it was much better than in the past, it sure could have been oh so much better than it was. But thank you anyway, that was sweet.

M Pax said...

Awww, yay for Jim.

I get meltdowns. Hope you're doing better.

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