DAY 480 Changing My Mind

Good Morning Journal & Friends,

Had a "duh" moment yesterday! As I was praying for someone else, I found myself after the "amen", saying "oh, and me too, okay?"

It occurred to me at that moment that the very thing I was asking for this other person was the exact thing I needed!

Let me back up and explain. I've been struggling for months. Well, duh, look at the numbers in my sidebar. No big surprise there.

But why? Ah... the big question.

Saturday night I read a terrific post by Chris at A Deliberate Life. It was super... and was half the answer for me. The other half came from the discussion that followed in the comments, mainly between Chris and Deb. It was wonderful! (HERE) 

I went to bed thinking on it... woke up thinking on it. 

Then I got an email from my friend Mary (Wistful Nebulae) that was icing on the cake. Real practical ideas, where the rubber meets the road stuff. She has lost her weight, and has successfully maintained, and has learned some hard won wisdom.

For me... it all comes down to one thing: I have an issue in my life I cannot change. 

Yes, there really IS such a critter. Some things we can change... but sometimes it really IS too late. There really are consequences to our choices, as much I wish that weren't true. All the positive thinking in the world cannot change that Truth.

So... what to do.

First, I had to figure out WHAT was bugging me. I did what Mary does with her writing... I just wrote without censor, like a first draft. She does that in her writing, and lets her ideas flow. Later she goes back and does the "work" of development.

That helped me, because in looking back over what I wrote I saw one word pop up over and over and over: TIME

I won't go into all the detail.. that would be too long. But in a nutshell, I am halfway to goal, and it feels like not much has changed. I still don't have time in the day to do everything, plus my art. I still hurt, move slow, take forever just to get the basics done, struggle to get enough sleep due to pain. Time is slipping away, and all my "bright" ideas seem like pipe dreams. I waited too late in life to "get it". Time. Not enough time. 

Time. Time. Time.

Remember my little Timebird drawing? Notice what time I put on the clock??

Well, I can't change most of that. All I can do is use the Time I have left to the best of my ability. I will admit, those are still "just words"  to me. 

Everybody attributes this following quote that I love to Mary Englebreit, but it actually started with Maya Angelou, something her Grandmother used to say:

"When you don’t like a thing, change it. 

If you can’t change it, 

change the way you think about it." 

So there you are. 

I cannot change my Timing. 

I cannot change my past choices.

I cannot change consequences from those choices that have caught up with me.

I cannot change how I feel physically, other than follow my program.

But what I CAN change is how I THINK about it. 

I'll admit I am not there yet... it's a work in progress. It's one of those things that has to come from within. Others can offer suggestions, but unless it strikes a chord deep within, it won't stick. It won't take root deep inside and grow. I've got to face it, and do the work myself. That's my choice, to do it or not.

Honestly, I think my first step was to accept the fact that I CANNOT change it, that I had to ACCEPT it. Isn't one of the steps of grieving a loss "acceptance"??

No running from it... no hiding from the issue... no numbing it with food. Even though it's on-program food, it's been too MUCH on-program food! I've talked about Time here before... and thought I had dealt with it... obviously not.

So that is what I'm working on... changing my way of thinking about this Time thing. I'll let ya know when I come with some brilliant revelation! 

;-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Be willing to challenge every behavior pattern."

My verse for today: "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us."

My quote for today: "Someone once told me that time is a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey that reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again..." --Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek Generations 1994

Enjoy the Journey, 

Loretta

=^..^=