Monday, December 6, 2010

DAY 480 Changing My Mind

Good Morning Journal & Friends,

Had a "duh" moment yesterday! As I was praying for someone else, I found myself after the "amen", saying "oh, and me too, okay?"

It occurred to me at that moment that the very thing I was asking for this other person was the exact thing I needed!

Let me back up and explain. I've been struggling for months. Well, duh, look at the numbers in my sidebar. No big surprise there.

But why? Ah... the big question.

Saturday night I read a terrific post by Chris at A Deliberate Life. It was super... and was half the answer for me. The other half came from the discussion that followed in the comments, mainly between Chris and Deb. It was wonderful! (HERE) 

I went to bed thinking on it... woke up thinking on it. 

Then I got an email from my friend Mary (Wistful Nebulae) that was icing on the cake. Real practical ideas, where the rubber meets the road stuff. She has lost her weight, and has successfully maintained, and has learned some hard won wisdom.

For me... it all comes down to one thing: I have an issue in my life I cannot change. 

Yes, there really IS such a critter. Some things we can change... but sometimes it really IS too late. There really are consequences to our choices, as much I wish that weren't true. All the positive thinking in the world cannot change that Truth.

So... what to do.

First, I had to figure out WHAT was bugging me. I did what Mary does with her writing... I just wrote without censor, like a first draft. She does that in her writing, and lets her ideas flow. Later she goes back and does the "work" of development.

That helped me, because in looking back over what I wrote I saw one word pop up over and over and over: TIME

I won't go into all the detail.. that would be too long. But in a nutshell, I am halfway to goal, and it feels like not much has changed. I still don't have time in the day to do everything, plus my art. I still hurt, move slow, take forever just to get the basics done, struggle to get enough sleep due to pain. Time is slipping away, and all my "bright" ideas seem like pipe dreams. I waited too late in life to "get it". Time. Not enough time. 

Time. Time. Time.

Remember my little Timebird drawing? Notice what time I put on the clock??

Well, I can't change most of that. All I can do is use the Time I have left to the best of my ability. I will admit, those are still "just words"  to me. 

Everybody attributes this following quote that I love to Mary Englebreit, but it actually started with Maya Angelou, something her Grandmother used to say:

"When you don’t like a thing, change it. 
If you can’t change it, 
change the way you think about it." 

So there you are. 

I cannot change my Timing. 
I cannot change my past choices.
I cannot change consequences from those choices that have caught up with me.
I cannot change how I feel physically, other than follow my program.

But what I CAN change is how I THINK about it. 

I'll admit I am not there yet... it's a work in progress. It's one of those things that has to come from within. Others can offer suggestions, but unless it strikes a chord deep within, it won't stick. It won't take root deep inside and grow. I've got to face it, and do the work myself. That's my choice, to do it or not.

Honestly, I think my first step was to accept the fact that I CANNOT change it, that I had to ACCEPT it. Isn't one of the steps of grieving a loss "acceptance"??

No running from it... no hiding from the issue... no numbing it with food. Even though it's on-program food, it's been too MUCH on-program food! I've talked about Time here before... and thought I had dealt with it... obviously not.

So that is what I'm working on... changing my way of thinking about this Time thing. I'll let ya know when I come with some brilliant revelation! 

From Dr Phil's book: "Be willing to challenge every behavior pattern."

My verse for today: "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us."

My quote for today: "Someone once told me that time is a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey that reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again..." --Captain Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek Generations 1994

Enjoy the Journey, 



Christina said...

WOW, Retta. This was a deep, touching, powerful post. There are big changes going on in that head of yours right now! I am so proud of you for being the forward thinker you are, for rolling with the punches, for realizing where YOU are and what YOU need to do! Big hugs!!!! As always, your perspective is pretty great. :)

Leslie said...

Loretta - Wonderful. I was going to post about the same dialogue I read between Chris and Deb. So powerful, and given my own struggle for the last months, relevant. Then your post here just helps my thought process about the whole thing. Thank you so much for sharing about it. I'm going to be writing about the same stuff later, after I wake up!

Anne H said...

Lots of people are "getting it" these days.
Lots of light bulbs going off in Blogland!
It's a "Festival Of Lights" in real life!

The Brown Recluse said...

Loretta, this post is brilliant! I suppose that one of the biggest parts of the journey is recognizing the landmarks of life on the map. We run into bumps along the way every day, but the landmarks are the memorable things, aren't they? I think I might right a poem....

The Brown Recluse said...

Or, I could just write one.

Anonymous said...

At least you didnt have a + number for november. Sometimes maintaining your weight takes more energy and concentration than losing and if you can maintain, its a success. I myself have had a hard time maintaining, losing, all of it. Just 10 lbs ago I was annoyed with my lack of weight loss. Now I wish I had just managed to maintain it!!! Ugh!!!

Jane said...

Wonderful post, Loretta. I loved it, and I think it speaks to most of us. I love the lightbulb moments. I think this writing we do here in Blogland is certainly a therapy of sorts. it requires thought and examination.

For those of us who have a few years on us, there are things that we can't change. We all have regrets, if we didn't we wouldn't have learned anything along the way. I will stay turned, because I learn from you. Have a good week!

Anonymous said...

Loretta, although time is not my main issue (it is certainly an also ran, tho), the gist of this post was my conclusion last night in my discussion with God. In fact, I just wrote Leslie about it! And I have the post in my head as soon as I have time.

My bottom line was--acceptance. It is what it is. I get to feel my pain, need to feel it, but I don't get to eat over it. It doesn't help to avoid it, hate it, rail against it, be bitter about it...I need to change the way I'm rersponding to my distress--and the way I'm medicating my distress--to a faith-filled, trusting in God way that makes room for healing and restoration.

Well, before I write my post here, you get the idea. God is on the move! It's the final major overhaul, Loretta, I feel it. Thanks for your prayers. :)


Dizzy Girl said...

Loretta- it's so interesting your post is on this today because, I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine this last Friday about this. She said some things that really struck a chord with me- regarding time and how she's become so aware of it lately. I have been thinking a lot about time myself and what I'm doing with my time. I really want to be more efficient with how I choose to spend my time, whether it's just for today- or for the upcoming year. I want to be better.


Thank you for such a wonderful post at such a poignant time in my life!



Christine said...

I like this post. That's my philosophy in a nutshell. not dwelling on things I can't change. It will give you grey hair. I should know...i am 36 and have a half a head full (thank you clairol.)
I hope you are able to recalibrate your view. It's a hard thing to do with hard truths. I still have to do it when I slip.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Loretta- I saw the discussion over at Chris's too. It gave me a lot to think about. My issues seem to be a little bit of everything, but nothing in major excess. So I was able to ignore many 'little' things for many years. Now it has become like threads coming loose everywhere. If I only knew which one was the one that needed fixing first... I just take whatever advice I can find and apply it to something I need. You would not believe how much people like yourself have helped me. I glean so much from all of you bloggers. I believe that is what will make the difference for many of us. To be able to learn from others and shorten the time it takes me to get it. This is one of the many important gifts that you give, the hard fought knowledge you impart onto others.

M Pax said...

Yay that you figured out what's eating you. :D Now you can brainstorm up an idea on how to change how you think about it or go about it. Be forewarned, the first idea does not always work. Keep at it and you will find a way.

You must have some idea at this point in your life what you will and won't do. Your idea needs to fit within those parameters to work. :) This I learned. It may be slow and not fabulous, but as long as it works and there's progress, that's success.

She said...

Oh that was powerful and touched several on a few of my weak spots. You have given me food for thought yet again.

Thank you:)

She said...

Well a few at least but might be several

MargieAnne said...

Ha! Time! My comment is far to long to put here so emailed you.

In a nutshell .... That's what I've been struggling with all year.

I never had a mid-life crisis or menopause or empty nest or any other of life's milestone crisis.

Turning 70 eight months ago was a different matter and it's been a struggle to keep going ever since.

Without God I would have nothing to hang onto.

So I'll plod on adjusting my attitude and changing the things I can and making the best of what is.


Ms. PJ Geek said...

I've been thinking about your post a lot and you..rings true for me too..just wanted you to know...back and hips hurt and I feel like I've been hit by a car. All I did was go to the gym twice in 5 days...hmph

Rettakat said...

Thank you all so much for your supportive words.
But honestly... some of you give me me too much credit. I am struggling just like you, and if I were all that brilliant, I have this in the bag! LOL!!

I was just over at Coach Your Mind (in my sidebar) and he reminded me that it is all in the mindset. And I realized that even though I am doing some internal exploring... asking questions and looking for some answers, there is no reason not to keep DOING the external things to keep this train on the tracks. I don't need to let that be an excuse to stray.

So, even while I work on my attitude about Time, I am going to plug away at the same old stuff, my plan, and trust that eventually it will all come together.

We are learning as we go!

Sandra said...

Great post Loretta! I love that quote....

PeacefulBird said...

Wow! I certainly am glad I didn't miss this post... Bravo, Loretta!!!! Sometimes my thoughts about someting I read that is profound are best expressed like this:

time time time
forgive time
forgive self
forgive fate
surround yourself
with forgiveness
forgive time again
ask time for help
let self have time
let time have self
time time time

Michele said...

Sounds like you have come a long way in just a few short days. That was a powerful and inspiring post. I am very happy that you have come to some truths about yourself and are willing to share that wisdom with others. Positive thinking ahead!!

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful post! *GREAT BIG HUGS* to you, Loretta. I LOVE that quote by Captain Jean Luc Picard! Thank you for sharing. :)

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