Good Afternoon, Journal!
Yesterday I started answering the 5 Questions from Bob Greene (here for that post). Today's question, Number 2, is sort of redundant to me...maybe I just don't get it, but to me it overlaps Number 1. Anyway, here is it, with my answers from Jan 09:
QUESTION 2: Why are you overweight?
My Answer: Use food for all the wrong reasons...my drug of choice...see above for reason...(referring to my answers to Question #1)
Actually, every time I read that question, my FIRST reaction is to say DUH!? Isn't it obvious?? But, it really is not the same for everyone.
I learned from an early age to use food for everything...mad, sad, happy or glad. At our house, we were bribed to finish dinner by the reward of dessert... we were given treats if we were "good"...we made food the center of holiday celebrations...we had fun (well, to us little kids it was fun) silver-dollar sized pancake eating contests on Saturday mornings. We comforted ourselves with food...I learned to sneak food...to eat fast and first or else it would be gone if I was slow or moderate. One unpleasant memory about food is: we were given scrambled eggs and brains for breakfast...I was literally gagging...and was told that if I threw it up, I would stay there til I ate THAT, too.
On and on...Bottomline, food and I had a dysfunctional relationship!
Over the years, I have tried a gazillion diets...dozens of exercise approaches...many different mental/spiritual/emotional/psychological approaches. It really does get so tiring after awhile...everyone has their pet theory. And they DO work for some people. It all gets so.....complicated after awhile. So I kept trying....it seems like the only thing I did right was never quit trying.
So why did it "click" now?? I am not sure. I am not sure I can even take credit for it. I know I did a lot of praying...more like begging, actually. I can't explain why. Today I went back and re-read my first blog entries, looking to find the answer...it wasn't there. I said it was different this time...but why? Because I believed this time...but why? Because I felt an expectancy... but why?
I don't know. Maybe it is the inevitable result when you never quit...you stubbornly keep accumulating your "tools", you keep reaching out, and you finally are willing to CHANGE. I just have to think of it as a GIFT...I can't package it, put it in a pill, or have a program to sell.
Everyone must find a source of Hope for themselves...for me, it was God. And I devoured wonderful stuff from people like Ralph Marston, Phil McGraw, Tom Venuto, Norman Vincent Peale, Zig Ziglar, and many more. I was trying to "brain wash" myself!
I think one of the things that ignited me the most was reading success stories about other people who DID it. I have quite a collection of them...they showed me it was possible for real people to change, not just read theory in some book.
My purpose was to change my thinking, the tapes that played inside my head. I had to take charge of those thoughts...show them who was boss!
A few years ago MyGuy brought home an adorable little puppy, a "dead grass" colored Chesapeake Bay Retriever...a Chessie. Oh we loved her...named her Melody. A Chessie is known for it's strength and courage and for....well, being a little independent and stubborn. It takes a strong "pack leader" to gain the respect of a Chessie. Fortunately, MyGuy and Melody were two of a kind...LOL! But it took some convincing for Melody to accept ME as a step above her in the pecking order. I had been taught how to train her, and what to do if my leadership was ever challenged.
Well, one day it WAS challenged, at about 6 months old. By then she was already strong, with a wide chest and deep "woof" that made the coyotes in our area run for their lives! Oh, she was brave, and I so admired her.
But that day she decided that she was not going to obey me. She looked me right in the eye, and GROWLED in a threatening way. Now ya gotta understand, a Chessie is a powerful dog! You don't want to have one mad at you! But I knew this was it...I HAD to show leadership to her...so I did as I was taught. I got right down in her face, took hold of either side of her head at the scruff of the neck, went nose to nose, looked her right back in the eye and said NO!! as I gave a small shake of the scruff for emphasis. And then we had a staring contest for what seemed like a looonnnnggg time.
She blinked first, and averted her eyes...and submitted. Whew!! We were fine for a long time before she tried it again. It took about two more testings to convince her that she was not Alpha over me, and then we were pals for life.
My whole reason in remembering this story is because I think we allow our thoughts to run wild, untrained, uncontrolled, and headstrong. Maybe it finally "clicked" for me because one of the things I did was to ON PURPOSE grab my negative thoughts by the scruff of the neck, and say NO!!!! They weren't going to be in charge any longer!!
My mind had to work WITH me, not against me if I was ever going to succeed on this journey. I kept putting in positive information, over and over and over, for YEARS...and one day I found that I BELIEVED it. Imagine that!
If it is a Gift, then I am grateful. I know that wishing, hoping and begging are not enough...BELIEF must be added, and ACTION....and EFFORT....and WORK....and ENERGY.
Change is hard in the beginning, at least it was for me. BUT IT GETS EASIER IN TIME...if you just never quit.
From Dr Phil's book: "There are no victims, only volunteers. You must embrace the fact that you own your problems and take action to solve them."
My verse for today: "My hope is in God, for I will yet praise him my Savior and my God."
My quote for today: "Cats are smarter than dogs...you can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."--Jeff Valdez
Enjoy the Journey,