DAY 116 If It's to Be, It's Up to Me

Hello Journal & Friends!

I'm still thinking about this journey, how personal it is, and how much we are able to help one another with encouragement and support. Yet at the end of the day, no one but ME can make me get up and DO the things I need to do... no one but ME is going to make that choice which decides victory or defeat. 

At the deciding point, I am alone.

This is an individual journey.

Alone, in private, with my own thoughts, is where the drive to continue must ultimately come from.

I must somehow take all the input, all the support, all the encouragement and inspiration from outside sources... and plant it all in my own heart and mind. I must protect it, defend it, and nuture it while it grows big and strong. So that someday, SOMEDAY it will be a powerful force that carries me along, and I will be able to give from my overflow, as my friend B once told me.

When I refer to being "alone", I am talking about people. I never feel alone in the sense that God has suddenly gone "poof!" from my life. No, I mean other people. I can't get dependent upon other people for my success in this journey. They are only human, and can't meet that kind of expectation. It's unfair and unrealistic of me to put that kind of burden onto anyone else.

For far too many years I expected my husband to "lead the way" in this quest for health and fitness. I set up expectations, and was disappointed again and again when he failed to meet "my" ideals. I can honestly say that I have almost... maybe 99.9%... stopped doing that. Now I celebrate who he IS, not who he is not. And it's fun to rediscover how much there is to celebrate!

Michael Beckwith says to look for the Blessin' or the Lesson in all of life's circumstances.

It surprises me to be writing this now, but I can honestly say that I am glad I started out this leg of my journey with no support at home. My only support at the time was a small online group of women who were consistent, in the long run, to their commitment to weight loss and health. 

In real life, I was forced to learn to be my own coach, my own motivator, to push myself to exercise, to keep learning what would work for me nutrition wise. To be my own "Jillian".

This made me stronger.

I talk to myself more than anyone else in my life. What I think, what I say to myself will make or break this journey for me.  I had no one checking in on me to see if I drank my water, if I exercised, if I ate right. 

If it was to be, it was up to me.

We need to get to the place that NOTHING will stand in our way. No reason, no justification, no situation, no rationalization. Or, better yet, call them what they usually are: excuses.

Yes, life happens. But too often it's something that I allowed to interfere in one way or another. Outside of my control? No problem, that's life. 

Within my control? Then it falls into the excuse pile for me.

Am I perfect at this? Of course not. I'm still learning as I go.  But these are my goals, the way I WANT to be, a target to aim at.

If this sounds tough, it's because I still have a lot of weight to lose. Being easy, being soft and casual and  "oh well, there's always tomorrow" GOT ME TO 460 POUNDS!

To have what I have not had before, 

I must be willing to DO what I have not done before.

And that means getting TOUGH, getting determined and focused and willing to do whatever it takes.

From Dr Phil's book: "When you choose your behavior and your thoughts, you choose the consequences that flow from those choices."

My verse for today: "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall."

My quote for today: "The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground."

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=