DAY 114 The Life I am Now Choosing

Hello Journal & Friends!

Yesterday I celebrated finally losing 100 pounds. Typing that still causes me to smile. I am finally a member of the Century Club.

But what most people don't realize is how long this took me.

It took me a looonnnng time to get here. You could say... a lifetime.

I was put on my first diet at 10 years old.

I have tried at least 2 dozen different diet plans over the years.

I have spent way too much money over the years on exercise equipment that either I could not or would not use, or that injured me.

I have lost at least 100 pounds 3 times, and regained it all and then some.

I had to learn from my mistakes... what did and did not work for ME. To be willing to fight for myself, to design a plan that was totally tailored to me, my life and preferences. 

To be willing to try... and fail. And try again.

To be willing to be uncomfortable. 

To honestly face my behavior and ask myself the tough questions, and be honest with the answers. 

To blame no one else. To accept responsibility for my life. 

This was actually a turning point for me, accepting 100% responsibility for my life. At first I would argue, and point out what "they" did or said... what I was or was not taught as a child... what happened to me growing up... what this or that person did along the way... the illness that happened to me... the genetics I am stuck with... what God himself allowed to happen in my life.  

But I finally GOT IT that accepting responsibility for my life is not negating the impact of any of those events. 

What it IS saying is that what matters most IS HOW I RESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. And no, that's not just some "new age" touchy feely psycho-babble cliche. Rain falls into EVERY life, sooner or later. We can stand there and whine, blame someone else, feel sorry for ourself, play the victim, endure as the martyr, fill our soul with bitterness and unforgiveness.... OR...

Or what?? That's the point. How I choose to respond will determine my life. 

If I choose to work through it and heal and learn and get on with life, I will have created a better life than if I clung to the pain. It's my choice. Gotta admit here, for me I couldn't have done it without God. But even so, we all have freedom to choose.

I don't control what anyone else does... I only control my attitude... how I choose to respond to what happens to me.

Because if I embrace the idea that my life is MY responsiblity, that *I* created this situation due to my own poor choices... then it EMPOWERS me to create a better, healthier future by making GOOD CHOICES now. That's what I mean by creating a New History for myself. 

All of this is "easier" to write when you have just celebrated losing 100 pounds! I agree. But that makes it no less true.

I had to learn to change from the inside out. But until I made progress with the inner changes, I still slogged away at the "behavioral changes." What is the old saying? "Act as if..."

No, I do NOT take my success so far for granted.

I hold it dear... I am very grateful.

I make it a priority, and give it top level importance.

I defend it against all attackers... which sometimes can be my own thinking!

Do I go thru times when I feel like I just want "it" to be over? yes

Do I ever feel like quitting? yes

Do I ever have doubts? yes

Do I get assaulted with the lies that say it's too late?  yes

Do I get tempted with fear that I have done too much damage to my body? yes

Do I ever just want to be "normal" and not have to work at this? yes

Do I ever get overly confident about my success and get lax? Um... well, actually, NO!

It has cost too much, taken too long, and caused too much pain along the way, that I can honestly say that, so far at least, I don't feel overly confident. 

I am building a "new history" by making one good choice at a time. I am learning to trust that New History, and when times get particularly tough, I can not listen to the attacking voices and instead look at my New History of right choices. This helps silence those doubts and fears, and reminds me that change IS possible. That I CAN do this, and to just keep plodding away, day in and day out. 

It might sound boring, or ordinary... but that is the daily life of it all. Just plain and simple, not exciting or full of drama. Just making one good choice at a time, day after day after day after day......

Yes, I have lost 100 pounds. But I am not resting on my laurels. I still have 161 pounds to go!!! 

This is like a Triathlon... and I have completed the first leg of the race, with two more thirds to go!

From Dr Phil's book: "Nothing will stop you from being anyting other than healthy, vibrant, in shape, and fully in charge of yourself and everything you think, do and feel. This will happen because you make it happen. You have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want."

My verse for today: "Great is Your faithfulness."

My quote for today: "Dare to be remarkable." --Jane Gentry

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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