Saturday, January 29, 2011

JAN 29 Boats, Categories & Sleep

Hi Journal & Friends,

 I've been doing a lot of thinking this week. And I must admit, I've been feeling the Long-ness of my journey. It just seems to drag on forever.

For someone with a LOT to lose, the journey IS a long one. I once heard it described this way: it's like crossing the ocean in a small boat.

Folks with less to lose might never have to leave site of a shoreline before they've reached their goal.

For those of us with a lot to lose, we have a longer trip, and must have the stamina to be out there, no shoreline in sight on either side, and stay the course even when the bad weather hits. 

And it's a boat built for one. We can get encouraging messages over radio communications... but the trip is a personal one, unique to each person. We must work it out ourself. And sometimes... I just get tired.

Bottomline, the answer is:  it's on me. I have to be self-honest, and see where I sailed off course. I have to make the corrections.  I have to do the work.

For me, it's not about the food... it's the mental that sets me off. I let all this crap with my hand surgeries become excuses. I get so frustrated about trying to do consistent exercises. And I've let this hand stuff that started back in November of last year to become an excuse.

I gave in to all or nothing thinking and just quit trying to be consistent, for the most part, thinking what's the use of a little here a little there... thinking it wasn't enough to make a difference anyway.

And then I soothed all the frustration with a little extra food here, a little extra there... grazing. 

Believe me, the results from grazing is every bit as damaging as a full blown binge!! In fact, I think it's sneakier, cuz you tell yourself "oh, it's not that much". Yeah, right. But over and over, it might as well be a binge!!

Anyway, my whole goal for this year was to be CONSISTENT. Not off to a great start, I'm sorry to report.

Honestly, I didn't even really want to write about it. I am tired of "talking"... I want to be DOING.

Yesterday, I analyzed the "categories" of events that I allowed to push me to graze on food. Not the individual circumstances, but categories. And it boiled down to 3 categories for me, all starting with the word "too":

  • Too little sleep
  • Too much physical pain
  • Too many negative emotions

So I had to ask myself why do I allow it to get "TOO" far before I deal with it????

I need to be proactive, and deal with stuff before it gets TOO far. That's what I'm working on... facing each of these categories, and seeing if I can put a plan in place to stop it from escalating.

You'd think something like "too little sleep" would be easy to fix. You'd think...

It certainly affects both of the other two categories!  So, I've been making it a priority. How's that working for you, you ask?? Uh...I'm writing this at 3:52 am. Yep, got a lot of work to do in this area.


From Dr Phil's book: "Have the willingness and courage to throw off your past, go after your weight-control goals, and pursue a life that is defined as healthy and fit."

My verse for today: "I love you O Lord, my strength."

My quote for today: "All of us can be much better than we are." --Jack LaLanne

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 533


Anne H said...

You feel alone, but/and you are NOT so alone.
Just seems that way every now and then.
Sounds like a faith and trust thing to me.
Trust in yourself - and in the bigger picture!
So many stories about faith and water.
And trusty little boats. Our little vessels.

And it cycles back to lack of sleep/pain and compounds the issues further.

You are not alone, because we have One who walks with us!
Some Universal Trust!

pinkvision said...

I can relate to the 'not enough sleep' thing. Hope your sleep patterns improve soon. You could try a few rounds of EFT next time you're awake in the witching hour, as a variation on counting sheep :)

Lovely grazing pic btw - looks like somewhere in England!

Anonymous said...

WE let it get tooo far before we work on it, because that's how we've trained ourself to be. We ignore, look away--and eat. Eating allowed us not to bother about things.

Not to bother... Taking care of ourselves feels like a bother, doesn't it? Eating--now eating--that's not a bother at all. That's instant gratification. And we don't have to bother. ...until the drug wears off.

So hard to break that "not bothering" habit. At least for me. Feels like so much effort to put forth oveer a little thing. And the "too whatever" always starts as a little thing. Then it's a big thing. then... Well, you know what happens then.

Retraining, girlfriend. Making ourselves a priority to us. Deciding we're worth the bother.

Ugh. If none of this applies to you--well, then, I was talking to me. :} Read my post if this was just weird for an explanation.

I'm praying for us.


Ms. PJ Geek said...

I'm with you on the 'doing'. I've kind of 'awakened' a bit and really working to notice and stop all the little things that I've been doing..grazing, snacking, a spoon here or there, the triggers that lead to a binge, allowing that behavior to happen....what is working for me is planning out my food each day, even planning out alternate snacks, figuring in what i consider my 'treat' for the day and being willing to be more restrictivie for shorter periods of time to get results ..since being less restrictive wasn't getting me any where. it ain't easy. but it is working..still slowly...

Jules - Big Girl Bombshell said...

oh miss loretta you have a way...Yes, I am in the same boat but as you is a boat built only for one....Sleep...I have been doing a lot of that...helps partially because I have this dang cold...but I am taking it one hour at a time...the boat is currently just sitting still...

Patsy said...

Sleep is SO important...

It IS a long journey, but if we keep putting one foot in front of the other, the start line will get further away and the finish line will keep getting closer and closer! :o)

Bringing Pretty Back said...

Loretta, We are here for you! KEEP GOING! One day at a time! One calorie at a time! You have lost over 100 pounds! Do you realize how far you have come??!! YOU CAN DO THIS! Yes, it is a LONG haul, that is true. But... it will be a longer haul if you do not lose this weight. Life is short and we need to live our lives. Really LIVE. Not just exist.
You are so right, that boat is built only for one. But you know what... when you lose this weight and accomplish this.... the ONE person in that boat that can feel GREAT about herself. Is you!
Pamper yourself, take care of yourself. Bring your pretty back! We are here for you! Cheering you on!
Have a pretty day!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Loretta, I so know how you feel in your little boat. Me too. And you have come a long way in your journey and I am so excited that you did it. It's very inspiring. Keep on going, kiddo. Don't just think about it, Do it (wish I had made that up).

The Merry said...

I like your motto "Enjoy the Journey."
If I focus on how far I've got left to go, I'll a) get depressed, b) get fed up, c)get fed, excessively, and d)give up for a while.
I've done a,b,c, and d enough times that I feel like the hamster on his wheel (without the aerobic benefits). Enough already. Time to do something.

Cinner said...

Loretta, I know it can be so hard, the big thing I think is the sleep, it seems to affect everything. You can do this, look what you have already done, every day gets you another day closer to the goal.
Really gets us closer to living a new life that you deserve, that we all do. I am in your corner, like Anne said you are not alone hon, not at all.

Anonymous said...

If you get out your binoculars, you can see me and lots of other sailing right along with you. We may all be in our own boats, but we can help guide each other to the shore.

I hope you can get some more rest soon!

Christine said...

There was something I used to mutter on my three mile walks when My feet were killing me and I felt like a fool i my fat woman stretchy pants...i had lost like 40 or 50 pounds, and was still fat...still treated like a fat person even though I had a thin mind (humiliating) I heard this somewhere
In the beginning it's all the end it's all congratulatons.
In the middle it's a big fat mess.
Hang in there.

colenic said...

I really like your analogy of crossing the ship has been delayed and I need to launch...I keep saying next week...or tomorrow....It's time to just get started....
Hugs to you and know that you are not on your journey alone...

Anonymous said...

I SO understand what you mean about the long journey. With 150 pounds to lose, I feel it every day. *sigh* Hang in there, my friend.

Patrick said...

Indeed grazing can add up and do a good deal of damage. Sure it has allot to do with what we graze on, but if we have a plan for the day, chances are grazing is not in the plan.

Small boats do arrive at their desitinations, and when they do they usually do so to greater fanfare than big boats.

M Pax said...

It is not a boat for one, my friend. May feel that way, you just got lost below decks is all. We're up here and around. :)

It's easy to fall back on old habits. We developed those coping mechanisms for a reason. So what can you do to change those feelings? Something else must make you feel good. Art? Go work on a shoedle or something. Seems like instant gratification, too.

Then stop. Quit looking at what you don't have and lamenting it. Look at what you do have and appreciate it. My hands stink. I'm in pain a lot. You probably remember all the times I mentioned my arms getting in my way. So, I can't do certain things like other people. I still have arms and they move. That's something. Better than not having arms or arms that I can't move.

Anyway, learning to look at my life that way helped me a lot. Food on the talbe and roof over our heads is nothing to sneeze at. There are an awful lot of people who envy us those basics. Not everyone has computers either. Or internet. There are plenty of things to be grateful for.

But I'm glad you're feeling better. Just next time, start naming all the things to be grateful for and think about the poor souls that don't have it so good. It starts to change the perspective.

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