Hello Journal & Friends,
Like I've said before... the things I write are just things I want to read.
Yesterday... I was tired of "serious".
Yesterday... I just wanted to run away from serious.
I didn't want to face something that I allowed to hurt me deeply. So, I drew a cartoon, and grazed my way through the day and through hundreds of extra calories. Knowing what to do does not equal DOING it. That takes choosing.
If I had written the following, maybe I wouldn't have chosen such a dumb thing!
So here is yesterday's post... a day late.
Some of the deepest hurts I've experienced came from unexpected sources.
Some of us tend to go through life wearing our protective clothing... armour to keep us from being hurt.
Oh, on the outside we smile and are friendly. But we don't like too many people getting too close, because of our past experiences with what can happen when we let our guard down.
Time goes along, and we relax. We are in a place, a group, a setting, where we feel safe. We let our guard down. And WHAMMY! We get it. And because we weren't expecting it, we didn't even duck or put up an arm to deflect the blow. We just get it full in the face, so to speak.
And it hurts deeper, right to the core. Because we felt betrayed by someone we trusted, or a setting, or a group. Then we feel foolish for being idealistic, for being credulous, for expecting too much from flawed humans. For we are all full of flaws.
(can click pic to enlarge)
This oil painting, done when I was 15 years old, was the first painting of mine that was ever framed. My Mom looked at it, and recognized it came from my heart. And she drove me to downtown Los Angeles, to Aaron Brothers Framing, and had it professionally framed.
The framer oohed and awwed over it... the emotion, the rawness... then asked her who the artist was. She said it was her daughter, and introduced me. And when he looked me up and down and saw this overweight teenager, his whole demeanor changed. I will never forget that. And no, it was not my young imagination.
But *I* knew. I knew I had something inside that others did not see. They were stuck with the outside package, and most people couldn't see past it. And I've had that all my life. And it's chipped away...
Now I believe with all my heart we are all like treasure chests, full of untapped treasure.
(detail from "Treasure",
one of my paintings
from a few years ago)
Others won't open us and bring it forth... that is up to us to do. No one will do it for me. It's MY job.
To do the work.
To dive deep.
To believe in me.
To open up and RISK being hurt.
To have the courage to put my heart out there.
To believe that I have something of value.
We need to be celebrating who we are, not who we are not. We need to be encouraging each other.
You may be on a different road than I am, but we are all trying to reach the same destination:
To improve our lives
To get healthier
To live our best lives
To reach our fullest potential
To grow, to give, to celebrate life!
And that's all I have to say about that. ;-)
From Dr Phil's book: "Deal breaker... your weight will never be lower or healthier unless and until you stop emotional overeating."
My verse for today: "Who is a God like you... who pardons sins and forgives... you will have compassion on us."
My quote for today: "The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions." --Leonardo da Vinci
Enjoy the Journey,