Hello Journal & Friends,
The Perfect 10 Challenge is concluded. I've been reporting on it's progress for the past 10 Fridays... it feels strange not to do that today. Funny how we get into habits, routines.
Since it ended, I have been struggling to continue with a structured exercise plan. Yesterday I wrote out a new exercise plan, now I just have to do it consistently. Part of the struggle, I think, is the discouragement that is trying to rear it's ugly head.
Looking back over the years, I can remember telling God that I just could not do it again and fail yet again, it would break my heart, it would kill me. I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep, begging God to help me... even angry at times and wondering why He didn't.. then feeling guilty for those same feelings... asking over & over & over & over: what is wrong with me???
Well, this month of March is my 1 year anniversary of eating no sugar or flour. And I have been officically counting my calories, faithfully, for 4 months now. I started at 2000, and have worked down to 1700 so far. I weigh... I measure...
According to all the "calorie counting" website calculators, taking into account a low exercise ability, I should have a daily calorie deficit that creates a solid 2 lb loss each week.
So, why am I tempted to be discouraged?? Because in the past 4 months, I have lost a total of 8 pounds. Eight. That is an average of .5 per week, not 2 pounds.
Yes, there are other victories along the way. There is getting stronger in mind and body, there learning and growing. But... bottomline, there must also eventually be LOSS OF FAT. Or something's wrong.
I have not gone off program, except Wednesday night, at 2 in the morning, when I ate an extra 300 calories of chicken. I was hungry, I was fixing the meals for MyGuy to take the next day (he had to leave extra early), and I KNEW I was telling myself the excuse: so what? you are not losing anyway... just count it towards the next day, since it is 2 in the morning...
Yeah, right. The first step of rationalizing. Then there will be a next step, then a next.
So, that has to stop. I will NOT count it towards the next day. I will start fresh, and just admit that I chose to write a hot check on my Calorie Budget, which was at zero for that day, already spent.
And, remember that when I get tired and hungry, and discouraged and angry about the "unfairness" of it all, the self-pity is strong enough to influence my thinking. So, watch out! I allowed it to be an excuse... and that's the kiss of death in the long run on this journey!
God knows when we are down, circling the drain... and sends us encouragement.
Yesterday I received a comment on my blog from Ellen, at Weighting Around (HERE) . I went to her blog to say hello, and saw a post I had previously missed. In it, she had a link to a little 20 minute film called "The Butterfly Circus"(HERE). It was beautiful, and encouraging, and I cried. And was encouraged. I highly recommend it! Thank you, Ellen, for that.
"Never Too Late To Dream"
(can click pic to enlarge)
From Dr Phil's book: " You must never relax your watchfulness over your thoughts, feelings and actions... have a keen sense of alertness, self-monitoring."
My verse for today: "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
My quote for today: "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." --Albert Schweitzer
Enjoy the Journey,