DAY 218 Dusty's Big Adventure & Food as a Drug

Hello Journal & Friends.

Yesterday we put a pink harness onto Dusty, and carried her outside for her Big Adventure. It was her first time to explore our backyard. After warily looking around, she relaxed and seemed to enjoy herself. She chomped lots of fresh, green grass and enjoyed the sunshine (can click on any pics to enlarge).

This has been a hard weekend for me, emotionally. Dusty responded well to the cortisone shot, but is obviously weak. Both Saturday and Sunday nights I wanted to turn to my old familiar method of emotional pain management: food. 

Food as a drug. 

An escape. 

A temporary enjoyment. 

A diversion from the realities of life. 

I get it that a sick cat is not the worst thing in the world compared to what some are going through... but Dusty is family, and it's hard not to revert to old habits to cope.

I came close, but... I did not give in. 

Not because I am any big deal, or have some kind of super willpower. It's just the natural result of the "mental exercises", as Sean calls them, at Daily Diary of a Winning Loser.  The constant reminders of our goals and dreams. The right mental input and thinking.

And I kept remembering what he wrote last Friday (HERE): 

Is this choice going to make me feel good or bad?

I've said it so many times... attitudes are contagious. It is so important what we fill our minds with... and what we read. I NEED to read the blogs of those that not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. It encourages me, inspires me, and at times, like this weekend, it gave me that extra push not to throw up my hands in defeat and give in to that urge for instant comfort food. 

Oh sure, people would pat me on that back, and say it's okay, you learned from it, now go on and do better... we are only human. And that is all true.

But... I was about to use it as an EXCUSE... to get away with making a poor choice knowing full well I had everything it took NOT to revert back to "using" again. I have spent too many months building a "new history" of making better choices, to throw it all away now. 

To open The Excuse Door. Once open, believe me it is VERY difficult to get closed again! All kinds of junk gets stuck in the crack, like a foot in the door. Junk like guilt, frustration, anger, doubt, regret, embarrassment... the list goes on. 

How do I know??? Too many years of being the Queen of Excuses.  Too many years of doing well for awhile only to LET something push me hard enough, that I gave in and opened that Excuse Door.

Bottomline, how is me overeating going to help me take care of Dusty?? It's not. It would only interfere with us enjoying every last minute we have together. And I am just not going to do that. Nope, nadda, nyet.

It is NOT how you "feel". 

It is how you CHOOSE, 

regardless of how you feel. 

Period.

From Dr Phil's book: "Because living is hardly painfree, never will your life be without crisis. It is not a matter of if; it is a matter of when. When a crisis hits... you need to be doubly careful because the desire to escape the painful realities of that crisis may override your commitment to managing your weight... Have a plan, and the courage and commitment, and energy to execute it, and you will overcome the tough stuff."

My verse for today: "Be still, and know that I am God."

My quote for today: "As you make choices... your road narrows, until there is no road left but the one you made." --Chris, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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