Monday, March 15, 2010

DAY 218 Dusty's Big Adventure & Food as a Drug

Hello Journal & Friends.

Yesterday we put a pink harness onto Dusty, and carried her outside for her Big Adventure. It was her first time to explore our backyard. After warily looking around, she relaxed and seemed to enjoy herself. She chomped lots of fresh, green grass and enjoyed the sunshine (can click on any pics to enlarge).

This has been a hard weekend for me, emotionally. Dusty responded well to the cortisone shot, but is obviously weak. Both Saturday and Sunday nights I wanted to turn to my old familiar method of emotional pain management: food. 

Food as a drug. 
An escape. 
A temporary enjoyment. 
A diversion from the realities of life. 

I get it that a sick cat is not the worst thing in the world compared to what some are going through... but Dusty is family, and it's hard not to revert to old habits to cope.

I came close, but... I did not give in. 

Not because I am any big deal, or have some kind of super willpower. It's just the natural result of the "mental exercises", as Sean calls them, at Daily Diary of a Winning Loser.  The constant reminders of our goals and dreams. The right mental input and thinking.

And I kept remembering what he wrote last Friday (HERE): 
Is this choice going to make me feel good or bad?

I've said it so many times... attitudes are contagious. It is so important what we fill our minds with... and what we read. I NEED to read the blogs of those that not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. It encourages me, inspires me, and at times, like this weekend, it gave me that extra push not to throw up my hands in defeat and give in to that urge for instant comfort food. 

Oh sure, people would pat me on that back, and say it's okay, you learned from it, now go on and do better... we are only human. And that is all true.

But... I was about to use it as an EXCUSE... to get away with making a poor choice knowing full well I had everything it took NOT to revert back to "using" again. I have spent too many months building a "new history" of making better choices, to throw it all away now. 

To open The Excuse Door. Once open, believe me it is VERY difficult to get closed again! All kinds of junk gets stuck in the crack, like a foot in the door. Junk like guilt, frustration, anger, doubt, regret, embarrassment... the list goes on. 

How do I know??? Too many years of being the Queen of Excuses.  Too many years of doing well for awhile only to LET something push me hard enough, that I gave in and opened that Excuse Door.

Bottomline, how is me overeating going to help me take care of Dusty?? It's not. It would only interfere with us enjoying every last minute we have together. And I am just not going to do that. Nope, nadda, nyet.

It is NOT how you "feel". 
It is how you CHOOSE, 
regardless of how you feel. 

From Dr Phil's book: "Because living is hardly painfree, never will your life be without crisis. It is not a matter of if; it is a matter of when. When a crisis hits... you need to be doubly careful because the desire to escape the painful realities of that crisis may override your commitment to managing your weight... Have a plan, and the courage and commitment, and energy to execute it, and you will overcome the tough stuff."

My verse for today: "Be still, and know that I am God."

My quote for today: "As you make choices... your road narrows, until there is no road left but the one you made." --Chris, A Deliberate Life

Enjoy the Journey,



clickmom said...

My choices have been less than stellar lately, and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Bravo to you for choosing to accept the sadness and not attempt to bury it under some food.

karen@fitnessjourney said...

Love the pic. Your excuse caboose has left the station and you're making better choices!

Beth said...

What a sweet, dear heart.

The Brown Recluse (TBR) said...

I'm so glad you had such a huge non-scale victory. Dusty looks pretty good! I'm hoping the meds work for a good long while.
(I didn't know you could put cats on leashes!)

Joanne said...

You are allowed to be emotional over Dusty - geesh they are our loves. Glad you made good choices I have to adopt that quote you have posted. I needed it this past weekend. But that is what it is - past and looking forward now.

Anonymous said...

God id good. He give strength in the storm. Deb

M Pax said...

Glad you are having such precious moments with Dusty.

I'm really proud you didn't use it as an excuse. That was one lesson I applied to this round, 'no excuses'. It's not easy to change our habits. One decision at a time, we can though and we can learn new ones.

See, you've just proved it. :D

Anonymous said...

Good for you for not turning to food as an escape and not letting the pain for Dusty be an excuse. Thanks for sharing the pictures, Dusty is a beautiful girl. (((((((hugs))))))))

x said...

your kitty looks happy in the grass and sun.

♥ Drazil ♥ said...

Love this post....thanks for doing the soul hit home for me!

Debi said...

Hi Loretta,

It is NOT how you "feel".
It is how you CHOOSE,
regardless of how you feel.

I love this...I just said something similar to my son today because he was struggling with failure.. " Tim, you know as well as I do that falling and rising after each fall builds character...failing is only failing if you allow it to keep you down!"

Don't you just love to watch yourself growing from your life's experiences? I mean, look at have been through a lot...this weightloss journey in making you a stronger person, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally. You are building character Loretta...every step you take..good or bad...when you choose to do the right are strengthening the person within.
I am amazed and grateful to know you...

Keep your eye on the prize...
Second Journey

Scarlet Simple said...

You are making good choices, even in bad times. Even I struggle with that. You are amazing woman!

Dusty is a beautiful girl with such a serious face! She looks like she has some strength there. Does she have some stripes? Is that just me? I'm sorry, I know I'm crazy but I love cats. :)

Christine said...

Glad dusty was outside in the sunshine today...each day is a gift, not a right. He lived today, just like we did. What a great thing.
Hugs to you....great job on holding it together.

Kat said...

This brought tears to my eyes Loretta. I am glad that Dusty got to go outside today and enjoy the sun and the grass. I will be keeping you both in my thoughts. You are handling this so well. Keep feeling your feelings and enjoy the time you have with Dusty.

I actually came over here to congratulate you for winning The Perfect 10! Steve just announced it on his blog. Congratulations!

Unknown said...

I know it is so hard to lose pets. When my dog Lucky had to be put down after I owned him for 17 years, I truly felt like I'd lost a member of the family. Because I did. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It is good that you got to take Dusty outside with you today.

Congratulations on Winning the Perfect 10 challenge.

Shelli Belly said...

I read this blog post tonight and the word Clarity comes to mind. Your committment and insight help me so much. Thank you for your constant truth. It will help me to be more real on this journey. A new focus and determination.

More more joy is what animals bring to our lives. Just to be able to bring out the inner Lion in your kittty is the sweetest thing.

Ok so my happiest momment today is when I read the Perfect10 results! I let out a very loud woooohoooo!!!!! Cheers and Smiles to you Shelli

Frannie said...

Two things:

1st, congrats on winning the Perfect 10 Challenge! From the little bit that I've read on your page, it seems like it couldn't have been a better choice! Hopefully the prize will help you lose the next 100 pounds. :)

2nd, I feel your pain with your kitty. I got a cat when I was 9 years old and had her for 18 years. When she died it was terribly sudden (sick Thursday afternoon, gone early Monday morning) so it was extremely hard for me to accept. I was actually on a pretty good spiral down with my weight at the time, but she was my world so losing her really took the motivation out of me. I love your philosophy, though, and I wish I had been strong enough not to get back on the excuse train, which picked up an extra 30 pounds in its year or two of travels after her death.

I look forward to continuing to read your blog!


kellidee said...

i am so sorry about dusty...he is a very handsome cat..i dont know what i would do if my cats suddenly got cancer..we did go thru a natural death with one of our cats a few years ago..he was 25 and just died...walked away and died in the field..but enjoy your furry family member and enjoy your life as well...we are only given the moment and we are blessed to have that..i am so proud of you for not giving in..we will both make it..we just have to have faith..loveya,kelli

Patsy said...

Sending much love and warmth to you and Dusty. I would be beside myself in your position. I went through it with my beloved Lola, who was my once-in-a-lifetime *special* cat... I love my four dearly, but she JUST had the edge on them...

Unknown said...

Just read on Steve's blog you are the winner of the Perfect 10 - Congratulations - you certainly deserve it!! :)

.... said...

So sorry to hear about your kitty. Our dogs are getting older (11) & my husband just gets torn up about the thought that they only have so much time left. You are so right, they are family, too!

Congrats on making the choices you made. It takes a lot to turn away from old habits.

Congrats on the Perfect Ten as well!

Best wishes,

Salina Lyn said...

Hi Loretta.

So sorry to hear about your kitty. I had a cat for 17 years. She was my best friend for a very long time. Now I have dogs. Funny how they're like our kids. They are family.

I just wanted to stop by to say congrats on winning the Perfect 10. I'm really curious about what you think of the prize after you get it and get to start playing with it.


Regina said...

Congrats on your Perfect 10 win! And on all the progress you have made in making changes!

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