Saturday, March 13, 2010

Day 216 Feeling Sad Today

Hello Journal & Friends,

If you weren't blessed with the Cat gene, and the topic bores you, I understand, so please feel free to catch me next time. :-)

MyGuy and I took Dusty to the vet today. It was not good news. She has cancer, and is not feeling well. We love her enough to let her go, and not suffer. The vet was so patient and gentle with her... she is easy to love, she is sweet and gentle herself. We will see how she does... we might have two more days with her, or two weeks. She will let us know.

Mr Boots

These were some of my dear fur-babies over the years. 

You would think it would get easier, in time, to say good-bye. But I invest my heart every single time we bring a new little creature home to become a part of our family. 

They become a part of my daily life. A small innocent being, trusting me to care and love them. Giving me so much in return. 

It is sooo hard to accept that it is soon to be Dusty's time to depart. She is a gentle spirit... quiet, sweet natured. A little grumpy in her old age. But even then, grumpy in a quiet way. Even her meow is quiet. 

She is 16 now. She can't keep her food or water down... sometimes several times a day she loses it. I've tried to explain to her how I prefer that she does this on the kitchen floor not the carpet... she shrugs and smoothly glides away nonchalantly, on silent kitty feet.

She sleeps on my bed during the day, and in her special soft kitty bed at night. She will eat her supplements if I let her lick them from my fingertip. 

She loves to be cuddled, and her favorite thing is to sit in the window and watch the hummers come to the feeder. We have little stairsteps around the house... she is too old and weak now to jump up without help. 

She is Queen. What Dusty wants now, Dusty gets. She has brought so much joy into my life, that I am glad to do all I can to see that her last days are quiet and full of purrs. 

But it is still sooo hard to let her go.... I will need her to let me know when... when it is time to take her in for help in the crossing, before it gets too painful for her. But I will be there, looking into her face, loving her, letting her know she is not alone. It's a hard thing to do.. but I will do it for her.

It is hard to accept that our time together is almost over.

I cannot change the way of things... this is natural and as it was meant to be. I am trying to accept that, and be thankful that I was given 16 years to travel through life with Dusty.

Nope... this has nothing to do with weight loss. This life. This is my heart crying. Butterfly, who is only 5 years old, comes and looks at me, and asks what is wrong?? 



Drazil said...

Oh you poor thing....we have kitties so I know how you feel. I'll pray for you!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. My husband is going through the same thing with his father right now. When we have such a big space in our lives, it's hard to anticipate filling that hole. I'm sending you some happy thoughts to build a bridge with when you need them.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Loretta, I'm so sorry. I have tears in my eyes. When my dog died, I mourned her as though she were a family member. I still miss her. Praying for you. It's okay to be sad. Deb

The Brown Recluse said...

((((Loretta))))) I'm so sorry. Pets aren't just pets, they really are family. I know your heart is breaking...please know I care. You are doing all the right things.

Sean Anderson said...

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Warm wishes from me to you,

M Pax said...

Awww. My heart breaks with yours. My deepest prayers to you and Dusty. I know exactly how you feel. Hugs.

Beth said...

I know just what you're saying, and I'm so sorry.

cmoursler said...

oh loretta,
I am so sorry about your kitty.
It is never happy when you lose someone.
Hugs to you.

Scarlet Simple said...

Oh I could not even read your whole post and I am still crying! I also have the cat bug. I rescue them, I love them and care for them. Sometimes people say we care too much, but it isn't true. Pets are our families and losing them is so hard. I am so sorry for what you are going through and the choices you are facing. I believe they know we love them, and that helps me.


CinciMom11 said...

Oh, Loretta! My hear breaks for you and your Dusty! This is so tough. BIG HUGS! You guys will be in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry that Dusty is ill, I feel the way you do, pets are not pets, but family members and I am so so sad for you. I always say though, i have so many pets waiting for me in heaven, along with only 2 people so far. In the end it will be a mob of my pets and probably a handful of people. Pets are the closest thing to unconditional love you will ever have. No person on this planet can match the love of a pet, they cant, they arent capable. Pets cant judge anyone, and therefore see only your heart. When a pet loves you, you KNOW you are deserving, there is no doubt.

16 years is a wonderful long life for a kitty! You must be a great momma for her to have such a long life and you know she doesnt want to leave you. ((((hugs)))

Kat said...

Oh Loretta, I am so sorry to hear about Dusty. It is so hard to lose a pet. We lost our cat Max last year to a sudden illness and it knocked me out. Hang in there and enjoy the time you have left with her. I will keep be keeping you both in my thoughts. Hugs.

Sandra said...

Very sad to read this Loretta. They are family, whether they are four legged or whatever...
I've been reading your posts backwards and saw that you got her outside - that's good. My feline furry friend has never been outside either.

Anonymous said...

This just makes me cry. My heart breaks for you. I too know the pain you feel. Love her...let her last days be the best. Cats truly do entangle themselves in your heart. It's so hard to say goodbye. I pray courage for you. Big hugs.

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