Jim just left to do errands... the kitties are preoccupied and quiet. I'm feeling... confused.
A tumble of feelings.
Yesterday was... ridiculous. No, I didn't pig out. But it scared me how much I WANTED to.
I had a wonderful morning out shopping at the craft store with my sister and niece. That was the high point of the day.
They treated me to a delicious brewed iced tea from Wendy's. Mmmmm. And I was delighted that it truly didn't bother me when one of them had a chocolate Frosty... one of my favorites. I just felt like... hey, I can have that anytime, too. But I choose not to have one til I reach my goal. A nice feeling.
But later... the low part of the day. The part that I allowed to drag my feelings through the mud. An appointment with an attorney. Legal stuff is NOT my forte... it was hard to hear, hard to understand, hard to accept, and yep, hard to part with the money for it, LOL!
That's life. Ups and downs. It's normal.
But I still fight it.
I still want it to be all even and nice, and all positive and okay... I still need to handle the tough stuff mo' bettah.
I still need to be able to just sit with the crummy feelings awhile, know that they will pass, and be okay about that. That I will be just fine.
I don't LIKE the crummy feelings. I don't WANT to sit with them! I want them to go away. I want to avoid them. That's the biggest reason I used the food... to feel better, to escape the crummy feelings.
I'm so glad I joined the Hot 100 challenge (not too late to join, click here).
Honestly, if I hadn't, when I was teetering on the edge yesterday I might have tipped in the wrong direction. But I thought: no way was I going to bomb out THIS early in the challenge and have to admit that to everyone!
Yeah, it's a lousy reason, an external motivation, that kept me going. But at that point, it was better than nothing.
I am working on building stronger INTERNAL motivation. But until it grows stronger, this will just have to do. So... thank you Steve, for the Hot 100. It saved my bacon yesterday!
Today's Peek at the Past (No, no, no... this can't be! I just looked this one up from 1 year and 1 day ago... it just can't be! The title alone smacked me!!! "Is Happiness a Choice?")
From Day 46, September 24, 2009:
Everything in our life does not have to be perfect for us to find small pockets of happiness and joy tucked away here and there...we just have to look for them.
And the first step in doing that is to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Simply put... I'll find what I am looking for. The more I open up to being thankful, the more I see. This is not some kind of touchy-feely hocus pocus...it is solidly backed by scientific research. I'm not talking about those battling clinical depression, or even those in the midst of heartbreaking trauma... but about the average person dealing the stresses of daily living, which is most of us.
Don't like modern know-it-all scientists? How about Abraham Lincoln, who said:
"Most folks are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be."
Happiness is not an automatic state of mind, a way I feel with no effort. I must choose my thoughts each day. Working THROUGH my emotions is NOT always a "happy" thing...it can be painful and hard. But I look at it now as going through a necessary tunnel, and coming out the other end, with rich results.
(For complete post "Is Happiness a Choice?" click HERE)
From Dr Phil's book: "If you don't require much of yourself in this area of self-monitoring, your ability to maintain your goal weight will be weakened considerably."
My verse for today: "You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my god turns my darkness into light."
My quote for today: "I am showing up for life today. I am going to make the best of everything I have been given, and make the choice to live today out of gratitude." --author unknown
Enjoy the Journey,