Wednesday, September 22, 2010

DAY 405 The Real Point & The Hot 100

Hi Journal & Friends,

I was all set to write my post. I KNEW what I was going to say... it was outlined inside my head.

Then, I went back about a year to find the Peek from the Past... and it smacked me right between the eyes. I really needed to read my own words. I almost cried. It was perfect. 

It's been tough lately, and while I've not had binges like in the old days, it's felt like I was on a slippery slope. A little here, an exception there, a justification, an excuse. I've not gained... in fact I peeked on Monday and have lost weight. But that's not the point! 

Using food to ease stress is the point. 

Making excuses is the point. 

Losing focus is the point. 

Allowing circumstances to rob me of my solid grip, my dogged determination is the point.

Those are the dangerous behaviors that got me to 460 pounds... I don't want to go back there!!

Here is part of what got me, from Day 43 on September 21, 2009, "Why I Write What I Write". (The whole train of thought started in response to a blogger that was cynical about "happy" bloggers, and thought that perhaps we did it for the pats on the back)

Giving this writer the benefit of the doubt, perhaps this blogger has been around long enough to see so many people come and go, who SAID all the right things, but did not DO them.

I think one reason I felt defensive was because that used to be ME....

Now I am creating a NEW HISTORY for myself...

Bottomline: I write what I need to read!! I write to motivate ME, to help ME focus, to kick MYSELF in the tush, to cheer ME on to victory!! If anyone else happens to read any of it and is helped, I am delighted by that...

...attitudes are contagious. And I talk to MYSELF more than anyone else all day long, all of my life. I NEED TO HEAR POSITIVE STUFF!!! I need to fill my mind with thoughts and information that will propel me to SUCCESS, not drag me down with doubts, fears, self-pity, woe as me, who-do-you-think-you-are thinking.

I am Loretta. I am here. I will succeed... and no one, nothing, will take this from me. Not cynicism, not criticism, not skepticism, not doubt or fear, or even my own past history of failure. 

I am creating a New Me. I do not care one bit, not ONE BIT, if someone else rolls their eyes at my pom-pom waving. They simply do not understand...they do not know ME, and what I have had to overcome to arrive at this time, this place, where I can say:


I needed to read that. I needed the kick in the pants. So... I changed my mind and AM joining Steve's Hot 100 Challenge. 
(Here for details). It's not too late to join... it starts tomorrow, Thursday the 23rd.

He has some cool prizes--and will have THREE winners this year... but I decided that with all that is going on in my life right now, I'm not going to enter for the prizes. 

I'm doing it more informally, so I won't be under pressure to report in on certain days or following any rules. But I'd still like to be connected, and will try to visit and support others doing the challenge as time permits.

I am working on Internal Motivation, thanks to something Chris wrote recently... I'm mulling it over, trying it on for size. Setting goals and following through because I am motivated INTERNALLY rather than externally. Because I report in to MYSELF. I hold myself accountable, and value ME enough not to let myself down... like I would have done in the past, with no one looking over my shoulder.

I LOVE doing challenges, don't get me wrong. And I am sure I'll do more, and be a good little girl and follow all the rules. It's just that there is something for me to learn... I can feel it... sense it, even though I can't quite express it yet. Yet. Gimme time. 

And who knows... it might turn out to be a great big flop!! In other words, a LEARNING EXPERIENCE!

Hey, did you notice Blogger fixed me, and I can post pics?!?!?! Yay!!!

(For complete post "Why I Write What I Write" click HERE

From Dr Phil's book: "Failure to self-monitor is one of the top reasons why people allow their weight to creep back on."

My verse for today: "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and He saved us."

My quote for today: "Three rules of work: Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony; in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." --Albert Einstein

Enjoy the Journey,



MizFit said...

my mantra as I look around the house and inside my head.


thank you for the wednesday gift of those 5 words...

anne h said...

Awesome - insightful, and about the pom-poms -
Go, go, Loretta!

Sharon said...

First thing I noticed was pictures. I'm having the same problem on ONE of my computers, but not the other. How odd is that? Makes me think it's a setting on the computer rather than a blogger problem, but out of curiosity, what did Blogger do to fix it?

I'm glad you are joining the challenge. I've set some tough goals for myself during the toughest part of the year to achieve those goals, but I'm going to try my best. Come, go with me - we can do it! And if we don't, we'll try again, and again, and again......someday we will!

Jules - Big Girl Bombshell said...

Oh yes..I know that feeling..that strong push to do because we KNOW, just KNOW there is something to learn. I am in that EXACT same thing..I am scared to death..but one foot in front of the other and NO MORE EXCUSES!

Anonymous said...

"I am creating a New Me. I do not care one bit, not ONE BIT, if someone else rolls their eyes at my pom-pom waving." - You go, girl! Wave those pom-poms! I'm with you! :)

spunkysuzi said...

I'll be on the side lines jumping up and down and yelling encouragement :)

M Pax said...

It is easy to slip toward old patterns when under a lot of stress, especially if our new habits are not as ingrained as the old ones. It's a victory that you caught yourself and are course correcting. Woot!

I hope your stress is over soon. It sucks. It does.

Anonymous said...

:D It's funny. About the challenge rules, I mean. I decided that I wasn't going to sweat all of the details, either. That's why on my post, I listed some rules and said "see link for the rest".

I wrote out the rules that I knew would help me if I followed them. (Pick goals, post them, do weekly updates & check-in) Those willkeep me focused on the task.

It's funny--I know I said that, but it is--I've been having this niggling little thing going on in my mind... A little bell tinkling that I'm in the process of figuring something out... discovering a truth... a key. I dunno. Something.

We'll see. :D And we're HOT!



Baby Stepping said...

Hi Loretta, I stopped by this morning, but couldn't post - I have a really cruddy ISP. I'm so glad you're doing the 100 days. That will make it a lot more fun. Deb's doing it too! I can't wait to get started.


Dayne Gingrich said...

You keep going, writing, walking, and running down that path, Loretta!

Keep that specific motivation in front of you at all times... it's what will keep you going through the tough times. There will always be tough times. Do we have a strong enough motivation, and are we repeating over and over what needs to get done to accomplish our goals?

You have a strong plan of action... simply repeat repeat repeat!


Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

Blogger didn't fix you; you are fixing you! Way to go, Loretta, you are talking yourself off the slippery slope.

South Beach Steve said...

Thanks for the shout out Loretta!

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