Good Afternoon Journal,
MyGuy is off work today...it's 4:30pm and I am still in my jammies... Good griefus! He is off to do some shopping, so I finally get computer time. :-)
Today, as I bounced from task to task, I realized--AGAIN-- that I need a workable plan that I can consistently follow on his days off.
I do BETTER following a routine...sleep is better, food is better, exercise is better...chores get done...EVERYTHING goes better. And on his work days, when I am free to follow my routine, *I* do better. I feel better ABOUT myself, feel more productive and happy...feel like I am progressing towards my goals. I am one of those weird ones that loves crossing stuff off from my to-do list, and awarding myself little stars or smilie faces!
But, about 2 days per week, hubby is off, and here, and out the window goes my schedule. He has had rotating days off for the last 27 years...and sometimes, with last minute notice, it changes. Out the window goes my plans, routines.
One problem is that he is dyslexic...hard to read, hard to write. He CAN, but he prefers not to. He jokingly refers to me as his "sexetary". Kinda cute, when I am in a good mood.
As an aside, I love the book of Proverbs, in the Bible. And one verse I chose years ago to live by is this:
"Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."
Because it's a lot of work for him to read, he doesn't read my blog. I could say anything I wanted about him and he would never know. Mwahahahaha....
But, seriously, I am loyal to him, and even when I get ticked at him, I would never trash him for the world to read. "Ticked" comes and goes...Love is forever. I have seen blogs where the wife verbally drags the man she has pledged to love through the mud, and I almost cried for them.
It made me even more determined to be the kind of person his heart could trust. He is not perfect...but he really is a good guy!
Back to the topic! When MyGuy is here, I am sort of the "go to" person in the house. Anything needing reading, writing, phone calls, bills, letters, emails, where is this, where is that, what's for lunch? what's for dinner? Sounds like a momma! I don't mean it to sound that way...it's just a special situation, and it's sort of worked for a long time.
Until *I* went and decided to change! Now, I am trying to learn CONSISTENCY. And part of that means not getting all behind 2 days a week by letting my routines go out the window, then playing catch up the next two days. By the time I am feeling in the groove...he is off work again! Ack!
So, I am humbling myself to ask for ideas, opinions, suggestions. This is embarrassing, something that is probably so simple for most people, yet I struggle with it so much. I love order, thrive on routine. And in the end, by following a routine, it gives me even more free time, and I get to work on my art, which is deeply meaningful and important to me...something I feel I was meant to do.
I have tried to be honest, and see if I am making excuses. If that is the case, then it's a blind spot...I don't see it. I have tried to talk with Jim...and he is totally NOT a routine person...he cares, but he doesn't get it. HE thrives on flexibility, spontaneity, the "last minute rush". And he is great at his job because of that! Go figure.
Do I need an attitude adjustment? A check-up from the neck-up? A different perspective? A better plan? The same plan, but more consistently executed? Stop making excuses? Am I just afraid to rock the boat, that MyGuy would get ticked at ME?
I will find a solution...I am open to correction, or suggestions, or ideas. Surely someone has experienced a similar situation, and come up with a great idea to make it work.
From Dr Phil's book: "Use it or lose it."
My verse for today: "Happy are the people whose God is the Lord."
My quote for today: "To fly, we have to have resistance."--Maya Lin
Enjoy the Journey,
Loretta
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9 comments:
Routines do change when hubs is home. One thing I do-on Sat and/or Sunday, I just tell Wayne it is time for my exercise. And I go do it. Since I am home full time, I try to get the housework and chores out of the way during the week, so we can have time to do things together on the weekend. It seems to work good for us.
As far as meals, we eat the same foods. So we will cook a pot of something on Saturday afternoon and eat it for supper then have left overs Sunday. That absolutely destresses Sundays and leaves us plenty of church and rest time.
Another thing that Wayne started (on his own) is having 'date night' on Wednesdays. We go to prayer meeting from 6:30- 7:15, then go out to eat. That way, when we get home, into pjs we go and our day is officially over. We like to have a couple of hours at night to sit around and watch telly and talk. If there is a game on, he watches and I come online.
I adore that last kitty picture. I hope you can find a routine that works for you.
I like proverbs too...proverbs 31 a mother's instruction to her son on what kind of wife to look for, it's a high bar. Good as a target though. I agree with the lady above...I tell my husband that I am going to go exercise. He loves that I am getting in shape, it helps him to find me attractive. It's part of marriage rehab around our house, so he's all for it. (He has even started eating turkey bacon..lol) I am sure your hubby would understand if you told him you had to such and thus.
It's hard changin old habits. Good luck.
I know what this is like!
It isn't exactly the same, but I am a stay at home wife, so I do all of the cooking and cleaning and I also keep our budget and manage our schedule. Not because I have to, but because I have more time than dh to do those things. During the week my routine is solid, but on the weekend it all falls apart. What I have done, and what works for me is getting everything I need to do finished during the week. I get most of my exercise done from monday to friday, which is the hardest thing for me to accomplish when dh is home.
As far as food goes we plan to either have dinner out, or cook on saturdays, and I always make dinner on Sunday.
I think it might help you to just take control of the planning. Lay things out for him. Maybe at the beginning of the week prep two meals ahead of time that you can just throw together at the last minute on his days off. That way it wont take too long and you wont have to stress over it.
Ask him what his major tasks for you are going to be this week, ask him to present you with the things he needs in the begining of the day, and then work through them at a pace that meshes with your routine.
I can tell you love him, and I know you will find a solution! Good luck!
Hi Missy, Chris and Ruby...thank you! I really appreciate reading the different points of view, and ideas. One thing I think you all mentioned was basically clearing my schedule for his days off, getting all the routine work done ahead. I have actually tried that, but I guess I wasn't consistent with it. Maybe I was on the right track, though!
My one bugaboo is figuring out a way to apply it to a rotating schedule that keeps me guessing. Maybe a "floating" or rotating chore schedule?! I will give it some thought.
I love your "date nights", Missy. When I was younger, before I got so heavy, we used to do that. I got all misty when I read that you and Wayne did that. I want that back! Soon, soon.
And Chris, you used the phrase "marriage rehab", and change is hard (YES). I hadn't thought of it in that way, but with all the changes I am working on, I suppose our marriage is going through rehab, too. I looked in the dictionary, and another word for rehabilitation was restoration. I truly believe God will restore us to the kind of marriage we used to have...better yet, to an even better one!
Ruby, you said a couple of things that made me think...one about making sure I get the exercise done before his days off. I really need to do that! It is practically impossible with him here. So that is just poor time management on my part. And you also mentioned taking charge of the schedule. I could be better at that, too. He has never been a planner, and even when I ask him to tell me ahead..."I forgot" is what I get. But I can maybe plan a block of time, and tell him at the start of each day off that if he needs anything, if possible and not urgent, then I will do it at that time. I will work on that idea.
I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond, that was generous...I know how busy we all are!
Loretta
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Had to come by and say good morning and feed hampy.
It will all work out, you know it will. Yourguy sounds like a wonderful man.
Good Morning! Better late than never. I've been mulling one thing over all night and I wonder... is there any way you could make sure that on hubby's day off that before you do anything for him, you have a chance to get dressed and put together? The reason is that you will feel more together and ready to face the challenges of the day if you are prepared properly for the day. I know he gets up early, so you can't really get up ahead of him, but as you learn to have give and take with each other, perhaps he'll allow you the time for preparing for the day? I don't know if this would even work for you, because I don't know your schedule. But I think on a rotating one, you'll be re-arranging your flexible days the night before so you can go to bed early enough. If you get warning the night before!
I think your creative ability will help work out a plan and help your Guy work with you too.
yes days when my hubby is home I am a little bit discombobulated (is that a word? ha ha)
Actually though I get more work done when my hubby is home, but less of some things I want to get done for me. You know we have food issues too, thats the one thing that we clash on.
I agree on not trashing hubby (I hope my last blog didnt sound like that!) but dangit they can definitely put a wrench in your system!
I came back to answer you with more thought and more thoroughly after my workout. :)
I have several schedules. I don't know if this is a solution for you or not. Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday are my 'no excuses' days. I get work done. My workouts are scheduled. Tuesday and Friday are my 'get what comes up done days'. I run errands, appointments, juggle, etc ... Saturday is a free floating day. That's how I handle it.
Perhaps if you make an alternate schedule, for days when YourGuy is home, that includes time for him. Let him know at what times you are unavailable and then tell him you have set aside such and such time for him. If that works ....
I need that schedule and routine, too. I work betters on my days. On the more free & loose, crazy days I do OK, but not as well. Like my eating will be off [usually, I don't eat as regularly or as much as I do on the other days]. I now compensate with a Luna bar when I have a crazy day.
Sometimes now, [with my new goal of getting out there and getting visible] I have to juggle my time differently. But, mostly, I make sure my activities, etc ... are planned around my 'strict' workout times. And strict work times.
Hmmm, I don't know if that helped. But play around with how things work and fit best for you. I make Husband fend for himself for breakfast and lunch. If I'm really busy, he'll bust out a frozen entree these days. Sometimes he floors me by cleaning, doing the dishes or making dinner.
Men don't get subtle. Whatever you want, just say it flat out in blunt, plain English. That's all men understand. :) If he understands this is what you have to do, he'll probably even help you out. I think that's how I explained it to my Husband one night. That if he wants a sane wife, this was how things had to go. He understood that and eats tofu without complaint.
MISSY: Thank you, yes he is a keeper. :-)
KAREN: When I read what you said, two things stuck out to me that I need to work on that would help: planning ahead better, and getting to bed on time. Hmmm, where have I heard those before!?
NANCY: Yes, I have the same challenge with differing eating plans...he is slooowwwlly coming around, teensy bit at a time. You can see from his pics he would benefit from losing a pound or two from his tummy. And NO, friend Nancy, it was NOT your blog I was thinking of...it was one in particular, that is not on my favorites list. I am sure she is an okay person, but I just choose not to let it influence my thinking on a regular basis. Attitudes can be contagious, ya know?! ;-)
MARY: AHA! Light bulb moment! My mind was stuck in a rut, applying the same methodology to "how to make a schedule/to do list" to every day.
You gave me a great suggestion: make different KINDS of schedules for different days....duh...why didn't I think of that? LOL!! I will try that out, and see how to adjust it to make it work. Like: a FIRM DAY schedule, and a FLEXIBLE DAY schedule... something like that. Such a simple solution, my mind was just stuck in a rut. I really DO do better with a schedule, and even if it is a FLEXIBLE one, I know I will get more done and feel better.
Hey, you must've met my husband! He doesn't even HEAR subtle..LOL...
Thank you all so much! I should've asked sooner. :-) Gimme a few weeks to work out the bugs, and I will let you know how it has been working.
Loretta
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