Thursday, November 18, 2010

DAY 462 Later Gators for Hottie Update


Hi Journal & Friends,

A quickie post, Part A...


It's 4am Oregon time... I'm up early to start getting ready for yet another teensy medical thingie this morning. Gotta get a suspicious mole removed. 

I stalled and stalled, hoping it would just get better and "go away". Why? Well, why else does a fat woman stall undressing in front of a man she is NOT married to??! 

Yep... shame over the ol' bod. It's high on my thigh, and I just didn't want my squishy, blobby, thigh-with-the-hanging-folds-of-skin poked, prodded and examined. Let's hope my pride wasn't a fatal mistake this time.

I'll be back later to do Part B, my Hot 100 update.


............................................


I'm baaaack! 

Got it done... get the pathology report back in 2 weeks. The effects of obesity reaches deep into our lives... like tenacles. 

Did I mention the suspicious mole was at the upper part of my thigh? Uh huh... as I lay there during the removal of said critter, I was asked to hold my hanging tummy up out of the way. LIKE I NEEDED ONE MORE THING TO FEEL MORTIFIED ABOUT!!!!!!

Okay... breathe...

On to more pleasant things. Like what a rotten week I had with the Hot 100.


Since I had been struggling, I decided to go back to using a little checklist for the rest of the year. I kept track of my 3 goals (calories, exercise and vitamins) all week. And at the end of the week, discovered that how I "felt" it went did not match with the written checklist. I definitely fell short! Ack!

So it was a GOOD thing to use the checklist. Shows me I can't just go by my feelings to evaluate my progress... they are tricky that way.

But it dawned on me last night, as I noticed on a blog that someone was going back to tracking their food... that it wasn't about the food for me. I needed to be tracking how I FEEL. In this case, the feelings would be clues.

I've allowed my focus to shift. I've been busy, and doing more "living", and been spending less time with all the inward stuff. The thinking, contemplating, tuning in to feelings, evaluating... all that...


And fell back into ignoring the WHY that is pushing me to want to eat more... or to use my allotted calories on "yummy" food, instead of nutritious food.

I dunno... there's got to be a balance. I just haven't found it yet! A balance of LIVING my life, and not having to spend all my time focusing on "weight loss". I think I'm going through one of those phases where I just want it OVER.

But... the journey continues. It will take as long as it takes. But I still think I can shorten it a bit if I will stop goofing around so much!!

Yep... frustration must be my "word of the day", LOL!


From Dr Phil's book: "By changing the way you think, you can change the way you feel and act."

My verse for today: "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

My quote for today: "More fun than the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile."

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta
=^..^=

13 comments:

Sean Anderson said...

Loretta,

Hoping and praying for the quick removal and recovery from that. I just wanted to say thank you for your amazing support of me and my journey.
My best always,
Sean

And, I know I've told you before---BUT---wow, you're an amazing artist!!!!! ;)

Leslie said...

Good luck with the procedure, Loretta. Way to go taking care of yourself.

Losing 100 said...

Good Luck today. I'm sure everything will be fine. Way to go taking care of yourself!

Christina said...

Good luck, girlfriend! You're in my thoughts today. BIG HUGS!

Mrs. Crumpet said...

Dear Lorreta,

I just want to say first of all, good luck and I hope you get better quickly.

Secondly, you are an amazing woman and I am so glad I stumbled across your blog, I think your an inspiration and I look foward to following your blog on a daily basis.

"Losing weight is hard.
Being fat is hard.
Choose your hard." Reading that on an earlier post brought me to tears, thank you for sharing those wise words.

xox
Mrs. Crumpet

Ms. PJ Geek said...

yeahy, we have a lot of stuff to keep up with to get it right. your check list sounds good though..keep on...

Veracity's Views said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne H said...

I love the little kitty and the piano keys.
We can bite alot of things.... hunger and/or
frustration..... but it won't make any music!
Cuz that's not what a piano is FOR!
Or how to approach it - to get a good result!
Good that you can step back and re-assess....
You might not know what and where and all that....
But you can at least decide you don't like
the way you feel now! And that is more than a good start!

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

Ugh, I will keep you in my prayers and hope that the results come back with good news! Keep us updated! Stay positive!

Diana said...

I have a hanging tummy too. If I wasn' so old I might consider a tummy tuck, but then again, I detest pain, so maybe not. :)

I know this probably goes without saying, but keep trying. You always do so I know without a doubt you won't give it. It's a continuous struggle and learning what works and what doesn't. It's also always changing because what works this month might not work next month. It's a battle for sure but one we're going to win.

that TOPS lady said...

Sorry you had such an embarrassing procedure. If it helps anything, I once had to have a cyst cut open.......it was on my big bootie. yikes!

Karen said...

I've had three skin cancers. One was in a mole, the other two were not. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your mole is nothing to worry about.

South Beach Steve said...

Loretta, I am glad to see you went on and had the mole removed. Hopefully it will be nothing.

I hear you on the tracking. It is so easy to remember things a little differently than they actually happened. I need to get back to doing a better job with this myself.

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