Wednesday, October 27, 2010

DAY 440 Trains & Taxis & Realizations

Hi there Journal & Friends,

Feeling tired here, but better. 
Thank you for all your kind well wishes. 

It's been a challenge lately to find uninterrupted time to myself, and I'm sorry I haven't been too supportive lately by visiting and commenting. But thanks to a friend, I have finally realized why I've been having such a hard time lately.

I have been like a battery that hasn't been fully recharged... low on energy, low on ability to focus, low on inspiration. It's been WORK to be positive. WORK to be cheerful and smile.

Why? Because I am one of those people that enjoy my solitude. I enjoy it, and get my "recharge" when alone. I feel refreshed when I can spend time thinking, praying, reading, just unwinding by myself. Solitude is an absolute MUST for creativity, for my art.

And until my friend explained how a lack of that alone time affected her, I hadn't even connected the dots that for WEEKS now my sweet Jim has been off work. 

Every day. 
All day. 

Sure, he goes for errands and such. But it's no set time, I never know the comings and goings, there is no routine... and almost without exception if I am trying to write a thoughtful post, I can guarantee if he is in this house, I WILL get interrupted. And I'll admit, that too often I have bitten his head off for it lately. :-(

I like order. I like routine. I am like a train. He is like a taxi cab.

A train may be slow to start, but once going, it has a full head of steam and chugs along with purpose to a destination. It can't start and stop on a dime, like a... taxi cab.

My Sweetie is a taxi cab. Full of starts and stops... in and out, up and down, interruptions are interesting for him. My opposite!

My friend also helped me see there is nothing WRONG with me. This is not a character defect in me, enjoying my solitude, NEEDING it. That I am not being selfish, it is the way I am. Honestly, that was a revelation! 

In a way, I'm glad to have had this come to a head BEFORE he went back to work. I learned some valuable stuff about myself. I was feeling all this extra stress, but couldn't figure out WHY. 

Now I know why.

I was struggling to focus... now I know why.
I was getting more and more irritated with him... now I know why.
I kept "waiting" to get my act together... now I know why.
I was slipping into old habits, starting to reach for the food... now I know why.

The reason I am doing a lot of sitting and thinking and writing right that MyGuy is asleep! LOL!

Now that I know what's been bugging me, I am hoping to work on a solution. One that will be a win/win solution. I can still have my time alone, yet my Sweetie won't feel neglected or ignored. And I won't have to stay up til all weird hours just to get my batteries recharged!

Today's Peek at the Past (Oh. My. Goodness!! I simply cannot believe what I just read. No way! This post from last year is about EXACTLY the problem I just wrote about... finding time for my routines when MyGuy is around!!! Eeky freaky!)

From Day 79, October 27, 2009:

MyGuy is off work's 4:30pm and I am still in my jammies... Good griefus! He is off to do some shopping, so I finally get computer time. :-)

Today, as I bounced from task to task, I realized--AGAIN-- that I need a workable plan that I can consistently follow on his days off.

I do BETTER following a routine...sleep is better, food is better, exercise is better...chores get done... EVERYTHING goes better. And on his work days, when I am free to follow my routine, *I* do better. I feel better ABOUT myself, feel more productive and happy...

(For complete post "In My Jammies & Lookin' for Ideas" click HERE

From Dr Phil's book: "When you kill time, remember you can't resurrect it."

My verse for today: "The joy of the Lord is our strength."

My quote for today: "It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it." --John Steinbeck

Enjoy the Journey,



Jules - Big Girl Bombshell said...

OH...YES....Solitude...people think I am crazy but I get up at3:30 - 4:00 to have my solitude time......and when I don't well I just feel out of sorts.....

Anne H said...

I live alone - and still schedule in solitude time!
It's as important as working out - for the mind.
Maybe time to listen.

Sharon said...

The day that I truly embraced the fact that I was an introvert and that it was O.K. was a monumental day! Since then, I've never looked back and make sure to find ways for that time of recharging. The greatest freedom was when I became confident at demanding (that's not the best word, but I can't think of another one right now) that time and if anyone was offended it was their problem, not mine! Extroverts and introverts need to do a better job at understanding their differences and recognizing that neither way is better than the other. It's the way God created us!

spunkysuzi said...

That's the very reason i wake up at least an hour before the hubs. It's also the reason i love my walks. Just me and nature. It's what keeps me sane.

Olivia said...

You are so not alone in this :) There is a reason I only post from work usually. When I'm home my hubby is like, "What are you doing?" when I'm typing on the computer. Then I feel all self conscious or I even feel guilty for neglecting him. Also when I'm reading he likes to strike up a conversation, haha. I love him, but it takes everything in me not to bite his head off.

Glad to hear you are feeling better and look forward to seeing you on here more often again :)

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

What a great discovery. It seems that some people recharge through solitude and others recharge through being around other people. I find that I really like the latter.. I love to be able to visit and connect with loved ones, so I find that when I've had too much solitude and not enough connecting - I feel down. Interesting how that works.

Glad you figured it out and can work on a plan to help ya!! :)

Take care

Jane said...

I just found your blog, and this is a great post. I am one of those people who is mostly an introvert, but I also need a certain amount of "people time." It's good to know who we are.

Deb Willbefree said...

Re: the lookback: :O No waaayyy!!!

Loretta--READ AHEAD! and let me now what we're about to deal with! chuckle.

Loved the post. If you come up with one of them there win/win solutions, let me know!


M Pax said...

I am the same. I need solitude to recharge. My profession builds that in. :D I think I finally picked the right one.

Your title is funny. Last night I dreamed of trains and taxis. Whenever I feel stressed I dream of some place I've lived then I try to get some place either on the subways or driving. I know where I want to go and how to get there, only I can't there. The locations change, but the dream is always the same. I've come to realize its a manifestation of my stress level and frustration. I'm so glad I don't have them as often these days. I'm wondering how Bend will materialize in these dreams in the future. They never take place in the city in which I'm currently living. Strange, huh?

pinkvision said...

:) I loved the allegories of people as trains and taxis!

Much to think about there, on the subject of 'me' time!

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