Hi Journal & Friends,
Mary at Wistful Nebulae asked a probing question recently:
"How about you?" What have you planned to keep your dreams alive?"
At the time, the minute I read it, I knew there was something for me there... and I KNEW what had been bugging me for weeks now.
Since all this hassle about my husband's job situation, I've been up to my eyeballs in paperwork, phone calls, research, meetings with lawyers, doctors appointments, etc etc etc.
NO time for things that didn't have a deadline... like my art. I squeaked out a couple of small, fast projects... but nothing else, not what I really wanted to work on.
I almost typed "no time for frivolous things, like my art." But ya know what? That's not true. It is important to me, meaningful, something that comes from deep within. And when I am not actively engaged in it on a regular basis, I feel something is wrong... missing... colorless. And like I am wasting a gift that I was given.
SO! Guess what I did yesterday?? I went to an Art lecture by Stefan Baumann. He has a PBS art show, The Grand View, and teaches workhops both here in Southern Oregon and in California.
From Stefan's brochure: Whether you paint, write, compose, or cook, would you like to do it with more passion and power, to take your creative skills to the next level?
I LOVED IT! Jim, who is a photographer in his free time, went with me and enjoyed it also.
Jim, talking with Stefan at the break... you can
just make out the simple yellowish-brown of the
underpainting on the demo canvas behind Jim's
head that Stefan pre-prepared for the demonstration.
I haven't done anything like that in... 25 years, at least. I allowed obesity to rob me, to strip away from my life things that make it rich and colorful. I missed out on sooo much.
There is a vibrant, thriving and active community of artists in the valley where I live... yet I have not interacted with them hardly at all.
I was ashamed of how I looked, it's that simple. It affected my level of confidence, and didn't allow me to be comfortable around strangers. And eventually I became almost a shut-in, with limited mobility, not ABLE to go even if I wanted to.
I am reclaiming my life. Bit by bit, as I am able, I am determined to blossom.
Just to "lose weight" is not enough... that is not a powerful enough goal, with enough deep meaning to give me the determination to gut it out when it's hard.
To keep going during those times I would dearly love to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.
To face the scarey stuff... my innermost feelings and fears... and to deal with raw LIFE without the buffer, the drugging effect of food.
For over a year now, Mary has encouraged people to go after the passion in their life. To plug in, to connect with others of like passion. I wasn't sure I even wanted that... or if I needed that.
But today, in a room with about 50 other people who were just as excited about the subject as I was... I KNEW I wanted it. I felt like someone who had finally been let out of a dark prison, and was soaking in the sunshine. It was wonderful.
So you ask me why I want to lose this weight??
Because I want to LIVE this life, not just pass through it.
Because I have been given a gift, and it only comes full circle when it is given away, and blesses others.
Because it is MY time. Finally. And I believe it with all my heart.
Stefan is offering a 3 month long, once-a-week-class-with-homework Workshop, to a limited number of students. I dearly want to go!
We did something daring... something radical... something desperate... we PRAYED for the money for me to go! Okay, I was being cute there... but honestly, we did ask God to help me find a way. And in the meantime, I am planning on it. I am soooooooooooooo excited, and look forward to it.
Wanna see some pics of the lecture and demo?? He is an oil painter, and even though I was near the back, it was still fun, and you can just make out the progression as he paints (click to enlarge).
He was almost done here, but his spotlight
washed out the blue sky and misty clouds.
He gave it away afterwards in the drawing...
I wouldn't have minded winning that won!
Today's Peek at the Past (Yep... I was working on my Big Why back then, too.)
From Day 54, October 2, 2009:
Hmmmm....just last night I had been going over some notes from a past episode of the Biggest Loser. One contestant that I really liked, Filippe, said: "You never do anything with all your heart unless your WHY is big enough."
(For complete post "Challenge Those Thoughts & The Big Why " click HERE)
Stefan's assistant in front of a gorgeous
waterfall with a rainbow. It's not a trick of
the light that was shining on it... that
painting really did almost glow on it's
own! He loves to get that luminous
effect in his paintings.
From Dr Phil's book: "Don't isolate yourself."
My verse for today: "...for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago."
My quote for today: "If you approach each new person you meet in a spirit of adventure, you will find yourself endlessly fascinated by the new channels of thought and experience and personality that you encounter." --Eleanor Roosevelt
Enjoying the Journey!