Hi Journal & Friends,
I am sooo happy the Yard Sale is over. And so glad we did it! It is strange, but I feel lighter, less cluttered. And like we accomplished a good thing.
It was a resounding success! We ended up with a profit of $360!! Normally Jim and I are oh-so "responsible" and would just put the money towards the budget. Well guess what? This time, since yesterday was my sweeties birthday, we decided to spend it all, LOL! Such wild, careless abandon, oh dear! ;-)
He is getting camera equipment, and I get my art supplies. Just for the fun of it.
I took Jim out to dinner for his birthday last night. Yes, I was exhausted. But he was really looking forward to rib night at the local buffet joint. So I decided to be cheerful company, and that would be part of my birthday present to him. Amazing what we can do when we make up our minds, huh?!
And I ended up enjoying myself, too. I LOVE going there... now.
Now I am a picky eater. A tablespoon of this, a bite of that. Only taking what I really want.
Now I am no longer ashamed to have people peeking to see what the "fat lady" has piled onto her plate. Because my plate has a dinky serving.
Now I can relax, and not worry what "they" think of me. I am proud of myself... I know my "history", even if they don't.
I totally enjoyed people watching last night, even as they watched me.
And they did. There was a "super sized" couple right next to us. He was very tall, and had to be over 500, at a minimum. She looked like I did when I started, so I guessed around 450.
I tried to smile and be friendly, but she was embarrassed that I caught her watching me.
She tried to laugh and talk some with her man, but little things told me she was probably uncomfortable in that public setting. Like her awkward way of fitting onto the little chair, squirming to try to get comfortable... twisting the napkin in her hands, her jiggling foot... You know, the things that show someone is not relaxed. Just like I used to be in a public setting, where I felt exposed and judged, a target.
Thing was, she kept watching me. Peeking at my two plates... the salad plate, then the hot dish plate. Then for dessert, I had sugarfree apple pie, no ice cream on top.
It was a marked contrast to their plates, which were many and heaped, LIKE I USED TO EAT. I felt such compassion for them. I wished I could help, offer encouragement, hope, a way out.
But you just can't do that to a stranger, not unless they give you an opening and show interest. All I could was smile at her, and try to convey the feeling that I understood and was not judging her. I used to BE her.
There was more... the normal sized couple that were obviously watching all the fat people walk past with heaped plates, and they would look at each other, whisper and giggle.
It's funny... that didn't even bother me now. I didn't feel defensive because I knew what my life was, and what I was doing to make it better.
People are people. Some are nice, some are not. They obviously didn't have a clue as to the struggle.
In all, it was a fascinating evening. We drove to a pretty park after dinner, and chatted. And just KNEW there was a mistake in our math...we couldn't be this old! Ha ha ha ha!
Enjoy the Journey,