Good Afternoon, Journal & Friends,
Mmm... I looovvve chocolate!
I decided from the start that I would never go on another "diet".
It had to be doable for life. And that meant it had to include.... CHOCOLATE!
Since I don't eat sugar now, I finally found a yummy sugarfree chocolate bar, called Chocoperfection. The Dark Chocolate was very nice. But then I discovered the European Milk Chocolate version... Wow!
I mentioned before (I don't remember if it was here or in a comment to someone) that I had been doing fine with my calorie budget, until I lowered it to 1500 per day a few weeks ago. It's not that I am too hungry... I am just fighting it. Pouting. Rebelling. Resenting it. It's a mental thing.
Well, last week I had a stumble. Yep...you guessed it... I ate CHOCOLATE. Too much chocolate. I busted the bank, and went over my calorie budget by about 260 calories.
So... I counted it. I analyzed it... I learned from it, and I moved on. I gave up trying for perfection a long time ago!
Then, last Friday I read this post by Sean Anderson (here) that had me second guessing myself. Was I in denial? Was I making TOO small of a deal out of it? Was I in danger of totally derailing this thing, and running it into the ditch??
In his post, Sean talks about how we use rationalizations to make ourselves feel better about our bad choices. It really is an excellent post... I highly recommend it.
During my analysis of my poor choices of that day, I had compared the event to the Old Me, and how she would have behaved.
One stumble like that in the past, and the Old Me would have gone on a food rampage, using it as an excuse for a major food fest. Then later... maybe days, weeks, months, or even YEARS, I would finally get up the nerve to try again.
I didn't do that this time.
I have already accepted that this won't be a perfect journey. Yet I don't use that as "permission"... thinking it is okay... go ahead, after all you are not perfect, and everyone stumbles at times, we are only human... blah blah blah. That's a bunch of hooey, a dangerous attitude... just an excuse that leaves an open door for failure. I hope no one is offended, but I really detest the line "after all, we are only human."
No, my goal is a Standard of Excellence, not a standard of perfection. It is to honestly do my best... and when I don't, recognize it, admit it, learn from it, and MOVE ON.
So... what about this chocolate event??
Why wasn't I more upset?
Did I not see how awful it was?
Shouldn't I be moaning and groaning?
Shouldn't I feel wracked with guilt and regret?
NO. No, I shouldn't.
It is serious, yes. And that night, I did feel kind of stupid and frustrated that I did that... but I refused to keep beating myself up. That was just not a helpful response!
I think we need to be careful and not get myopic... to get all hung up on ONE event. We need to remember the WHOLE journey. To see the big picture. In the long run, I really AM different than I used to be.
- I am aware I made a poor choice. And it WAS a choice, and I am responsible for it.
- It was a one time event in a day, not a weeks long (or longer) binge, such as in my past.
- All it takes is one good choice to turn it around. And that is what I did.
- This time, I didn't have an all-or-nothing reaction. I learned, and moved on.
- This time, I've tried to be honest about it, but not over-react... to keep it in perspective.
Bottomline... me an' chocolate are still on speaking terms. In moderation.
From Dr Phil's book: "Take a problem-solving approach to emotion-provoking events."
My verse for today: "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."
My quote for today: "You can learn from anyone, even your enemy." --Ovid
Enjoy the Journey,