Wednesday, May 5, 2010

DAY 269 The Wedding Dress

Good Afternoon, Journal & Friends,

One of the saddest things about being overweight is the compromise... the "settling for less than".  

I can see so very many times in my life when I settled for less than what I really wanted... the weight was a hindrance. It was sad, it was disheartening, it made ME feel less than, to settle for less than, because of the weight.

One of those times was my first marriage. I was only 17 1/2 years old, and had just moved out on my own. I was headstrong and determined, and had just left home to move in with my boyfriend. Seeing her objections were going to be ignored, my Mom  agreed to help us get married. It was to be an informal "Vegas" wedding. But I still needed a dress of sorts.

I didn't want a fancy schmancy long white dress, but I DID still want something pretty. But back then, there weren't many stores that carried "pretty" dresses in my size, which I think was about a womens' size 28. 

I tried on dress after dress... and in the end, gave up, crying, and settled for the only one that really fit. 

I hated it... but it fit. 
It was not "me"... but it fit. 
It was ugly... but it fit. 
So I had to settle for less than.

(Me in the settle-for dress 1969)

Yesterday, I tried on a lovely, lacy white summer jacket that had been hanging in my closet for over 3 years... because it was too small. 

It fit. 
It is beautiful, with a cut-out lacy design. It is "me".
And I didn't have to settle, because it fit.

If you think this post is about pretty clothing, and dresses and vanity, then you don't understand. You don't understand the deep hurt of not having the freedom to be yourself in something so simple as to how you choose to clothe yourself. The outer representation of the inner you.

It's about the freedom to choose how you dress, because things fit.
It's about not having to settle for less than.
It's about feeling pretty in what you wear.
It's about the joy of seeing your hard work start to pay off.
It's about creating the kind of life you really want to live, one good choice at a time.

I may be slow getting there, but I AM getting there. And that makes me smile today.

From Dr Phil's book: "Given your goals, how does your current thinking help you get there?"

My verse for today: "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul."

My quote for today: "When the world says Give Up, Hope whispers, Try it one more time." --author unknown

Enjoy the Journey,



Anonymous said...

Love, love, love this! And I understand perfectly! :)

I actually just spent the day--the whole day--switching my closet to spring/summer which THIS YEAR involved trying everything on. I have filled 5 garbage bags with clothes that are TOO BIG. :D

Out of 5 bags, I bet I only had 5 or 6 outfits that I thought, "Oh, I liked this." and tried to convince myself that they really weren't too big.

But I had 3 dresses that had been too tight and I was ecstatic to find DID fit. :D

I tried on a jacket/dress combo that I was hoping to wear to church for Mother's Day--if I stood up straight and kept my gut sucked in. :D No need. There is plenty of room--in fact the dress part is a little loose. I can relax in it. :D :D

In fact, I had a hard time telling if the clothes were too big. (They were huge.) I realized that I was so used to the mindset that if it's NOT TIGHT, it fits, I couldn't discern baggy, sloppy, too big.

I stood in, looking in the mirror, trying to decide if a dress was too big when I had that realization. The empire waist hit me at my real waist (and I am long-waisted), and I couldn't tell if it was too big.

It wasn't tight, so it must fit. How sad, huh?

Ha. Well that was a lot of words to say, I understand your joy.

Soo happy for you! The best is yet to come.


Ice Queen said...

Yep. I totally get it.

And I am looking forward to not having to settle for clothes I hate, too. :D

midlife_swimmer said...

yay for the lacey white top that FITS!!!!!!!!

that TOPS lady said...

We want a pic of you in the jacket that you recently fit! That is so wonderful!

As I am writing this, I am wearing a blouse that will NOT button (I have an undershirt on under it) blech!

M @ The Woes and Throes said...

That is a beautiful picture of you...and you don't look anywhere near a size 28. I was thinking along the very lines just about an hour ago, after leaving a store without buying anything.
I'll be happy when I can pull something I like out of my closet and it fits!

Kristina said...

I love this post! So true! I have settled way too many times in the last several years and have just recently chosen to do things and dress for ME! I found a pair of capris in the closet yesterday that I bought 2 years ago and couldnt get past my butt. They are no TOO loose on me!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Loretta! I got so into the clothes thing that I forgot to mention the picture.

OK. The dress isn't goodt. Not you at all. (I wore black when I got married--a long unhappy story for another time.)

BUT YOU look beautiful. You do. You obviously carried your weight well and such a pretty face. And great hair. I definitely remember that hair style. chuckle. You were very IN with that. :D

I didn't want to not mention how pretty you looked--despite that dress.


Anonymous said...

i totally get it, i have been settling for clothes I hate for a long long time and sometimes i look in my closet and think, i hate all this stuff, why is it here? Then I remember, oh yeah, it fit.
So yeah, I get it.
I'm glad your lacy jacket fits!!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!

Debi said...

Hi Loretta...
LOVE this post. I can relate so well. I hated (sometimes still do) shopping for clothes because I always felt a limitation on what I could chose. The clothes chose me, because they were the only choice. My closet was full of dark, drabby, oversized clothing that FIT ME...but I didn't FIT THEM! I just cleaned my closet a few days ago...and now have clothes that are colorful and clothes that I love to wear. Your so right, it isn't about vanity. It's about the freedom to choose.
Good post usual your thought provoking posts keep me smiling and ever inspired!

cmoursler said...

yup, I am kind of preppy edgy.
When I was at my highest weight I was frumpy shlumpy.
Not a good look. lol.
Congrats on wearing you out for the world to see.
Oh, your face in your wedding photo....just beautiful Loretta.

M Pax said...

I get that. You look beautiful in the picture. Is that the ugly dress? Cause I like it.

You're right though. Having more choice is wonderful. Not everything looks great, but there's a lot more to choose from.

That's what the journey is about - choice and freedom. :) It's a wonderful thing. I don't know why we think otherwise.

CinciMom11 said...

First, you look beautiful in that picture! Second, huge CONGRATS on fitting into your summer jacket. Can we expect pictures? :)

My little sister weighs about what you do. She's 19 now. She carries her weight in her middle and has great legs. As a result, finding pants that fit is about impossible. She's also 6'2", so that makes things even tougher. When she started high school, she began ordering pants from catalogs. The pants are tight and black. Finding stuff that matched was tough, so she started wearing a goth/punk wardrobe even though she never thought of herself as goth/punk. She dyed her hair and went through some crazy styles because doing so matched her wardrobe. Now that she's a little older, she's kind of changing her style. She still wears catalog-order pants, but she matches more interesting things with the tight, black pants. Your post made me think of my little sis, and I just wanted to share that info. :)

Dee said...


definitely a post we can identify with! Once in a great while at my current size (26ish) I find a top or pair of pants I love, but most of the time it is definitely settling for what is available and at a ridiculously inflated price no less!

How painful to have to settle on your wedding day and to have those memories so fresh even now!

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