Monday, March 14, 2011

MAR 14th Continuing On & Grace

Hi there Journal & Friends,

I have a new working computer, but not an ergonomic keyboard yet. I need that with all my hand issues. But part of me wanted to say hello... part of me wants to hide out. :-}

I think that's because I wish I had done better handling my emotions this last week. I did way too much grazing and eating when not even hungry. Oh yeah, I can drum up sympathy because "after all" Daddy just died. But in my heart of hearts, that was a cop out after the first couple of days. 

Really, we can always find an excuse when we want one, yes? And I wanted to eat, to "treat" myself, to float downstream like a dead fish. I'm not trying to be hard on myself or anything like that... just being honest. I wanted to NOT make the effort, to coast, to relax.

And where did that get me?? Farther from my goals, not closer. So.... like I said before, I am striving to get back to that determined place. It's been tough reigning in the relaxed attitude! But there is no other choice. Easy gets me no where. Easy will get me back to over 400 lbs. Easy will take me where I do NOT want to go.

I was thinking... when I say stuff like that, I wonder if I make it sound like all we have to do is snap our fingers and voila! Just make that little choice and it's easy peasy. All this stuff is easy enough to say, but the implementation is another story. Some days it's a minute by minute battle.

And after last weeks battle... I am reminded that for me, it's about Grace. Now... please don't go busting my chops for my less than scholarly definition. But this is what Grace means to ME: that when I was down, in despair, empty and powerless, saying "oh what's the point"... God comes along and reminds me that He would never give up on me. That I was given the gift of Choice. And even when it doesn't "feel" like I can... I can. 

That for me, it's almost always not a matter of "I can't".  But rather, it's a matter of "I won't".

To me, Grace is what I'm given when I haven't earned it... it's a gift. It's what I need in the moment. It's given out of love and compassion, knowing that I need help. It's a reminder that "I CAN do all things through Him who gives me strength."

It's my God replacing my jellyfish of a backbone with one of steel. It's my God replacing my wimpy wishy-washy will with a fiery determination that just won't accept no as an answer!

I think I'd like to make a new goal for October... and work on the healthy behaviors that will include, as a side-effect, weight loss. Hopefully, a good sized chunk, LOL! I plan to put up a countdown clock in the sidebar when I decide on the new goal. In the meantime, I am continuing on, with an optimistic spirit, and a grateful heart. 

Optimistic that I can become healthier, lighter and stronger.
And grateful for Grace.

From Dr Phil's book: "Whatever the situation, you can choose your reaction."

My verse for today: "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."

My quote for today: "It is said that grace enters the soul through a wound."  --Heather McDonald

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 577


Pretty Pauline said...

AMEN!!!! This is resonating with me today!

Ms. PJ Geek said...

Grace is also reading a blog that says exactly what I need, so I can pull up my bootstraps again and start fresh and know that it's ok.

Sheri - The Motivational Girl said...

God also says He will not allow us to be tempted beyond our means. We just have to choose the right way out.

So glad your feeling better, I am so sorry for your loss.

bbubblyb said...

It really is about Grace and just being willing to try yet again. I remember when I first started that's what started it all a post about being willing to start yet again. Each moment/choice is another chance for success. It's about just doing it moment after moment, choice after choice. Can't wait to hear about your new goal.

Anonymous said...

We certainly don't want easy, as you say. I am confident that you will find your way, Loretta.

Anonymous said...

Don't beat yourself up over some grazing while grieving. The grief goes on, your grazing will stop. You said it, but I'm going to reframe it with positive words - you choose; you can; you will.

You know all of this but here are some suggestions. Keep your plan realistic and doable; stay connected with your support system; reward yourself for even small, positive changes; decrease the stimuli to eat however you can; maintain your strong commitment to your healthy lifestyle; and the hardest thing to do right now, trade out negative thoughts and feelings that you associate with food (while acknowledging your normal grief reaction) with positive ones and substitute healthy activities for eating/grazing.

Whew, end of a sermon (hey, Dad is a preacher!) that really is meant to be encouraging. You can do whatever you set your mind to do. I have confidence in your abilities.

Anonymous said...

You know, Loretta, I didn't think your statements or this post was negative at all. You honestly expressed how you felt, your motives and desire for 'ease' and, then, stated your determination to do better--all while acknowledging that God's grace is the only way you can do better, or even want to do better.

I dunno. Could be me, I suppose, but I always find truth, especially truth that ends in hope, to be the most positive thing we can share.

This post encouraged me today. Thank you. As usual, you made the "God of all truth" smile.

We CAN do all things thru Christ Who strengthens us--and that's the real message here. Well, that and the fact that His loving arms surround us.


M Pax said...

I'm glad you're plugged-in again. Missed ya! :D

Truth is good. It sets us free. What the goal is, is important. If you're not 'in love' with it, it's hard to acheive.

I'm sure you'll come up with something. Let the shame go. Take away the lessons you've learned on how to do better and apply them. You learned more about yourself that is valueable in devising a more workable plan for you.

Hugs to ya. :)

mamajuliana said...


The Grace and the Strength to face our failures when it comes to food and MOVE ON!!Thank you for this post!

dailyseeking said...

I'm glad you are back! I would miss you commenting on my blog--selfish of me I know. But your comments always lift me up!

Anonymous said...

Loretta, I wouldn't feel too badly about the grazing due to the circumstances. Just give yourself a big hug from me and move forward.

The "skillet pizza" sounds like something that would taste darned good. If you ever try it out, please let me know the results.

Take care!

debby said...

Lovely lovely thoughts on Grace, Loretta!

And I loved what you said about it being easy to talk about changing but the implementation being so hard. Minute by minute. Thanks for sharing this today.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Glad to see you're in a good place, especially after all that you have just been through. I always love your optimism and reality checks mixed together. That is so you!

Cinner said...

Loretta. so glad you are back. don't beat yourself up. it is hard to handle when your grieving. but you are back on track. I am holding your hand all the way. hugs.

MargieAnne said...

Hi. It's good to realise we haven't done our best. It's good to nor accept excuses we make to our self.

It's very good when we stop doing what we don't want to do, what we know isn't healthy, and get back on track.

BUT...... have you ever thought about standing back from yourself and giving yourself the same kind of advice, wisdom, that you give others.

My take is that you've come through this stressful and sad time with great strength.

You wrote, "It's been tough reigning in the relaxed attitude! But there is no other choice."

See! You have enough strength to do it.

I need this kind of attitude right now. Thanks.


Joy said...

One day at a time. Can't fix or do anything about yesterday. We just need to do our best each day. Make good food choices, move our bodies and choose this day to make a difference in our lives. We are worth it!! Come on.....LET'S GET THIS DONE!!

Keep focused!

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