Hi there Journal & Friends,
I have a new working computer, but not an ergonomic keyboard yet. I need that with all my hand issues. But part of me wanted to say hello... part of me wants to hide out. :-}
I think that's because I wish I had done better handling my emotions this last week. I did way too much grazing and eating when not even hungry. Oh yeah, I can drum up sympathy because "after all" Daddy just died. But in my heart of hearts, that was a cop out after the first couple of days.
Really, we can always find an excuse when we want one, yes? And I wanted to eat, to "treat" myself, to float downstream like a dead fish. I'm not trying to be hard on myself or anything like that... just being honest. I wanted to NOT make the effort, to coast, to relax.
And where did that get me?? Farther from my goals, not closer. So.... like I said before, I am striving to get back to that determined place. It's been tough reigning in the relaxed attitude! But there is no other choice. Easy gets me no where. Easy will get me back to over 400 lbs. Easy will take me where I do NOT want to go.
I was thinking... when I say stuff like that, I wonder if I make it sound like all we have to do is snap our fingers and voila! Just make that little choice and it's easy peasy. All this stuff is easy enough to say, but the implementation is another story. Some days it's a minute by minute battle.
And after last weeks battle... I am reminded that for me, it's about Grace. Now... please don't go busting my chops for my less than scholarly definition. But this is what Grace means to ME: that when I was down, in despair, empty and powerless, saying "oh what's the point"... God comes along and reminds me that He would never give up on me. That I was given the gift of Choice. And even when it doesn't "feel" like I can... I can.
That for me, it's almost always not a matter of "I can't". But rather, it's a matter of "I won't".
To me, Grace is what I'm given when I haven't earned it... it's a gift. It's what I need in the moment. It's given out of love and compassion, knowing that I need help. It's a reminder that "I CAN do all things through Him who gives me strength."
It's my God replacing my jellyfish of a backbone with one of steel. It's my God replacing my wimpy wishy-washy will with a fiery determination that just won't accept no as an answer!
I think I'd like to make a new goal for October... and work on the healthy behaviors that will include, as a side-effect, weight loss. Hopefully, a good sized chunk, LOL! I plan to put up a countdown clock in the sidebar when I decide on the new goal. In the meantime, I am continuing on, with an optimistic spirit, and a grateful heart.
Optimistic that I can become healthier, lighter and stronger.
And grateful for Grace.
From Dr Phil's book: "Whatever the situation, you can choose your reaction."
My verse for today: "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."
My quote for today: "It is said that grace enters the soul through a wound." --Heather McDonald
Enjoy the Journey,