Hi Journal & Friends,
This morning I had a Mini Meltdown.
Yep, a good old fashioned cry, whine, Pity Party Deluxe. The only thing missing was the pig-out. Well, at least I've made progress there!
Poor Jim... he'd been working his tail off for the last 5 days, replacing the sub-flooring in the kitchen, then laying new linoleum. Scrambling to get it all done before he had to go back to work today. The "experts" told us that it will take a few months to really cure and harden up, so Jim put down a thin carpet with a hard rubber backing over the new linoleum, so the wheels of my rolling stool that I use in the kitchen won't chew it up.
Except... that didn't work. The wheels bogged down, and I couldn't roll. It was painful to be jerked around, and I almost fell off the stool. And I cried.
It was just the perfect storm... It was first thing in the morning, when I am in the most pain... my pain pills haven't kicked in yet... I am under pressure to get his 2 meals made in time to take to work... I haven't had my coffee yet... everything hasn't been put back together yet in the kitchen so it's taking longer just to find stuff... I'm feeling cranky... I need a shower... but not even any clean underclothes since the laundryroom is on the OTHER side of the kitchen and has been unavailable for 5 days... I haven't had my coffe yet (yes, a thing of that importance needs to be noted twice)... on and on the Whine List went.
And then, the poor guy has to take OUT the protective carpet he spent time carefully fitting in there, and throw down a simple entry mat that works with my wheels. And he makes the innocent "mistake" of repeatedly mumbling about how it might not work... that it might chew up the new linoleum... that it might wreck it... that.... that...
And I blow!
And he blinks... huh??
And I, with great martyrdom, says "I'm sorry!"
And he, with great patience, responds "It's not your fault."
And I, with self-pity and guilt insists "YES IT IS!!!"
And he, with puzzlement, asks "You mean because you're overweight??"
And I, with anger, answered adamantly and loudly "YES!!!"
Then he totally got me... and started me back to sanity, by saying gently: "Yes, but you are doing something about it, and for that I applaud you."
More tears. But now there is a shift... Gratitude has snuck into the mix.
Gratitude that he could have said sooo many OTHER things. Things that could have hurt me, could have demoralized me, could have devastated me. I was vulnerable and on the edge already, and he could have pushed me over with his words.
Instead, he gave me love and acceptance and encouragement and approval... all in that one little sentence.
I'm better now. Feeling silly and sheepish... wondering if I have really learned ANYthing... but better now.
In the moment, it seemed everything I thought I had learned just vanished, and I was left crying, feeling sorry for myself, and wondering if anything would ever change.
Never underestimate the power of a kind word.
From Dr Phil's book: "What you really want is to feel better about yourself."
My verse for today: "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me."
My quote for today: "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure, and separates the victim from reality.." --John W Gardner
Enjoy the Journey,