NOV 4th A Gift In My Life

Hello Journal & Friends,

Life has a way of reminding us about Priorities. Here's what the recently deceased Steve Jobs had to say:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Why am I on this train of thought?? Because once again, I've lost a Friend to death. It's taken a couple of days before I could even talk about it, but I want to honor her life... so let me tell you about my friend Millie.

We met almost 7 years ago on the Dr Phil weight loss message boards.  A handful of us created a private Yahoo group where we could bare our souls, and Millie was a faithful member of that group. She died this last Monday. Millie, who was 44, had struggled with weight all her life, and had lost around 150 pounds with about 90 to go when she died. Her heart had a habit of racing out of control occasionally, and the extra weight made it worse. She was highly motivated...yet still struggled. 

Millie had 9 children (!), all the way from a married son and her first grandson, to her own 2 year old baby boy. She desparately wanted that little guy to never know a "fat mommy". She fought the old all-or-nothing thinking, swinging from rigid perfectionism during which she'd do fabulously... to getting frustrated and stopping altogether for a few days or weeks. But overall... she never gave up. She'd get back up, dust off, and keep going.

God was Millie's foundation, her source of strength. We had lot's of "talks" about that, and agreed that God didn't make us robots. We have the freedom to choose, and Millie wanted to make healthy choices... for herself and as an example to her children. She cared deeply about not passing on unhealthy habits to her kids. 

Oh, how Millie loved being a Mommy. In her last email to me about a week ago, she was so tickled that her sweet Hubby was taking over the homeschooling duties, and for the first time in 16 years, she would get to focus on being a wife, homemaker and Mom.

Folks... this has been such a punch in the gut to me. Thinking of all those children without their Mom. A grieving husband. The first grandson she was so excited about, who will never know Grandma. A 2 year old babe who can't understand where Mommy is...

Why, oh why, have I goofed around and taken so long at this weight loss thing?? We are not promised tomorrow. Yet sometimes I "forget" what's really important, and give in to the moment. I forget that Time is finite here on earth, and I fritter it away. I make less than healthy nutritional choices, thinking there's always tomorrow.

My life is richer for having known Millie. No, I never met her in person. But I've met her heart, and received encouragement and kindness from her over and over. And now she once again is teaching me to LIVE NOW. To keep my priorities straight. To go for my dreams NOW. 

Oh Millie, I'm going to miss you... you were such a gift in my life.

Loretta

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DAY 810