Thursday, November 17, 2011

NOV 17th Today, Tomorrow & I am NOT a Victim

Hello Journal & Friends,

This morning as I unpacked a box some of the packing peanuts fell onto the floor... the kind that dissolve when exposed to moisture. Naturally, Joey was instantly on it like white on rice! She was just about to eat one, her mouth open and poised around it as I commanded firmly: LEAVE! 

She froze, then dropped it immediately and looked at me, confused. We were in the kitchen... isn't this where I get to eat the yummies you drop onto the floor?? But... she obeyed. I didn't know if eating them would choke her or not, but I wasn't taking any chances. 

See... this was a command we had taught her months ago, as a young puppy. And now, when danger was near, it saved her from potential harm.

Lessons from a Puppy # 10 

Have a safety plan in place 
BEFORE you need it 

Joey & Vevie
Nov 13th 2011

This is on my mind because a couple of days ago, I read something on a blog that was devastating to me. But thankfully, I already had a "safety plan" in place: When in extreme pain, don't make any big decisions! Wait.

Honestly, if I hadn't already made that decision, to WAIT when hit with an emotional tsunami, I am 100% certain I would've said SCREW IT! to this whole weight loss deal. Just being honest. It was that deeply upsetting. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. What the blog said is a topic for another post. My post today is about my reaction. Which is my choice. And right now I'm feeling kind of protective and defiant about my right to CHOOSE. 

I will never sit back on my butt and say "oh well, it is what it is, there is nothing I can do about it."  I am NOT a victim. I may not have control over the OUTCOME, but I can darn well control my EFFORT. And that will surely help give me at least a better outcome than if I just passively give in to "logic and statistics". Did it ever occur to people that believing those weight loss "statistics" can become self-fulfilling prophecies??!!

For a lot of us who have been on this journey for what feels like forEVER, the feelings run deep. There is a lot of pain, even after years of working through stuff. There is a fragility we don't like to admit or face. There is a vulnerability that makes us leery about "helpful" tough love comments. There is a wall we put up to protect ourselves from even more hurt. We haven't got it all figured out, but we are still willing to take the risk and try.

Those of you with a blog know how hard it is at times to hang it all out there, like a target for the analysis and judgements of others. Yes, there are benefits or we wouldn't do it. But that doesn't make it easy.

Sometimes we have too much to say and the feelings are so raw and powerful... it just seems to trivialize and dishonor them to blog about them. I don't even know if that makes sense... it's just what I am feeling right now. 

Yesterday I caught the end of the movie Annie, and heard her sing "Tomorrow". And I got it. Today hurts too much. But I will make no big decisions. I'm not quitting. I'm just waiting for tomorrow. God's mercies are new every morning, and tomorrow promises to be better. 

From Dr Phil's book: "To be alive means to experience emotions, painful or otherwise."

My verse for today: "But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge."

My quote for today: "If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell." --Lance Armstrong

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 823


Dawn said...

we are all at the mercy of emotional eating. Anyone who has ever been really overweight has had an emotional relationship with food. We eat, when we are happy, sad, worried etc but also when something happens and we feel a strong emotion - then there is this desire to eat. It IS hard to relearn emotional eating but recognise it is a step in the right direction

Jules said...


There is a wall we put up to protect ourselves from even more hurt. We haven't got it all figured out, but we are still willing to take the risk and try.

My newest lessons: Validate the feeling ---hurt,anger and move on to a wiser place...THAT Ms. Wonderful Loretta is where you always seem to take it!

Anonymous said...

You know, Loretta, I have come to the same conclusion that it sounds like you have come to. I can't quite verbalize it completely, but it's kind of--

"Well, okay, maybe that IS the pattern we see, but eating wisely, nutritionally and in a way that fits my health needs MUST be of value. I will not make what appears to be a cycle of guaranteed failure, stop me form doing wise things. But I'm not hinging my self-worth on the outcome, either."

It may not seem logical, but it's what I've got.


Anne H said...

Breathe, Dear One.
Just Breathe.
Then stop, look and listen.
and assess the situation!
From your strength!
Not from fear.
In the meanwhile - breathe!

debby said...

Loretta--I have had that exact same thought " Did it ever occur to people that believing those weight loss "statistics" can become self-fulfilling prophecies??!!" And I have also gotten down about the seeming hopelessness of permanent change. But I agree with the rest of your post too. We just have to keep going, keep working at it.

Christine said...

I think quoting failure allows some people to feel as if they are now 'off the hook'. This is the precise reason I do not hang with negative people. You rise to level of the water you swim, my friend, are deep water. let the rest play in the shallow end. Hugs.

Dayne Gingrich said...

Great post. Don't listen to any of those ridiculous stats. Only listen to yourself. I responded to your reply ... thank you for such a thoughtful response to my latest post.


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