Hi Journal & Friends,
I think I'll do a summary here of my new mindset. If nothing else, it'll help keep me focused when I get too busy and forget. I can come back here and get a refresher. :-D
I've enjoyed and benefited from my blog for all this time, and it definitely served it's purpose: to help me focus. Well, at least that was the idea. I feel I've learned stuff, and grown and made friends, and it's been mostly a positive experience.
Now... I've decided to shift my thinking. I've been making "weight loss" a priority, at the front of my thinking, the "star" of the show. Weight loss was the Engine, and my Life was the Caboose.
Now, I want to make my Life the Engine, and this weight loss thing the Caboose. Life will lead, weight loss will follow.
That doesn't mean it's not seriously, hugely important to me. I'm not shifting priorities, as such. What I AM shifting is how I get there, my technique for achieving my goal. It means that I am no longer making weight loss my main and only focus, putting my passions and dreams on hold until I am "healthier", or stronger, or smaller, or whatever...
At first, I was a little nervous about it, concerned that I would lose all focus and start gaining back the 120 lbs that I've spent YEARS getting off. I mean, I've done that in my past... lost some weight only to bomb out and regain it and then some.
But I'm now involved in 4 or 5 different creative/artsy projects... and I feel ENERGIZED. I feel excited and hopeful, and somehow this is translating into a willingness to do what is healthy for me nutritionally speaking. I feel like I WANT to exercise. I WANT to eat on plan, and the proper amounts.
No, I am not perfect at it. I let that idea go years ago. But I AM shooting for progress.
Progress, not perfection
I feel it was right for me to have thrown all my focus into this at the beginning. And if my goal had been shorter, with less to lose, I think it would have been enough and I would be at goal now. But... thanks to all my "wanderings", I have NOT reached my goal yet. But it's time for me to do it differently now. I'm at peace with the nutritional plan I've finally settled upon... low carb, wheat and sugar free. Food is not "the enemy", but a tool for good health.
And I've even pretty much stopped fighting the truth about my physical limitations as regards to exercise. It is what it is... so I have stuff I can do from my wheelchair, and I want to do it with a grateful attitude. Heck... there are some people who can't even do that much!
All this has been gelling for a few weeks now, but became firm on Monday. I had a doctors appointment for blood pressure and weight loss follow up. What a frustrating appointment! Hadn't lost anything to speak of since the last appointment, and my blood pressure hadn't gone down. He wanted to send me up to northern Oregon to a hospital with a "bariatric" program. He admitted he didn't have any answers for me, and said they could do some "testing" to see what's up. Turns out it specializes in weight loss surgery, which he has repeatedly recommended for me.
Well... that did it.
You know how when you squeeze a fruit, what's inside of it will come out? Squeeze a lemon... get lemon juice. Squeeze an orange...you get the idea. Well, I felt squeezed. And I heard myself tell him: "I am not ready to accept that I can't do this! Other people do it... and if there is even one person in the whole world that can do it, then I can too!!"
So there it is. Never give up, never surrender. :-)
I'm not yet ready to spill the beans about the artsy stuff I'm doing right now... but soon I hope to have something to share with ya'll. It's new to me, so feels a little "risky". But why not?? It's fun, exciting, and who knows where it might lead??
From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."
My verse for today: "A happy heart makes the face cheerful..."
My quote for today: "I paint... God smiles. I guess I can call that paid in full". --author unknown
Enjoy the Journey,