Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NOV 2nd The Engine, The Caboose & Artsy Stuff

Hi Journal & Friends,

I think I'll do a summary here of my new mindset. If nothing else, it'll help keep me focused when I get too busy and forget. I can come back here and get a refresher.  :-D

I've enjoyed and benefited from my blog for all this time, and it definitely served it's purpose: to help me focus. Well, at least that was the idea. I feel I've learned stuff, and grown and made friends, and it's been mostly a positive experience. 

Now... I've decided to shift my thinking. I've been making "weight loss" a priority, at the front of my thinking, the "star" of the show. Weight loss was the Engine, and my Life was the Caboose.

Now, I want to make my Life the Engine, and this weight loss thing the Caboose. Life will lead, weight loss will follow.

That doesn't mean it's not seriously, hugely important to me. I'm not shifting priorities, as such. What I AM shifting is how I get there, my technique for achieving my goal.  It means that I am no longer making weight loss my main and only focus, putting my passions and dreams on hold until I am "healthier", or stronger, or smaller, or whatever...

At first, I was a little nervous about it, concerned that I would lose all focus and start gaining back the 120 lbs that I've spent YEARS getting off. I mean, I've done that in my past... lost some weight only to bomb out and regain it and then some. 

But I'm now involved in 4 or 5 different creative/artsy projects... and I feel ENERGIZED. I feel excited and hopeful, and somehow this is translating into a willingness to do what is healthy for me nutritionally speaking. I feel like I WANT to exercise. I WANT to eat on plan, and the proper amounts. 

No, I am not perfect at it. I let that idea go years ago. But I AM shooting for progress.

Progress, not perfection

I feel it was right for me to have thrown all my focus into this at the beginning. And if my goal had been shorter, with less to lose, I think it would have been enough and I would be at goal now. But... thanks to all my "wanderings", I have NOT reached my goal yet. But it's time for me to do it differently now. I'm at peace with the nutritional plan I've finally settled upon... low carb, wheat and sugar free. Food is not "the enemy", but a tool for good health.

And I've even pretty much stopped fighting the truth about my physical limitations as regards to exercise. It is what it is... so I have stuff I can do from my wheelchair, and I want to do it with a grateful attitude. Heck... there are some people who can't even do that much!

All this has been gelling for a few weeks now, but became firm on Monday. I had a doctors appointment for blood pressure and weight loss follow up. What a frustrating appointment! Hadn't lost anything to speak of since the last appointment, and my blood pressure hadn't gone down. He wanted to send me up to northern Oregon to a hospital with a "bariatric" program. He admitted he didn't have any answers for me, and said they could do some "testing" to see what's up. Turns out it specializes in weight loss surgery, which he has repeatedly recommended for me. 

Well... that did it. 

You know how when you squeeze a fruit, what's inside of it will come out? Squeeze a lemon... get lemon juice. Squeeze an get the idea. Well, I felt squeezed.  And I heard myself tell him: "I am not ready to accept that I can't do this! Other people do it... and if there is even one person in the whole world that can do it, then I can too!!"

So there it is. Never give up, never surrender. :-)

I'm not yet ready to spill the beans about the artsy stuff I'm doing right now... but soon I hope to have something to share with ya'll. It's new to me, so feels a little "risky". But why not?? It's fun, exciting, and who knows where it might lead?? 

From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."

My verse for today: "A happy heart makes the face cheerful..."

My quote for today: "I paint... God smiles. I guess I can call that paid in full". --author unknown

Enjoy the Journey,


DAY 808


Anonymous said...

I just wrote a post referencing an older post. That older post's message rings in this one.

Sadly, I wrote that older post a long time ago. I keep SAYING what you have said, keep believing the truth of it...and keep reverting to the old "focus like mad on dieting because that's the only way I'll lose weight, fail, flounder, stall...focus like mad on dieting, fail..."

And my focus on that tune drowns out the music of my life. No matter what I say, that's what is happening.

I'm with you, girlfriend. I just need me some normal.

And "normal" for normal people has more than one instrument playing at a time. Life should be an orchestra--not one sad, solitary little flute in the darkness, no matter how cunningly it is played.


debby said...

I think you need a new doctor. One that sees other possibilities for you besides bariatric surgery!

affectionforfitness said...

Hi Loretta! You always have such a good attitude. And, like I said before, if I lived by you, I'd be over at your house. :D

:-) Marion

pinkvision said...

Energizing art projects sound like lots of fun, Loretta. Looking forward to your revelations about this!

And yes, putting LIFE as the engine and weight-loss as the pull-along is such a positive thought! I'm sure all the wonderful energy from all the great things going on elsewhere will permeate down to improving your weight & activity issues. Sometimes what seems to be a problems disappears when approached obliquely! Hugs & happy thoughts :)

Anne H - said...

WHY would a doc recommend surgery?
Um.... $$$$$ ... I dunno!!!
Maybe there is a better way.
Unless of course, you want this with all your heart.
But if not.... maybe it's a good day for a shift in thinking!
Weight loss is my first priority... and all that it entails... EVEN NOW.... it HAS to be, or I am fooling myself!

Love your new-found voice!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I agree wholeheartedly with so many of the others here.
My humble opinion on WLS? Blech! I personally know way too many people who have tried it and still failed and then they are worse off. Actually, don't know anyone personally who it has really worked for...hmmm, pretty telling.
I am a huge advocate for finding a doctor that is on the same page with you for whatever ails a person. That is so important for success with any health issue.
Love, love, love your ideas on life and using your art to let your heart sing instead of squelching the creativity that lives inside you. Even good things can become something we get to hung up on and the dieting may be one. Good that you are open to another approach.

Suzanne said...

I always swore I would never get weight loss surgery. And then I got desperate. I didn't know what else to do because I was just in such bad shape, and the goal seemed insurmountable. A friend and I had promised each other long before that we would never get surgery. I went to her and confessed that it really was looking more and more like that was my only option. She reminded me of all the reasons we promised we never would.

So I took a deep breath and just started my journey, without surgery. One step at a time. I've slid backwards a few times, I haven't been perfect. But I have learned so much about myself, my habits, my triggers, my addictions, my psychology relating to food, all that. And I am so thankful to my friend for not just letting me get that surgery without reminding me of what I really wanted. No surgery. Because I figure if I can't overcome my issues without it, it wouldn't work for me anyway.

I have lost 125 pounds in the past 14 months. I still have 48 to go to get to my goal. It still seems daunting, and I still have to take it a day at a time and just keep working at it.

I'm proud of you for being smart enough to know that there are things you can do. I imagine that being in a wheelchair must certainly be a challenge, and I admire your determination to do this anyway and not let it be an excuse. You are an inspiration, and I believe in you!

(And I'm not sure if I've commented before to introduce myself--can't remember! I found your blog via skinnyhollie, and have enjoyed reading).

M Pax said...

Yea, on your artsy projects. I'm thrilled to hear that. Honest. Grab life by the horns and live it. No matter your size.

Doing what I love keeps me going. I still can't believe I've maintained my weight for almost 4 years now.

I have trouble accepting that physical limitations thing, too.

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