JAN 23 The Seven Minute Vacation

Hello Journal & Friends,

I've been having a hard time for a few days, since my hand surgery. My sweetie sent me a link to a mini-movie, and it was stunning! Truly a 7 minute vacation! Made me smile... he knew just what I needed.

I hope you enjoy it, and are as awed as I was by God's creation. Turn on your sound, and it opens into a large screen...HERE,  and be ready to go ooooh. :-)

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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Day 527

JAN 21 Cling to Your Dreams Like a Tiger!

Hi Journal & Friends,

My hand is throbbing today (from the surgery Thursday) so will make this short.

Today is a Guest Post by Vevie (rhymes with Stevie). 

She said to tell ya'll:

DREAM BIG! 

And never give up on those dreams!

From Dr Phil's book: "Express your goals in terms of specific behaviors and feelings."

My verse for today:  "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."

My quote for today: "We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors... but they all have to live in the same box. " --author unknown 

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 525

JAN 19 Tuesday's Real Post... A Day Late

Hello Journal & Friends,

Like I've said before... the things I write are just things I want to read. 

Yesterday... I was tired of "serious". 

Yesterday... I just wanted to run away from serious. 

I didn't want to face something that I allowed to hurt me deeply. So, I drew a cartoon, and grazed my way through the day and through hundreds of extra calories. Knowing what to do does not equal DOING it. That takes choosing.

If I had written the following, maybe I wouldn't have chosen such a dumb thing!

So here is yesterday's post... a day late.

Some of the deepest hurts I've experienced came from unexpected sources.

Some of us tend to go through life wearing our protective clothing... armour to keep us from being hurt. 

Oh, on the outside we smile and are friendly. But we don't like too many people getting too close, because of our past experiences with what can happen when we let our guard down.

Time goes along, and we relax. We are in a place, a group, a setting, where we feel safe. We let our guard down. And WHAMMY!  We get it. And because we weren't expecting it, we didn't even duck or put up an arm to deflect the blow. We just get it full in the face, so to speak.

And it hurts deeper, right to the core. Because we felt betrayed by someone we trusted, or a setting, or a group. Then we feel foolish for being idealistic, for being credulous, for expecting too much from flawed humans. For we are all full of flaws.

(can click pic to enlarge)

This oil painting, done when I was 15 years old, was the first painting of mine that was ever framed. My Mom looked at it, and recognized it came from my heart. And she drove me to downtown Los Angeles, to Aaron Brothers Framing, and had it professionally framed.

The framer oohed and awwed over it... the emotion, the rawness... then asked her who the artist was. She said it was her daughter, and introduced me. And when he looked me up and down and saw this overweight teenager, his whole demeanor changed. I will never forget that. And no, it was not my young imagination.

But *I* knew. I knew I had something inside that others did not see. They were stuck with the outside package, and most people couldn't see past it. And I've had that all my life. And it's chipped away...

Now I believe with all my heart we are all like treasure chests, full of untapped treasure. 

(detail from "Treasure", 

one of my paintings 

from a few years ago)

Others won't open us and bring it forth... that is up to us to do. No one will do it for me. It's MY job. 

To do the work. 

To dive deep. 

To believe in me. 

To open up and RISK being hurt. 

To have the courage to put my heart out there. 

To believe that I have something of value.

We need to be celebrating who we are, not who we are not. We need to be encouraging each other. 

You may be on a different road than I am, but we are all trying to reach the same destination:

To improve our lives 

To get healthier 

To live our best lives 

To reach our fullest potential 

To grow, to give, to celebrate life!

And that's all I have to say about that. ;-)

From Dr Phil's book:  "Deal breaker... your weight will never be lower or healthier unless and until you stop emotional overeating."

My verse for today: "Who is a God like you... who pardons sins and forgives... you will have compassion on us."

My quote for today: "The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions." --Leonardo da Vinci

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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DAY 524

JAN 18 In A Mood...

Good morning Journal & Friends,

This one is self-explanatory. :-)

From Dr Phil's book: "Be kind when you can, but firm when you must. You alone are responsible for what you put in your mouth, and what you do to get in shape."

My verse for today: "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."

My quote for today: "Hope is thy star, her light is ever thine." --Thomas Campbell

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 523

JAN 16 Birthday Fun

Hello Journal & Friends,

What a nice day it was Saturday! Here is a picture of the card Jim gave me, with a photo of a Chocolate Lab puppy. Inside it said: 

"Nothing like a 

little Chocolate 

to celebrate your birthday. 

Hope your day is sweet!" 

And he included a piece of sugar-free chocolate covered toffee. 

Did you see my birthday tat??!! Got it at the Sharpie Tattoo Parlor. ;-)

And here is the birthday present I bought for myself, a GymBoss timer. I've been struggling to keep track of the dual timings needed for doing Tabata type exercises on my rebounder. Research has shown that type of interval exercise is super effective, getting superior results in a shorter amount of time. 

Here's a LINK, for the curious. About halfway down it explains why Tabata is actually superior to High Intensity Interval Training. Not that MY levels of anything are that intense, yet. But, it gives me a goal. :-)

We enjoyed watching a DVD movie together, and had pizza made by Papa Murphy that is called a DeLite version. They make a super thin crispy crust, and that cuts out a bazillion calories and carbs. Well, and the fact that I didn't EAT the whole thing myself, like in my past! LOL! We stuck to 2 very thin pieces each, and had sugar-free pie for dessert. Very yummy, and enough.

Just to cover myself, since it WAS a tastey pizza... I told Jim I would not eat any more after he went to sleep (my old pattern). I guess I didn't want to even risk it! And speaking it out loud in a promise felt "safe", ya know?? 

Some day, I expect to reach the place where I will know, 1000 percent, that there is no way I would sneak back and eat more. Some day...

From Dr Phil's book: "Your thoughts powerfully program you."

My verse for today: "Praise the Lord, O my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life."

My quote for today: "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." --Viktor Frankl

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 521

JAN 15 The Big Six Oh

Hi Journal & Friends,

So... it's my Day of Birth. 

I am better (well, other than mindlessy eating all those salted almonds Friday night, and just finally losing track and giving up trying to count calories!!). I've done a lot of soul searching, and listened for the answers to my cry for HELP.

I received the same type of message from 9 different sources! Sheesh... you'd think I was hard-headed or sumpthin! Who, me??

In summary:

-Change my paradigm, how I look at it, my personal truth.  

-Let go of the past. I've learned from it, now it's time to let go of regrets, and look forward.

-Accept what is, what I can't change. But also know that every good choice equals Making It Better... a better future.

-Act, don't react. As part of that, I am no longer putting the DAY number of this journey at the top of my blog. It will now go at the bottom of the post, just for my reference, but not blaring in my face the first thing. I feel better about that now... it is a gift to myself.

-Forgive myself. For real this time. Completely, lovingly, with compassion and understanding. Just like I'd give to someone else who needed it. 

-Remember... remember my dream.

A few days before I gave up sugar and flour in March of 2009, I had a vivid dream. When I woke up, I not only remembered it, I knew what it meant, no doubts. 

In this dream I felt that God was encouraging me that it was not too late for me to change. When I asked "to change what?" I immediately knew that it was not too late to change my thinking. 

That Strength and encouragement were being offered. That I was to choose strength "in spite of". That the double portion of joy offered was mine to choose, to give me strength.

That from now on opposition was an opportunity to get stronger and more determined to succeed.

I suppose over time, I've tended to forget the dream. But it's come back to me, and I'm thankful. You wouldn't think I'd forget something that remarkable to me, would you?! Sigh....

So, that's my choice. To believe the old voices in my head... or to believe the dream. The NEW paradigm that says I Can Do Hard Things (I saw that on Chris's blog, and really like it!).

I choose to look forward, to let go of the past and the "what might have beens".

This has not come easy... it's been a wrestle, a breaking. But I finally feel some peace now.

I watched Star Trek, The Undiscovered Country last night, and realized for the first time where they got the title from for the movie. A character in the movie referred to the FUTURE as The Undiscovered Country. And at the end of the movie, when they were deciding what to do and Chekhov asked Captain Kirk what their heading was... Captain Kirk answered: 

"Second star to the right... and straight on til morning."

And they were off to another grand adventure. That is what I am choosing. To look forward, not back. To look for my grand adventure. I don't know just what that means yet... 

From Dr Phil's book: "What is true about you in your mind, you will live."

My verse for today: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

My quote for today: "The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating." --John Schaar

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

=^..^=

DAY 520

DAY 518 Working Stuff Out

Hi Journal & Friends,

Late getting this written... back from another doctors' appointment, where I got the go ahead for more minor surgery on my hands... right one this time... next Thursday. Yippee, more fun.  But the good news is, he said of the 12 cysts on my hands, most of them probably will NOT need surgery. Scar tissue from being infected and cut open to drain will sometimes destroy the cyst capsule, and it can't get infected any more. Therefore, no need to bother with it. Yay to that!

In other news... been having a hard couple of days. Painful, emotionally speaking. Don't really feel up to explaining it all... I'm still working it out. 

Bottomline, when I faced--REALLY faced--how I felt about turning 60 on Saturday... I was crushed that I was STILL fat... that I am still not there. It's a long story... but this has gutted me. 

I'm finally past the insane screaming in my head to run away and stuff my face... I didn't, but I wanted to soooooooooooooooo badly. 

Instead, I finally decided that I might as well face it. I knew "something" has been bugging me,  but I didn't want to explore it. 

But... it wasn't going away... come on, Loretta, it's not going to kill you to face it... you've been running from emotional pain all your life and where has THAT got you... just sit with it awhile... you'll survive... go ahead and feel it... cry... listen... cry some more... listen to all the thoughts... you don't have to agree with them... you don't have to "adopt" them as your truth... be honest and admit which of them are ALREADY your personal truth and are the culprits as to why you are reeling over this... you've asked God for help... now listen and watch for an answer... cry some more... listen some more...

And whaddaya know... it took awhile, but I actually, eventually, got some answers, some insights. And it didn't kill me to NOT comfort myself with food. I'll talk more tomorrow when I don't feel so exhausted over this. 

Here is one of the things, a mini-movie, that helped to open my heart and thinking, to remember that what I believe as my own Personal Truth will shape my life, my world. 

And if I will just be open to letting go of the past and it's regrets, that there can be good to come... to be open to new possibilities. But I can't reach my hands FORWARD to take hold of my future when I am still reaching BACKWARDS, holding on to regrets and "what might have been". I want to Let It Go...

It's long... a whole 20 minutes out of my entire life...oh dear... ;-)

It was a powerful, beautiful and touching little mini-movie, that brought my racing mind back to a place of calm, and helped me tell myself NO, I will not go eat... just sit here and watch, there is something for you in here... look for it.

And there it was.

Here is a quote from The Butterfly Circus 

that touched me deeply, seeing as how it found me at this low point:

"The greater the struggle, 

the more glorious the triumph."

If you need "help", I highly recommend taking 20 minutes out of your busy life, and click on this link, taking you to the mini-movie "The Butterfly Circus". You'll be glad you did, I promise you.

From Dr Phil's book: "This personal truth as it relates to your weight, and indeed to your entire life, is vitally important, because if you believe it, if it is real to you, then it is for you the precise reality you will live every day."

My verse for today: "You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry."

My quote for today: "Do all you can with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are." --Nkosi Johnson, South African boy, died of AIDS (1989 - 2001)

Enjoy the Journey,

Loretta

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