Thursday, April 14, 2011

Just Too Sad

Hi again,

Wow... no post for days, then two in one day. But I wanted to share why I just feel deflated, and don't even know when I'll post next. Oh, I'm sure I will... it's just I don't even feel like thinking about it right now. 

News... more heartbreaking news. As you know, only 5 weeks ago my Dad died. I felt like I was just getting my legs under me again. And now... more sadness. 

My dear nephew-in-law died last night, at home in his sleep. My niece and nephew-in-law are wonderful people, solid believers, with 3 daughters. He wasn't even 50 yet. I admire the man he was... solid, trustworthy, generous and kind. I feel like... it's just not fair...

He had a biopsy for his brain tumor just a few days ago... and we were all of the mindset of waiting for the results, and going from there... so this was an unexpected punch.

I sat out on my front porch this morning after I got the call... looking at the new growth, the buds, green leaves, little flowers. The cycle of life, like from that song in The Lion King. I feel so incredibly sad... again.

And yes, I wanted to eat... again. But I've been doing an experiment this week with my plan, and had made a promise to a friend to be accountable to her. That slowed me down during the day, giving me time to think instead of react. It's helping... with the eating, but not with the sadness. I did eat a little more than normal this evening... but even that has lost it's allure now.

In the grand scheme of things, this "diet" thing is so incredibly unimportant, in and of itself. It's only a means to an end, a way to get back what I've lost, so I can go on and focus on what's really important in life... what matters most. 

I don't want to spend any more time than necessary on this part of the journey...the mechanics of it. The process of weight removal... the regaining of health and strength. 

I don't need another hobby! I don't need to dabble around, and get all comfy being a "weight loss" blogger, allowing that to become my identity. I am NOT that. This is a temporary part of my life, a necessary thing I need to do in order to get PAST this hurdle, this hindrance, this weight. Yes, being careful in this area will most likely be with me for life... but it doesn't have to BE my life.

Life is short. I don't want to waste it on things that don't matter in the long run. In honor of this wonderful man, my nephew, I will stay on my plan. He had no choice that his life was cut short. I have a choice, as to whether or not I goof around and make stupid choices, which will shorten my life. 

I feel grateful for mercy... for the chance to make healthy choices. And a responsibility to make this time I've been given count, to live it in a way that matters.

"Lost time is never found again." 
--Benjamin Franklin

"Time is the coin of your life. 
It is the only coin you have, 
and only you can determine how it will be spent. 
Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." 
--Carl Sandburg

"Whether we like it or not, the clock keeps ticking 
so live fully, every single second of every single day. 
Learn the true joy of doing less and having more 
as you experience each day as priceless. 
Fill your life with as many precious moments and 
experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can."  
--Marcia Weder, excerpt from 
Dreams Are Whispers From the Soul

"My times are in your hands... " 
Psalms 31:15




x said...

thinking of you and yours ...

debby said...

Loretta. Hugs. So sad for you. It seems like too much.

And I agree with you about not needing another hobby and all that. But don't forget that we are here when you need a boost. Its good to have people that understand how stupid hard this neverending battle is.


Ice Queen said...

Oh sweetie, I am just so sorry. *hug*

Cindy said...

Oh Loretta, I am so sorry for your loss, it must be devastating and a sudden shock. When I lost my Dad I just felt so sad for so long, I do understand how hard it is to get feeling okay again. Life is hard and too short, do whatever gives you the most peace. we are here for you when you need us/ prayers being sent your way. hugs.

MizFit said...

thinking about you Loretta.
THANK YOU for updating us.


WWSuzi said...

I am so sorry! "hugs"

Toni said...

Hi Loretta,
I haven't commented on your blog before, but I read most of your posts. This is not the reason I wanted to write to you today, but I'm so sorry to hear about the loss in your family. I am praying for God's comfort over all of you.

I wanted to tell you that when I started my weight loss journey (again) in June 2010 I read one of your posts called "Don't Wait". I read and re-read this post daily for a few months and occasionally go back to it. This post had such an impact on my journey. I wanted to THANK YOU so much for posting it. I "waited" for so, so many years to finally lose weight and now I am! I am down 83 lbs (with the help of weight watchers) and am continuing on this path. Thank you so very much for your compassion for others and your dedication to helping people. God Bless you!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Sometimes life hands us so many lemons, we end up with too many to even make lemonade...
Thank you for sharing your lemons with the rest of us and especially how you are dealing with how much this hurts. I admire how constructive you are being during all of this.

Anonymous said...

Loretta, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your nephew-in-law.

My condolences to you and your family.


bbubblyb said...

So sorry to hear about your nephew-in-law, hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Lisa Marshall said...

Sending up prayers for you, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Loretta! I am so sorry! I just have no words to add to what you've already said. Except, of course, that I'll be praying.

The part of this post related to dieting. Dear friend, you said exactly what I was trying to say in my odd "Brewing" post. Only you said it so much better.

Yes. We need to get this weight off as quickly as is healthy to do so, but this weight loss endeavor cannot be all that we are..all that we see. It cannot be like sun-blocking blinds that blocks out all life's light as we focus on dieting. Opposing truths. Well. You said it best. I keep circling around.

Loretta, you post when and what you want. Do what you need to do. Let Joey help. Puppies are good like that. :)

hugs and prayers. And, again, I am SO sorry.


Mary said...

Very sorry to hear this, Loretta. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ♥ *hug*

PeacefulBird said...

Oh no! What a shocking sadness rocking your boat yet again. I am so sorry. Whether you write about your feelings and reactions or go into temporary hibernation, I'll be sending tender thoughts your way.

About the second part of your post, I couldn't agree more. This weight-food management/blogging part of your life does not define who you are, is not your identity. In fact, even when you write about the food/weight stuff, who you are shines through in such a lovely and compelling way.

Anonymous said...

Oh Loretta! Know that I am praying for you! I feel so sad that your nephew-in-law died unexpectedly and so young, leaving 3 daughters. Sure drives home how precious each moment is. Make sure you are gentle with yourself and allow whatever you need for grieving. There is a VERY good book entitled "Healing Grief" by James Van Praagh. My husband died 5 years ago after 46 years of marriage, and this book has been helping me even now.

Christine said...

I am sorry loretta. I have been thinking of this as well....hugs and prayers to you and your family.
all my best wishes and good thoughts.

135by2012 said...

So sorry for your and your family's loss. Such a young man and with a family! My heart breaks for his wife and children as well as the rest of your family.

M Pax said...

Awww, Loretta! I'm so sorry to read this. I can empathize.

Life sure loves to throw crap at us in lumps sometimes.

You're stronger than you think. You'll get through this. I'm always here.


E. Jane said...

I must have missed this when it posted a few days ago. I am so saddened for you and your family. Dealing with your mother's death was enough, so I am sorry for this recent loss. My best wishes and sincere sympathy.

Diana said...

Loretta, I'm so sorry about your nephew-in-law. That's just so sad, especially coming so soon after your father's death. It's understandable that you'd want to eat, to find some comfort in food. Be kind to yourself.

Take care,

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