Wow... no post for days, then two in one day. But I wanted to share why I just feel deflated, and don't even know when I'll post next. Oh, I'm sure I will... it's just I don't even feel like thinking about it right now.
News... more heartbreaking news. As you know, only 5 weeks ago my Dad died. I felt like I was just getting my legs under me again. And now... more sadness.
My dear nephew-in-law died last night, at home in his sleep. My niece and nephew-in-law are wonderful people, solid believers, with 3 daughters. He wasn't even 50 yet. I admire the man he was... solid, trustworthy, generous and kind. I feel like... it's just not fair...
He had a biopsy for his brain tumor just a few days ago... and we were all of the mindset of waiting for the results, and going from there... so this was an unexpected punch.
I sat out on my front porch this morning after I got the call... looking at the new growth, the buds, green leaves, little flowers. The cycle of life, like from that song in The Lion King. I feel so incredibly sad... again.
And yes, I wanted to eat... again. But I've been doing an experiment this week with my plan, and had made a promise to a friend to be accountable to her. That slowed me down during the day, giving me time to think instead of react. It's helping... with the eating, but not with the sadness. I did eat a little more than normal this evening... but even that has lost it's allure now.
In the grand scheme of things, this "diet" thing is so incredibly unimportant, in and of itself. It's only a means to an end, a way to get back what I've lost, so I can go on and focus on what's really important in life... what matters most.
I don't want to spend any more time than necessary on this part of the journey...the mechanics of it. The process of weight removal... the regaining of health and strength.
I don't need another hobby! I don't need to dabble around, and get all comfy being a "weight loss" blogger, allowing that to become my identity. I am NOT that. This is a temporary part of my life, a necessary thing I need to do in order to get PAST this hurdle, this hindrance, this weight. Yes, being careful in this area will most likely be with me for life... but it doesn't have to BE my life.
Life is short. I don't want to waste it on things that don't matter in the long run. In honor of this wonderful man, my nephew, I will stay on my plan. He had no choice that his life was cut short. I have a choice, as to whether or not I goof around and make stupid choices, which will shorten my life.
I feel grateful for mercy... for the chance to make healthy choices. And a responsibility to make this time I've been given count, to live it in a way that matters.
"Lost time is never found again."
"Time is the coin of your life.
It is the only coin you have,
and only you can determine how it will be spent.
Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you."
"Whether we like it or not, the clock keeps ticking
so live fully, every single second of every single day.
Learn the true joy of doing less and having more
as you experience each day as priceless.
Fill your life with as many precious moments and
experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can."
--Marcia Weder, excerpt from
Dreams Are Whispers From the Soul
"My times are in your hands... "