I've been soooo frustrated!! Joey is so adorable... so innocent... so fully of energy... SO TIME CONSUMING!!
Jim has wanted a dog for 20 years... and Joey has been good for him, for several reasons. The least of which, she has been a tremendous stress-reliever for him. She ADORES her Jim, and her whole body wags, not just her tail, when he comes home from work.
She is ecstatic with joy to see him! And no matter how his day went, and how painful his feet are, she never fails to get him laughing. And that brings a smile to MY face.
So... what's with the frustration?? Well... like I said HE has wanted a dog for so long. And I'm happy for him... he deserves this.
But... since he is at work all day, it seems that by default, I am on Puppy Patrol for 10 hours a day, 5 days per week. I guess I just didn't realize what I was getting into. The little time I had carved out for myself and my art is GONE. My regular routines are shot... exercise, chores... heck, there are days lately when I never make it to the shower, in fact! Ugh!
I've actually been in tears lately. I had felt like I was just on the verge of really finding myself... of breaking out... of "emerging". And now I feel robbed. And guilty and selfish. And frustrated. Just being honest here.
So... like today's title says: When all else fails, why not take my own advice?!
I've used this quote often, and have it tacked up in my studio:
"If you don't like it, change it.
If you can't change it,
then change how you think about it!"
Last night, as I went to bed in tears, I realized that I was banging my head against a wall... and it was dumb. We had thought that Jim would be retiring early, this summer. Then it changed to this December. Now... it may be in a couple of years, depending on how his feet hold up.
So, why would that upset me?? Because IT IS HIS DOG, not mine. HE was supposed to take care of her soon, not me. I was supposed to get my life back, not be a permanent puppy-sitter. I'm not angry... I'm sad. I feel a loss of something I treasured.
I love my alone time. I NEED my alone time. To think, to pray, to concentrate, to create, to paint.... I can't do any of that with constant interruptions, whether human or furry. And I no longer have the option of staying up, hoot owl style, since I have to get up early now.
So... I can't change circumstances. It is what it is. The only thing left is to change how I think about it.
And that is what I am working on.
I read a blog last night (forget which) that asked "what makes you happy?" And I cried. Because instantly I knew why I was so UNhappy. I've lost the very things that makes me happy, that feed my soul, that make me feel whole, by losing my alone time.
And I started to turn to emotional eating, falling back into old habits. But guess what?? It just doesn't work any more. It changes nothing, except to make matters worse. What I need is to find a solution, not avoid the problem. I need my alone time again.
I'm not sure how to get it back... and am trying to re-invent it. Maybe it can happen differently... in a way I haven't tried before... not sure, just trying to be open to possibilities.
Jim has worked hard on fencing the back yard, and is now building a special doggie door. He's sweet... he is trying to help, though he doesn't really understand my frustration... doesn't relate to it. But even so, it's a loving thing when a person tries to help even though they don't get it. :-}
Joey is a blessing... and a challenge. Jim smiles more now, and I see his old self coming back. He had been under such stress for too long at work. So I am thankful for our furry little bundle of energy, for his sake.
And she is forcing me to stretch my thinking, and look for new ways to reach my goals, to do the things that light up my life...
It was tempting to just shut down my blog, to give up on trying to keep up with it, since I was already so stressed over the time crunch. I'm sorry I haven't been very supportive of you all lately. I've had to cut back, and just do my best... and like Mizfit says, that will just have to be good enough. :-}
From Dr Phil's book: "Change your thinking to change your weight."
My verse for today: "Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me."
My quote for today: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
Enjoy the Journey,